To listen to the blog post “Women With Daddy Issues: 8 Ways To Let That Mess Go” over reading it then click the play button below.
Here is to all my women with daddy issues and I am here to tell you and to give you permission to let that mess go. Now! I understand that you may not know what daddy issues are. It is possible that you may have been told or someone has told you that you have daddy issues and you are not even sure what that means.
And as a mental health professional, I am here to tell you that it is not a legit diagnosis BUT daddy issues are very real in terms of how someone behaves because of the issues they have with their daddy. Having daddy issues can affect:
- Your relationship with men
- Who you marry
- How you act toward men
- Your self-esteem
- What you tolerate from men, and a whole slew of other things.
For women with daddy issues, you never know how daddy issues will manifest in your life, it can really depend on the relationship they have with their father. Normally daddy issues present themselves with an absent father, an in and out father, a father who abandoned their daughter. I mean it could be a thousand things BUT just know that daddy issues typically stem from when you have had issues with your daddy. And because of your daddy issues have now manifested themselves in your actual romantic relationships. Now before we get into the post, check out my video for more information on getting over your daddy issues AND don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
1. Daddy Issues Test ~ Most common daddy issue examples:
- You have to have a man and if you don’t you feel incomplete. That is because you want your “man” to replace your daddy and not having one reminds you of the issues that you have with your daddy.
- You seek validation from men. You do this because this is the validation that you really seek from your daddy and because he did not give it to you, you want it from men. Typically ones that are emotionally unavailable.
- You get involved with the wrong men. Because your daddy had issues or was absent you do not know what a good male role model is and therefore you get into a relationship with bad ones.
- You are too attached or needy in a relationship. This may occur because you don’t want your man to abandon you like your father did or you feel they may leave which may remind you of a father that was absent or left.
Watch my video down below where I expand on these qualities.
2. Women With Daddy Issues ~ Case in point me:
Before we continue on with this post I want to tell you that I have had an absent father all of my life. I think the last time I saw him was when I was two years old and I am in my 30’s now. I am telling you this for two reasons. Because when I first started dating I probably had some daddy issues and I did not even realize it. Read the story of me being in an emotionally abusive relationship you can tell I was not good at picking the right type of man for me.
I am giving you this history because I want all women with daddy issues to know that I am in a prime position to have daddy issues, I had daddy issues, but I do not have them now. Your daddy issues are not permanent. And I grew up with a step father, a grand father, and other great father figures. It is possible to get over your daddy issues if you really want to. I have seen women like me who get over daddy issues and I have seen women who are 50 plus who still have not gotten over their daddy issues. Either you are going to get into crazy relationships and let your daddy issues make you have your own issues OR you can get over it and I am going to give you some tips on how.
3. Women with daddy issues & Daddy Issues Test ~ How To Recognize It
There is no need to remain in denial about your daddy issues. I think I did for a long time until I dated so many men that just had problems that I needed to reflect on the type of men I was picking. You can be in a bad relationship, go through men, men can keep telling you that you are needy and that they want to break up with you and at this point, you can do one or two things:
- Stay in denial and keep going about relationships like you have been doing them. AND keep getting more of the same from the same type of men.
- Or actually listen and realize that you have some issues that may have stemmed from your dad.
The first option will keep you running in circles doing the same things the second option although difficult to admit will cause you to change. The important thing that women must know about their relationship with their daddy is that most women tend to gravitate toward men that are like their father.
So if they never had a father or had a bad father, this can be damaging because the type of men they will gravitate toward are men who will hurt them. The first thing that you must know when figuring out how to heal your daddy issues is how your daddy issues are affecting you. It can be hard to fix something that you are unaware of. Once you know the extent of your daddy issues and how they are making you act out, that is when the healing process can begin.
Daddy Issues Test ~ Make a note of all of your relationships and dating situations.
Were you needy?
Did you seek validation from them?
Are you afraid to be alone?
Are you willing to do anything and everything to hang on to your man even if you are disrespecting yourself?
Do you have low self-esteem and need a man to make you feel beautiful?
Have people told you these things about yourself? If so then congrats you have some daddy issues that you need to deal with. Don’t deny but acknowledge and become aware. Awareness is the only way to invoke change. How can you fix what is wrong with you if you do not even know that anything is wrong with you?
4. Daddy Issues Test ~ If You Have Daddy Issues Remember You are the victim
Often times women with daddy issues want to blame themselves. They want to tell themselves that something is wrong with them as for the reason why their dad did XYZ. I need you to stop that thinking. You are the child in the situation and the father is supposed to be the parent or the responsible one. You are not at fault because your dad could not be a father, because he left, because he hit you, because he did not like you, because he did not love you, or because he was not there.
Even if you think do not blame yourself for your daddy issues I can almost bet that somewhere deep down in there you do. This could come in the form of you feeling like no one could love you, perhaps because you feel if your own father couldn’t love you then neither could anyone else. Or you deserve to be hit or emotionally abused because that is how your father treated you. When you blame yourself for your daddy issues then you are re-victimizing yourself all over again. And you are punishing yourself by settling for less than what you feel you deserve.
All of these things are decisions that he made and he is the sole reason for them, not you. I do not care what he said to you or how he made you feel, if he wanted to be there then he would. Do not continue to beat yourself up or continue to make yourself feel bad for something that HE did that had nothing to do with you.
You did not ask to be made and you did not ask to be here. He took a part in making you in however it is you were conceived. His issues with you are not your fault so do not blame yourself and tell yourself that there is something you must have done to make him not want to be a good dad for you. That is simply not true. He wanted to have issues because he wanted to have issues and that was his choice. Search yourself for if you (whether consciously or unconsciously) are punishing yourself for what your dad did or better yet did not do.
5. To all my women with daddy issues remember you do have a daddy
As a woman of faith, I always attribute my change to the fact that I have God and the fact that God placed amazing father figures in my life. The biggest daddy that there is and although it sounds corny without his guidance I would still be the broken-down woman searching for love in all the wrong places doing myself more harm them good. Now I am celibate before I had sex, dated, and was in a relationship with men that did not deserve my body.
Before I didn’t recognize the type of love that I deserve now I know that as God’s child I am a FREAKIN queen and I do not deserve to be treated like crap by anyone. I learn to see myself like God saw me and since He is the best father He can heal your daddy issues and be your new daddy. It may sound super corny but trust me, watch my level up video below and see how much I changed and with that healing comes a better life. And click here to subscribe to my channel.
6. Daddy Issues Test ~ To Those Women With Daddy Issues You Can’t Make Him Do Anything He Does not Want to Do
Often times women with daddy issues, especially those who are still in contact with their daddies, try to make their daddies be what they want them to be. They try to change or bend over backward to please their fathers. And as a result, it is like they are beating their head against the wall because no matter what they do, the reaction from their father is still the same. If you are a reader of my blog then you know I said it time and time and time again.
The only person you can control is yourself. You cannot make your father love you, call you, or spend more time with you. You cannot make him value you. You can be the president of the United States and if your father is bent on being a bad father then none of that is going to matter. And now that you are an adult (and I mean this is the kindest way possible) you need to not get caught up on this daddy issues stuff. You are a grown behind woman and it is time to put all childish things away.
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11
You are grown so you need to ahead and put away childish things. Why beat yourself up for something that you cannot change and no matter how much you try to change it is all going to be the same anyway. For what he did when you were a child or even a teen. You are a grown person now so put all that stuff away and do not let the past continue to affect your future.
He is going to be the same and it is possible that nothing you do is going to change that. You cannot make him do anything he does not want to do or be anything he does not want to be. People have free will to do what they want and just because you want them to do something, even if what you want them to do is the right thing, they can still choose to do the wrong thing. So why let what they did, won’t do, continue to mess with you. It sounds like THEIR problems, not YOUR problem.
7. Daddy Issues Test ~ Women with Daddy Issues You Might Just Have To Get Over It
I know that this is easier said than done, but really the best way to get over daddy issues is just to get over it. I wrote about this in how you must accept the things you cannot change (click here to read). No matter how much you want to go in the past, change the past, or relive the past you can’t. So why do you still live in the past? Why are you still allowing the past to come back and haunt you and dictate your future?
The best way to get over daddy issues is you have realized that whatever happened in the past with your father happened in the past. There are no do-overs and going back in time and trying to get your dad to do (XY and z) or be (XY and z). Whatever the situation is, the situation is.
Good, bad, or indifferent accept it and MOVE ON. I mean think about it what else are you going to do? It is best to forgive but it does not mean you forget (click my blog here). Whenever something has happened to us, daddy issues included, it is meant for us to learn from those interactions. It is not good for us to allow those past things to continue to define us, who we are, and what we do. Even though you may feel like throwing something at me when I say this. Whenever something happens to us in life it is to make us stronger.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
Think of it like this, the things that you don’t like in your father then choose a man that is the opposite of like that. Instead of becoming needy, become independent. Instead of going toward men like your dad go toward men that are NOT like your dad. Turn the negative into a positive.
8. Daddy Issues Test ~ Stop Trying To Earn His Love
You cannot make anyone love you ever. I do not care if it is your father. You cannot earn someone’s love. Your father should love you, but if he doesn’t then oh well. I can almost bet that if you are trying to earn your dad’s love you are going above and beyond so he can see how awesome or how pretty you are.
OR at the very least you are out here putting those same types of actions onto another man because if you cannot earn your daddy’s love then surely you can go out with another man and make him love you and once he loves you it will be the same as your father loves you and then all will be well. NO! It does not work like that.
Do not try to make your daddy love you or any man for that matter. Do not try to go back in time earn your father’s love, do not try to go to another man and earn another man’s love to make up for your father’s love, and do not bend over backward thinking that there is something you can do to make your father love you. All that is going to do is lead you into bad relationships, frustration, and turmoil. And you are going to hurt yourself even more. It can hurt when people who are supposed to love us, does not love us, but it will hurt even more if you try to make them love you and they still don’t love you.
I know that a woman having father issues is something that many women struggle with and it feels like it will never get better. It will if you allow it to get better. And you can choose how long you allow your daddy issues affect you and if you get over them or not. You will if you really want to. And if you want to stay stuck then you will do that too.
Having daddy issues is a bad situation, but it is not an excuse for you to remain a victim of allowing daddy issues to affect you all of your life. Especially when it is in your power to change it. You do have the power to change it so how about to harness that power, move on, and get what you really deserve out of life.
If you know someone that has some daddy issues and may need to read this post then go ahead and share it with them. PLUS, I have a book for single women that you can here BUT if you are not sure about the book then click here and get the first few chapters for free.