To listen to the blog post “7 Tips For Women Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy Alone” over reading it click the play button below.
You may be here because you are deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy and you want some advice, then welcome you have come to the right place. Because, I was once in your shoes. Not only was I facing an unplanned pregnancy but also, I was facing raising my child alone. I know firsthand (click here to read my single mother story) what it feels like. How intimidating it can be, scary, or wondering if you are even making the right decision. Will this ruin your life or what if you can’t do it?
I was that woman going through pregnancy alone, going to appointments alone, the woman who did not have a father to sign my son’s birth certificate when he was born. And it is hard when you are in those moments. I am not going to tell you going at motherhood alone is easy, but it is the best decision of my life. Watch my single mom story below and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel here.
Deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy is not the end all be all to your life. As you can see, I am not suffering and my life did not go to crap and I do not regret my decision AT ALL. When I got pregnant, I cannot say that everyone I knew was super supportive, or life was perfect, but nothing ever is. So I wanted to give you encouragement as someone who has been there.
1. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With An Unplanned Pregnancy ~ So first thing is first, Calm Down
I will admit that I may have cried when I found out I was pregnant. I was being a bit theatrical. So much so that I really did not have a chance to think with a clear head and when you do (think with a clear head) you can make better a decisions. I know that sounds harsh but no matter how much you cry, get depressed about it, or get upset about it nothing is going to change the fact that you are pregnant.
You choosing not to seek medical attention for the next 6 months is still not going to change the fact that you are pregnant. Avoidance and being in denial is NOT the answer. The only thing you are going to do is stress yourself and stress can affect your unborn child. Which is what you don’t want to do.
2. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With Unplanned Pregnancy ~ What Do You Want To Do? Not What Other People Want You To Do
Yes, I want to know what you want to do. Not what the child’s father wants and not what your family wants. Not everyone in my family was excited about me being pregnant nor was my son’s father. But the only one that had to live with my decision was me. So think about what you want to do and do not sit and allow other people to influence your decision. Think about what you want and what you can live with. It does not matter how you got pregnant, it does not matter who got you pregnant, and it does not matter what they think about it.
All that matters is what you want, what can live with, and what will you think about your decision in a year or two from now. Are you being selfish in your decision, honest in your decision, and are you making the decision because of what you want to do not what the world or everyone else wants you to do?
And when I decided to become a mother the last thing that people expected me to do was to start my own business, create a best selling single moms book (click here to buy), and get a Masters and a PhD degree. But I did because I learned to live by my truth not anyone else’s or what they thought my life could and could not became based on my decision to become a mom.
3. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With Unplanned Pregnancy ~ What Will Your Life Look Like?
I already have a blog on what you do when you are facing an unwanted pregnancy, you can click here to read it. When you are deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy you need to be honest with what your life with look like. What can you afford and what you will have to do to make your life better for you and your child.
When I got pregnant, I had health insurance, I had already graduated from college, I had a place to live on my own, and despite all of that I still had to sit and think about what I wanted to do during my pregnancy. Because the down side was I worked VERY long hours and I was very underpaid and I knew that becoming a mother I needed to fix that.
When you think about what your life will be like it does not mean that if your life is not what you imagined then that means you have to get rid of your child. That is not the case, you just have to evaluate how your life looks now and how it SHOULD look when you have your child. Knowing that you need to make those changes before hand are pertinent.
I personally am pro life (you can click to read my blog here on why) but I also understand that people are going to do what is best for them. All and all I want you to be honest with yourself just because you are deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy and know your life has to change does not mean that you are going to fail. I knew I had to get a better job and literally I went on job interviews all the way until I was about 7 months pregnant, yes that was a real thing. And I got a new job a few weeks after I got back from maternity leave. You just have to plan that is all.
4. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With Unplanned Pregnancy ~ People Want To Support You
I did not realize how many people wanted to support me until I actually got pregnant. It was pretty shocking actually. Do not go shouting your pregnancy out through the roof top to any and everyone if that is not what you want to do, but at least tell those who are close to you and will support you and I think you will be shocked on how supportive people can be. And as you tell more people you will be shocked on how even more supportive people can be.
I got a baby shower from my coworkers, like 5 snow suits for my son, two car seats, a crib, and tons and tons of clothes. I know it be hard and you cannot want to tell people because of what people may say, how they may act, or you may be ashamed because you are going through a pregnancy alone and you do not want anyone to know. But in the end, telling other people can be your biggest gift and it may not be as bad as you think. You may have people who want to support you but the only way you can find that out is by telling those that you know and love. Also you can watch my video below on how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy for more tips.
5. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With Unplanned Pregnancy ~ Enjoy Your Unplanned Pregnancy.
There is no point of deciding to keep a pregnancy and then being upset, sad, and angry about your decision the entire time. Even though there will be moments where you will want to be. I personally feel that your child is connected to you, if you are full of resentment, anger, and regret your child will feel that. There are some times that you may naturally feel this way.
When I went to my doctor’s appointments I always got the question where is the child’s father? And of course I did not want to explain that so there were moments. But when all is said and done, enjoy your pregnancy. Attend all of your appointments. Make yourself happy, do not care that your pregnancy was not planned, that people think you are too old, too young, too unmarried, to ill prepared,
Go into your appointments excited to hear the heart beat and excited to find out the sex even if no one is with you and even if no one wanted the pregnancy but you. Have a baby shower. I went to breast feeding classes and read all types of books. It did suck being alone and pregnant but it would have been worse if I sat around feeling sorry for myself. I personally do not believe in feeling sorry for yourself (Click my blog here), because feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change anything. Acceptance and dealing with your decision the best way possible to get the best possible outcome is going to change.
Now that my son is older he is a happy child, I used to talk to him while I was pregnant and we bonded in the womb. Can you imagine if I was pregnant sitting around all the time crying, what type of toxic environment that would be for your child. Your body is your child’s home, so make it happy place by being happy, enjoying yourself, doing things, and trying to get excited about your pregnancy even if it was unplanned.
6. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With Unplanned Pregnancy ~ Just Because You Decided To Keep The Pregnancy Does Not Mean He Wants To
If your pregnancy is unplanned then it can be a toss in the air on how the child’s father will react. I believe in every man taking responsibilities for their responsibilities and life they created but the fact of the matter is that there are some men that don’t. It is natural to want him to care, but there is a chance that he does not care and no matter what you are going through in your pregnancy there is an even bigger chance that he still won’t care. You cannot make anyone be what they do not want to be that includes being a father.
You can open up the door and let him try to be there such as telling him about appointments on when you go into labor. But in the end, if he does not respond or is rude to you then let it be. And do not stress yourself out about it. You are the one doing the right thing while he is the one doing the wrong thing, so why should you feel bad about his failures. It is best to just let it go and not stress about what he is doing. Also check out my video on how to get over your baby daddy, one of the more popular post on my YouTube Channel.
7. Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy & Dealing With An Unplanned Pregnancy ~ Always Handle Your Business Even If That Means You Are The Only One That Is Doing So
Just because you are not forcing him to be there that does not mean that you give up your entitlements such as child support. I fully believe in filing for child support despite what the man feels. He was man enough to have sex with you and therefore he should be man enough to pay for his child. So do not feel any type of way for filing for child support. Do not be afraid to hurt his feelings and do not be afraid that he will disappear. Because the fact of the matter is, is that if he wanted to be there then he would, child support is not going to change that.
And from single mother to single mother, handle your own business. Just because you are a single mother do not let that be your down fall or your defeat. I got a MS and a PhD as a single mother. (See my blog here on single mothers who want to go back to school). Just because you are a single mother do not allow that to be your excuse to fail in life. If anything, it should be your motivation to do better.
The last thing you want to do is stay stuck on a man that does not support your decision and allow him his dead beat dad ways to ruin your entire life. As odd as it may sound not getting child support made me work harder (click my blog here) and me being a mom make me become a grown behind woman having to be about her business simply because I had another person to take care of. Also check out my video on getting over a deadbeat dad situation where I answered a questions from a view that was abandoned by her child’s father.
You may be going through a pregnancy alone or you may just have an unexpected pregnancy and you deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy and you don’t know how it is going to change your life. But just remember this the world will keep turning and you will keep going. You can choose to be positive and choose to believe that your pregnancy is going to change your life for the better and your decision is the best decision for you.
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Also, did I tell you that I have a book? It is called Fix It Jesus! For Single Moms Only: The Straightforward No-Nonsense Guide To Passion, Purpose, & Prayer. If you are a single mom then I encourage you to buy the book here. You can click here to get the first few chapters for free.