To listen to the blog post “How To Single Mom Right 5 Ways To Better Your Single Mom Life” click the play button below.
In this post, I want to talk to you about how to better yourself as a single mom. Also known as being a single mom right. From single mother to single mother I want to tell you that you need to focus on bettering yourself. Child support is great but I know from personal experience we don’t always get it and it is not always enough.
You have yourself and your kids to look after and the fact of the matter is that the only way that is guaranteed is if you better yourself as a single mom because you cannot depend on anyone or anything outside yourself to create the life you want.
I personally consider myself a successful single mom. You can read my single mom story here. And the main reason why I sought to go higher in my life is that I did not want my son to go without just because he was born to a single mom. I wanted to afford him with every opportunity that I possibly could. Heck, I wanted to afford MYSELF with every opportunity I could. I do not like limitations on my life just because people think “single moms are supposed to be broke and struggling.” That is not my story and I do not want that to be your story either.
Also, check out my video on ways to get money as a single mom, tested, tried, and implemented by yours truly. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here. And now let’s get into the other tips on how to better yourself as a single mom.
1. How To Single Mom Right & Better Your Single Mom Life ~ Believe That You Are Successful
When you look to single mom right and to upgrade your single mom life remember this. How you feel about yourself and what you think you can achieve goes a long way in actual success. The fact of the matter is that many people in the world have generalizations about single mothers. They think that we are all sitting on welfare somewhere, with a trail of kids behind us that we cannot take care of. When that is probably NOT MOST single mom’s stories.
And as a result, many single mothers buy into this belief and are subconsciously putting limitations on themselves. As a single mom myself I am not supposed to have three degrees my highest being a Ph.D. And plenty of people in my life told me that I was a fool for going back to school and as a single mom I would not be able to do it. But who cares what they think, the only thing that matters is what you think.
And if you fall into victim mode and fall into what they say, then you will not get anywhere. So you have to believe in yourself even if YOU are the only person. Check out my video below on where I answered a question from another single mom on where she has limiting beliefs about her single mom situation and because of it she has been depressed for two years.
If I cared about what other people thought about me I would not achieve anything as a single mother because there were many people who told me I wouldn’t I would not have gone back to school and I would have placed limits on myself just because of what other people thought I could and could not do.
And sometimes there are single mothers who just fall prey to their own disbelief in themselves. That they are destined to suffer, fail, and live in poverty. Because that is how the world portrays single motherhood. This type of thinking is a poverty mindset (click here to read my blog) and as long as you have this mindset then that is where you stay. Do not let other people place limitations on you and believe that you can acquire whatever success you set your mind to.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7
Or in this case she. So when you think that are then so you will become. Therefore think that you are someone great and can achieve something great, and watch it come to pass. I would love to tell you that I am super bold and confident in myself all the time but there are some times that I suffer from a negative mindset because in a way it is a defense mechanism. To tell myself that I may not reach the level of xyz and that way if it does not happen then I won’t be disappointed.
But that is self-sabotage and will keep you limiting yourself, so you have to tell yourself out in the open how awesome you are. I actually created a Christian Manifestation Guide that has a bunch of affirmations and Bible verses that you can repeat daily because speaking is believing and in order to better your life you need to believe you can and therefore this guide should help you. Click here or click the picture below.
2. How To Single Mom Right & Better Your Single Mom Life ~ Map Out Your Success
If you want to single mom right to upgrade your single mom life then know this. No successful person just blindly went into life not doing or planning anything much and then one day poof they are successful. Success just does not happen like that. Real success requires hard work (see my blog here), planning, and goal setting (see my blog here). How can you know how to reach success if you do not know where success is or how you are going to get it?
When I went back to get my Master’s and my Ph.D. degree, I mapped that out (see my blog here on going back to school as a single mom) when I was going to finish, where I would do my internship, where I would go to school; and since I started both while I was a single mother; I ensured that my plan worked with me being a parent.
Yes, it was hard but hard does not mean impossible. And it was easier to implement my plan because I mapped it out. The fact of the matter is that success just does not happen by accident. If you asked the most successful people how they achieved their goals, there was a large amount of planning involved. So don’t just sit, wish upon a star, and somehow think that your life is going to get better because you told the sky that you wanted it to get better.
You need to figure out what you want, what you want to do, what is your definition of success, come up with big goals, how much money you want to make, how do you want to make it, and then come up with everyday steps that you need do to reach those big goals. When you goal set, sometimes it can seem like you will never reach them. But when you come up with everyday goals and complete those small steps that is when you will feel like you are making progress toward the big goal. And before you know it, you will have reached the big goal. Also check out my blog on how to set goals.
3. How To Single Mom Right & Better Your Single Mom Life ~ Be A Success Now
There were times that I wondered if I was doing the whole single mom right. Because there were times that I was failing in my single mom life where I talk about in my video down below. You may not be where you want to be now and you may not even consider yourself successful at this point in your life, but there is no time like the present. No matter what your current situation is you can start to be and live like a success.
It may mean acting classier (read my blog here), dressing better (read my blog here), taking better care of yourself, traveling more, applying for better jobs (read my blog here), or articulating yourself better (click my blog here). These are things you can start doing RIGHT NOW TODAY. Whatever the case maybe there is something that you can do right now that will give the appearance of being successful or at least moving in that direction.
The fact of the matter is that so many people make so many excuses as to why they can’t, won’t, don’t have, or why they cannot act or do or be better. And as long as you are excusing you are not doing, you are not taking action, and you just stay stuck in one spot talking about what you want to do but you are not actually taking out any action to get. Many people want many things but if you are too busy just wanting but not taking steps to do (no matter how small) then you are not going to get much of anything.
But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. James 2:18
Many of my friends have been talking about blogging and starting a business for years because they want to work for themselves. Do you know what makes me different from my friends? Is that they talk about what they want, feel that “one day” it will happen, always saying that now is not the right time and the end result is that they never started on anything and now years later I have a successful blog and they don’t.
Instead of me saying, I can’t right now I do not have enough money I told myself why don’t I find ways to create a cheap blog or one for free. And then I upgraded when I had more money to spare. Instead of saying I am not tech-savvy and I can’t; I say I will watch some YouTube videos and teach myself and do. Instead of saying that I do not have time because I am a single mom, I made time even if it meant less sleep. That is the difference between doers and wishers. That is the difference from those who lives get better versus those who stay the same.
Just take smalls steps in bettering yourself in your everyday life, do what you can, and remember some progress is better than none, and once you do that you will start you see your life change as a whole.
4. How To Single Mom Right & Better Your Single Mom Life ~ Stop Living Pay Check to Pay Check
I have already written a blog on this which you can read here. Sometimes as a single mom your income may already be limited. It does not mean that you have to be broke but what it does mean is that just have to watch your money and how you spend your money. I am not the richest single mom ever but I am able to travel, dress well, and save money. That is because I shop at the thrift store, plan affordable vacations (see my blog here, here, and here), and I watch how I spend my money.
And you may be asking yourself how can this better your life. If you never have any more then you can never go anywhere. How can you travel, how can you do, how can you have the money to invest in your business or to go to school, or to do something that you really want to do.
My son knows that if mommy does not want to spend outrageous amounts of money on the latest fade toy then she is not going to do it, and he better not complain. That is not called being selfish that is called me saying no and he better accept it. Because me learning to be frugal is what allowed me to take him to Universal Studios for his birthday, for us to go to New York, or to travel to California. That is what gives us both life-enriching experiences instead of just sitting in our house not doing anything talking about how broke we are.
The point is that sometimes as single mothers we may try to overcompensate by giving our child everything little toy, hundred dollar pair of shoes, or even going broke buying yourself these things (see my blog here). And that type of thinking will leave you broke living paycheck to paycheck.
If your child has food, water, and a roof over their head you are doing a good job. Because there are many kids who do not even have that (click here for perfect mom blog). So you have to remember to start saving money, maybe deny your kids of a few things that they don’t need. I will never co-sign the I need to spend hundreds on shoes and cannot pay your rent, stop living outside of your means, and start having a cushion in your bank account.
Bettering yourself means that on any given day you have money to pull from. Money that you can invest back in yourself if need be to make your life better. It does not mean that you are overdrawing your account every month living in the negative. You may be saying to yourself well if only I had more money. You can always earn more money BUT I also want you to consider this
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10
If you cannot manage the amount of money that you currently have, no matter how small, then how can you be able to manage more money as it comes? If you get more money you will mismanage that because you have an issue with learning how to manage your money period. So you need to master the art of being responsible with your money if you truly want to be successful no matter how much money you have now. And you need to figure out what you want to do with that money and have a plan for it knowing you cannot take it with you. I bought a house before, go on vacation, school, a new car. Money can be used as ways to make your life better.
5. How To Single Mom Right & Better Your Single Mom Life ~ Stop Making Excuses
I am a huge person that firmly does not believe in making excuses. They irritate me to the core of my existence. Because no matter how many excuses you have as to why you can’t I can point someone out in the world who DID, that was in your same situation or worse. I know that was a dose of tough love. But excuses will hold you back, limiting beliefs will hold you back, and blaming your ex or your baby daddy and putting what they did to you are a reason why you can’t, will hold you back.
If you are a single mother I know it is hard but do not let that be your excuse as to why you are failing in life, or you cannot do better, or why you are this, or why you are that. No one wants to hear it. And the only person that you are hurting is yourself. Time for some tough love but a very truthful moment.
Do you think that other people care that you cannot be successful because you are a single mother? No, they don’t. Because it is not affecting them or their life. Throwing yourself a pity party is not going to get you anywhere. The only thing it will get you is depression and an overwhelming feeling that your life is not going to go anywhere. Which I have a video on my depression story that you can watch down below.
One thing that I want to beat in your head about getting a better life as a single mom is that you and only you have to take on full responsibility for it and your road to a better life may be a little harder then someone else but it is still your road.
I have seen so many single moms just sit, complain, cry, and ask why, and go on and on about what happened, what didn’t happen, that divorce, the relationship that didn’t work out, what they ex will and won’t give, and how no one understands what it is like for you get ahead. None of that is serving you and all of it will hold you back.
The only reason why it is true now is that it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself that your life sucks, you cannot do anything, you have to take care of your kids, you can’t find a job, you can’t you can’t you can’t. And so you won’t. Meanwhile, there are many other single moms in your same position that do. Not saying it is not hard, but they manage to get past the excuses and do. Because their will to be successful overpowers their will to fail at life.
So what I am saying is to put the excuses aside. If you really want to be successful then you still start making steps to make yourself successful. What I have learned is that when people really want something bad enough they will make a way to get it. When people make excuses as to why they don’t have then they really do not want it bad enough. They just say they do, but there is something lacking as to why they won’t go after it. And 9 times out of 10 that something is a bunch of excuses.
Regardless of how harsh I may come across it is my wish that every single mom betters themselves. I do not think that anyone was put on this Earth to sit by, fail, be depressed and watch their life pass them by. You have a lot of power regardless of your situation, you just have to learn how to dig deep down inside and use it. You also have to learn how to keep pushing past any barriers you may face and reach the level of success that you desire. And last but not least, check out my video on how to find your God-given talents and use them.