To listen to the blog post “8 Tips On How To Be A Single Mom With No Help & Still Thrive” over reading it click the play button below.
Hello fellow single mom. I am a single mom too and I want to teach you how to be a single mom with no help. Have you come to this post because you have no help and you are wondering how to make it as a single mom? Then you have come to the right place. Because I get it. I used to be in your shoes. Don’t believe me then you can click here. Or you can view my single mom level up a video on how I went from surviving to thriving as a single mom. And don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
I used to be the single mom getting no child support (well still am). Which is why I feel I am the perfect person to teach you how to be a single mom with no help. I had none of my family living near me, my nearest relative was my mom and she lived two hours away, and my son had (and still has) an uninvolved father. Feeling like I was broke all the time, or actually it was not a feeling. I was broke all the time. So trust me I get it. My life was just the hustle and bustle single motherhood, trying to make it work, trying to afford, trying to keep my head above water, and more than anything trying to keep my sanity. Trying to figure out how to make it as a single mom.
If you are a single mom with no help you should know exactly what I am talking about. There is never enough time, never enough money, and everything falls on you. You want to enjoy life but you can’t. This makes you even more frustrated because you want to do better, get a better job, and even go to school but there is just never enough time, money, energy, effort, or (fill in the blank) for you to do it. (Also, check out my blog on single moms who want to go back to school).
That is why I am going to give you tips on how to make it as a single mom from someone who has been there and has walked many miles in the same shoes that you may be in right now. You can also check out my video below on some of the single mom struggles that I have had before we get into the tips.
1. How To Be A Single Mom With No Help ~ Get Help By Getting Child Support
Even though I said that I did not really get child support that does not mean I did not file. I do not know why some single moms bypass this step. Even if you think that your child’s father does not have any money, even if you think he will not pay, and even if you cannot find him then still file for child support. Do not have pride and say that you don’t need his money knowing that you really do.
People may have their opinions but it is both parent’s job to help provide for a child and if he won’t do it on his own accord then you may have to file. At this point, you may get something and even if you think you won’t. But if you know you need help with your child don’t tell yourself that you don’t need the money when really you do. You never know how things will turn out.
2. How To Be A Single Mom With No Help Case in Point: Me
You can read my full single mother struggle here, but I filed for child support when my son was a few weeks old. I had no idea where my son’s father was because he moved and did not tell me where he was going. But I still filled out the application the best way I knew how. Including any identifying tattoos, birthmarks, everything.
If you know my story then you know a few months after my son was born my son’s father went to prison for 7 years. So it sounds like no hope for child support right? Wrong! That is where child support caught up with him, that is how we got our DNA test, and that is how he was put on a child support order.
Even though my son’s father is in the rears, the one time he did file taxes, his refund came to me. And in came in a time that I really needed it. Was it a lot I mean no, he was only ordered to pay $65 a month. But that $65 a month added up over some years and it was actually $1,000 by the time it came to me. And for those times that you are trying to figure out how to make it as a single mom that money can come in handy and something was better than nothing. I certainly was not going to reject it. So what I am saying is to file for child support even if you think it is not worth your time.
3. How To Be A Single Mom With No Help ~ Forget About Who is Not Doing What
If you want to know how to be happy as a single mom with no help then you need to know that you need to focus on you. When you are a single mom with no help it is so easy to get caught up in getting mad at your ex, family members, or even friends for not wanting to help you out. Bitterness and anger will keep you stuck. I want to say this very clear and I want all single moms out there to hear me.
You cannot make anyone do what they do not want to do and the more you try to make them the more you are going to frustrate yourself. When you talk about what is not being done for you or who is not doing for you, what is that change? NOTHING. So why even waste your breath or your mind space.
The more you are worried about someone else the less you are worried about yourself. I know it can be frustrating but the only thing that anger and frustration about OTHER people are going to get you is more frustration. It is not going to change the situation and it is not going to change them. You are already spread thin, so don’t waste precious time on what other people are not doing for you. Forget about them and move on with your life. Don’t let having any help make you bitter. Instead, make them believers. In the famous words of Beyonce, The best revenge is your paper.
Work so hard, go after your goals, and show them that you can get your own money, and have a better life despite even though people may not be willing to help you, even though they may look down on you and think you ain’t never gonna be nothing. Let people who hate you or don’t want to help you motivate you. If there is one thing that will make me work harder, it is the fact that someone tries to be a roadblock to my success. It makes me think to myself how much I can do without them. You can see my video below on what to do when people look down on you and how you can move past it.
4. How To Be A Single Mom With No Help ~ No More Mom Guilt
The best advice I can give to a single mom on how to be happy as a single mom is to recognize your own efforts. As a single mom it is so easy to beat ourselves up because our household is not like the household down the street, we cannot give our children this, or that, or we just feel spread thin and we do not feel like we are as attentive to our children as we could be.
As a result, we feel guilty and want to beat ourselves up. Or worse we try to overcompensate, overbuy, or try to do the most to over prove and as a result we run ourselves into depression or something because we are trying to live up to some expectation that is not real. Which I have a video on down below.
If you want to know the real on how to be happy as a single mom then know this. As I always say as long as your child is alive, fed, and has a roof over their head you are doing a pretty good job, also read my blog here on getting rid of mind guilt as a single mom. So give it up for yourself, give yourself a pat on a back, and tell yourself a good job.
Stop coming down on yourself because of what your child does not have, what you cannot afford, or perhaps because their father left (that has nothing to do with you). If you are doing your best and you have a home and some food then I say to you, great job. Because that is a lot more than some children in this world have. So give yourself a break, do not beat yourself up, and know that as long as you are trying your best then your best is good enough.
5. How To Be A Single Mom With No Help ~ There are people who want to help you
If you are a single mom with no help then the operative word is no help, but that is not always the case. I have come to learn in my single mom’s journey that there are actually people who do want to help you. Sometimes we think that just because family does not offer to help that they do not want to help, but sometimes all we have to do is ask. And that help can come in many forms.
How to make it as a single mom is seeing that you need a break and can take a break. It could mean asking them to babysit while you are able to take some additional classes, get a better job, or get a second job so you can have more money. There are people out there and even organizations that can help you come up in life. Grants that help single moms, you just have to figure out how to make the right connections with those people. Also, check out my blog on how to upgrade your life as a single mom.
And even if you know for a fact that your family or friends won’t help you there is nothing wrong with getting some more friends that are in a similar situation as you. Have you ever seen that movie Single Moms Club by Taylor Perry? It was a movie where all the single moms would come together and help each other out with dropping their kids off for school, child care, and giving each other a break by watching each other’s kids during the week.
You can find people like that. A good place to start would be Meetup, they have meetups oftentimes for single moms or other moms in your areas. Make friends at your child’s school or even look in the school newsletter. I know parents at my son’s school are always trying to start up a carpool or something similar.
Go to church, there are so many Christian organizations that want to help people with food, being your support system, and even helping you to find a job. Those are the type of opportunities you need to look out for because there are many people out there who would be ready and willing to help you out as long as you are ready and willing to do the same thing in return. Also check out my video on where to go if you are a lonley single mom to meet people.
And notice that what we are talking about is how to make it as a single mom so I get that you do not want to be a charity case. So when I say help this is more like a hand up not a handout. Looking for people to connect with that can help you on your way up to where you need to be. I think you will find a lot more people will come out of the woodwork to come and help you if they see you have a plan, goals, and direction that you want to go in.
6. How To be Happy As A Single Mom ~ Upgrade Yourself
When I decided to go back to school and get a Master’s degree and then a Ph.D., a large reason was so that I would not have to worry so much about the child support I was NOT getting and I could make the money for myself. So that I could get a better job, I moved to another location so I could get a better job, I started my own business so I could get make more money. I really took charge of my own life so that I could be in control of it and do what I wanted to do. Sure it was not easy but I did make a way. You can check out my video below that was requested by a single mom on how to level up on your ex.
7. How To Make It As A Single Mom Case and Point
Ginie Sayles is an author in which she writes several books on How to marry rich and meet the rich for friendship and business. Forget about the title for a second because it is not some superficial gold digging book. She makes some really good points.
Ginie was a single mom herself and had been divorced a few times of some really bad marriages. Her exes really were not doing too much for her and that is when she decided to upgrade herself. Which is what her books are about. Upgrading yourself, your life, your friendship circle, where you hang out, what you do for a living AND not feeling like you have limitations just because you are a single mom. These are the things that she changed about herself and the connections that she made through upgrading herself, having no help is the last of her concerns.
She went from being a single mom with no help to being an author, business owner, and wife to a very rich man. And by upgrading herself, she had the means to do become the woman she is today.
I wrote about this in my how to surround yourself with positive people blog (click here to read). Bird of a feather flock together AND it is not about what you know but who you know. Meaning successful people hang out with successful people, which is why you need to become that. AND when successful people know you and trust you, then they are willing to give you an opportunity.
You can go from surviving to thriving as a single mom. It may be hard but your situation does not have to always be the same. It does not have to be this situation where you are drained and struggling to make it to the next day. To pick your head off the ground. You are a single mom and having no help has actually made you stronger. Use that strength to implement some of these steps and became the single mom that will put even the best moms to shame.
If you know someone who needs to read this post, please share it with them.
Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here.
If you are not sure then I will give you the first few chapters for free. Just click here or the picture below.