10 Tips For When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go

When He Says He Loves Me But Won't Commit

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Are you in a situation where He says he loves me but won’t commit and now you are not sure what you want to do about the situation or if you can even make him commit?

Luckily you came to my post, where I am going to give you tips on what you can do when you find your man (or the man that you want to be your man) saying that he loves you but will not commit to you. As always, you can trust me to keep it real with you and not to fluff your tail feathers giving you unrealistic advice that does not work.

What I want you to remember are the first tips I am going to give you because they will help guide the subsequent tips I will give you.

1. He says he loves me but won’t commit but why won’t he?

When he won’t commit but won’t let go I can tell you this. I am not a psychic and I cannot get into the minds of each and every man that is telling you that he won’t commit to you, but what I can do is give you some general reasons why a man won’t commit to you even though he says he loves you.

2. When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go ~ It is not that he won’t ever commit BUT he just won’t commit to you.

What this means is that he may love you, but for some reason, he does not love you enough to commit to you. Some of the main reasons for this are that he does not see you as the one or the woman in which he wants to commit to and forsake all other women for.

Instead, he wants to keep his options open. In the instance that he sees another woman he is interested in, he would not have to break up with you to pursue someone else because he was never “technically” with you in the first place.

It is like a really safe fallback plan to keep himself from cheating. I also recommend that you read my blog signs that is not feeling you for the long term for more on this issue.

Either way if he does not see your worth or value then that is something you need to think about.  Check out my video below for more on this topic.

3. When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go Because He Wants To Keep You Around

Men can be very selfish in the sense that he does not want to commit to you but he just wants to keep you around. He may want to keep you around for sex, because he does not have any other options, or because he just likes being around you. Either way, the feelings that he has for you are not enough to get him to commit to you.

BUT in the same token, he does not want to let you go either. Hence why he will tell you he loves you (to keep you around) but still won’t commit. Now if you ask me, this is NOT love. To me, this is just him being selfish. I have met women who have been in these types of situationships with men for years.  All for their times to be wasted.

Do not let a man play funny with his words if he loves you then require a commitment, if he does not want to do that then he can love you from afar.  Also, check out my video below on what REAL love is and that is the type of love you should be looking for.  Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

4. He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go Because ~ He does not want to commit to anyone

He may not want to commit to you or anyone for that matter. I got this tip for Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a Lady Think Like a Man” (click to buy). If a man is not in the right place in his life career-wise, money-wise, or even goals wise; then he is less likely to commit to you or any woman. Not because of what you are doing, but because he wants to spend more time getting to where he needs to be and not spending more time being your man.

5. He says he loves me but won’t commit ~ It Is about You and Not Him

I am going to give you some tips later on about what you can do to HELP him commit. But never think for a second that you can MAKE him commit. You cannot make anyone do anything that they do not want to do. PERIOD.

In the end, he has already told you what he wanted and now you have to figure out if what he wants is what you want. Meaning that you have to figure out if you are willing to stick around in a situation-ship that he may or may not commit to you in the future.

Once again, he may commit to you in the next month, next year, five years from now, or maybe even never. And are you willing to take that risk?  If a man says he loves you but won’t commit to you then know that he is putting his needs first and he needs to understand that he runs the risk of losing you.

Once a man says to you that he loves you but won’t commit to you, he has told you the truth. So you cannot get bitter if you stay with him for years on end and the relationship does not go anywhere. Because once he told you what he thought about you and you stayed. Which would be your fault because you always have the option to leave.

This may be giving him an ultimatum but so what? Why should you wait around for him to get ready to commit to you when HE feels like it. If you want to run that risk then it is on you.  But you should consider showing him that your life and your time is more valuable than sitting around waiting on him and his feelings are not the only one that matters in a relationship yours does too.

In the end, a man may feel the need to tell you what you want to hear to keep you right where he wants you, don’t fall into these traps.  See my video below for more on that.


Those were the top things that I want you to keep in the back of your mind before I tell you what you can do about it.  Like I said, if he does not want to commit to you under any circumstances, then there is little to nothing that you can do to change that. BUT if it can be changed then these tips will certainly nudge him in the right direction.

6. He says he loves me but won’t commit THEN Pull WAYYY Back.

These are timeless tips that work for women.  Both suggested in the Why Men Love B—Book (click here to buy)  and the FAMOUS RULES book (click here to buy).

Often times as women we can be too open, too eager, too willing, and too available for him. While we women think this is a good thing, for men the chase is too easy.  They are not challenged and they already think that they have you wrapped around their little finger.

So they are not going to do anything extra to get you when they already are getting all the benefits of you now. Without commitment.

So pull back, stop talking to him so much, stop seeing him so much, and stop being SOOO available.  These are all privileges that a boyfriend and a husband get, not someone who loves you but does not want to really be with you.

If he wants more access to you, then he needs to understand that there is a commitment required from him to get more of you.

If he is not meeting that requirement then he does not get the benefit of you giving him that special place in your life.  Check out my video below for more on that.

Warning signs to look for. If you pull way back and he simply does not care then take that as a sign and be prepared to walk away. He was never going to commit to you anyway.

7. He says he loves me but won’t commit well then Date Other Men

Notice I did not say that you need to sleep with other men. I wrote about this in my why you should date more than one man blog (which you can click here to read).  If a man does not want to commit to you then why should you limit yourself to committing to him?

Because really if you stop dating everyone else and you are just waiting for him to come around then you are committing to him but he is not committing to you. And the LAST thing you want is to turn off all your options only for this man to NEVER come around to committing to you and now you have just wasted months or years.

The last thing you want is to look five years down the line, this guy still does not want to commit to you and you passed on a lot of good men that may have wanted to actually be with you. But you never gave them a chance because you were too tied to someone who told you they were not interested in being with you long term in the first place. So if he does not want to commit then neither should you.

This is not to be mean or deceptive but a man needs to know once again if they want all of you then that requires a commitment and him refusing to give you one allows you to keep your options open.  Check out my video below for dating more than one man.

8. When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go Then Breakup IT OFF

Break off whatever situation you have going on with him and this will either do one or two things.  Make him commit or help you move on. Have you heard of the old saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder? So when you break up with him, he will either really miss you and try to come back OR just let you go.

And if he is willing to let you go then you have your answer he was NEVER going to commit to you anyway and was just running game.  If he tries to get you back at least you know that the “love” he says he has for you is legit.

If once you break up with him he does not miss you or still won’t commit; that is a big indication of where your relationship was headed anyway. Nowhere. 

7. When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go Stop Having Sex With Him

I am not telling you this because I believe that you should hold your body hostage as some ultimatum or something. I am telling you this because you are giving him something he has not earned.

Like the old saying goes “why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” If you were to ask me, there are benefits to being celibate, and protecting yourself again men who do not want you for the long term is one of them.  I encourage you to read my blog on benefits if being celibate to see the full list of reasons. 

And to watch my video on why being celibate is more than just about NOT having sex.  Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

Think about this, why are you giving your body to someone that does not even know if they want to be with you long term or not? It seems like you are getting the short end of the stick here while he is getting everything.

So stop giving him your sex and stop giving him your body. Those are benefits that come with being a husband. Not to someone that does not even want to be in an exclusive relationship with you.

Warning signs: If he stops seeing you altogether because you are not having sex with him then good. That is because he just wanted your sex anyway.

If he really loved you, he would want to spend time with you even after you told him that you did not want to have sex with him. If sex means that much to him, that when you stop he goes away, then that is a sign of what he was really hanging around for.

8. When He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go ~ Determine if he is telling the truth.

I encourage you to read my blog on red flags to look out for if a man is not feeling you.  If he says he loves you then you should have met his friends, his family, his mother, and people that are in his inner circle.  It is these types of things that would really determine if he loves you and if he will commit eventually.

Actions should always speak louder than words to you. A man can say anything, but what he is doing is what matters more. If he says he loves you then his actions should prove it.

If he keeps you as far away as possible from the people that are close to him that is a big indication that he really does not see a future with you, he is probably never going to commit, and I would doubt if he really loves you in the way that you need him to love you.

These are my top tips for “He says he loves me but won’t commit” always remember that if you want a man to commit then you deserve.

Like I said before and I will say again you cannot make anyone commit to you. And if you know that a commitment is what you want and he is not willing to give it to you, then never be afraid to walk away from him and toward someone who will commit to you.

If you know someone that could read this post, then feel free to share it with them.


Check out my book for single women which you can click here to buy if you are not sure then click here and I will give you a few chapters for free.

Christian single women


  1. you are an awesome writer. it’s one of the best articles that i have read about “guys that wont commit to you”. Thank you. This helps me a lot. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Keep it up!

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