To listen to the blog post “How To Know If He’s The One? 30 Questions To Find Out” over reading it click the play button below.
I am going to give you some amazingly simple questions to ask so you can determine how to know if he’s the one. But first, as a little tidbit on how to implement these questions. They should be asked during your dating or relationship phase. I am going to specify which. The last thing you want to do is to go on a rapid-fire question spree on the first date and make someone’s head hurt. And the last thing you want to do is ask the wrong questions too soon or too late.
Second, I know that texting is in but these questions should be asked in the context of a conversation. In person is best or talking on the phone so you can read body language, tone of voice. You cannot determine the actual potential for him being the one through a text or emojis. Let’s be real. Third, feel free to tweak the question. This is a general idea, but you want them to flow naturally in a conversation. The below questions are broken into three parts:
- How to know if he’s the one when you are dating.
- How to know if he’s the one in a relationship
- Then how to know if he’s the one you want to get married to.
If you want to know if he’s the one it is best to qualify him at each stage. A mistake that women make when trying to figure out how to know if he’s the one is trying to go out on a first date with a man and asking the wrong questions trying to make him the one when he is not. You can watch my video below on this BUT men know that women want to get married. So, men will say the “right” things during the dating phase to get what they want because you are asking the wrong questions. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
Such as, do you want to get married? Of course, they are going to say yes, but does that really let you determine if he is the one for you? Not really because he never said that he wanted to get married to you and a question like that does not tell you anything you need to know about him as a person and if he’s a good fit for you to even get married to. That is why it is best to even know your deal breakers (read my blog on that) and even form your questions around those so that you know if he possesses them or not. Now that we have gotten that out of the way let us get into it shall we?
How to Know If He’s The One During ~ Dating
If you want to know how to know if he’s the one while your dating then know this. Dating and relationships are two different things. And as I always say you would rather weed out the ones that are not the ones during the dating phase, even during the first date (read my blog here) as opposed to waste time and find out too late that he is not it.
How To Know If He’s The One ~ The first Ten questions are:
- What do you look for in a woman? (Based on his answer determine if you are fit that mold).
- Are you looking for something casual or something serious? (If he says casual believe him do not try to change his mind)
- Do you have children? (this can be a deal-breaker for some people)
- Do you ever want children? (Ask this later in the dating phase not right away).
- How do you envision your life? (Does he want to travel 29 days out of the month, a homebody, does he want to be rich, or does he want to be a missionary in the peace corps next year. And does your views align with what he is saying?).
- What is it that you do? (Let him explain, is he passionate, is his career stagnant, does he have a career, is he stable).
- What are some of your goals in your career? (Does he want a promotion, has he made progress toward his goals or is he all talk, does he want to move up, does that moving up require him to move across the country or work 100 hours a week and determine if you can deal with that).
- What are some of the things that are most important to you? (Religion, money, family, stability, whatever the case may be and base on what he says determine if what you want aligns with that).
- Do you have a relationship with God? (As a Christian this is important to me, for some people it may not be. But if this is important to you its best to know. Not on the first date but as you date, you can casually broach this topic and determine if you two are equally yoked in this area).
- What does your ideal relationship look like? (Does he expect you to pay on dates, does he want to see each other once a week or once a month).
No lie I once went on a date with a man and he said his ideal relationship was to have his woman come over, but never spend the night, and she had to leave before midnight. AKA he wanted to sleep with her and then kick her out and sleep alone.
Another that said he did not feel that he had to call, he could just send a text occasionally and felt that was enough. So, you have to determine base on what he says, is that the same type of relationship you want. As an additional tidbit, you can watch my video below on how to spot BS on a date to make sure a guy is being truthful to you during this process and now just telling you what you want to hear.
How To Know If He’s The One ~ Determining If He’s The One When You Are In A Relationship
The first set of questions was to get you here. The second set of questions for how to know if he’s the one. Are to determine if he was the right one to get into a relationship with and when you are in a relationship you are closer and therefore the questions are more personal and open and you can take a deeper dive on how to know he’s the one. Because at this point he has a good idea about you and you have a good idea about him so.
How To Know If He’s The One ~ The Second Ten Questions Are
- Where do you see the relationship with me going?
- What do you think of me as your partner?
- Where do you see our future headed?
- Do you ever see yourself marrying me? (Do not put a time frame on this question. There are ways that you can get a time frame from him without you just saying it. If you say, do you see yourself marrying me in 8 months then his mind is going to shift to 8 months and that is where the conversation will focus? Instead of getting the answer to your question).
- How do you think we can improve our relationship with each other? (Do not take insult to this question but sad to say so many couples want to get married but the man doesn’t because of some underlying issue the woman is not even aware of. So it is best to work toward these things now and see if you can meet his needs and he can meet your needs then waiting and wondering why your relationship is not moving forward only to find out that he has some issue with you or vice versa that neither of you ever said to each other).
- Where do you think WE need to be for us to take our relationship to the next level; this could be marriage? Please notice how you used the word we as it implies that both of you can work on something to move your relationship forward and it does not shift the blame on one or the other. A question like this is also the perfect opening where talking about a time frame with naturally occur. If he says, I want to be the CEO at my company, and he is an intern then you know it can be a while.
- What do your family and friends think about me? (This may seem like a pointless question but depending on the man he can value his mother’s opinion a lot, regarding who he ends up with. He could also value his friends getting along with the woman he ends up with. So knowing the answer to this question could be telling. Him saying his mom thinks your immature or his friends think you are not his type is not a deal-breaker BUT you can then follow up and ask why that is and listen to what he says. To determine if he agrees with them or not, or if he can move forward with you despite their opinions.
- How long do you think couples should be in a relationship before they get married? (If his answer is something that you cannot live with like 10 years this can be a discussion and then determine if this is a compromise or set in stone. Based on his answer determine if its something you can live with.)
- Are we headed toward marriage? (Most of the above questions were indirect just to see where his head is at, this one is more direct and should be asked at the right time. Once you have been in a relationship for a while and are sure you want to marry him).
- What ways do you feel that I add value to your life (and vice versa)? (Relationships should be mutually beneficial, and it is best to see if you two benefit each other in the present, in the future, or if this is something you can work on.)
In the relationship phase, the point is not to be pushy or force anyone to take the relationship to the next level. But to determine if he is the one. You cannot MAKE anyone be anything, but you can determine, and you can improve on the relationship that you have to make it a better fit.
If he is unwilling to do that, the relationship has come to a standstill, or you just want different things then he is not the one. And that is the goal of the above questions. Also check out my video for how to weed men out on the first date.
How to Know If He Is The One For Marriage
The above questions were future-focused so if through all those questions you determine that you two have a future together then the next set of questions on how to know if he’s the one is it is time to see what your engagement and marriage will look like.
How To Know If He’s The One ~ The third set of ten questions are:
- When do you want to get married? (This is important to put a time frame on once you determine you want to get married. I have personally known men to give women an engagement ring to buy time or to shut them up with no real intention of marrying them. And then here comes the 5 year plus engagement. Or the never-ending engagement with no plans of marrying you ever but to just keep you around. If that is not what you want, it is best for you to know that to prevent your time from being wasted). Which I have a video on that you can watch down below.
- What type of husband do you see yourself as? (Do not just ask this question but also layout your expectation as well).
- What type of wife do you want me to be? (Do not just ask this question but layout your expectation as well. For example, if he wants you to quit your job and be a stay at home mom and you don’t want to let him know or if you want to be a stay at home wife or mom let him know. And determine which one of your beliefs are set in stone and which once aren’t. And if he is willing to meet you where you are).
- Who will do what? (Who will pay bills, will you bill a stay at home mom, is he the provider, will the house be in both of your names, joint bank accounts, are you getting an allowance. I have heard it all, your relationship is your relationship and you can come up with whatever as long as you both agree and are happy)
- What will our life together be like? (Do you want to travel, live modestly, splurge, be more goal-oriented, listen to his answer. Is it something you can do, or deal with? If it is not, is he willing to change or are you?)
- Where do you see us in 5 years? (This is important. Many couples do not think this far ahead but it determines how you save if he prioritizes work so you can buy a house, is buying a house important to him, does he not even care. Does he want a job, does he want to live off you? And as always, I cannot say it enough if he says something crazy it is not your job to try to change and fix. You can try to compromise but if it does not work and it is not a good fit it is not a good fit. He’s not the one and that is your answer. It is best to know that before taking the plunge only for it to be an issue later).
- When do you see us having children, starting a family, and how should that family be raised?
- These are the things that I would like you to fix before we are married? (I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth. Is it debt, him going out 5 nights a week, him saving more money once again communication is key)?
- What are the things you want me to fix before we get married? (And because this is a two-way street he gets to tell you the same thing. You would much rather go into your marriage open and transparent about being the best versions of yourself then hiding it. If in this question or the above one he says something you don’t want to fix he is not the one for you. Like if he wants you to get your tubes tied and you want kids then obviously that is not going to work. Just an example).
- Ironing out the details (this is not a specific question but you can make it into a question according to your needs).
- How often do you see us having sex?
- How often will we have a date night?
- Are you signing a prenup?
- Whose health insurance are we using?
- Whose house are we moving into?
- Do you think its best we live together before marriage?
- Do you expect your mom to live with us forever?
I mean these are just a few but remember you are trying to determine how to know if he’s the one so only YOU can come up with questions specific to you that you have noticed thus far that you have noticed. If there is anything that you should see about any of these questions they are that communication is key.
Never think for a second that because someone just looks like the one that they are, it requires talking and communicating based on things that are important to you based on what you feel you NEED in the one. And that is the real key to every woman truly knowing if he’s the one.
If you are a single woman then you may want to consider getting my book for single women” Fix It Jesus For Single Women Only” which you can click here to buy. If you are not sure, then click here and I will give you the first few chapters for free.