To listen to the blog post: How to Tell If You’re in a Toxic Relationship over reading it just click the play button below.
Let’s talk about toxic relationships because there may be a chance that you could be in one and you may not even know it. But do not worry you are in a judgment-free zone and I have most certainly been in a toxic relationship (and you can click here to read my blog on that).
The thing about toxic relationships is that because many of us think that we are in love that we tend to be dismissive of all of the traits and signs of a toxic relationship or worse we make excuses for them and then before we know it we end up staying in a relationship that eats away at our self-esteem, self-confidence and is just all-around toxic for a lack of a better word. Hence the word “toxic relationship.”
First, let’s get into the meaning of a toxic relationship:
By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. (source)
That sounds like an overly complicated definition, doesn’t it? Of course, I had to give you the professional meaning of a toxic relationship but really you need to know what is a toxic relationship really? As in broken down in layman’s terms.
What is a toxic relationship?
To determine what is a toxic relationship to you, you need to focus on these three things:
- How do you feel in the relationship?
- How does your partner act toward you in a relationship?
- And how you behave during the relationship.
How you feel
In toxic relationships, if you feel like crap, always criticized, if you feel like you are always having to walk on eggshells so that your partner does not blow up at you. If you feel like you are always jumping through hoops to make him happy or if you do not feel love or supported. This is an indication of a toxic relationship.
How your partner acts
I have a separate blog post that you can read about your partner being a narcissist (click here) for additional signs. But your partner being a narcissist is obviously a clear indication that they are toxic, but that word is so overused. In a nutshell, if your partner is always behaving in a way to exert control over you, lower your self-worth, or is violent or threatens violence they are toxic.
How you behave
This can be two parts. You can completely be the toxic person in the relationship. Meaning that you are too controlling, manipulative, you pick away at your partner’s self-esteem, or are violence against them. If you had these tendencies before then you are just contributing to the toxic environment. If you became like this in the relationship, then your partner’s toxicity may have triggered these things in you.
Now Let’s Get into Signs Of A Toxic Relationships
Any sort of violence or threat of violence is of course a no brainer. That is toxic. But not all toxic relationships are like that. And you should not think that an obvious sign of abuse is the only indication of a toxic relationship. Because you can be in a toxic relationship with no violence whatsoever. Therefore, others include:
Toxic communication such as name-calling, criticism, always getting into verbal altercations.
Controlling behaviors such as not wanting you to talk to your friends or family or even not to have friends at all. Taking measures to control where you are and having to keep excessive tabs on you. Excessive calling to see what you are doing or accusing you of doing certain such as cheating even when you are not.
Manipulative behaviors such as trying to make you do things in a relationship that you do not want to do and when you state that you do not want to do something they will make fun of you or invoke tactics that will make you feel bad in an effort to get you to do the very act that you do not want to do. Also, check out my video below on how to spot a manipulative man. And subscribe to my channel here.
Making you feel bad about yourself such as calling you ugly, stupid, or making you feel that way. Belittling your accomplishments or telling you that no one will ever want you other than them.
Doing things to get back at each other. If you ignore him, he starts flirting with other women right in front of your face to make you jealous. Or worse sleeping with other women to get back at you and then he blames you for his cheating.
Toxic Relationship Traits
If you are a reader of my blog or even my channel, then you know one thing I tend to say time and time again is to please get to know men before just jumping into a relationship with them. I have a video that you can watch below on how to spot BS in men.
But overall the best way to avoid getting into toxic relationships is to get to know the man first and to be able to weed out any toxic traits. Because guess what, many times women can have on these rose-colored glasses when it comes to men and then will tend to miss all the red flags.
Case in point:
When I was dating a man, I could tell that the relationship was going to be toxic before I had gotten into a relationship with him. Because I looked for all the traits while we were dating.
On the first date, he exhibited controlling behavior, as in a waiter who was obviously gay complimented me on my shirt and my date got so angry about it. To the point that he spoke about it the entire date and would not calm down. And kept eyeing the waiter the entire time and even asked me why I wore my outfit and if I was trying to get attention. This is a red flag of a control issue.
Another red flag of control issues is when he started to tell me that he wanted his woman to listen to him when it came to styling her hair and what to wear. He actually said this on multiple occasions and once again an indication of a control issue. What man really wants to sit around all day telling you how to wear your hair and what to wear.
He did and he said that he expected his woman to listen to him and change her clothes and hair if need be if he did not like what she was wearing. You can also watch my video below on how to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing for more examples.
But all and all, pay attention to what a man says and do not be afraid to go on many dates with him to actually see who he is and do not feel the need to rush into a relationship. That way you do not even find yourself in a position to be in a toxic relationship. But to me one of the main traits to look for earlier on to indicate that there will be a problem is control. Just like some of the examples I mentioned above.
Some of the other traits such as manipulation, fighting, or how he speaks to you; he may be able to hide during the dating process. But the control aspect, I feel a man is never able to hide. And once he is like this, this is a sure indication of other things to come.
I hope that you were able to get some valuable information about if you are in a toxic relationship and if you determine that you are then please break up with him, call a support hotline, get a support system with your family and find a way to leave.
So many times, a woman makes excuses for men and remains in a toxic relationship thinking it will get better when it does not. So, do not waste another second of your life on this, please. If you know someone who may need to read this post then share it with them.
Also check out my book for single women that will help you gain self-esteem, self-worth, and prepare you for the healthy relationship you deserve. Click here to buy or click this link and I will give you the first few chapters for free.