To listen to the blog post “5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever” over reading it then click the play button below.
Knowing how to cope with being a single mom can be hard because so many single mothers are conflicted thus leading to single mom guilt. They want to be good mothers, but then they spread themselves so thin that they all of a sudden feel guilty that they cannot be any and everything to their child.
Before we continue the first thing I want you to know as a single mom who is facing single mom guilt.
Is that you need to realize your limitations as a human being and be completely okay with it. You are not superwoman, you do not wonder woman, and you cannot do everything and be everywhere. Say it, accept it and move on.
There are some two-parent household that is struggling, so as a single mom if your everyday life is not filled with lollipop and gumdrops and you just want to sit in the middle of the floor and take a nap or even cry because you are so overwhelmed, realize that this is OKAY.
You are only human and perfection does not exist with anyone. Once you allow yourself to be okay with your own shortcomings that is when you can cope more effectively as a single mom. Check out the video below where I talk to my son on what it is like to be raised by a single mom with no dad. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever #1 – What is a good mother anyway?
You came to this post because you want to know how to cope with being a single mother without feeling guilty. But I want to ask you, what is coping? And how do you know that you are not doing it?
Do you have a picture in your mind on what you think a good mother is? And if you do think to yourself is that personally really a REAL representation of a good mother. Or is it some persona that you created in your head of some supermom that no one could ever live up to.
Now that you have this vision of Mary Poppins in your head, actually think about how many people are actually good mothers according to the Martha Stewart definition.
Sad to say that the mother I just mentioned is the type of mother that you and probably other mothers are sitting around comparing themselves to she does not exist.
The type of mother that they are comparing themselves to is a mother who eats all organic food and makes her children eat veggies every day, and her home could be in a feature of Better Homes and Gardens. While you are stuck feeding your kids pizza, you have piled up clothes, and your home may just qualify on the next season of the show hoarders.
I am NOT giving you permission to be a hoarder but I am giving your permission to give yourself a break. Who is the perfect mom anyway? The house and the food that you feed your child there is some hungry and homeless child that would be dying eat the food and live in the home that you are complaining about.
Most two-parent mothers do not meet that expectation let alone single mothers. So when you think about it, are you really living in reality when it comes to the type of mother you think you should be? Because you compare yourself to this so-called good mom, you are creating more stress for yourself because you cannot become her. In fact, most mothers cannot become her.
The reality of the situation is that the perfect mother does not exist and if you are so busy comparing yourself to someone who is not real then you are always going to have trouble coping as a single mom. Because you are trying to aspire to an invisible level of perfection that you THINK a single mom should have.
Once again I am going to give you permission to be human. I am going to give you my definition of what a good mother is to ME. A good mother in my eyes is any mother who feeds her kids every day, has a home for them to sleep in, and keeps them alive.
If you are meeting those goals every day then I think you are doing pretty good. Because there are mothers in the world that are not able to even give their children that. I hope that when you look at it that way that you will give yourself a break from your own shortcomings as a single mom.
Being a single mom is not without its struggles. Lord knows I have had mine when you can watch in the video below.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever #2 ~ Stop Doing the Most
The main reason why you have mom’s guilt is that you are doing the most. Meaning that as a single mom you may be trying to overcompensate and working yourself like a slave trying to keep up. Instead of accepting the reality that you cannot be everywhere at once, you choose to do the most, go above and beyond to impossible levels, just to trying to prove yourself to be the absolute perfect mother.
To show other moms that just because you are a single mom that does not mean that you can’t keep up. Or that you can’t do everything. Because in your mind, you feel that you have failed to give your child a traditional family anyway so you are going to be that traditional family. And take on impossible tasks just to prove to your child that their family is no different from anyone else.
Carpool on Mon, Soccer on Tues, PTA on Wed, play dates on Thurs, classroom volunteer time of Friday. Then on the weekends, you have to invite the entire class over to have a sleepover, cook an entire meal for them, and make sure that you have pre-selected a lot of age-appropriate movies from them to watch throughout the evening, and an hour before bed you pop in to give them an organic snack. STOP PLAYING. That is doing the MOST. And then you wonder why you are worn out.
So now you have to go above and beyond because Lord knows that if you someone how to fail to do everything right as a mother according to the parenting handbook of life, then your child will somehow turn out to be a defective human being.
So you run yourself into the ground trying to do and be everything for your child. To prove that you are not a defective mother just because you are a single mother. And this type of running around and doing the most leads to you feeling frustrated. Because eventually, you will run on empty NO one can keep up with this type of stuff.
Unless you are Jesus himself, you cannot do and be everything for anyone. Like so many mothers I used to try to find every way that I can to be a perfect mother.” Put my kid in everything, do everything, and try to be everywhere.
When I realized that, I could not do that because it was physically impossible then I would just choose when to put on my perfect mother front. Which, of course, I only did when I was around other people less they judge me.
But then I stop doing the most. I took time out for myself. If I did not want to run to a thousand sports practices every weekend. I would allow myself to skip taking my son to practice on Saturday because I wanted to sleep in from having a hard work week. I decided that I needed time to recharge my battery.
I needed time to do something for myself. And I needed time to have some time to think for myself. Me doing the most in my son’s life was only leading to my own frustration. I also have a video where I talk about a real-life case study of a fellow mom who just ran herself crazy trying to do everything. Don’t be her.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever #3 ~ Stop Comparing Yourself
When did I look at other mothers doing things that I can’t do or do not have time for, instead of having mom guilt and irrationally beating myself up thinking to myself why can’t I be more like that? Instead, I say “Good for them” and then I come back to reality. The reality of the situation is that I am not like other moms.
I do not have the same life as other families, I do not like to cook, I do not like to spend a large amount of time doing Pinterest activities, I do not have a man or a husband helping, I do not like to clean, and I cannot even afford a maid to do it for me.
But even if you are the type of mother that likes to do those things then good for you. It just goes to show how mothers are different. In fact, no two mothers are the same. No two mothers enjoy the same things and instead of giving each other mom guilt over it, just accept it and move on. When you choose to accept your differences then you stop putting unrealistic expectations on yourself.
Accept your life, situation, and who you are as a mom. Once you do that you will do a way better job of learning how to cope with being a single mom because you have stopped trying to chase after what other moms have. Instead, you chose to be yourself and develop yourself into the type of mom YOU want to be, not trying to develop yourself into Susie homemaker down the street.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever #4 ~ Your Child Will Probably Be Okay
Before I get into this I want you to check out a series that I did on a single mom raising a son where I featured a very successful man who was raised by a single mom. The point being your child is not doomed.
There is no perfect mother. I do not care how much their Instagram feed tells you otherwise. And if you somehow fall short then you do not need to have mom guilt and feel that you are failing at raising your children. Because who are you comparing yourself to? Another mother that is also imperfect? As we ALL are.
No matter how many mistakes you make or no matter how different you are from the Susie homemaker mom down the street, your child is probably not going to grow up to be a serial killer because you did not follow the “how to be a good mom 101 parenting handbook.”
AND despite what people say, even as a single mom you can raise a man (see my blog here). As a single mom raising a boy I am 100% confident that my son will be just fine. He is not going to be sitting somewhere in a psychiatric facility for his entire adulthood talking about his daddy issues. The fact of the matter is that there are plenty of men and women who were raised by single mothers and they are doing just fine. I am included in that statistic.
So calm down thinking that if you make one wrong move as a single mom you child is doomed and they are never going to be a productive human being. You do need to be a mother and parent of course, but why you are having trouble coping is because you need to calm down and not think that because you have a breakdown or two as a single mom or you do not have the ability to do everything your child is doomed. That is simply not true.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever #5 ~ I’m Not Perfect
In case you have not gotten my drift, I am not perfect. You are not perfect. AND it is okay. Once I realized this, my mind was more settled because I realized that I am who I am and I will be who I will be. Therefore, for your convenience, I will list my shortcomings, that other mothers have given me the side-eye for. But there is no shame in my game so here we are:
- I have never been the type of mother who goes on playdates.
- When my son’s school has evening events or fundraisers for his school,
- I cannot say that we always go and/or contribute.
- I do not volunteer in my son’s classroom.
- When my son’s school sends home 100 papers talking about God knows what, I often time throw them away without even reading them.
- I do not always iron my son’s clothes and opt for the winkle-free setting in the dryer.
- During the summer I do not have my son read endlessly every recommended summer reading book.
- I play video games with my son, some that are rated above his age level.
- I rough house with him,
- My son is a picky eater and I often cater to his diet by giving him what he wants so I do not have to hear his mouth.
Do these things make me a “bad mother?” Maybe to some people but let me tell you what these things do provide. A PEACE OF MIND. This ability allow me to cope as a single mom because I do not feel obligated to do anything as a single mom that I do not want to do or that I do not have time to do.
These things do not mean that I am a bad mom nor does it mean that I am raising my child wrong. It just means that I am doing what I have to do as a single mom to survive. And if I am okay mental health-wise, then that helps me be better more to my child.
5 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt Forever ~ Final Thoughts
Your main responsibility as a parent is to raise your children to the best of your ability, make sure they are good people, and give them the tools they need to make it successfully through life.
The only opinion about your motherhood techniques that you have to care about is your own. If you are satisfied with how you are as a mother and how you are raising your children, then nothing else matters. You are coping successfully as a single mom. Let go of the idea of perfection, of what you should be doing, and where you are falling short. Allow yourself to be you even if that means that you are not perfect. Give yourself a break for where you fall short because we all do it.
You make mistakes and then you learn from them. I have stopped trying to impose perfect parenting on myself because it does not exist and I recommend everyone of you mothers out there do the same. So single moms out there.
From single mom to a single mom, please no more mom guilt, you already have enough stuff to deal with without making yourself feel bad. Once you let go of some of the exceptions of what you should be doing as a single mom you will learn how to deal with your single motherhood a lot better.
If you know a fellow single mom that is suffering from Mom guilt. Do not let her suffer in silence. Share this post with her and help her out. Sharing is caring.
Last but not least if you are a single mom then you need my book Fix it Jesus. For Single Moms Only. The Straightforward No-Nonsense Guide To Passion Purpose and Prayer. Click here to find out more about why you need this book. And if you still don’t believe me then sign up for my email list and get the first few chapters free. Click here to sign up for the picture below.
It doesn’t matter what the world thinks of you. I am sure if you ask you son you will still be his star and that’s what matters.