To listen to the blog post “Are You Choosing A Man Over Your Child?” over reading it click the play button below.
This should go without saying but as a single mom, you should not be choosing a man over your child. As a single mom myself it is my hope that none of you single moms out there are choosing a man over your child or maybe you do not even know that you are choosing a man over your child.
Either, way I have some tips for you single moms so that you can avoid this situation altogether. If you feel like you are in a position where you are choosing between your child and over boyfriend then it is possible that you may be suffering from single mom syndrome.
1. Choosing A Man Over Your Child & What is single mom syndrome.
Watch my video below to see a real-life example of where a single mom began to resent her own child. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
Being a single mom can be challenging. Especially since, as a single mother a common belief that we must have a man or father in our children’s lives in order for them to feel complete. That we are somehow desperate for a marriage or for a man to raise our children and would, therefore, accept anything to be in a relationship.
Or that we cannot be both a good mother and date at the same time. And because of these myths, there are some moms out there who buy into them and are unable to balance being a mom and a girlfriend. I know as a mom you want to be happy, I get it.
But when you became a mom that is a responsibility that you chose to take on, knowing that it will change your life forever. I am not telling you to be single and you can never have a relationship. I am just telling you that you have to be extra picky with the men that you choose and to make sure that you never put a man before your child.
2. Choosing A Man Over Your Child ~ Why Having Single Mom Syndrome is Bad For You
How many times have we heard of the single mom syndrome mothers feeding us a line like “Well, mama needs to be happy too.” In theory, this is right, mothers do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of their children. Mothers can have fun but you cannot come first. You forfeited that right once you decided to have a child.
In case you did not know, your child did NOT ask to be here. They are here because you brought them into this world. No matter if it was intentional or not. The fact of the matter is that boyfriends come and go but your kids will always be your kids. And you may be thinking to yourself that it does not matter or they are not going to notice and you would be thinking wrong.
Choosing a man over your child ~ True Story
I have a girlfriend that has a very distant relationship with her mother. Her mother is now divorced twice and is all alone and she wants her daughter (my friend to spend more time with her). My friend downright refuses. And when I ask her why she explains to me that growing up her mother was never there for her or her brothers.
She was always dating other men, going out with people, and it was always someone else that was more important than her. My friend explained that she was so caught up on men that her mother did not really even know her and she pretty much raised herself and her younger brothers.
And now, she and her younger brothers are close but no one visits or wants to deal with the mother because of the decisions that she made when her children were younger. And that is what happens when you choosing a man over your child.
I am not saying that it is right but as I said before your kids will always be your kids. You may want attention from them one day or want them to be with you in your old age and they are going to care less because they are always going to remember that you chose someone over them and therefore they are going to choose to live their life over you.
It may also be worth your time to watch my video below for God’s promises for the only single mom. I think often times women are choosing a man over their child because they feel they have no choice when they do.
3. Choosing A Man Over Your Child & Why Having Single Mom Syndrome is Bad For Them
As you are out here dating, partying, and having fun as a single mom. Here you have a child that is growing up without a mother. Wondering why mommy decided to put them second. Wondering why mommy bought her boyfriend a new pair of shoes while the child has holes in their shoes.
Wondering why mommy is taking her boyfriend on a 4-day cruise while the child has never been out of the city. Wondering why mommy is out eating at a restaurant while the child has no food in the refrigerator and is starving at home. Single mother or not; being a parent is important.
This is why adults develop abandonment issues, low self-esteem, and have an inability to cope with life because these things were never fostered through them as children (see my blog here on how other people’s issues can become your issues).
Maybe you did not think that you would be a single mom, maybe you did not think that you would get a divorce, maybe you feel that you are too young to be a mom and you are just trying to enjoy your life. Regardless of what the case maybe you are a mom. You are responsible for another human being. And
As a single mom, it is your job to make sure your children grow up to the most productive adults they can be.
To put them first since you took it upon yourself to have them, they did not procreate themselves. The parent (AKA you) was involved in creating them, they did not ask to be here. So do not punish them for being here. There are several times that my son works my last nerves. There were several times where being a single mother is hard.
There were times that I wanted to go out on a date or a trip but had other obligations to my son. And guess what, I choose to keep the obligation to my son. Because no matter what he does I am always putting his best interest at heart. I understood that taking care of my son would be a priority when I had him and I would never be in a position of choosing between my child and my boyfriend.
And if I ever was in that position then my child would win. For a single parent, it is ideal to find a man that loves both you and your child. Not one that will make you choose between you and your child. I actually talk about this in my video when to introduce your boyfriend to your child that you can watch below.
4. How To Avoid Choosing A Man Over your child
So while we joke about a woman having the single mom syndrome, perhaps it really needs to be in the DSM (for all of you none mental health people that is the diagnostic manual).
Because there are mothers out here losing their minds for some of these men. This may seem like a no brainer but you would be shocked to find out how many women marry men who do not like their children, who do not want to be around their children, and it is sad to say the children suffer because of the parent’s selfishness and their inability to put their children first.
So the first way to avoid single mom syndrome is to actually like your children and even spend time with them. No man should want to take you away from your child so much that you never see your child. Ideally, as the relationship between you two get more serious he should want to incorporate your child into your relationship as well.
- Never allow for a man to be mean or abuse your child.
- If a man does not like your child or like children it is best to cut it off now instead of continuing a relationship that will force you to choose.
- Learn to spend time with your children, I am sure you will learn that they are not half bad. And learn that you do not need a man to fill the void in your heart. Or fill the warmth in your bed. If you feel like you need a man that bad, that you have to abandon your kids. Then that signifies that you have another issue altogether. Such as low self esteem.
- Always remember your priorities as a mother, you are literally shaping a human being. They need a parent and a mother to help guide and direct them in life. You should take that responsibility more seriously than always making yourself available for your boyfriend.