4 Cold Hearted Truths About Choosing A Man Over Your Child

How Do I move On From My Baby's Father? Straight Talk No Chaser

To listen to the blog post “Are You Choosing A Man Over Your Child?” over reading it click the play button below.

This should go without saying but as a single mom, you should not be choosing a man over your child.  As a single mom myself it is my hope that none of you single moms out there are choosing a man over your child or maybe you do not even know that you are choosing a man over your child.

  Either, way I have some tips for you single moms so that you can avoid this situation altogether.  If you feel like you are in a position where you are choosing between your child and over boyfriend then it is possible that you may be suffering from single mom syndrome.

1. Choosing A Man Over Your Child & What is single mom syndrome.

The Urban dictionary defines the single mom syndrome as a single mother begins to dwell on being alone for the rest of their life and starts paying more attention to men than their children.

Watch my video below to see a real-life example of where a single mom began to resent her own child.  And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

Being a single mom can be challenging. Especially since, as a single mother a common belief that we must have a man or father in our children’s lives in order for them to feel complete.  That we are somehow desperate for a marriage or for a man to raise our children and would, therefore, accept anything to be in a relationship.

Or that we cannot be both a good mother and date at the same time.  And because of these myths, there are some moms out there who buy into them and are unable to balance being a mom and a girlfriend. I know as a mom you want to be happy, I get it.

But when you became a mom that is a responsibility that you chose to take on, knowing that it will change your life forever.  I am not telling you to be single and you can never have a relationship.  I am just telling you that you have to be extra picky with the men that you choose and to make sure that you never put a man before your child.

How To NOT To Suffer From Single Mom Syndrome

2. Choosing A Man Over Your Child ~ Why Having Single Mom Syndrome is Bad For You

How many times have we heard of the single mom syndrome mothers feeding us a line like “Well, mama needs to be happy too.” In theory, this is right, mothers do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of their children.  Mothers can have fun but you cannot come first.  You forfeited that right once you decided to have a child.

In case you did not know, your child did NOT ask to be here. They are here because you brought them into this world. No matter if it was intentional or not. The fact of the matter is that boyfriends come and go but your kids will always be your kids. And you may be thinking to yourself that it does not matter or they are not going to notice and you would be thinking wrong.

Choosing a man over your child ~ True Story

I have a girlfriend that has a very distant relationship with her mother. Her mother is now divorced twice and is all alone and she wants her daughter (my friend to spend more time with her). My friend downright refuses.  And when I ask her why she explains to me that growing up her mother was never there for her or her brothers.

She was always dating other men, going out with people, and it was always someone else that was more important than her. My friend explained that she was so caught up on men that her mother did not really even know her and she pretty much raised herself and her younger brothers.

And now, she and her younger brothers are close but no one visits or wants to deal with the mother because of the decisions that she made when her children were younger. And that is what happens when you choosing a man over your child.

I am not saying that it is right but as I said before your kids will always be your kids.  You may want attention from them one day or want them to be with you in your old age and they are going to care less because they are always going to remember that you chose someone over them and therefore they are going to choose to live their life over you.

It may also be worth your time to watch my video below for God’s promises for the only single mom.  I think often times women are choosing a man over their child because they feel they have no choice when they do.

3. Choosing A Man Over Your Child & Why Having Single Mom Syndrome is Bad For Them

As you are out here dating, partying, and having fun as a single mom. Here you have a child that is growing up without a mother. Wondering why mommy decided to put them second. Wondering why mommy bought her boyfriend a new pair of shoes while the child has holes in their shoes.

Wondering why mommy is taking her boyfriend on a 4-day cruise while the child has never been out of the city.  Wondering why mommy is out eating at a restaurant while the child has no food in the refrigerator and is starving at home. Single mother or not; being a parent is important.

This is why adults develop abandonment issues, low self-esteem, and have an inability to cope with life because these things were never fostered through them as children (see my blog here on how other people’s issues can become your issues).

Maybe you did not think that you would be a single mom, maybe you did not think that you would get a divorce, maybe you feel that you are too young to be a mom and you are just trying to enjoy your life. Regardless of what the case maybe you are a mom. You are responsible for another human being. And

As a single mom,  it is your job to make sure your children grow up to the most productive adults they can be.

To put them first since you took it upon yourself to have them, they did not procreate themselves.  The parent (AKA you) was involved in creating them, they did not ask to be here.  So do not punish them for being here.  There are several times that my son works my last nerves. There were several times where being a single mother is hard.

There were times that I wanted to go out on a date or a trip but had other obligations to my son. And guess what, I choose to keep the obligation to my son.  Because no matter what he does I am always putting his best interest at heart. I understood that taking care of my son would be a priority when I had him and I would never be in a position of choosing between my child and my boyfriend.

And if I ever was in that position then my child would win. For a single parent, it is ideal to find a man that loves both you and your child. Not one that will make you choose between you and your child. I actually talk about this in my video when to introduce your boyfriend to your child that you can watch below.

4. How To Avoid Choosing A Man Over your child

So while we joke about a woman having the single mom syndrome, perhaps it really needs to be in the DSM (for all of you none mental health people that is the diagnostic manual).

Because there are mothers out here losing their minds for some of these men. This may seem like a no brainer but you would be shocked to find out how many women marry men who do not like their children, who do not want to be around their children, and it is sad to say the children suffer because of the parent’s selfishness and their inability to put their children first.

So the first way to avoid single mom syndrome is to actually like your children and even spend time with them.  No man should want to take you away from your child so much that you never see your child. Ideally, as the relationship between you two get more serious he should want to incorporate your child into your relationship as well.

  • Never allow for a man to be mean or abuse your child. 
  • If a man does not like your child or like children it is best to cut it off now instead of continuing a relationship that will force you to choose. 
  • Learn to spend time with your children, I am sure you will learn that they are not half bad. And learn that you do not need a man to fill the void in your heart.  Or fill the warmth in your bed.  If you feel like you need a man that bad, that you have to abandon your kids.  Then that signifies that you have another issue altogether.  Such as low self esteem.
  • Always remember your priorities as a mother, you are literally shaping a human being.  They need a parent and a mother to help guide and direct them in life. You should take that responsibility more seriously than always making yourself available for your boyfriend. 

If you know a fellow single mom that is in this situation then go ahead and share this post with her.

Also, did you know that I have a single mom devotional! You can click here to buy or if you are not sure Click here or the picture below and get the first few chapters for free.

single mom's devotional daily single mom devotional

The Unfortunate Dangers of Choosing A Man Over Your Child Here is some single mom dating advice 101. And that is choosing your kids first and never putting a man before your child. Learn if you are putting a man before your child and 3 tips on why should never put a man before your kids. Also known as single mom syndrome


  1. I wish my mom would have read something like this when I was a child. For as long as I have been alive, she has put men before her children. I am now 40 and I am still battling this issue with her. I have never felt loved in my life. She gave birth to three girls and a boy. She has always told us that she never wanted girls and that she never really wanted kids but my father made her keep having kids. I always took that as she didn’t want us and that we was a burden to her. She never told all of us that she loved us and she never gave us hugs. When we tried to hug her as kids, she pushed us to the side and told us to get off of her. My mother always left us kids alone while she went out with different men every night. She never spent any time with us as kids. My oldest sister basically raised us. I remember being afraid at night as a very young child and I didn’t have anyone to tell me not to be afraid. I would sneak in the bed with my older siblings. But they would kick me out because they didn’t know how to love either since they was pushed away as well. I grew up without any guidance. She didn’t instill any values or teach me anything a mother should teach her children. When I wanted to know about sex as a teen. She said don’t talk to me about it. I’m not your friend. She wouldn’t even teach me how to put on maxi pads when I first got my period. My older sister taught me. It would have been nice to have my mom speak to me in that moment because I was afraid and didn’t know anything about menstruation. Fast forward to the present time, she still puts men ahead of me. I am so desperate for love from this woman but she still refuses to love me. She was in a relationship with a married man who she had been giving money to since the summer. She said she did not care that the man was married. She said nothing would ever make her stop what she was doing. I learned from my father that the man is actually my mother’s first boyfriend. She went to Georgia for vacation. She initially invited me and my daughter but later told us not to come. I didn’t realize why but I learned she had the man staying with her. I called her one day to tell her that my daughter was sick and had a fever thinking she would be concerned. Nope. She rushed me off the phone. I knew she was with the man. She accidentally called my phone back and I could hear her conversation with the man. She said some very nasty things about me and my daughter to the man. And he co-signed everything that she said. They was even discussing the wife like it was nothing. I called her back and completely went off on her. She said yeah yeah yeah and hung up. I sent her a very nasty text. It wouldn’t have bothered me as much to know that she was bashing me because she has called me every name under the sun but to bash my daughter to the man is what really hurt me. She said I just have to get over it. I even sent nasty texts to the man. I threatened to report him to the police for carrying on an extra marital affair and for scamming money from my mom. She was giving him money and booking flights and hotels for the man and his daughter. He even tried to fire the man who was fixing the family house down south so that he could take over the job and get the money from her. She finally broke it off. She didn’t break it off because she was wrong for being with a married man or for hurting her family. Instead, she broke it off because I threatened to report the man to the fbi for scamming her out of her money. She said she didn’t want his life ruined. I asked her how do you think his sick wife feels and how do you think I feel? She said she didn’t care. I showed her the man’s Facebook page where he talks about how much he loves his wife. My brother found out that he has multiple women on Facebook. She said she didn’t care. I showed her a pic of the man’s wife. She is wearing an oxygen apparatus in the pic. I said look at this woman. She is sick and dying. She has cancer. Have you no heart? She said she didn’t care and she was aware of everything. I showed her a background check report which was filled with a lot of negative information and she said she didn’t care. She is very upset with me for getting in the way of her relationship. She no longer speaks to me. She said she is hurt that I dipped into her business. But she is the one who made it my business by leaving me the voicemail. I want to heal from this situation but it is hard. 40 years of not being loved has left me feeling empty. The one positive thing in this situation is that as a mother I am nothing like her. I tell my daughter every day multiple times a day that I love her. I learned how to be a good mother from having a bad mother. Sorry for the long post.

    • The long post is okay. People are not perfect but if anything good came from it, is that it helped you see what type you wanted to be and not repeat the same mistakes as your mother. So you are a great mother because of your own mom’s shortcomings. Choose to forgive and move on, and the fact that you got good from what your mom did, that is the first signs of healing. Remember we have to forgive but we do not have to let people in our lives that cause chaos. You have a right to have boundaries. As long as you feel in your heart that you are doing right by yourself and your mom (no matter if there is a relationship or not) then be at peace with that. Sometimes there is no easy answer.

  2. Thank you for your reply. Forgiveness and moving forward is exactly what I am struggling with especially since my mother keeps doing the same things over and over to me. Letting go of the relationship would be very difficult for me because the Bible says to honor thy mother and father. What are some ways that I can try to move forward?

  3. I love what you said here, Sophia! Words of wisdom for sure. As somebody who has been in that situation (the child) it is difficult to see your mom putting others above you.

    @ Zoe Zion…I know you asked Sophia how to move forward, but I would like to answer if that’s OK.
    As Sophia stated, the one positive thing is that you are a better mom to your daughter than your mother has been to you.
    Also, what she said about boundaries is very true. What I would also like to add is that we have to realize that we can’t change other people or control what they do.
    Like your mom, my mom also made the decision to be with somebody who has caused a lot of problems over the years. I wish she made better choices but sadly she didn’t.
    It hurts me every day, more than she will ever know, but there is nothing I can do about it.

    So what do I do? I had to learn to accept that it is what it is. I had to distance myself from toxic people and unhealthy situations.
    I had to allow myself to grieve and to be angry, as well as hurt, because it is indeed unfair.
    Your mom should have put you first. My mom should have put me first too. But they didn’t…some people are selfish and they also depend on others to give them self-esteem, instead of looking after their children properly.
    So we have to love ourselves and our children the way we weren’t loved. We have to realize that we are precious and that our parents have their own issues, which are not our fault.

    I used to wonder why my mom would choose men (and other people in general) over me all the time.
    Or why she would marry a man that was mean and verbally abusive to both of us. Now I know that it’s because she has self-esteem issues and doesn’t feel good unless she has a man in her life. It’s pretty sad. So maybe your mom is that way too, and her lack of self-worth affects her relationship with you and your daughter.

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