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Having low or high self-esteem, in general, can affect your entire life. But when it comes to women with low self-esteem your self-esteem can change the way men look at you, how you are perceived, and how you come across to them.
No man wants a desperate woman with severe self-esteem issues chasing him because she has her own personal demons to deal with. And the ones who do want women like that are the ones that have self-esteem issues themselves and you do not want to be with those types of men. This is why I am going to bring some examples of high and low self-esteem when dating. Knowing how you come across date and what you can improve on self-esteem-wise can be vital to your dating success.
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- I am going to give you, signs of women with low self esteem.
- Examples of high and low self-esteem so that you can recognize if you are one of these women with low self esteem. And how you can fix it.
The first thing we are going to get into is the low self esteem examples when dating. And in case you are confused on what I mean by low self esteem here is the low self esteem definition I am going to be working with:
Low self esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. ... “As observers of our own behavior, thoughts, and feelings, we not only register these phenomena in consciousness but also pass judgment on them. (source).
1. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem As It Pertains To Relationships
Now that you have a basic understanding of what low self esteem is, I want to show you how low self esteem can manifest itself in a relationship:
Women with low self esteem and the feeling unworthy of love and scared that they’ll lose it at any moment. This can lead to clingy behavior, as you try too hard to hold on to something you’re afraid to lose. It can also mean you’re letting your relationship take up your identity, so you don’t know what to do with yourself when you’re alone. (source)
2. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ Examples of Insecurities
Women with low self esteem who fall under this category tend to:
- Get into a relationship with any man (even if it is a bad man). Because to them, even a bad man is better than no man.
- Call a man a thousand times a day, gets upset when he does not call and/or text her right back.
- Have no life of her own and rarely has any activities outside of her boyfriend.
- Won’t let her boyfriend go out and if he does go out (even if he wants to go out with the guys) she insists that she always come with him.
Signs of women with low self esteem. Women with low self esteem typically are people pleasers. They overdo it on kindness and helpfulness because they feel a need to prove their worth. They’re uncomfortable with conflict or negative emotions, so they work hard to always keep their partners happy, with no concern for their own feelings. This behavior kills relationships because it sets up unrealistic expectations and leads to resentments. It’s also kind of a form of dishonesty. (source). Also, check out my blog on how to be a confident woman to see how to combat low self esteem by clicking here.
3. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ People Pleasers
Women with low self esteem who fall under this category tend to:
- Have sex with their partner even though they don’t want to or they do not feel like it.
- Transform into what the man wants them to transform into. Including losing weight (developing an eating disorder if need be), dying, their hair or even picking up smoking. Whatever their boyfriend wants them to do (good or bad) they will do it because they do not want to risk losing their man.
- They have trouble saying no to their man without feeling bad and/or guilty.
- They never voice their own opinion and just whatever opinions their man has they will just agree with. Even if they think it is wrong and even if it does not align with their own personal beliefs.
Signs of women with low self esteem and Enabling behaviors. Enabling can include letting your partner make bad choices that involve you. (source). And the woman feels like it is up to her to fix the bad choices that her boyfriend makes.
You can also check out my video below on where I talk about why you should not be a people pleaser.
4. Signs Of Women With Low Self esteem ~ The Enablers
Women with low self esteem who fall under this category tend to:
- Give money for their addictions.
- Support him and let him lay up in your house rent-free while he does nothing and has no job.
- Doing everything for him instead of making him do anything for himself. Doing his homework in college, applying for jobs for him, and doing things that he is very capable of doing but just does not want to.
Now that you pretty much get what having low self esteem is about in a relationship I want to tell you about high self esteem. First, let’s get into the high self esteem definition.
When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving of the respect of others. When you have healthy self-esteem it means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws. You have generally positive relationships with others and feel confident about your abilities. You're also open to learning and feedback, which can help you acquire and master new skills.
With healthy self-esteem you’re:
- Assertive in expressing your needs and opinions
- Confident in your ability to make decisions
- Able to form secure and honest relationships — and less likely to stay in unhealthy ones
- Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overcritical of yourself and others
- More resilient and better able to weather stress and setbacks (source)
5. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ High Self Esteem Examples
We are happy with our self in the way that we were happy before you came along. We don’t need you to be stuck to our hip 24/7 – actually, that’s our idea of a total nightmare. We want time to catch up on our fave shows and nights out with our girlfriends. We’ll never whine and complain that you want to see your friends. We’re basically the opposite of a needy, dependent girlfriend. (source).
6. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ How To Be Happy On Your Own
Women who fall under this category tends to:
- Has a job, career, and is doing well on her own before they get into a relationship.
- Even when they are dating, they keep going on with their lives and their hobbies. They do not stop doing what they love just because they are in a relationship.
- Does not need to be validated by her boyfriend calling her every second of the day and is not insecure about a man going out with his friends.
Expect, Respect: Just because we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we don’t expect a lot from you. We still want you to respect us and treat us properly. We won’t be like all the girls who stand for crappy behavior because they’re desperate to call someone their boyfriend. If you don’t show up when we’re throwing a birthday party or insult us in front of our friends, we’re not going to see you anymore. Other people might make excuses for you and be cool with it, but sorry, that’s not us. We won’t let our boyfriends embarrass us in public or even in private. (source).
Just an example of how a woman with high self esteem handles conflict in a relationship.
7. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ Remember To Demand Respect
Women with high self esteem who fall under this category:
- If a man calls her any sort of names outside of the one her mother gave her then she will leave.
- If a man cheats on her she will leave.
- If a man is not interested in paying her the type of attention that she deserves, wants to ignore her, or wants her to pursue him. She will leave.
- She is not into mind games. Either you like her and you are going to show it or she is going to walk. She does not play the game of a man not calling her back, ignoring her, or dogging her out.
- She knows there are too many men in the sea for that and is confident that she can catch a better one if the man she is with is not treating her right.
We Don’t Care What Others Think. You don’t belong to us, you’re not our property, you’re not there simply for our amusement or entertainment. If you show us respect, we’ll show you the same, and we want to get to know you as a real person. We’re not in this relationship for show. It means a lot to us and we’re not concerned with what other people are going to think about our romance. If they want to judge, let them. (source).
8. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ Be An Independent Thinker
Women who fall under this category:
- May talk to their friends about their relationship but they never take action in their relationship just because their friends or even their family think they should.
- They want to get into a relationship that they are happy with and are willing to do that their own way and on their own timeline. That means they date how they want to date or even define the relationship when they are ready to do so. They are only going to let the relationship progress when they are ready and not based on what other people think they should do or when other people think they should do it.
- They understand that a relationship is a mutually beneficial situation. They do not get in a relationship with the wrong man just because it is cute. Or stay in a bad relationship just so they can post cute pictures on social media. As long as the relationship is real AND beneficial to them both she is happy.
9. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ My own High Self Esteem Example
When I was a fresh-faced college co-ed…I met a man. The man took me out on a date and got me a huge plate of lasagna. Within about 30 minutes I devoured the lasagna….all of it! At this point, the following things happened.
- The man looked over at me and said “dang, well I guess you are not shy about eating around men… are you?”
- Then he tried to make me feel bad about eating. By calling me a fatty and saying I ate too much.
- Then he kept bringing it up throughout the date in a NEGATIVE way.
Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem ~ What this man was trying to do:
To be honest it was not even about the plate of food I ate. It did not matter what I did on a date, the fact of the matter was that this man was going to find something to pick with me about. And the reason why he was doing this is that he was a man with low self esteem and he was testing to see how he could make me feel bad about myself, to see how much he can influence me. He knew that if he could get me to feel bad about something that I was doing then he could control me in other areas of my life.
Given the examples above of a high self esteem woman, I dealt with him in the following way.
- Once dinner was over I asked for dessert. I was showing him that I did not care about what he thought and I was going to eat whatever I wanted.
- After the third comment about me eating my food, I told him not to mention again or I would like to leave.
I have come to realize that I simply did not inherit the fake gene. I am going to say what I want to say, do what I want to do, and eat what I want to eat. AND I am not going to allow a man to pick on me or make me feel bad for being myself. It is important to put a man in their place and let them know that you will not tolerate the disrespect. But see there are many women on the low self esteem side. Perhaps you know something of them. I know some of the advice I have been given by my well-intentioned yet low self esteem friends. Including:
- I should just agree with what a man says… no matter if it is stupid or not.
- That I should be submissive and become a slave because that is how you keep a man. (Click here to read that blog).
- I have been told that I am too independent and I should not be as opinionated as I am, because these traits will chase a man away. In other words, I should just dumb myself down because what man wants a woman that has an opinion, who is smart, who is too independent.
But in true high self esteem form, I do not care what other people think about me and what I do. Even if they are my friends. What they seem to fail to realize is that my independent streak is what attracts men to me because I do not fall in the low self esteem tendencies.
“I suffer from too much self esteem & I will not change myself to who other people want me to be.”
Also check out my video below on how to have more self esteem and confidence.
10. Signs Of Women With Low Self Esteem Vs Signs Of Women With High Self Esteem
Here is how a woman with low self esteem would have handled the same situation.
- Apologized to him for eating too much.
- The next time they go out she would have ordered a salad so that she did not look greedy.
- Every time he said something snarky about her appetite she would have agreed with him and let him disrespect her.
- And she probably would have lost 10 pounds by their next date to show him that she is not does not eat too much on her free time.
Don’t be the woman with low self esteem. I cannot imagine pretending to be someone or something that I am not just so that I can have the privilege of calling myself his girlfriend. When you start pretending to be someone else just to trap a man into falling in love with you.
Then he is not falling in love with you. He is falling in love with the fake person you are transforming yourself into. And the moment you decide to grow a backbone, he will leave. Because men like that love to feed on the insecurity of women. It is only fun to them when they say things to you and they can watch you bend over backward just to please them. Be a woman who has high self esteem over low esteem. Trust me it is a lot easier and the relationships are a lot more fulfilling.
If you know a woman that is suffering from self esteem issues in her relationships then go ahead and share this post with her.
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