To listen to the blog post “What Women Need To Know About Married Men Who Cheat” over reading it just click the play button below
Married men who cheat are such a huge topic for women. When I wrote the blog about why a married man cannot love his mistress (which you can read here) you would not believe how much push back I got from women who are actively in a relationship with a married man telling me that I am wrong.
First off, I am not wrong. And for all of you women out there who are involved with a married man, thinking about getting involved with a married man, or wondering why married men cheat there are truths that I need you to know and things you need to consider before you jump into a situationship with a married man. Because 9 times out of 10 messing with a married man is going to end badly for you.
You ready, let’s get into it.
(Sidebar Stuck in a situationship with a married man? Then get Your 5 Step Plan To Getting Over a Married Man only $2.99. Click here or watch the video below).
Married Men Who Cheat ~ #1 He is probably not leaving his wife
I do not care how many times he has told you he was going to leave his wife, how many times he told you he loves you more than he loves her, I do not care what he has said to make you believe that he is going to end his marriage. But understand that whatever reason he gave you is probably NOT true.
He is just telling you this to get you right where he wants you and where he wants to be is in your pants. And so he gives you false hope. Fact-wise only 1-10% of married men who cheat end up leaving their wives. And if you feel like you are okay with those odds, then realize that if you are in that 1-10% of married men who leave their wives then 80% of them regret it (source).
Meaning that even if you can get him to leave his wife for you, then 80% of the time he is wishing that he is still with her and not you. Even if you cannot wrap your head around the stats that a married man is not going to leave his wife for you. The fact of the matter is, it would just be too hard. Take the following points:
- Why would he put himself and his family through that if he doesn’t have to? Divorce is painful, expensive, and emotionally draining. Why would he choose to put his children through a divorce and risk splitting up his household and his family for you? (source)
- He probably really does love his wife and wants to be with her. Do not think for a second because he chooses to have sex with you that he is not in love with his wife. The relationship that he has with you is fun.
- The situation he has with his wife is an actual relationship, where they are mutually invested, and where they know each other’s families, and have built an actual life together. Never forget, cheating men can have sex with a woman and see it as just sex. He can have sex with you, take a shower, and go home to his wife and family like nothing happened.
- He is not going to disrupt his whole life for you. Do you think that a man is just going to walk up to his mother, father, family and mutual friends and tell them that he is leaving his wife for his mistress? Probably not.
- To do so would cause too much disruption in his life. His parents know his wife, his job probably knows his wife, they have other married friends they probably hang out with, and his kids probably hangs out with his friend’s kids and they get together every Superbowl Sunday for a party. (I may be laying it on think BUT you get the point). No one in his life is just going to welcome you with open arms. And most importantly, most men are not going to turn their life upside down for the woman they are cheating with.
Married Men Who Cheat ~ #2 Even If They Did Leave Their Wife Your Relationship Will Probably Not Work Anyway
I have already talked about how a married man is more than likely not going to leave his wife for you. BUT let’s just say in the rare instant that he does leave his wife, then your relationship is probably not going to work out anyway. Here are some facts about even if he were to leave his wife for you.
- You have a 150% increase in the divorce.
- You have less than a 5% chance of your relationship working out.
- And even if you make it past the year mark, most affairs after leaving his wife don’t last past 5 years. (source)
All and all even if he does leave his wife then more than likely you two are not going to skip off into the sunset happily ever after. It probably won’t work out and there will always be a trust issue between you two. He got with you as a cheater and you got with him as a woman who didn’t mind being a mistress. You are already setting yourself up for failure.
Married Men Who Cheat ~ #3 You have no trust
I actually spoke about this in my should you forgive a cheater video above. But as I mentioned before, you two entered a situation based on cheating. Low key you will not fully be able to trust him because when you met him he was cheating on his wife. Who’s to say he won’t do the same thing to you. In fact, he probably will. And low key, he does not trust you because you entered a situation with a married man and he sees you as someone who has it in them to cheat as well.
And as someone who has no boundaries for other people’s marriages or relationships. Because of how the relationship started it would be very hard to recover from the issues you have with one another. He may like you, but the fact is that men who go out to cheat often already have made the decision that he’s not going to upgrade you to wife status. Once that decision is made, it’s basically set in stone. The reason why men will never leave their wives is simple: whether he admits it or not, a cheating man does not respect his mistress. (source)
Married Men Who Cheat ~ #4 Why Do you want him anyway?
I will never understand why women want married men who cheat. It makes no sense. Why would you want a man that is willing to cheat with you, have sex with you, leave his children over you, or even leave his wife over you? He took vows when he got married and if he is willing to just throw his vows out of the window for you then what is keeping him from doing it again with other women when he sees something else he likes.
There are plenty of married men that are attracted to other women, but the married men who cheat show no self-control. The ones who don’t cheat know how to put their marriage FIRST and not just go after a woman he is physically attracted to. So if a man has no self-control to not turn a woman away, then he is going to make the same mistake over and over again with each woman he is with. And him being with you is not going to change that. Therefore, why would you want a man like that anyway?
Married Men Who Cheat ~ #5 True Story of A Happily Married Man Who Tried To Cheat
The story below is just one example of a married man who was willing to cheat on his wife. I should also say that this story is a real-life story that actually happened to me. With this guy, he started trying to talk to me when he was engaged. Since men do not wear engagement rings I had no idea he was with someone. And when I say engaged I mean that the wedding date had been set and thousands of dollars had been spent on the wedding. It was not some superficial engagement. He was on his way down the aisle.
Married men who cheat point # 1 Married men who cheat can be sneaky. This man did make the effort to so-called “get to know me.” I had his house number (which may have been a google voice number), his cell, and we talked all times of the night…. FOR HOURS. There was no indication of a fiance. Our communication went on for about six months (during which time he did get married). I cannot figure how he pulled it if BUT he went through great lengths to hide his situation.
Married men who cheat point #2 That is why you should not jump into bed. After getting to know me for a few weeks, he really started trying to get into my pants. The reason being is because that is all he wanted. That is why it is important to not just fall into infatuation and just sleep with a man just because he shows you attention. You need to really get to know him, find out what he is about, and find out what his situation is about.
I am sure that if most women who cheat with married men really slow down and figure out the situation they would see the man for who he really is and not who he pretends to be in the beginning so that he can sex with you. Thank GOD I never had sex with this guy by the way. Because, one day while I was at work, I was browsing the bridal bliss section at Essence.com, and I saw a familiar face. The face was the guy I had been talking to for six months and there was him and his LAVISH and very expensive wedding. Which brings me to the next point.
Married men who cheat point #3: Married men who cheat will pretend to be whoever they think they need to be to sink you in. As I read the article the couple had been together for 10 YEARS! I scrolled through the pictures and he was emotional, talking about how he loved her, and how GOD brought them together. And the crazy thing is I do think that in his mind he did love his wife. Their life looked perfect and there was no reason for him to cheat.
Well, then why did he cheat?
He wanted to cheat because of all the reasons that I listed above. Because he is selfish, because he just wanted sex, and because he saw an attractive woman (me) that he wanted to have sex with and once he accomplished his task he would have left. Because he was willing to tell me anything including not admitting he was married in order to get his selfish desired met. It was not about that he was not happy, because he was. It was not about that his wife was not a good wife, because she was. They had been together for 10 years for goodness sake. It was about him getting his rocks off with another woman that is it and that is all.
What is my point
I wanted to tell you this story because so many men try to give the reason why they cheat and try to tell us they are unhappy and whatever the case may be. BUT really it is more than likely a lie. Had I not seen their wonderful life for myself I may have believed the lies he told about not being able to ever find a good woman to settle down with. Or wanting something deeper. IT WAS ALL A LIE. Do not believe the hype know that if a man is married then let him stay married. If you really want to be with him or he claims that he is getting a divorce wait until he does that first before getting involved with him.
If you want to know how the story ends between him and I, I texted him to ask was his wedding featured in the Bridal Bliss section of Essence, his only response was “Was he handsome or what?” And then just to test the water I am sure. Because now I knew he was married there was no more hiding and he probably still wanted to have sex with me, his next question was “ Are you into women, do you do threesomes?”
But he is a “Good Christian man right, according to his wife.” And yet and still being married had not changed him. Even as a newlywed. He was still a married man who was willing to cheat because that is who HE was as a person. After that text, I never contacted him again nor did he contact me. In any case, never get into a situation where you are competing with another woman for a man especially his wife. Be sure to check out my video below on how not to compete with a woman and subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
If you know a woman that is trapped in a situation with a married man then please share this information with her. Homegirl deserves to know the truth.
Stuck in a situationship with a married man? Then get Your 5 Step Plan To Getting Over a Married Man. Click here or the picture below.