To listen to the blog post “6 Benefits Of Being A Single Mom Because Being A Single Mom Is Hard” click the play button below.
Being a single mom is hard but there are some benefits of being a single mom, but not in the way that you may think. It is factual that with hard things in life that these are the things that actually make us stronger if we are able to successfully cope with them. And there is a word for this known as resiliency.
Before you give me the side-eye and click off the page thinking I am a complete whack job who does not know the ins and outs of being a single mom and how hard it is, and I am somehow telling you, this can be a benefit, understand that I do. You can read my single mom story here and also view my level up video below. Because all and all YES I speak about how being a single mom is hard but it was the pushing through the hard that allowed me to do better for my life and the life of my son. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here for more content.
And through getting through two graduate degrees, a job loss, and not getting any child support; none of it was easy but all of it made me stronger. In my book for single moms, I said the following:
As a single mother, I have gone through so many things, especially when it came to money. I never really got a steady stream of child support, mainly because my child’s father was in prison for seven years after my son was born. After I got laid off from my job, the only emotion I felt was FEAR and ANXIETY. I felt fear when I heard a truck in my neighborhood, thinking they were coming to turn the lights off because I was late paying my utilities. I felt fear over not knowing how I was going to get food or pay my son’s tuition so that he could keep going to school. I was a nervous wreck about any and everything. Because everything was going so wrong, and I did not know what tomorrow would bring, I felt fear and anxiety. All of the time. Even though that was a hard time in my life, I literally lacked for nothing. We always had something to eat, and I had the basic utilities that I needed. I feared, because I did not know. I did not know how, when, or what, so that made me afraid. But despite the fact that was a terrible time in my life I would NEVER want to repeat, it was the time in my life where I learned not to fear.
I know sometimes as a single mom there may seem like there are no benefits, but there are. As a single mother myself, I am friends with married mothers and it was not until I saw their struggles that I actually realized that single mothers are a lot stronger than you think. And that is because we have to be.
Now before I continue listing the benefits of being a single mother, I want to tell you what this post is meant to do and what it is not meant to do. What this post is NOT meant to do is to encourage you to go out there and become a single mother. Being a single mother is hard it is not something that you should just stumble into because you are bored.
Being a single mother has made me stronger but never think that being a single mom is a duty where you are just going to give birth to a child and they entertain you all day. That is definitely what single motherhood is not. This post is to just merely point to point out the benefits of being a single mom because no matter if you feel like it or not as a single mom you pretty much have an S on your chest and are ready to fly into the air like superwoman. Like literally, the magic that I have made happen by becoming a single mom even amazes me sometimes. And here are the hidden benefits of being a single mom that I have learned.
1. Benefits Of Being A Single Mom ~ Time Management
As a single mom myself I know that being a single mom is hard but as a single mother, you should exhibit excellent time management skills. As a single mother, you have to have a tight regime that you follow. You cannot allow the kids to take up too much time in the morning because you will be late for work. And you cannot allow them to stay up too late because it will be a struggle to get them up in the morning (see my blog here on how to get kids up in the morning for school). As a single mother, we know when our kids will eat dinner, be in the shower, and have a daily routine we typically follow just to make our lives easier.
Think about it, one of the single mother benefits is that you have to run a tight ship and you have to learn how to manage your time effectively if you want to get everything you want to get done out of the day. Which is a great benefit over other mothers or even other women in general, who do not face the same struggles we face? Like legit, one of my married friends’ husband left for a week and she was about to drive herself crazy because she could not figure out how to manage herself and her child and be everywhere on time and she wondered how I did it, and my answer was because I had to.
2. Being A Single Mom Is Hard But Here Are The Benefits Of Being A Single Mom ~ Case and point Me
I started my graduate degree when my son was one and then after getting my Master’s degree I went right into my Ph.D. program, in the interim, I started my own blog, and since I have written books and other products, and maintained a full-time job without missing a beat. And even now when I am a few minutes late getting out of the door my son is quick to remind me of the time.
The reason being is because I run a tight ship as far as time is concerned, I have to, and I let my son know what the tight ship is so that he can stay on board as well. If I don’t then something has to suffer. And me being a single mom is what made me want to start my own business in the first place because I wanted a better life for my son and I. And so I know that everything has to be attended to, nothing can fall by the wayside, and I have to be the one that does all of it which brings me to my next point.
3. Being a Single Mother is Hard But One Of The Benefits Of Being A Single Mom Is It Makes You Strong
I know that you do not want to hear that one of the single mother benefits is strength. You may be screaming “well heck let me be weak then because the way you get strong is not easy. ” The reason why being a single mother makes you strong is because there are times when you want to depend on someone but you can’t, there are times when you need a break and you cannot take one, there are times where you may be strapped financially (check out my blog on how to stop living paycheck to paycheck) but you have to make it work on your own, no matter what. There is no husband to depend on and no second income you can take from, YOU have to make it work. Which I have a video on how to make more money as a single mom down below.
One of my favorite Bible verses is the following:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame. Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)
The fact that you suffer, struggle, and have to put a smile on your face and be strong for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of. Because hope does not put us to shame and our character is building each and every time we face something hard as a single mom it simply makes us stronger and the next giant that we have face won’t seem so bad because we have been through too much. I have talked about how not getting child support actually helped me in the following blog that you can click here to read. Don’t get me wrong I would have loved child support but not getting it pushed me to get my own money because how else was I going to get it?
So listen to me when I tell you that it takes A LOT of strength to be a single mom and to put a big smile on your face for your child when you don’t feel like it. It is that strength that will make you want to do better for your child, make you want to go back to school to get a better job (click my blog here), or work like a slave to get the money that you need for your children. This strength will prove to be a testament of who you are as a woman and when you get with a man in the future, they will see that being a strong woman is a bigger benefit than a woman who falls apart and runs when times get hard.
4. Being A Single Mom Is Hard But Here Are The Benefits Of Being A Single Mom ~ Case and point
When I received a question from another single mother she was depressed from being a single mom and doing it all alone because her daughter’s father left. Please watch the video below but all and all I gave her the same advice I told myself. There is no mountain that I cannot climb and no one that can scare or come against me because I have been through way too much, so anytime life comes my way I just give it a laugh because it is like the Lil Wayne saying goes in his rap lyrics.
What is a goon to a goblin. I am a goblin and just as bad and tough as any goon coming against me so I am not scared but rather I confront these things face and face and let my life problems know that perhaps they should be scared of me.
5. Being A Single Mom Is Hard But Here Are The Benefits Of Being A Single Mom ~ Being a Single Mother Makes You Independent
Being independent does not mean that you do not need anyone. But one of the advantages of single parenting is independence. I am not one of those women who stand there like a deer in the headlights when no man is around to help me do something. When my battery goes dead on my car, I know how to get a jump and fix it.
I know how to buy a car and get the best deal with the best of the men and for your convenience, I will have a blog on how you can too just click here. I know how to keep the maintenance done on my car. I know how to file my taxes each year and how to itemize my deductions. I know how to buy a home because I have bought a home alone, know how to budget my money, and I know how to pay all my bills by myself.
And here I stand as a completely functional person that is able to get all of these things done without the wonders of a man. I mentioned this before in my why am I still single blog. Some men will try to use your independence against you and make you think that being independent cripples you in a relationship. Those are the type of man you want to stay away from. Really what you have to offer a man in your future relationship should be a plus, in the sense that he should know that you can handle your own and that if you hit a rough patch in the relationship that you are not going to crumble to the ground. Which brings me to my next point.
6. Being A Single Mom Is Hard But Here Are The Benefits Of Being A Single Mom ~ Case In Point: My Friend
My friend and her husband have been happily married and she told me that they were busy planning and paying bills and that her husband had to do everything because she did not know how. She told her husband that if he died that she would have to die short after because she would not be able to do anything without him. Although that sound romantic, it is not cool to be so dependent that you cannot actually do anything on your own. Because God forbid in the case of a divorce or death, the last thing you want to do is just want to go to the grave right along with your husband because you don’t know how to do anything.
Now, with that being said from single mom to single mom I know that being a single mom is be hard. But I also know of this thing called resiliency that is literally defined as the human ability to recover quickly from disruptive change, or misfortune without being overwhelmed or acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways. Of course, I am not calling your child a misfortune but perhaps the situations in which you became a single mom is a misfortune.
You maybe like me in the sense that your child’s father left you from pregnancy, never to be seen or heard from again (well that is extreme maybe once every 1-3 years my son may hear from him) but you get the point. Or maybe you became a single mom because you are a widow, or through the father being incarcerated (which is also apart of my single mom story), or a one night stand. I mean I literally don’t know but ideally, most people would not choose to do every single thing alone as a single mom so whatever caused that is the misfortune.
And the fact that you may have to do certain things alone or responsibilities fall on you that is the misfortune BUT the ability to overcome without getting overwhelmed or acting dysfunctional in a harmful way is a bonus. Because you have to be strong for your child, you have to survive for your child and not lose your crap. So yes, being a single mom is hard but the benefit is that it makes you strong.