To listen to the blog post “Single Mom Dating Rules: 7 Tips For When To Introduce Your Boyfriend To Your Kid” over reading it click the play button below.
In this post about single mom dating rules, we are going to talk about when to introduce your boyfriend to your child. Single mom introducing boyfriend 101. Is this you and you are wondering when is the right time to do so. As a single mom myself I get it. Dating as a single mom you may have the “when to introduce child to boyfriend” question.
You know if you do it too soon and the guy disappears then it may be emotionally damaging to your child or if you break up with your boyfriend and the child has met him, the child may keep asking about him for months on end which will be emotionally damaging to you.
Because I am a real type of real person, I have to let you know that you have more of a responsibility with boyfriends than other single women who do not have children. You cannot just bring any and everyone into their lives and the way that they observe you can actually affect them and the more boyfriends they get attached to that do not stick around can actually cause them some problems in the long run. I hate to be Debbie Downer but it is a hard pill to swallow. I don’t want to assume that you want to get married but it may be beneficial for you to also check out my video on what to look for in a husband. And don’t forget to subsribe to my channel as well.
Other than that, I am here to help you and give you tips on when you should introduce your child to your boyfriend. And really it is not when in terms of an actual time (i.e 3 months, 6 months, 9 months) because the when can change on each situation. But rather “milestones” on how YOU can identify the right timing for yourself. I hope that makes sense. If it doesn’t then keep reading and it will.
1. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ When You Know He is Your Boyfriend
I have written about this in my dating versus a relationship blog which you can read here. Just because you are dating someone, even if you have been dating for months on end does not mean that person is your boyfriend. Therefore, the last thing you want to do is to introduce a man that is not your boyfriend, does not have serious plans for you, and you are just casually dating your kids. The first thing you need to know is if an established relationship is between the both of you.
A verbal communication needs to happen that says you are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend. An actual relationship sets the tone for a more serious relationship and indicates that this man is going to be around for a while. If he does not want to be your boyfriend or does not want to say that he is in a relationship with you, then do not even bother introducing him to your child because he does plan to be around for the long term, he is not sure about you yet, or you may not be sure about him.
2. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ True story
I dated a man for quite a while and he was ready to meet my child and be my boyfriend, BUT I was not sure about him yet. I dated him for about a year and he never met my child nor did I officially make him my boyfriend. It is important to not only make sure the title is there but to make sure that you want to give him the title.
I know all women want to believe that the man we are dating is the one, but the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of “FROGS” out there or wolves in sheep’s clothing and they have no better intentions but to date you, sex you, and move on. I know this because I experienced it. On a date, a man actually claimed he wanted to be a stepdad to my child. This was legit the first date, all while inviting me back to his hotel room. Don’t let a man use your child as a pawn to get in your pants without making a firm commitment to you. Also, watch my video below where I talk about this date and more situations of men pretending on dates to get what they want.
There is no timeline associated with making someone your boyfriend. Even if you are dating for 6 months and you still do not know if you want him to be your boyfriend or vice versa that is okay. In the case of my story, he never met my child so no harm no foul. It would have been worse if he met my son in month 3, my son got to know him for 9 more months, and then he left; never to be seen or heard from again because he was not boyfriend material.
3. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ Know What He Wants and Know What He wants From You
The last thing you want to do is have a revolving door of men coming in and out of your house. I spoke about this in the having boundaries when dating a single mom blog click here. Even if a man says that he is your boyfriend you should have a clear indication on where the relationship is going.
- Does this man want to ever get married?
- Does he want children?
- Does he even like children?
- Does he see himself wanting to be a permanent fixture in your life?
All these things are things you need to know before dragging your kids in. Even if he says he is your boyfriend, him saying things as “I like you but I am not the father type or I do not like kids or see myself having kids” these comments are a strong indicator that he should never meet your kids. He does not want kids and he does not like kids and that is probably not going to change after he has met yours. So make sure before he meets your kids that being around kids and having them in his life is something that he wants.
4. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend True story
I began dating a lawyer. He did not have any kids but had dated a woman with kids before. While talking he made the comment that kids are like animals, they are cute when you look at them but then they start moving and jumping around you do not want them around you or touching you. Big red flag.
He is not a kid person. Pay attention to those signs because if he is not a kid person, even if he is your boyfriend he is not going to become one just because he likes you. This will lead to a situation where he likes you and does not like your kids making you feel like you have to choose between the two, and it should not be this way. And of course, I have a video for everything, for additional tips on when to introduce your boyfriend to your kids, check out my video below.
5. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ Evaluate his Sanity and His Temperament
This should not be said, but it happens oh so often. Where a woman is dating a man, she knows he has a temper problem, lacks patience, or some other issue that says he may not be the best around your child. Not only should you NOT introduce him to your children but you should not even be with him. Just like the following Bible verse says:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
A man like that you do not want to introduce him to your child if you know that he lacks patience and will possibly yell at your child and/or be in a bad mood around your child. The whole point is to ensure that your child and your boyfriend have a positive relationship and not a strained one.
That is why it is important to observe your boyfriend see if his personality will go well will kids. Is he too strict? Does he lack patience? Does he think that as your boyfriend he should be able to spank or discipline your children? And do you agree with his stance or are you against it? Knowing some of these questions are important aspects to know before bringing your boyfriend into your child’s life. Also read my blog on deal breakers to help you determine this.
6. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ What is his intention
Ideally, you want your boyfriend to be in your child’s life and your life for a very long time. You do not know what someone that is looking to date you for a few months and bounce. When you choose to introduce your child your boyfriend, children can get attached. So you should know if your boyfriend plans on being around for the long term. This will prevent men from bouncing in and out of your children’s lives and them getting attached to men and then watching them leave possibly creating another issue with them in itself.
An intention that you should look for is if he plans to marry you. That is a good sign that he is in it for the long term. And he plans to fully integrate himself into your children’s life fully by literally becoming a part of the family.
Of course, I have to say that you want to date or be in a relationship for a reasonable amount of time before you determine this. Please do not go on a first date and try to press a man to be a stepfather to your child without actually knowing this man because even if he is a good man that will run someone away. No one wants to be PUSHED into a role, if they know you are a single mom then allow them to verbalize that naturally on their own as your relationships get more serious and progress. Don’t try to force their intent, you want them to on their own to assess how serious they are. Also, consider checking out my video down below for more single mom dating rules and for single moms introducing boyfriends.
7. Single Mom Dating Rules, Single Mom Introducing Boyfriend ~ When He is ready
The last thing you want to do is to force your child on your boyfriend before he is ready. It may lead to an awkward encounter and an awkward encounter can lead to a bad encounter. Before introducing your boyfriend to your child there should always be a conversation about it beforehand.
Once again this really seems like common sense but so many single moms have bad reputations of shoving men down their children’s throat and vice versa and attempt to FORCE something to happen before its time and doing so can make even a good relationship go bad. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to date someone and even being in a relationship until you are sure that both you and him are ready for him to meet your child. It is better for everyone that way. Once you are comfortable saying something like: Are you ready to meet my child? AND include all the above tips in the conversation.
- What is your intention for me as I do not like for men to meet my children and then a few weeks later disappear?
- Do you like children and what type of relationship do you plan to have with MY child once you meet them?
- This is how I see you interacting with my child once you meet them, do you think you can do that?
To that single mom introducing your boyfriend to your kid or even when you are thinking about it. Remember this. You are your child’s mother and you have a responsibility to protect them. Never let you wanting a boyfriend or you wanting to have a big happy family overshadow the vetting of your boyfriend. The whole point is that you want your children meeting your boyfriend to be a happy experience and ideally a long-lasting one. No, we cannot predict everything of course, but we can be proactive and introduce our boyfriends to our children in the most productive way possible.
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