To listen to the blog post “Tired Of Hookup Dating? From Hookup To Relationship, 7 Ways To Do It” over reading it then click the play button below.
Are you hookup dating and wondering how to end a hookup relationship and turn it into a real relationship? Hookup to relationship, is it even possible? When I say hookup I am referring to an interaction that is focused solely on sex. I am going to answer this question, but before I do I want to be honest with all you women out there. I do not care how progressive this world is, encouraging women to casually have sex relationships with men (see my blog here) and that this is somehow liberating, is a lie.
1. The Truth About Hookup Dating
If you are in a casual sex type of situation then know that it will be very hard if not impossible to move from a hookup to a relationship type of situation. If you started your situation with just a hookup dating relationship then know that you are battling against that stereotype that you are just for play and not to take a wife.
I know this is hard to hear but I have sat in many therapy sessions counseling men and couples who started off in this situation and heard the man say
But we hooked up on the first night or at first all we had was a sexual relationship: so how can I take her seriously now, or marry her, or make her the mother of my children.
Yes, a man may be sitting there telling you that he is not going to judge you because you are a hookup but I have heard from the same men that they tell women this BUT they are low-key judging them.
Yes, he may be telling you that he is not ready for a relationship right now but if you just keep having sex with him (because the connection is so great) then maybe one day he will consider it. Once again, this is just a ploy for him to just keep having sex with you.
I know you may be saying to yourself that you did not come here for this but that you came here to learn how to turn your hookup into a relationship and YES I do want to tell you how you can do that IF it can be done BUT I also want to shed some reality on you as well to not just drink the kool-aid that hook up culture is great and that somehow some way, your hook up is going to turn into the relationship that you have always longed for. When in reality, that is probably NOT the case.
Even if you move up from a hookup to relationship the fact is that your situation did not start off right will still fester in the relationship, making the relationship harder to be something more substantial. Because you are still battling against how a man saw you when he first meant you or the fact that he will have issues trusting you because you are a hook up kind of girl.
And he may think that you may be hooking up despite you being in a relationship with him, because to him hooking up is a part of your character. I feel that is a cold hold truth you must know while you are considering trying to make a hookup to a relationship.
But even though it is hard, does not mean it cannot be done. If it can be done, I will give you tips on how you can do it. But remember, in the end, you are more than your body, and when you reduce yourself to a hookup that is literally all you’re telling a man that is all you have to offer. This is why it is so hard to get them to see you as anything more than just sex when all you have been to them is sex.
With that being said, I will give you tips so that you can determine if it can be turned around. And for those women who do not know if you are in a hookup or a relationship (click my blog here) because, for some women the lines can be so blurred at this point, you do not know what you are in. And also check out my video down below for why you should not be hokking up.
2. Trying To Change A Hookup to Relationship? Then Stop Hookup Dating & Stop Having Sex
I know this may be hard for some of you women because, in your hookup situation, sex is all you do and sex is all you have in common. And that is the same reason why you must stop having sex. First off there are hormones that are released during sex, that lingers for women for days on end. Those hormones can cloud your judgment (see my blog here on love, lust, and infatuation) and you can watch my video on this topic down below.
Once you clear your mind you can see things for what they really are and IF you even want to be in a relationship with him. When I decided to be celibate (see my blog here) I told the story of me being in a situation with a man for two years and it was only when I stopped hooking up with him that I saw him for what he was. Someone that I did NOT want to be with despite me thinking all that time that I did.
Also when you stop having sex, you will gauge how he feels about you. If you stop having sex with him and he no longer wants to see you, talk to you, or have any interaction with you whatsoever. Then stop the chase. He is not interested in anything other than sleeping with you and at this point if he won’t even talk to you without the sex or if he cannot even call or text you to see if you are still living there is nothing you can do to change his mind.
To stop having sex means do not go over his house, no booty calls, do not let him come over your house, and do not put yourself in any sort of situation that will make you accidentally slip up and have sex (see my blog on dating and not having sex). No spending the night, none of that. The moment that you start having sex with him again, even after you said you wouldn’t is the moment he will see you as flaky. That means that all he has to do is wait for a bit, knowing that eventually, you will give in. So while you think you are getting to know each other he is still just using you for sex and giving you slight conversation as a trade to get what he really wants. To have sex with you. So no sex.
If he is interested in you or if he actually misses you then this will force him into some other interaction other than sex. Meaning that he has to actually take you somewhere or have a meaningful conversation with you that does not lead to sex. That means that he has to start trying to build something with you knowing that he has no potential whatsoever of having sex with you, and that is what real relationships are made of. Also see my video on when women use sex to justify toxic relationships where I talk more about how hookup dating can be your path to toxic relationships. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
3. Hookup Dating How To Turn A Hookup to Relationship Tip ~ Stop Hooking Up & Just Date
If you want to know how to end a hookup relationship and turn it into a real realtionship then know that dating is the key to formulating a relationship. It allows you to get to know each other in an outside setting to determine if you are even compatible. Through dating, you will also get to determine his interest in you and your interest in him. First, you want to ask the right questions on a date (see my blog here).
And dating actually shows the amount of effort a person is willing to put into you. This is not about the amount of money someone is willing to spend but rather if someone actually plans for a date, picks you up on time, picks you up at all, or just stands you up, does he actually set time to spend time with you in public knowing he is not going to get some and if he enjoys it. Is he trying to take you to McDonald’s just to say he took you on a date as opposed to a sit-down place to actually spend time to get to know you? You need to look at all of these things.
4. How to End A Hookup Relationship ~ Know When It Cannot Be Saved
How to End A Hookup Relationship ~ Big red flags that say you need to walk away from this situation include that he will not go on a date in public with you at all, that he stands you up on dates, or puts little or no effort on the date. Such as he takes you to a seafood place knowing you are allergic. You order separately and pay for your own meal. That is really showing you how little he thinks of you and how little he wants to date you. This is something that he would do with a friend over someone that he is considering to be his girlfriend.
So if through this process of trying to date and get to know one another he has an unwillingness to do that or put forth the minimum effort when trying to date, then let it go and you know that your hookup cannot be a relationship
5. Hookup Dating Trying To Change A Hookup to Relationship Tip ~ Don’t talk sex
Don’t talk sex, don’t text sex, don’t have phone sex, don’t do any of that. It will be really hard for you to go from hookup to relationship if you continue to do hookup behavior. And hookup behavior is making your relationship all about sex when you are trying to show him that you want more than sex. Falling into the same patterns of making everything sexual will just enforce in his mind once again to just see you as sex and when he needs sex that is all you have to offer.
If a man starts to talk to you about sex then redirect the conversation and start talking to him about something else, a real conversation. Red flags to look for is if you try to not talk about sex and he wants to stop talking to you, ends the conversation, or redirect the conversation back to sex. That is a clear indication that your hookup situation cannot be turned into a relationship because he is not interested in doing so.
6. Hookup Dating How to Turn A Hookup to Relationship Tip ~ Stop initiating Contact
Have you ever heard of the saying that space makes the heart grow fonder? Well, that is what this tip is all about, just to see if his affection will grow for you or if it is even there. A mistake that women make is that they tend to think that if a man is sleeping with you, having sex with you, and being intimate with you that they somehow care about you.
But that is not true, men will entertain you because they are bored and because they want sex. So never mistake him for calling you for interest in you. This is why you should not initiate contact. Do not text him, call him, email him, Facebook message him, do not do any of that.
If he is really interested in you then he will notice that you are missing and he will contact you. Now if he contacts you just to have sex then see tip number 4. Talk about something else and if he is not interested in talking about something else then let it be. If he does not even try to contact you after you stop contacting him then cut your losses because he probably does not even notice that you are missing. Either that or he does not care either way.
I know my advice can sound very harsh, but it does not help for me to lie to you and tell you that a hookup to a relationship is easy, when the fact of the matter is that it is very hard to do so. More than anything you can try to turn it around BUT if he does not want it to be turned around then cut your losses and move on.
7. How To End A Hookup Relationship
Never be tempted to fall back into a hookup relationship because you sense that you are losing him and that hooking up with him again is the only way to keep his interest. Because if sharing your body is the only interest that he sees, then he is not interested in you but only what you can physically give him. Your body is way too precious to share it with someone who thinks of you as nothing more than a blow-up doll to have sex with. With no emotion and nothing of value to say. So do not reduce yourself to just hooking up, you are reducing your own value. And even if your hookup situations can not be turned around just live and learn. We have all been there, so the next situation you get don’t enter a hookup situation knowing that you want a relationship and how difficult it can be to turn a hookup into a relationship.