To listen to the blog post “Are You Dating A Narcissist Or A Loser? 7 Telltale Signs” over reading it click the play button below.
Dating a narcissist and dating a loser is one of the worst feelings when you are trying to build a relationship with someone. What is even worse is when are dating a loser or a narcissist and you do not even know it. Oftentimes infatuation (see my blog here) can get the best of us and we are blinded to the fact that the person we are dating is not a good fit.
Often times as women we want to fix the loser instead of leaving him where we found him in loser land and going about our business. And because we want to be in a relationship so bad we bypass the fact that he is a loser and try to make him into something that he is not.
So in this post I am going to go into the huge signs that you are dating a loser or even dating a narcissist. In hope that you will recognize game and let the loser go if need be. Also, check out my video for more tips on dating a narcissist and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
1. You Are Dating A Loser If He Wants You To Take Care Of Him
I wrote about this in my if a man does not work he does not eat blog which you can read here. If you are dating a man then he needs to be a man, it is not your job to be sitting there taking care of some grown behind man. If he is asking you to pay his bills, pay his rent, or to stay with you because he does not have the money and/or job to take care of himself, then RUN. You want a man, not a child. Also, check out my blog on man child.
You are not his mother and you did not give birth to him. If he is looking for a mommy, then he needs to go back home and move back in with his mommy. Do not be that person for him. Your dating a loser if he thinks it is your job as his girlfriend to provide for him then you need to let him free. Remember a man who does not work does not eat and as I said in my video below your attention, sex, and everything else is food and he gets none of that if he wants you to take care of him. He needs to go back to his mom’s house if he wants to be a child.
2. You Are Dating a Loser Or Dating A Narcissist When He Keeps Makes Excuses
When I was in a Facebook group about relationships I remember getting into a discussion with a man who did not have a job and did not have one for a long time and every time he got a job he lost it. And he tried to tell me that as a woman we should understand. And that his woman understood as she went to her job everyday and he sat on the couch. I don’t understand.
I have been laid off from a job before (you can click here to read my blog on that) so I understand people lose their job. But then I got another one. If a man has been unemployed for a long time, is not looking for a job, and/or does not want a job then he is a loser. If he keeps making excuses as to why he is unproductive, subpar, can’t won’t then he is a loser.
If he is making excuses as to why he cannot get a job while you work your butt off then run! Think of it this way, if you get married how is he going to help contribute to your bills if he has no way to work or any sort of income coming in? It is best that you realized this now as you are dating so you can get rid of him. A man is not going to change one you get a ring. And if he is going to change leave that up to him and the God Lord to figure out.
Let me tell you a story. When I dated my college ex and he lost his job I worked and provided for a long time and I noticed he became lazy. I became like his mom, when we broke up he got a great job that he works to this day. Because he wanted to and he did not have me to fall back on.
A man will be a man if he wants to bad enough, and he will not be a man if he wants to as well. But it is best to let him figure that out and once he does MAYBE just MAYBE if you are single you will date him again. Because we are not waiting for men losers to get it together, we keep dating. Which I talk about in my video below.
3. You Are Dating a Loser ~ He Has No Goals And No Drive
Out of the couples I have counseled I think so many women overlook this aspect when pairing themselves with a man. He has no goals, doesn’t want much out of life, doesn’t know what he wants. Life is not about stagnation, it is about progression. Just like you progress he should progress as well. You don’t want a man that is going to hold you back, does not want to be about anything, and then he is not going to want you to be about anything.
On my blog, I encourage women to have goals and try to reach their success, so you know that it is unacceptable for men to not have any goals or drive to do anything. This is an indicator of laziness and a lack of planning and that is the type of husband he will be if you marry him. So let a man like that go. This is a man that I like to call a man child that you can watch below.
4. Are You Dating a Loser Or Are You Dating A Narcissist ~ He does not give and always takes
If you are in a relationship where a guy does not want to give you his time, a date, or even make you his priority; then he is a loser or you may be dating a narcissist. The last thing that you want is to be the one giving all your time, effort, and energy in the relationship and you are getting nothing back.
The last thing you want is to feel like you are last on his list of things to do. In a relationship, you deserve better and you should want better, don’t date some loser who wants to get around to being with you when he feels like it, calls you when it feels like (or better yet not call at all), or you are the only one giving. If you are lost on what you deserve check out my blog on a woman worth more than rubies.
When a man keeps taking and wants to try to convince you that you need to do more to be with him this is a mind trick. A trick to make you think that he is better than what he is and to have you keep on giving while he puts forth the minimum effort. Watch my video below for more mind games that men play.
5. Are You Dating A Loser Or Are You Dating A Narcissist ~ He Does Not Want To Meet Your Family, Friends, Or Anyone Of Importance In Your Life
Of course if you have been dating for a week he may not want to meet important people in your life. But once you have been dating for a while and you determine you want to get serious with this person, if he does not want to meet anyone in your life that is important to you, then you are not important to him. He does not plan to have you around long enough and he does not want to make you a factor in his life.
And if you do meet his family and his mother is like “oh here’s another one” or gives you hints under the table that her son is a loser believe her. It is like that one episode from Sex in The City when she was dating a loser, he had no job, lived with his parents, and smoked weed. It took his mother coming home and catching them in order for her to see that he was loser.
Another tidbit, is that if he does meet your family and friends and he is just plain rude to them or leaves a bad impression, then yes he is a loser or perhaps a narcissist. A man who cares about you is going to try to make a good impression to the people you care about. If they are a jerk to these people that is a sign of his character and that he just does not care about you. A sign that you are dating a narcissist is that he will try to isolate you from your family or friends so that he can have more control over you.
6. Are You Dating A Loser Or Are You Dating A Narcissist ~ He Says and He Does not Do
I wrote a blog on the importance of keeping your word which you can read here. But a man who makes a lot of false promises or says he is going to do something but does not follow through is not a man. As a man, he should be grown enough to follow through on the things that he says he is going to do, especially as it pertains to your relationship.
And if he is not able to do that, then that shows that not only is he a loser but it also shows that he does not want to be with you or prioritizes you. Even if he is not a loser and he keeps telling you what he is going to do it but never does it then that just means he is not that into you, so either way let him go. Also, check out my video down below for more on signs of dating a narcissist.
7. Are You Dating A Loser Or Are You Dating A Narcissist ~ He Tries To Put You Down
I wrote about this in my how to know you are in a bad relationship blog which you can read here. Anyone who loves and cares about you should not want to make you feel bad about yourself. If that is their intention then they have an issue, not you.
If a man is doing this to you then he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself so that he can control you. By trying to make you feel below him and so you can see how lucky you are to be with him with all of your imperfections. That is a loser and or a narcissist mentality. Real men and secure men don’t do that.
A relationship should make you feel good about yourself not make you feel bad. So if he is calling you ugly, stupid, or fat; or indirectly says implies these things then then tell him he needs to find someone else that meets his needs. Do not feel the need to change yourself based on what a narcissist thinks about you.
And there you have it, 7 ways to tell that you are dating a loser. And if by reading this post you determine that you are dating a loser then you need to get out fast. Dump him or stop answering his phone calls. It is better to cut if off now, than it is to continue on with a loser hoping it will get better when it probably won’t. Your time is too precious to waste on someone who does not appreciate you.
If you know someone who could use this information then feel free to share this post with them. And of course don’t forget to check out my book for single women “Fix It Jesus For Single Women Only” then click here and if you are not sure, then click here and I’ll give you a few chapters for free.