Why Netflix and Chill Is Not A Real Date

I hate to break it to you ladies but Netflix and Chill is not a date. In fact it is the laziest type of gathering between a male and female that there could ever be. I know, I know it has become a thing to do, it has become popular, and some how men have tricked you into thinking that this is an ideal way to get to know each other.

But literally it takes no effort whatsoever, it doesn’t even take him leaving his house. All he has to do is just turn on the TV, look at you, and try to get into your pants. And if you are REALLY lucky, you may get some popcorn or take out to eat.

Now before you jump down my throat, because these younger women want to get on me about the Netflix and Chill date and how awesome it is. I would beg a differ. Don’t let the young face fool you and I remember the times when men actually put effort into dates. And even if they just wanted to get into your pants they were not so lazy about it. They at least tried to take you on a REAL date first.

Back in my day (yes I used that phrased) a guy did take me to get fast food, followed by eating it at a picnic by the lake.  It was fast food and no it was not a resturant and yes he did still want to get in my pants which did not work. BUT I can say that I did respect the effort in the sense that he added the lake to create a romantic surrounding.  At least he tried. But when it comes to Netflix and Chill, where is the effort.

And to be fair.  I am not saying you can never have a Netflix and Chill date, but you should do it once you have been going out for a while. And it is something to be earned after he has taken you on real dates.

Case and Point: I was dating a man for quite some time and I told him that my favorite movie was Gone With The Wind.  After going on several dates with him outside the house, he came over for a “watch a movie gathering.”  He brought the food, the movie, and once we were done with both of those things he went home.

Notice that key things that occurred into this situation.  We had been dating for a while, we went on many dates outside the home, he was interesting in getting to know me not just sex, he still brought food and the movie (which means he had to plan in advance), he came to me (which means he had to drive), AND he went home right after not to my bedroom. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know you. That is unless you just want to hookup. Then in that case, the point of a Netflix and Chill is to just make that entire process easier for you both.

Which is why if you are reading this blog can we please go back to some old school dating rules and stop these lazy dating strandards and try to call it okay.  As someone who has spoken to many young women they don’t know the difference between a a real date and a Netflix and Chill date. In fact, they have never even been on a real date and they feel lucky to get invited on a Netflix and Chill.  My oh my how the mighty have fallen.

4 Really Good Reasons Why Netflix and Chill Is NOT A Real Date

What is a date really?

According to the dictionary one of the definitions of date is to go out with. Therefore the first reason why a Netflix and Chill is not a date, because you both are not going out.  Instead one person is coming over and sitting while the other one never leaves their home.

In Sherry Argov’s Book (you can read my review of her books here) and you can buy the book here she says the following quote:

When a woman drives to see a man in the middle of the night, the only thing missing is a neon sign on the roof of her car that says we deliver.

And I agree.  When you go for a Netflix and Chill type of date then really you are like an order of Chinese food.  He call you up, make his order, and here you come knocking on his door in 30 minutes or less.

If you are really lucky, then he may have made his order in advanced.  AKA Told you on a Wednesday that he wanted a Netflix and Chill date on Saturday. You know like putting in an order online and telling them you wanted it delivered a few days from now at a specific time. And then POOF there you are, an advanced made order, at his door on a specified date and time that he requested.  He put in just as much effort to set up a date with you as he did ordering a pizza.  Congratulations.

Is It A Date When He Comes Over Your House

So you may be saying that the guy has put in a little bit more effort because he had decided to get into the car and to come see you instead of the other way around.  But before you get too excited thinking that you are doing something I want you to consider a few things.

When he comes over is he is bringing you food or is he asking you to cook for him?  If he is asking you to cook, then congrats you just became a drive in movie.  He comes over in his car, says he is hungry, and you bring him food to eat while he watches his movie. Then congrats you just became a resturant.  Once again the only real effort he put in, was getting over to your house.  It is even worse than a restaurant, because you do not even get paid for making the food nor do you get a tip.

Case in point: I remember when a man wanted to date me and after a bunch of pointless texting and him beading around the bush that he wanted to come over my house and Netflix and Chill, I was not biting.  I guess to show me what he really meant he sent me a dick video. And there it was. The real point as to why you wanted to come over my house. It was not about the movie or to spend time with me BUT to get one step closer to my bedroom and the entire date thing was just an excuse.

Netflix and Chill date Vs. A Real Date Does It Really Matter?

4 Really Good Reasons Why Netflix and Chill Is NOT A Real Date

To me it does. Because we know what a Netflix and Chill REALLY is versus knowing what a date really is.  It is not about the money. It is about the effort and the interest that one puts in when they really want to get to know you.

When you go on a real date to eat, you sit down and there is a wait staff that comes over to you. This person addresses your concerns as far as your meal goes.  All you have to do is know what you want to eat and the rest of the time you get to know each other.

With a Netflix and Chill it is hard to tell how much the guy really likes you. Since the Netflix and Chill date requires so little effort to prepare for, who knows if he is really into you are not. And there is alot more emphasis in his head about how long it is going to take to get you inside of the bedroom.  In public, unless you are REAL freaks on a date he has to put more effort into actually talking to you because its not like he can have sex with you right then and there on an actual date.

And the benefit for you is that. When it comes to a real date you can gauge how much he is into you by how much planning goes into the date and where he takes you.  For example, taking you through the drive through at a fast-food place does not hold the same weight as taking you to a sit down restaurant.

Netflix and Chill means that the guy has to spend $0 dollars on you. Although dates are not all about money, the fact that he is not even willing to spend a penny on you to take you to get some food is concerning and that his main priority is not to impress you but to see how fast he can sleep with you with a little effort as possible. And unless you are looking for a hook up only relationship (which I never suggest) then what is the point of that?

I know in this day and age the Netflix and Chill is the thing to do.  Men have convinced women that it is a more personal way to get to  know one another.  But just think about it.  The last time that you Netflixed and Chilled with a man, where did it go? Did you have sex? Did you have a long term meaningful connection afterward? Were all of your dates after that Netflix and Chill or did he actually get around to taking you out on a real date?

Once you have the answers to these questions then you should have the answers on if you should keep doing it or not.  But I believe that you deserve a real date. One where you have to dress up, not something very lazy, last minute, and not thought out.  It is literally saying we deliver he has my time, company, and my body all here for you to take. Wrap up in a Netflix and Chill moment, and your bedroom is a few feet away so after the movie we can head over to it.  Do not sell yourself short and just give everything you have too soon.  Allow a man to impress you and to take you out on a REAL DATE. And if he is not willing to do that, then find a man who will.  Trust me, there are still plenty who do want to.

If you know someone who could use this post then feel free to share it with them.

Also check out my book for single women by clicking here or if you are undecided click here to get the first few chapters free.

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