I am a different type of Christian that believes in dating multiple men. I personally think that dating more than one guy is perfectly acceptable and can be healthy provided that you do it right. Which is why you want to read this entire post to make sure you do it right.
As a mental health professional, I have had the pleasure of counseling young women who felt conflicted by dating multiple men because her family felt that she should stick to one and get married. And I want to tell you her story as a REAL LIFE example of why I recommend dating multiple men.
Case in Point
I was counseling a young woman she was just graduating from college and she had two other sisters that were married right out of college. One sister was pregnant and the other had two children. Now that my client (the woman I was counseling) was graduating college, in fashion design, her parents wanted her to get married too.
And this terrified her. She did not want to get married so young, she did not want to settle down, she did not even know what type of man she liked, she wanted to explore life and enjoy being young, she wanted to start her career, she was NOT ready to have children. The life that she saw her two married sisters have she HATED. She did not want to turn into a housewife. At the tender age of 21.
And there is NOTHING wrong with that because the fact of the matter is that many 21-year-old women are not married. She also felt a lot of shame about this because she did not want to face judgment wanting to date men. And as her counselor, I gave her the liberty to live the life that she wanted, date the men that she wanted, and taught her to have boundaries while doing it. Because she wanted to maintain her virginity which one again nothing is wrong with that.
Throughout this process she found out what type of men she liked, did not like, she got to go out on dates and dinner and even talk to men since she had not been permitted to in her teens.
Because she grew up in a strict Christian household, she had never really even talked to them. She did not just want to jump into some courting situation with some guy and then marry him 10 months from now. She wanted a life, she wanted a career, she wanted to move to a bigger city, and she wanted to meet different types of men. And when you put it like that, THAT IS OKAY. Because that is all dating is. A lot of time we make these things sound more complicated then they have to be.
You can also check out my YouTube video below where I talk about the benefits of dating more than one man and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
My advice to her is some of the same advice that I am going to give to you in regards to dating multiple men. And I give you permission not to feel like some Jezebel about it.
Dating is Not a Relationship So Calm Down
I wrote a previous blog on why dating is not a relationship which you can click here to read. Just because you choose to go out on a date with someone that is exactly what it is. Agreeing to go somewhere with someone so that you can get to know them and see if it can form into a relationship once you get to know them.
What women, in general, seem to not understand is that they attach so many outcomes to dating for no reason and make it into a bigger deal then it should be. What if you made a new friend in the first 5 minutes are you going to tell her that you were meant to be and that you are going to be friends for life and she is the one and only true friend you were meant to be with. Probably not.
When you are dating multiple men understand that on the first date you may determine you do not like him or maybe even after the second date. Often times it requires dating a man for several months before you can really figure out if you like this person or if you want to enter into a relationship with this person.
And this is the reason why it is okay dating multiple men because really it is just going somewhere and talking to him. You do not know if he is the one, you do not know where it would lead, and if you turn down every single man that wants to date you all because you have gone one or a couple of dates with another man then you could be missing out on another man that may be the one. Over a man that you barely know. Which makes no sense.
When you are dating a guy, it would be a huge expectation for you to just give up any other men that you may want to go out on a date with, all for the hope that the person that you are going out on a date with MAY be the one. Dating more than one guy is okay because you are not in a relationship, no one is committed to anyone.
So do not put more weight or expectations on a date then what needs to be there. And if you do decide to commit to each other then, of course, you are not dating more than one man that is called cheating. Also, check out my videos for dating tips for Christian women to make sure that you maintain proper boundaries even when dating multiple men.
While You Are Dating multiple men He is more than likely dating more than one woman as well
In fact, it is safe to say that the men you are dating are more than likely dating other women. Not because they are cheaters but because like I said above. Just because he asks you out on a date, you cannot expect him to let go of every other woman that he may be interested in just to go out on a date with you.
Have you ever been dating a man only for him to stop dating you and him actually be in a relationship with someone else shortly after? There is a reason for that.
Because all the while he was dating more than one woman, he was not sure about you, and once he got sure about the woman he was dating then he entered a relationship with her. And you cannot be mad at him for choosing what is right for him. If he never declared that you to were in a relationship and committed to each other. So why stop all of your options?
All the while you are stuck wondering what happened. But unless you defined your dating and told each other that you two were in a relationship then you have no reason to be mad. And now while he is skipping off with his new girlfriend you are left alone thinking about all the men you turned down for one that was not even committed to you in the first place.
Because men tend to keep more of a level head when dating and they understand a date is just a date. Which is why I say do not have sex with these men at all. Because if he does not choose you during the dating phase you are setting yourself up to get your feelings hurt.
When or if after you two are dating and he wants a relationship with you, this is a conversation that will be had. He will enter into an exclusive relationship with you meaning that you are his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend. That is the point where it is NOT okay to date someone else.
A Benefit Of Dating Multiple Men Is It keeps you from falling into infatuation
How many times do women go out with a man and on the first few dates they are sitting around planning their wedding in their head? That is because they are falling into infatuation and they are not looking at their date objectively. Because that one man is the only option they have so they try to make the ONE man they are dating into the one. (Also check out my blog on love, lust, and infatuation).
Even if there are red flags flying all around telling you that he is not the one. And the outcome of this is your time being wasted by you trying to force something that was not meant to be and then you waking up one day being mad wondering how you missed the red flags.
The red flags were there all along you just missed them because he was the only option you had and you wanted him to work out so bad that you ignored the obvious.
Instead you chose to have tunnel vision and overlook all the flaws a man may have when you are dating him because in your heart you really wanted this one guy to be it. When you are dating more than one man you can remain more objective.
Case in point
I first learned this lesson when I was dating more than one man. One man treated me like trash but I really liked him and the other treated me well but I did not really like him. At first, I gave all my time, effort, and energy to the man that I like but treated me like trash.
But then the man who really liked me really started to show up, talk to me, be nice to me, and treat me right. And because I was dating them both it really highlighted how the guy I thought I liked more really did not like me back. Because this other guy who really did like me put in so much effort to show me how much he liked me that it brought to light how much the other one didn’t.
And it made me realize to stop wasting effort on the one who did not like me so much and to recognize the signs and to put more effort into the one who did. All of which would not have been possible if I was not dating both of them to really highlight the difference.
You Learn What You Like
How can you ever know what you like or how you like to be treated on a date if you do not have anything to compare it to? Remember the woman that I mentioned at the beginning that I was counseling, this was her main concern.
That she would start dating one man, marry him, and then found out that she did not like him because she did not have anyone else to compare it to. As her counselor, I felt this was a VALID feeling. At the end whoever she dated and/or married she was going to be the one in that situation. Not her family and not her friends. She had to be happy with the decisions she made in regards to men. Not anyone else.
As I always say, I do not date the same men now that I dated back in the day. In fact, I date so much better. Because I used to go for superficial men that had no real depth and now I know what to look for because I have dated and been with men who were wrong.
And guess what, some of those men even wanted to marry me. I could not even imagine marrying those men and being stuck with them after living life, dating better men, and realizing what they offered was never good for me. I learned that because I was dating multiple men. Also, check out my video below on the bad dating experiences I had that caused me to be celibate for over 5 years.
Dating Multiple Men ~ Summing it all up
Once you start dating someone it does not mean that the man is dedicated to you and it does not mean that you are dedicated to him. All it means is that you are dating to try to see if you can form something deeper so you both will know if you can form an actual relationship.
And if during the dating process you determine that is not the case, then you still have other options because you always kept your options open and did not shut down your life based on a man that you may or may not have ended up with. Thus leading to your time NOT being wasted for months or sometimes years on end with one man dating you, not being sure about you, you only dating him only to realize it was not right. And bam there a year wasted on the wrong one.
Another benefit is so that during this process you do not become jilted remember NOT to have sex with them. You can check out my video on why being celibate is not just about NOT having sex. It is about protecting you from getting attached to men who may not be in your life a few weeks from now, months from now, or a year from now.
As long as you are honest and not deceptive when you are dating multiple men then it is all good. Once again don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
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