As impossible as it may seem, becoming celibate after being sexually active is possible. And I am a living testament of that because I have been celibate for years and I have a kid for goodness sake.
Proving that it is possible to do it with grace and without feeling like your body is going to explode from the need of wanting to have sex with someone. I am celibate and I currently do not feel I have to jump the bones of some random man because I am in heat. It’s actually the opposite.
I have had terrible experiences with men and I have learned that celibacy has given me a peace of mind. You can check out my get ready with me video below where I give my story on why I became celibate to get a better understanding of the horrors that giving it to men who do not deserve it can bring.
If you want to read my blog on why I stopped having sex then you can read my blog here, to get the full story on why I made that decision. Despite what you may believe about becoming celibate after being sexually active I have to clear up a few myths that many people may think about those of us who choose to become celibate.
That way if you are thinking about becoming celibate after being sexually active, you understand that there is nothing wrong with you or your sex drive because you want to withdraw from sex. Also, Click here you subscribe toward to my YouTube Channel because I am always putting out content on celibacy.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active myths:
- MYTH: You must not like to have sex.
- TRUTH: I do enjoy sex.
- MYTH: You must not be a very sexual person or comfortable in bed.
- TRUTH: I am very comfortable with myself and my sex life when I had it. Celibacy is not about not being comfortable with having sex. It is about something deeper. (which I will talk about below)
- MYTH: If you fail with becoming celibate, that means you cannot do it and you mine as well give up.
- TRUTH: I tried to become celibate many times (for a couple of years) before actually succeeding.
- MYTH: I am celibate by accident if I have a boyfriend I would probably be having sex.
- TRUTH: Celibacy is an INTENTIONAL CHOICE. It is not something that you do because you do not have any options around. It is something that you choose to do because it is the right thing for you and your body no matter who is around and who you are dating.
I have written a blog about the benefits of becoming celibate which you can read here. Choosing to become celibate is not just about sex. It is for the benefit of the person deciding to do it so that you can determine what man is right for you vs. what man just wants to get in your pants. I have another video about why celibacy is NOT JUST ABOUT NOT having sex. Which you can watch below.
Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty
I am sure that if you are considering becoming celibate after being sexually active you can relate to these things. Because let’s not pretended like having sex and being ghosted afterward is fun. Or having sex too soon and realizing you made a mistake is empowering. Instead, it probably looks more like this:
- You have felt used and abused after having sex with someone. The situation may have gone something like this. They had sex with you, dumped you eventually, and you are sitting here wondering why you wasted your vaginal walls on this man all for you not to be together anyway.
- You may keep jumping into sex too soon. Read my blog here on having sex too soon, and then you keep getting dumped or do not hear from the guy after you have sex with him. Or find out that he is a jerk that you should not have given the time of day.
- You may want to get married and you realize that all the men you have had sex with, you are not married to them now. So you want to go about your relationship in a different way since having sex without a ring did not work for you before.
No one wants to feel that someone is just attracted to them for their body, for their sex, or to put themselves in a position to be slept with and then dumped.
Typically when a woman decides to become celibate after being sexually active, it is because having sex is just not doing it for them anymore. As in getting the results and relationships that they want. And if you find yourself feeling like you are in a situation, where sex has taken over your relationship or you start to just feel like sex is overcrowding your judgment. I 100% recommend celibacy.
How I Made It Work
At first, yes it was hard. Remember when I told you that I tried celibacy several times and failed several times. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Because eventually, it did work out. When I finally did succeed at becoming celibate there were things that I finally made me successful.
First, I stop putting myself in bad situations
If you did read my blog, why I stopped having sex. Then you would have read a story about me, getting kicked out, on my birthday, in the middle of the night, for another woman (I am paraphrasing) such an embarrassing experience that I never wanted to happen again.
I did not want to have that feeling anymore, I did not want to be blinded by sex anymore, and I did not want to give the man the satisfaction of thinking that he could have his cake and eat it too. And since I could not control him or any other men; I decided to control myself.
And once I decided to control myself and who I gave myself to, I no longer had those incidences in which I mistook sex for love. And saving myself the pain of having another situation like that was alleviated the hardness of being celibate. Because truth be told I am much happier now.
When we have sex with people the idea of lust takes over and we can be very confused and think we love someone when we don’t. Causing us to go back to them time and time again and ultimately causing our oneself pain because sex clouded our judgment. Thus leading us to a bad decision in the man we chose to lay with. Check out my video below on that.
Second, I stopped being ruled by the flesh
I realized that I was being ruled flesh. I wrote about this in the resist the devil and he will flee blog post (click here to read). I did not know what being ruled by the flesh was until I actually realized that I had a little lust demon inside of me. (Don’t judge until you read the post). The reason why it seemed like it was hard to become celibate is that I had a lot of lust inside of me that I could not control. When you cannot control your flesh (see my blog here) that is when you are being ruled by the flesh. But once I controlled it, not having sex became a lot easier.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active how you can do it.
- Do not watch porn, nude magazine, and stay away from lustful images.
- Do not get drunk and/or use drugs.
I myself drink so I do not expect you to never drink if you are of drinking age. But getting drunk to the point that your inhibitions are compromised will make you more likely to have sex.
- Do not put yourself in a compromising position.
I wrote about this on how to maintain your celibacy while in a relationship which you can click here to read. That means not going over his house in the middle of the night to spend the night cuddling with no clothes on. You are more likely to have sex when you put yourself in these situations. I mean let’s be real.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active ~ Don’t care what anyone else thinks.
I also wrote about this in my being a single mom and being celibate blog. Many men may try to tell you that because you have already had sex that you do not have the right to be celibate.
Choose to ignore that advice and choose to ignore him. No one has the right to tell you what you should and should not be doing with your body. As I talk about in my video for single moms who want to be celibate.
I don’t care if you had sex before and I do not care if you had a child before. Do not let a man talk you into thinking that you have no right to keep your vagina to yourself. It’s your vagina.
If a man likes to try to dictate my vagina what I like to tell him is this. Tell him to empty out his bank account and give the money to you. He will probably tell you that you do not have the right to his money because you are not his wife and he has no obligation to you.
Which will prove your point? You have no right to tell him what to do with his money, just like he does not have the right to tell you what to do with your body because you have no obligation to him.
If you are becoming celibate after being sexually active that is YOUR CHOICE. I do not care what your man says, what your friends say, and I do not care if you just had sex yesterday.
What you do with your vagina and who you let in and out of it, is YOUR business. And no one has the right to tell you how to feel about it. And do not let anyone pressure into not being celibate just because you have had sex before.
Remember you are making this decision for YOU and your own wellbeing and what you need to do for yourself. Other people do not have a say so. AT ALL. As someone who has been there, done that, and is still doing it; celibacy is not some depressing thing where you just cannot wait to have sex again.
In all honesty, I do not even think about it. What I do think about, is finding a relationship that ends in marriage that not only brings me sex BUT also a deeper long term connection that extends beyond sex. And I don’t want a relationship that was built on good sex only to find out later on that is all we have in common.
Becoming celibate after being sexually active is a choice you are making because you are tired of getting the same results with men and giving up the most precious part of your body to men that probably do not deserve it. Feel confident in that choice and remember that even if the times you are tempted.
If a man really has good intentions for you and wants to marry you then he can do that. Men who don’t will make what is between your legs a big deal because they don’t plan on making the plunge to do what it takes to have sex with you AKA marriage. And that is what you want to prevent anyway right?