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Choosing the right partner for marriage is SO important. Many women who want to get married, want to be married so badly that they just pick anyone or anything that bats an eye at them.
Marriage is serious; ideally, you should be getting into a marriage that you want to be in until death do you part. That is why it is so important to get into marriages eye wide open. Not blinded by lust, infatuation, or desperation. Choosing the wrong person can make your life miserable because unless you get a divorce, you are going to be stuck with that person until one of you die.
Before I get into the post, I want you to watch my video why men protect, provide, and profess and that is something that you should look for in a partner for marriage. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.
Before I get into the tips about selecting the right partner for marriage, I want to tell you a story.
I used to counsel a couple, and within a few months of getting married, they were literally ready to get a divorce. The fact of the matter was that they really did not love each other and they probably should not have gotten married in the first place. As I spoke to both of them, I asked what in the world went wrong.
Both of them said that before they got married, they both wanted to get married. Notice I did not say that they wanted to get married to each other they just wanted to get married.
They planned a big wedding, got all this attention, and after they walked down the aisle and started living together they both found out that they did not even really like each other. That is what I like to call going into a situation eyes wide shut. Being blind to the reality of the situation and seeing only what you want to see.
They just wanted to be married. It could have been anyone, anything, or anybody. So when they met each other, they made the big leap without even knowing if they were a good fit. And now here they are after spending $15k on a wedding, 3 months later ready to get a divorce. What is my point, my point is that you should never get so caught up in getting an engagement ring, having a big wedding, and just wanting to be married that you forget to find a partner that is right for you.
Which is why in this post I am going to give you 5 tips for choosing the right partner for marriage.
Choosing the right partner for marriage #1 Are You Equally Yoked
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? Corinthians 6:14
I encourage you also to check out my blog on being equally yoked by clicking here. If you are a believer, then be with a believer. It can be mighty hard for you go to go church and have a relationship with God if the man you are with could care less about being a man of God. If you are a Christian and he is not, there is a huge part of you that he can never get to know or understand because you two do not have the same faith.
I am a Christian, I talk to God, and I love God. I cannot even imagine being with someone that has no relationship with God because God is such a huge part of my life. I would prefer a partner that I could pray with as opposed to one that just thinks I am praying to some invisible make belief person in the sky that has no power.
According to Desert News, “The best religious predictor of being happy in a relationship is praying together as a couple.”
Ideally, if you like to pray and talk to God, you should want a partner that also enjoys those things as well. Your man should bring you closer to God and not pull you away. Also, check out my video on being equally yoked below.
Choosing the right partner for marriage #2 No Scrubs
I wrote about this in my “if a man does not work he does not eat blog.” I cannot tell you how many women I encounter that want a man so bad that they just settle for a man that has no job, no life, and nothing going on for himself. Why would you put yourself in a position to have to take care of a man? If he cannot take care of himself, then why would want to marry a man like that.
True story: I know a couple where the wife works 3 jobs while her husband works none. The way I see it, if I was working three jobs, I could use all my money for myself. I do not need to share my income with a grown man that is not willing to work or help support his wife that is working herself to the bone. Having a man that is lazy is as good as having no man at all.
When you choose the right partner for marriage, do not select a scrub. Instead, want a man that works has income, has goals, and is doing something with his life. You can do bad all bad yourself, and you do not need a man to help you do bad. Also, check out my video below for more on this.
Choosing the right partner for marriage #3 Have Similar Goals
This seems like something that is so easy to figure out, but you would not believe how many couples jump face-first into marriage only to find each of them wants different things. For example, a huge issue is when one person wants children while the other does not. You can check out my blog on questions to ask before you get engaged because I really emphasized the importance of knowing what your partner wants before you get married to make sure you two are on the same page. The last thing you want is to think is that you are going to have a picture-perfect family with two kids and a dog, and he says he does not want children and hates animals.
Choosing the right partner for marriage #4 How Do They Handle Their Money
This actually has nothing to do with how much someone makes. A man can make less money, invest it, save, be financially responsible AND be better off than a man that makes more money and has a gambling problem blowing all his money away.
I want to tell you yet another story. Two in fact.
The first story is that my girlfriend was dating a man that made six figures a year. But every time she went to his house his utilities were on the verge of getting turned off, he could not pay his mortgage that was only $800 a month, and when his car stop working he did not have enough money to buy a new one.
When you evaluate this situation of someone making 6 figures, and they cannot even pay their bills or their mortgage then you have to know that something is seriously wrong here. They have a problem managing their money, and the last thing you want to do is to tie yourself to someone like that. If they have an issue managing their own money if you get married to them, then they are going to have more money to mismanage, both yours and his.
The second story is a friend of my mother. Her co-worker has been working at an agency for over 30 years, and she had enough time to retire. She too made 6 figures. But she could not retire, because her nonworking husband had a gambling problem and they did not have enough money to retire. Their home that was worth $200,000 they had to pay off $500,00 because they continued to take out mortgages to support her husband’s gambling problem.
Now this woman, 60 something years old who put in all this hard work at an agency had to continue to work just so they could pay down their debt. Which may be until she is 80. When you choose someone for marriage never be afraid to do a deep dive in their money, and most of all observe how they manage their money. You don’t want to get into a marriage that is going to damage you financially.
Choosing the right partner for marriage #5 Bring Something To The Table
Of course, you need to select the right partner, but you also need to be the right partner. You cannot expect to have a good man, who manages his life well, and is about something while you are about nothing. Typically it is a lot easier for you to choose the right person for marriage if you are a right person for marriage. If you are a hot mess and that is all over the place with your life, then you are not the right partner, and you will bring the person you are with down.
If you are a woman that has your life together and one that has goals then, of course, it is a lot easier to attract a man that is similar to who you are. You cannot want a man that is on Wall Street, and you are in down the street in the middle of a dark alley, living your life in chaos and wondering which way is up. You should be what you want in a mate.
Case in Point
Michelle Obama was a lawyer, and when Barak asked her out, he was interning to be a lawyer. In any case, she married the future president, and he also got a great deal with his wife, Michelle. They balanced each other out, and they both brought something to the table. And in my opinion, it makes them one of the most admirable couples today.
Now that you have these 5 tips for choosing the right partner for marriage, I hope more than anything that you do not idolize marriage and think that getting married will solve all of your problems. It is a significant life decision, and you would much rather choose the right person to share your life with over the wrong person.