To listen to the blog post The Dos & Don’ts When Dating After A Divorce over reading it just click the play button below
I am going to give you some tips for dating after a divorce. But before I get into it, I just want to let you know that even though you are divorced you need to know that you are still young.
You can still have a wonderful dating life and even get remarried life if that is what you want to do. You are not too old, it is not too late, and you are not starting over. There is still a lot of life for you to live.
Here are my tips that will help you have a successful dating life after a divorce.
Dating after a divorce #1 Don’t Do Too Much
Going through a divorce can be emotional and never let your divorce leave you in such a wreck that you start doing way too much. According to the urban dictionary (yes I had to go there) doing too much is: doing more than needs to be done or should be done.
Or in my own words when you are doing too much, it is something that actually moves you away from your goals as opposed to bringing you to your goal. If your goal is to have a successful dating life then doing too much is when you make actions that will ruin your dating life.
Some of the signs of doing too much are:
- Going out on the first date and telling the man that you see him as your next husband, and envisioning your wedding.
- Meeting a man and sleeping with him too soon in hopes to rush the relationship along.
- Meeting a man, introducing him to your children or moving him into your house before you really even know him. (See my blog on when you should introduce your child to your boyfriend).
- Coming on to every man that you see and or are attracted to.
- Sleeping with everyman that you see and are attracted to.
Getting a divorce does not give you a license to do too much, and these types of behaviors will probably cause you more damage to yourself in the long run.
#2 Putting yourself in age-appropriate position to meet men
Depending on how long you were married you may not be used to the dating scene or even know how exactly to meet men. Which is why you need to put yourself in position. In case you are at a loss on how to even start dating or where to meet good men to start dating after a divorce then you need to try to situate yourself where GOOD quality mature men hang out.
Go to invents such as art galleries, alumni parties, charity events, or happy hours. You can check out my blog on where to meet men in your 30’s by clicking here. When you are starting to date again ideally, you want to put yourself in the right position to date age-appropriate and good quality men, so that you get a good start on dating.
A bad idea would be trying to go to college dorms and join in their drinking parties. You are still young but let’s not embarrass yourself by meeting men in the wrong type of environment. Even if you are considering online dating you can try dating apps that are bound to help you meet good men.
For example, Luxy is a dating app for professionals that I did a video on and you can watch below. This would probably get you farther than Tinder. And don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
Dating after a divorce #3 Keep the Baggage in Your Bag
I do not care if you are still thinking about your divorce or even if you are still hurt by your divorce, never start dating and start talking about the ins and out of your divorce on a date. It screams “I have issues.” Don’t talk about how he cheated on you or even you cheated on him. A man on a date does not want to hear all of your dirty laundry.
Focus on having a conversation and keeping the conversation in a positive, upbeat direction. NOT talking about the marital drama that will cause you to have a mental breakdown on the date. That screams psychological instability and not a person he wants to date for the long term. Also, check out my blog on mistakes you could be making on the first date.
#4 Don’t Become a Hookup
I know it can be so tempting that once you are divorced to go around and have sex with everyone because now you are free from your marriage. Don’t do that, you are a grown woman, and you are more than a hookup. Just letting your vagina loose on every man you see is not liberating and it is not cool.
Remember tip #1. Don’t do too much. Maintain respect for yourself and do not get into this stand of one night stands after your divorce. You are more than a hookup, and you are more than casual sex.
#5 Keep It Classy
Remember as a woman you need to keep it classy. Let me tell you a story. I know this 38-year-old woman who got divorced. Starting shopping in the juniors section, starting wearing sleazy clothes with her butt hanging out and her breast hanging all; trying to reclaim her sexy. You can be both sexy and classy (click my blog here) and it does not require showing the world where the good Lord split you.
If you are over and divorced; you may even be a mom, so the last thing you want to be is someone’s mama looking like you belong on the side of a street corner. Please, don’t play yourself. Even when you are dating after a divorce keep it classy.
#6 Don’t Feel Pressured
I am single and have been for a very long time, and I have been celibate FOR YEARS. I do not feel pressured to date or do anything that I do not want to do even though other people try to pressure me. When you are divorced, many of your girlfriends may tell you that you need to jump back in the saddle and start dating again. But do not do so until you are ready. There is no time frame on how soon or how late you should start dating again, the only determining factor is that you do so when you feel ready.
Dating after a divorce #7 Really Date
Do not feel pressured to date a man monogamously so that he can be your next husband. I am a big fan of dating (not having sex with) with more than one man (Click here to read my blog). I think that it keeps you from falling into infatuation with someone. Because when you are dating one person, you tend to become so fixed on that person that you fail to see their flaws.
When you are dating more than one man, having fun, going out, and seeing what you like and who you like, you start to make more objective decisions in the type of men you spend time with. With no strings attached (once again, don’t have sex) you can just enjoy the date for what it is. Fun. Which many women can use after a divorce. Also, check out my video below on why I think dating more than one man is okay.
Dating after divorce in your 30s #8 Don’t Let Yourself Go
Perhaps in your marriage, you may have gotten so used to your husband that you have taken to not putting forth any effort in your appearance anymore. If this is you, then stop doing that. Put effort into your appearance when you leave the house, you never know who you may meet, and what man may want to ask you out, or if you may accidentally see your ex. Which has happened to me by the way (Click here) the last thing you want him to think is that you fell apart after a divorce, never let your grief show on the outside.
And I think this goes without saying, when you are dating man please put some effort into your appearance. No showing up to date with ugg boots and sweatpants. Not cute. Dress in a way that gives you confidence. And you can pick up my free ebook that will give you affordable options for a year-round capsule wardrobe and stylish options to wear on a date. Just click here or the picture below
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