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I know so many of you single moms are in the “my child’s father is the disrespectful situation.” And this would be the prime time to start ignoring the father of your child. And trust me I have been in it too I promise you. You can read my single mom story here, but some of the things I have been through with my child’s father is:
- Talking to me any kind of way.
- Putting other women over my child.
- Taking his many girlfriends on trips and vacations while he did not even pay his $65 a month child support.
- Not seeing my son.
- Being downright mean to me and disrespectful to me.
- Having his sister be downright mean and disrespectful to me.
- Disappearing to the point that I did not know where he was or where he lived.
- Saying he did not love my son.
- Allowing his other baby’s mother to call my son a bastard (among other things) and taking her side.
All of this adds up to a time to start ignoring the father of your child situation for my own sanity. I know how to deal with a disrespectful, narcissistic, emotionally abusive (click my blog here) child’s father. Not to mention a deadbeat one which I have a video on below and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel click here.
And at this point, I think I will just stop here. And just let you know why I am saying this.
I am saying this to show you that I understand AND because I know the advice that I am going to give many single moms is going to roll their eyes telling me that it is not as easy as I make it sound and I do not understand. I do understand, and I know that it is not easy.
And like me, you may have been in a difficult situation with your child’s father for years on end. And also like me, you need to make a decision. Do you want to continue to be disrespected or not?
1. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Realize You cannot control him
Your child’s father could be the scum of the universe and did you in the dirtiest way humanly possible. You may want him to apologize and see what he has done to you.
He may be a lousy father, and you beg and beg him to come and see your child. I want you to stop that. You just have to let things go and let the situation play out however it plays out.
You cannot control your ex, your child’s father, or your ex-husband. You have to choose to live your life the best way you know-how and whatever decisions that he makes are on him.
The more you try to control the situation the more you will end up feeling like you are bumping your head into a wall because HE is going to do what HE wants to do REGARDLESS of if it is right and how you feel about the situation.
That is why you need to stop trying to control him and trying to make him do the right thing and just not give a crap, which I have a video on below. Because the fact of the matter is that he may never do the right thing, and the last thing you want is for his behavior to continue to affect you.
2. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child By Removing Yourself
If your child’s father wants to see your child, then let him do that. But just because he wants to see the child does not mean that he has to see you. If you continuously feel disrespected by your child’s father then do not allow yourself to be put into a situation where he disrespects you.
Block his number if you have to and only communicate via email or only communicate via text. Allow him to pick the child up at your relatives’ house, when you are not there. I would undoubtedly pretend that he does not exist in my world. You do not have to interact with anyone that you do not want to.
3. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Case in Point
I remember when my son’s father was locked up and I kept taking my son to see him while he was in prison. We would argue, and he was just so disrespectful. Then I remember he would write to me and continue on his disrespectful rants.
Then it dawned on me. “This is a choice, and I do not have to choose to engage with you and your none sense.” I stopped driving three hours to the prison to see him, I stopped answering his letters, and then when he got his prison caseworker to call me about attending his “parenting class” graduation I did not go.
And I did not feel bad about it. Before I was putting forth ALL the effort in trying to make him be a dad and getting disrespected in the process. Disrespected by him, disrespected by his other baby mama, and disrespected by his family.
It was not until I removed myself from the situation that I felt better. And I had to accept that I was not a bad person for not wanting to put myself through this cycle of abuse.
Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ What is my point?
My point is that if I can find a way to remove myself from the situation so that I am not getting disrespected, then you can too. AND you should.
4. Always Keep Your Composure When Ignoring The Father Of Your Child
I am a massive advocate of believing that when someone is disrespectful to you that you need not be crazy back. The only that will do is show two crazy people going at each other, and that will not help the situation at all. It is more of a strength to take the high road then allow for someone to pull you out of your character. I wrote about this in my being classy over trashy blog.
And I think that there is nothing that gets to someone more when you respond in a way that shows that you actually have some sense. When people disrespect you the reason why they are doing it is that they want to upset you. If that is the case, then don’t let them bother you.
I would respond in such a professional and classy way, and then I would walk off. Never should I see any of you reading this getting into a physical alternation or a verbal altercation with your child’s father. Doing that is only allow you to stoop down to his level of crazy and you need to be a better person than that.
5. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child BUT You Don’t Be Disrespectful.
In my book “Fix It Jesus: For Single Moms Only. The Straightforward No-Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional” (Click to buy).” I said the following:
Do not go chasing your ex. Do not go sleeping with your ex. Do not go trying to make him be a father to a child he does not want to be a father to.
Do not try to keep his child away from him, because you are mad he is with someone else. And do not hurt the father of your child, because you feel that he has hurt you. Let all of that go.
In a situation where your child’s father is being disrespectful you need to examine what you have done as well (if anything at all). You cannot be crazy and do everything under the sun to make him unhappy and then wonder why in the world he is being disrespectful to you. He is being disrespectful because you are being disrespectful. Also consider checking out my video about how to get over your child’s father.
6. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Let the courts handle it
I am a huge advocate of getting child support, mediation, or something. And this way you are still ignoring the father of your child but things are still getting handled. I do not do it because of vengeance I do it to make things a whole lot easier. It can be hard to fight over the amount of child support and/or visitation if it is all laid out by the court. And even if he does not visit or pay child support then let it go. The beautiful thing about the court is that it will catch up to him eventually.
7. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Case in point
I have a few stories about the court system. As soon as my son was born, I filed for child support even though my son’s father took off and I did not even know where he was. I was not sure anything would come of it. Then he got locked up, and they found him.
Then he tried to say my son was not his, and child support gave him a DNA test on his dime. Then he did not pay child support, but when he filled his taxes, the money came to me. Then he quit his job and start working for himself so that he would not have to file taxes, then child support put a lien on his property so that he had to pay his child support.
8. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ What am I saying:
I am saying I let the court handled a lot. I was not going to go back and forth on if my child was his or not and continue to allow him to disrespect me. All we had to do was get a DNA test, and the problem was solved. I stop trying to chase down every nickel and dime that he owed me, and eventually, child support caught up to him.
“You have to alleviate drama where there does not have to be drama and choose to make things easier on yourself.”
And if going through the court system allows that then I am all for it. This also goes for situations where he is hitting you, stalking you, or keying up your car. Go to the court and get a restraining order. That is scary, and the law can protect you. Don’t feel like you have to be a subject to abuse just because your child’s father is insane.
9. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Be The Bigger Person
I know this can be hard when your child’s father is rude. But one thing I always say is that the times where my son’s father has asked to see him, I still allow it no matter if he shows up or not.
The reason for this is because I want my son to form his own opinion about his father. I am a single mom, and my child’s father is not involved in his life.
However, every 6 months to a year he pops back up claiming that he wants a relationship with my son. We do this song and dance, he makes excuses claiming he is going to change and after a week or two of that, he disappears again. Then he waits another 6 months to a year; hits the reset button, and the pattern continues.
As a single mother, it is never our responsibility to keep our children away from their fathers unless they are child molesters or something crazy. But we have to allow our children to formulate their own opinions about their fathers, and not impose our own opinions about their father on them.
You would never want it to look like you are the reason why your child does not have a relationship with his dad. And if you try to do everything under the sun to keep him from seeing his child that is exactly what it is going to look like.
10. Ignoring The Father Of Your Child ~ Be The Best You Can Be
I wrote about this in my letting your haters be your motivators blog. But in the end, if your child’s father continues to disrespect you, then you let that be the fuel to be the best woman possible. It is not just about ignoring the father of your child BUT also you being a better you once you disconnect from the negativity.
Get a better job, get a degree, make more money, buy a house, or even get a new man that is better than him. Never let the disrespect of your child’s father totally disrupt your life. Sooner or later he may not like you, BUT he is surely going to respect because you are out here mastering your life and not worrying about him. Which I have a video on, on how to level up on your ex that you can watch below.
These are the 7 tips that I have for my child’s father is being a disrespectful situation and when its time to ignore him. I sure hope that it gave you some motivation to go forward and tolerate the disrespect no longer. And if you know someone that can read this blog post, then please feel free to share it with them.
Last but not least
Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here. Also click the picture below to Join my email list Sophie-stication Nation and get the first few chapters for free.
I feel disrespected every week with my baby daddy !!! I do not ask for child support and I drive 3 hrs once a month and take my son to see him…every time I stand up to him on calling me names he tells me to get the paperwork to sign over his rights!!! I have never felt it is right for women to hold kids from there fathers but I’m at a loss…he FaceTimes with him and when my son talks about my sister husband (uncle b) he calls him a POS to a 2.5 yr old…that’s unacceptable and yet I’m
The bad person for saying something
Yeah a lot of single moms find their self in a situation where you are disrespected. But just don’t feed into it and don’t accept it.
Oh my freakin God this is just what I needed. Some of it was confirmation that what I have already started prior to reading this. However, more tips on how I can do like a pro. And not be vengeful but “classy not trashy” count me in. Thank You for sharing your story. My email is email@example.com
And thank you for your comment.
Im so happy i got to read this im so stuck right Now.b
My childs father put us in a strange predicament where he injured me kinda accidentally but dislocated my knee. I left my apartment for the time being and he moves a woman i had no idea he was having an affair with. They get confronted after me telling her to leave. A fight happens and her family threatened to kill my child. This was beyond disrespectful just scary tbh. Threats and shadiness happened for a year from my ex and his gf. Am i wrong for not letting my child arounf this girl? Hes demonstrated no skills as a father but tells people i keep him from his child when ive offerrd to drop her to many of his family members
You’re not wrong for not letting your child around she does NOT like your child !! Toooo many kids are getting murdered by their parents significant other who is NOT the child’s parent & if he is still with her after she said all that then he DOESN’T deserve to see your child either ! He chose his side let him ride with it explain it to your child when they are much older and you feel they would more understand where your fear was coming from.
Great! Mine is extreme verbal abuse, demeaning me, comparing me, telling me I’m the reason people have abortions. Been going on for 4 years. He is a good dad that I know of, but can not put my son before his selfish hate for me.
WOW. I am so sorry to hear that. If I were you I would separate myself from him all together. He can see your son, perhaps get your mom or a family member to help you. But you do not have to sit and allow for someone to emotionally abuse you. I would literally have no contact with him unless I absolutely had to.
Emotional abuse? Wow, I didn’t think it was possible until it happened to me. I am constantly being beyond kind to the father of my child and I even agreed to 50/50 because I want my son to have that relationship with his father. Great father NOW but he was not there for me and I still gave him 50/50 because it’s about our son. The entire time he was cheating on me and he has the nerve to say I am the victim.
Yes, him saying he is the victim is once again apart of the emotional abuse. Not taking personal responsibility for his actions and then blaming you. I am happy he is a good father.
I am so glad I read this blog because I cannot stress enough the emotional and mental abuse I have endured this entire pregnancy. I was 1st cheated on with numerous women 4 months pregnant- I left. Then he purposely went out of his way to make my life hell. Even to the extent of having another female call my phone requesting a DNA test! Super disrespectful and not to mention hurtful, and being that he is an indefinite model of the asshole babydaddy and is attempting to hurt my pride for whatever reason- I needed some guidance on how to deal with this kind of behavior. I’m very aware it won’t stop here but as of right now he is BLOCKED! Really enjoyed taking the info in from the leveling up video
Thank you so much for your comment and I am praying for you to have a better situation. Goodness. If you go to my Youtube Channel (Dr. Sophia Reed) search up how to get over your baby daddy and I think my video will help you.
Great read!! I an currently dealing with same situation with my son father’s. I cut all communication off with him and suggest him to pick up his son at a relative house as well. He declined and refused to do it. He actually said he forfeit all visits if he doesnt pick his son up from me at my house. He still send money weekly but haven’t seen him in over a month. I am sticking to my boundaries but I feel bad for my son due to his father being an ass.
GOOD FOR YOU. YES! Do not allow him to try to blackmail you into having his way so that he can get what he wants. Yes, that sucks that he is like toward your son but that is his problem. He should want to be a dad because he wants to be a dad not because he wants you to do what he wants you to do.
Thank you so much for this reassurance. I did it his way for 2 years and all it led to him being disrespectful verbally towards me in front of our son,via texts,and emails. Now, that I set strict boundaries and I am standing my ground I feel relief that I dont have that constant toxic energy around me.
I had family members reached out to him on several occasions letting him know his weekend schedule and when our son is available for pickup. He has declined and won’t show up. He indicated that he did not create a child with them and by me setting up this rule I am forcing him to stay away from his child. His response is the sick manipulative ways I had to deal with for 2years. Like you said, I cant force him to be a Dad and see he need to have a relationship with our son not me. But I feel so bad for my son who continously asks for his Dad.
Thank you so much for your advice.
honestly I thought I was the only one going through situation like this, Iv been with my baby daddy for 7 years and over the years there’s not one year I can feel like he’s not disrespecting me, I live with him while he have another woman pregnant, while he’s having sexual relationship with his neighbor boy I wen through a lot with this man, we try to work things out but he put the other baby mother over me and the other child over our daughter. I really want to get over this and let it go but its hard especially when the love is strong
A lot of people go through this situation. I would ask you to really think about what he did and if you feel that, what he did as an act is a sign that he loves you. Perhaps you may love him, but then you have to ask yourself why when he has not shown you anything about his behavior to love. I think when you really think about that. This is the first sign to letting go and knowing what you deserve and moving toward that. Because he is giving you is not it.
I was with my child’s father for 5 years. High school sweethearts 2014-2020. We now have a 1 year old together. He cheated on me multiple times during my pregnancy and I left him. Now he has a gf and disrespects me. Before the gf, he’s always been nasty and hateful towards me when I’ve did nothing but love him. Now he’s with the girl, he spends more time with her and thinks as long as he sends money for the baby that’s all that matters. He even claims he doesn’t have money to give sometimes, but is always on a date and buying his gf things. His gf laughs at my situation not knowing what I’ve been through with him. All I want is for him to stop putting his child last and go back to seeing her before this girl came around.
Yeah, that sucks. We all want that but sad to say so many men choose otherwise. Why I don’t know.
Right on time when I needed this ❤️
I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thankyou, I needed to read this Xx
I came here to learn to not give a crap. Very inspiring Sophia – thank you 🙂 He has not shown me anything to love – so why do I give a crap? Boom! – no – I dont – I think maybe I just was confused and looking for validation. MY INTERNAL LIGHT THAT NEEDS TO SHINE ON ME (NOT HIM)!
Exactly. Go off SIS!!!!
I am a 23 year Old young lady all from South Africa and Wow listening and reading this has really made me feel better, I am still pregnant (8 months) and I have been miserable since last year October due to my baby daddy being such a Mean and Evil person to me and I have always entertained him because I felt I should just give him a chance to be a better person but the situation has gotten worse now like he’s cheating and he has told me things like he won’t stop whatever he is doing because I am sad and has went too far by saying “I am still with you because you are pregnant.” Which hurts a lot and he just has not been supportive from day one, When I found out that I am pregnant I opened up an account to save money there so that when the baby is born I am covered also asked him to contribute because I do not want us having too many financial problem when the baby is delivered and looking at the Job I had I was not getting goo income and also his situation financial is just unstable but on that account I have been the one putting in money until I lost my Job, when I tell him to contribute he says why do I want him to take care of me because the baby is not born yet he agreed to us saving money. This just kills my soul so much because each and every time I try to have a civil conversation with him he just gets so aggressive and disrespectful towards me. I have made peace with the fact that I will be a single mother because since he is failing to be present while I am still pregnant cause obviously nothing will change when the baby is here. Finding this information is really helpful for me because I feel I need a lot of advice on how to deal with this narcissistic person.
I am glad the information was able to help you.
What do I do when he is bringing women to my residence that have issues with me. I knew the few times he came he had a woman with him recently my child told me her name and it happens to be the girl he dated before me and me and her have had exchange of words in the past. Now this women is around my child and knows where I live and the type of car I drive. I cannot communicate with him at all since I filed child support 6 months ago and he yelled in the court he hopes I die! All communication has stopped I allow him to spend time with his child but now I’m not so sure if he’s bringing her around a women that does not respect and dislikes me.
So first off,great read. My 18month old daughter and her Mom left 5months ago so how do i deal with all that from her end and for the time being she has custody.b She lets her emotions towards me dictate my daughters visitation time. From daily 6pm facetime chats with physical visits 10am to 7pm 3 times a week to Fri and Sun 7pm even though I work 7p to 12am and the change happened overnight with hypothetical situations as supporting evidence. I miss my little girl. Kalia Is my heart and I miss my babygirl.
Thank you for a great approach. I am adopting this after a failed co parenting that I tried with him. however some time I feel like letting go and just deliver my son to his father then may be he will stop bothering. I want him completely gone out of my life ant the life of my son.
Praying that things get better for you. I have been there.