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I know so many of you single moms are in the “my child’s father is the disrespectful situation.” And this would be the prime time to start ignoring the father of your child. And trust me I have been in it too I promise you. You can read my single mom story here, but some of the things I have been through with my child’s father is:
- Talking to me any kind of way.
- Putting other women over my child.
- Taking his many girlfriends on trips and vacations while he did not even pay his $65 a month child support.
- Not seeing my son.
- Being downright mean to me and disrespectful to me.
- Having his sister be downright mean and disrespectful to me.
- Disappearing to the point that I did not know where he was or where he lived.
- Saying he did not love my son.
- Allowing his other baby’s mother to call my son a bastard (among other things) and taking her side.
All of this adds up to a time to start ignoring the father of your child situation for my own sanity. I know how to deal with a disrespectful, narcissistic, emotionally abusive (click my blog here) child’s father. Not to mention a deadbeat one which I have a video on below and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel click here.
And at this point, I think I will just stop here. And just let you know why I am saying this.
I am saying this to show you that I understand AND because I know the advice that I am going to give many single moms is going to roll their eyes telling me that it is not as easy as I make it sound and I do not understand. I do understand, and I know that it is not easy.
And like me, you may have been in a difficult situation with your child’s father for years on end. And also like me, you need to make a decision. Do you want to continue to be disrespected or not?
#1 Realize You cannot control him
Your child’s father could be the scum of the universe and did you in the dirtiest way humanly possible. You may want him to apologize and see what he has done to you.
He may be a lousy father, and you beg and beg him to come and see your child. I want you to stop that. You just have to let things go and let the situation play out however it plays out.
You cannot control your ex, your child’s father, or your ex-husband. You have to choose to live your life the best way you know-how and whatever decisions that he makes are on him.
The more you try to control the situation the more you will end up feeling like you are bumping your head into a wall because HE is going to do what HE wants to do REGARDLESS of if it is right and how you feel about the situation.
That is why you need to stop trying to control him and trying to make him do the right thing and just not give a crap, which I have a video on below. Because the fact of the matter is that he may never do the right thing, and the last thing you want is for his behavior to continue to affect you.
#2 Ignoring The Father Of Your Child By Removing Yourself
If your child’s father wants to see your child, then let him do that. But just because he wants to see the child does not mean that he has to see you. If you continuously feel disrespected by your child’s father then do not allow yourself to be put into a situation where he disrespects you.
Block his number if you have to and only communicate via email or only communicate via text. Allow him to pick the child up at your relatives’ house, when you are not there. I would undoubtedly pretend that he does not exist in my world. You do not have to interact with anyone that you do not want to.
Case in Point
I remember when my son’s father was locked up and I kept taking my son to see him while he was in prison. We would argue, and he was just so disrespectful. Then I remember he would write to me and continue on his disrespectful rants.
Then it dawned on me. “This is a choice, and I do not have to choose to engage with you and your none sense.” I stopped driving three hours to the prison to see him, I stopped answering his letters, and then when he got his prison caseworker to call me about attending his “parenting class” graduation I did not go.
And I did not feel bad about it. Before I was putting forth ALL the effort in trying to make him be a dad and getting disrespected in the process. Disrespected by him, disrespected by his other baby mama, and disrespected by his family.
It was not until I removed myself from the situation that I felt better. And I had to accept that I was not a bad person for not wanting to put myself through this cycle of abuse.
What is my point?
My point is that if I can find a way to remove myself from the situation so that I am not getting disrespected, then you can too. AND you should.
#3 Always Keep Your Composure When Ignoring The Father Of Your Child
I am a massive advocate of believing that when someone is disrespectful to you that you need not be crazy back. The only that will do is show two crazy people going at each other, and that will not help the situation at all. It is more of a strength to take the high road then allow for someone to pull you out of your character. I wrote about this in my being classy over trashy blog.
And I think that there is nothing that gets to someone more when you respond in a way that shows that you actually have some sense. When people disrespect you the reason why they are doing it is that they want to upset you. If that is the case, then don’t let them bother you.
I would respond in such a professional and classy way, and then I would walk off. Never should I see any of you reading this getting into a physical alternation or a verbal altercation with your child’s father. Doing that is only allow you to stoop down to his level of crazy and you need to be a better person than that.
#4 Ignoring The Father Of Your Child BUT You Don’t Be Disrespectful.
Do not go chasing your ex. Do not go sleeping with your ex. Do not go trying to make him be a father to a child he does not want to be a father to.
Do not try to keep his child away from him, because you are mad he is with someone else. And do not hurt the father of your child, because you feel that he has hurt you. Let all of that go.
In a situation where your child’s father is being disrespectful you need to examine what you have done as well (if anything at all). You cannot be crazy and do everything under the sun to make him unhappy and then wonder why in the world he is being disrespectful to you. He is being disrespectful because you are being disrespectful.
My child’s father is disrespectful ~ #5 Let the courts handle it
I am a huge advocate of getting child support, mediation, or something. And this way you are still ignoring the father of your child but things are still getting handled. I do not do it because of vengeance I do it to make things a whole lot easier. It can be hard to fight over the amount of child support and/or visitation if it is all laid out by the court. And even if he does not visit or pay child support then let it go. The beautiful thing about the court is that it will catch up to him eventually.
Case in point
I have a few stories about the court system. As soon as my son was born, I filed for child support even though my son’s father took off and I did not even know where he was. I was not sure anything would come of it. Then he got locked up, and they found him.
Then he tried to say my son was not his, and child support gave him a DNA test on his dime. Then he did not pay child support, but when he filled his taxes, the money came to me. Then he quit his job and start working for himself so that he would not have to file taxes, then child support put a lien on his property so that he had to pay his child support.
What am I saying:
I am saying I let the court handled a lot. I was not going to go back and forth on if my child was his or not and continue to allow him to disrespect me. All we had to do was get a DNA test, and the problem was solved. I stop trying to chase down every nickel and dime that he owed me, and eventually, child support caught up to him.
“You have to alleviate drama where there does not have to be drama and choose to make things easier on yourself.”
And if going through the court system allows that then I am all for it. This also goes for situations where he is hitting you, stalking you, or keying up your car. Go to the court and get a restraining order. That is scary, and the law can protect you. Don’t feel like you have to be a subject to abuse just because your child’s father is insane.
#6 Be The Bigger Person
I know this can be hard when your child’s father is rude. But one thing I always say is that the times where my son’s father has asked to see him, I still allow it no matter if he shows up or not.
The reason for this is because I want my son to form his own opinion about his father. I am a single mom, and my child’s father is not involved in his life.
However, every 6 months to a year he pops back up claiming that he wants a relationship with my son. We do this song and dance, he makes excuses claiming he is going to change and after a week or two of that, he disappears again. Then he waits another 6 months to a year; hits the reset button, and the pattern continues.
As a single mother, it is never our responsibility to keep our children away from their fathers unless they are child molesters or something crazy. But we have to allow our children to formulate their own opinions about their fathers, and not impose our own opinions about their father on them.
You would never want it to look like you are the reason why your child does not have a relationship with his dad. And if you try to do everything under the sun to keep him from seeing his child that is exactly what it is going to look like.
Ignoring The Father Of Your Child #7 Be The Best You Can Be
I wrote about this in my letting your haters be your motivators blog. But in the end, if your child’s father continues to disrespect you, then you let that be the fuel to be the best woman possible. It is not just about ignoring the father of your child BUT also you being a better you once you disconnect from the negativity.
Get a better job, get a degree, make more money, buy a house, or even get a new man that is better than him. Never let the disrespect of your child’s father totally disrupt your life. Sooner or later he may not like you, BUT he is surely going to respect because you are out here mastering your life and not worrying about him. Which I have a video on, on how to level up on your ex that you can watch below.
These are the 7 tips that I have for my child’s father is being a disrespectful situation and when its time to ignore him. I sure hope that it gave you some motivation to go forward and tolerate the disrespect no longer. And if you know someone that can read this blog post, then please feel free to share it with them.
Last but not least
Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here. Also click the picture below to Join my email list Sophie-stication Nation and get the first few chapters for free.