10 Ways To Tell You’re In A Relationship With A Narcissist

relationship with a narcissist

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Let’s get into signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist. The first thing I want to say is that the whole narcissist concept can be HIGHLY overused. Because some of yall are just in a relationship with a jerk and not necessarily a narcissist and it is important to know the difference.

As someone who is clinically trained in mental health and as someone who had a child by a narcissist which I have a separate blog post on (click here to read) I feel that it is important to know what a narcissist is an is not.

Since narcissist personality disorder is a personality disorder, that means that their behavior is very ingrained in their personality and that is probably NOT likely that they are going to change or that they can be medicated. I fact a narcissist is such a narcissist that they probably feel that they don’t have to change, that they are just fine, and that everyone else is the problem.

So with that being said, let’s go ahead and get into the signs, shall we?

 1. They Flirt, Cheat, Or Need Attention From Others All The Time.

Narcissistic personality disorder have an intense need for the admiration and attention of others. You can kiss the ground that a narcissist walks on or you can give them all the attention in the world and it is probably never enough.

They are going to want to have attention from other people, especially other women and they may even do it right in front of your face. And they may even have a thing for cheating and when you find out they will try to say it is because YOU did not give them enough attention or place the blame elsewhere instead of accepting responsibility. They do not care if you get upset about it, because it is more about them and their attention-seeking behavior then NOT hurting your feelings.  

2. They Take Take and Take.

This is the second sign that you are in a relationship with a narcissist. One aspect of someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder is that they have an inflated opinion of themselves and how that manifest in a relationship is that they feel that they are the only one that matters.  

They feel that it is your obligation to always give to them no matter what they do and no matter if they are not willing to give to you back. And they actually feel entitled in the relationship to get all the attention, to constantly take, and for everything to always be about them because in their minds they are the only real person that matters in the relationship anyway and you come second.

I also have a video on some of the mind games that men play with women where I talk about this as well as other signs of being in a relationship with a narcissist.  Also, subscribe to my channel by clicking here

 

3. They Will Flip Out Or Act Out When You Don’t Give Them The Attention They Deserve

People with NPD may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the praise or special favors they believe they deserve. Others may see them as snobbish and conceited and may not enjoy being around them.

In a relationship with a narcissist, everything is about them and not about you. You could have great news and you could have an accomplishment and they are going to flip the freak out if you other people are celebrating you more then them. So much so that they may even belittle your accomplishments to make themselves feel better.  

If you are not praising them or giving them attention even when they DON’T deserve or have not done anything special to deserve it then they are probably going to have a temper tantrum. They want praise for not doing anything much.

Case in point

Remember I told you my son’s father was a narcissist. When my son was 11 years old he finally spent his FIRST father’s day with my son. Out of 11 years or not being there. He showed up hours late to pick up my son and when he showed up it’s like he wanted a parade to be thrown for him because he showed up for the first time in 11 years for one father’s day. And was LATE.

Instead of seeing his wrongdoing, he wanted to be praised for being a father when really he had not been a father since my son was born. Nor was he able to see the frustration on my mom’s face for being hours late and she had somewhere to be (which he knew about in advance). 

Nor was he able to see the disappointment on my son’s face for being late. He did not apologize and just expected to be praised and celebrated and for the red carpet to be rolled out for him. And was literally confused when everyone was agitated by his actions. 

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist you may notice something similar. Always expecting to be celebrated even when there is nothing to be celebrated for or about. Or they expect to be celebrated when they have done something wrong, have not done anything, or have given a minimal effort. 

4. In Their Eyes, You Are Always The Problem In The Relationship

Being in a relationship with a narcissist means that they need excessive praise and admiration, and they may react poorly to perceived criticism. If you have tried to talk to your narcissist about their behavior in the relationship, areas that you are not happy, or areas that they can improve in the narcissist is not happy, will start an argument, or flip out.

In their eyes, they are never the problem in the relationship, YOU ARE. They could have cheated on you, talk down to you, broke promises to you, and speak to you any kind of way and it is always YOUR problem and their actions were a result of what you did. Any criticism that you give them even though it may be constructive they will never receive and will always turn it back on you. 

5. They try to convince you that they are a good man even though they are anything but.

Narcissists also tend to exaggerate their own talents and accomplishments. Remember when I told you about my son’s father that barely sees my son and only pays $65 in child support if that, because for the longest time he paid nothing.

If you were to ask him he is a great father. Never mind that he never sees my son, that he does not support him, that he does not do what father is supposed to do, or that he disappoints my son on the regular. He thinks that he is the best father a boy could ever have.   

And when you try to tell him otherwise then it turns in to everyone else’s fault and never his own. My son’s father has been incarcerated multiple times and has many women on rotation, and in his eyes, he is always the BEST man on earth that all the women should be fighting for.

While he was incarcerated he had several women fighting for him. Another trick of a narcissist is to convince other people of their greatness even in prison. Which I spoke about in my book for single moms which you can click here to buy

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To a narcissist they do not see their mistakes, they only see perfection and they only see how awesome they are and what a good man they are even though they are not. They may even try to convince you that they are a good man and that you are never going to find better than them.

Even though that is NOT TRUE.  In their mind, even if they are the worst partner in the universe they still are the most talented, smartest, and most attractive and they feel you will never do better than them.

6. They Are Demanding

Narcissists displays traits of a man child (which I have a sperate blog post on click here to read). When it comes to being in a relationship with a man child it can start to feel like they are your child. They want you to take care of them all the time, meet their every need or demand.  They may try to live off you, use you, get you to pay for everything.

They may sink to what may feel like a child’s role while you are in the mothering role catering to their every needs because narcissists feel that they are superior to you and that you should cater to them and wait on them hand and foot child like they are your child.  Also, check out my separate video on the aspects of a man child.

7. You Could Be Sad or Depressed And They Don’t Care

I remember I was going through a difficult time as a single mom and this was the time I was trying to repair my relationship with my ex. I was depressed because of everything that was going on and I attempted to confide in him and he simply did not care. NOT AT ALL.

There are several times when my ex disappointed my son and you could see the disappointment on my son’s face several times when my ex did not show up for his birthday after he said he would, and my ex showed no consideration in the world and even blamed me for it. 

My point is that when you are in a relationship with a narcissist they have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of other people. You could be crying or have had the worst day of your life and they will probably look at you and ask you what you are cooking for dinner over attempting to comfort you or offer any words of encouragement.  

8. They Bettittle You

When I got my Ph.D. and even my MS degree as a single mom (which was not easy by the way) my ex never said congrats. Instead, he decided to go on a social media bullying campaign and tell me that my degrees meant nothing and that I was going to grow old being single and no one would marry me.

It is the same when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. When you accomplish something them ignoring you may not be enough. Instead, they have to go out of their way to make you feel bad and to belittle your accomplishment so that they can make themselves feel superior to you.

9. They Are Vindictive

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and you attempt to break up with them, put your foot down, and have some standards then they are going to go out of their way to try to get you back in whatever way they can.  

Case in point

In my situation, my son’s father stopped communicating with my son, and then literally told me that this was to hurt me. He felt very justified in saying this and always believed that his actions were hurting me and not my son. My son’s father has tried to sue me and even take over my blog domain name behind my back. All of which I talk about in detail in my video below.

In any case, you may have finally gotten the courage to leave the relationship with a narcissist but they just won’t go away. Instead, they make it their mission to make your life a living hell and try to place their actions on you.

10. They tell You They Are the Best You Will Ever Have

By this point, you should know that you can have better than a narcissist. Because your relationship with a narcissist may be a living nightmare. But they do not see it like that. Instead, they will tell you no one will love you like they can, that you will never do better than them, and try to make you feel that they are the best that you can ever do. AND the sad thing is that they believe it.

Narcissists often have high self-esteem and may believe they are superior or special compared to other people. They are arrogant and they have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement. So in their brains, they are the best man in any and every relationship they are in. They believe it and will want you to believe it too. Even when it is untrue. 

So you may be saying that you are in a relationship with a narcissist and what you should do.   Either you can get therapy even the narcissists are willing to go or you can just leave.

People like I said, it is very hard for narcissists to change because often time they do not see themselves as the problem they see you and everyone else under the sun as the problem.  And if they are not the problem then how or why would they need to change. Chalk this up as a learning experience not to be repeated.  

If you know someone who may need to read this post then share it with them. AND also consider getting my book for single women that will teach you to go for much better relationships than a narcissist. Click here to buy or you can click here and I will give you the first few chapters for free. Christian single women

 

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