To listen to the blog “Why You’re So Insecure & How To Heal From It” over reading it just click the play button below.
If you are stuck asking yourself “why am I so insecure” then I am going to get into some reasons why but also let’s talk about how to get over it. I would love to sit here and tell you that the reason why you are insecure comes down to one thing and once this one thing is dealt with you will no longer be insecure.
Because that is not the case. The fact is that we live in a world that is judging us in some way, some shape, and some form all of the time. Ready to pick us apart whenever we do something that is not perfect. Not to mention the frienemies that are probably telling you, you are not skinny enough, not perfect enough. I have a video on that a highly suggest you watch down below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel.
And all of these little interactions that occur on a day-by-day basis fester in your brain, takes root, and live there, thus allowing all these insecure thoughts about what you are NOT to fester. I have a blog on how other people’s issues can become your issues, which I suggest you read. Because other people’s thoughts and opinions of you can make you develop unhealthy insecurities and that is what you don’t want.
So To Answer Your Question “Why Am I So Insecure?”
- Why am I so Insecure: You are insecure because you feel inadequate with yourself or your life in some way, shape, or form. Insecurity can come from deep-rooted issues, insecurities, or unrealistic expectations of yourself to achieve an image of yourself that may not be attainable. And because you cannot reach it, you always feel that you have fallen short in some way. Thus leading to your insecurity.
There are some insecurities that are warranted and there are some that are not. I think that some form of insecurity can be healthy. The reason being is because it can keep you pushing to be your best when you realize that you are falling short.
Case in point:
If you are a 34-year-old woman living with your parents and not doing anything significant with your life. You see all of your friends your ages with jobs and their own place, while you are sitting there doing nothing. This may cause some insecurity in you because you feel you are falling short. As you should be because you are.
This, in my opinion, is healthy insecurity. Looking around you and realizing that everyone else is doing better than you and you are somehow falling short is a good realization to have. Having healthy insecurities will ideally allow you to reflect on your own shortcomings and allow you to do better.
Unhealthy insecurities can come in many forms. It can come in the form of thinking that you are never good enough, never pretty enough, never this, that, or the third. And what this will lead to is you sitting in a world where you are striving for perfection (that can never be reached by the way). Always reaching, striving, and then tearing yourself apart when you are not perfect. That is where getting too sucked up in the world will get you. The world will get you an eating disorder if believe how skinny the world says you should be. The Bible states:
And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]. Romans 12:2
How To Step Out Of Feeling Insecure
The reason why I started off with that Bible verse which is from the amplified Bible which you can click here to buy, is because I wanted to point out something. That you cannot be concerned with superficial values and customs of this world. So if you are insecure because you do not have a thigh gap and your leg touch together, then that is what I mean by superficial values and custom. Most people’s legs touch and this has no real bearing on anything that you do in life. So who cares.
And that is where we have to balance healthy insecurities vs unhealthy ones. Healthy insecurities are a reminder to look at the world around me and compare myself to some extent on where I should be. Hence, you should not be a 40-year-old man living out of your mother’s basement and have never held a job in your life. YOU SHOULD BE INSECURE ABOUT THIS.
Insecurity in this case would ideally have the person reflect on their lives, where they are, and make them do something about it. Unhealthy insecurity is trying to reach a level of perfection that does not exist and tearing yourself apart of never feeling good enough.
We should all have self-esteem and love ourselves as is. Loving ourselves as is does not mean that you don’t want to improve. You do. But you understand what is realistic and what is striving for a level of perfection you can never attain. Also, check out my video for how to gain more self-confidence.
Why Am I So Insecure? How To Know If It’s Healthy?
Getting down to the root cause of all insecurities comes down to your self-regulation. You can watch the video down below where I talk about why you need self-regulation, which is an excerpt from my book for single women that you can buy here.
If you are stuck wondering “Why am I so insecure?” Then…
Assess the reason for your insecurity. Are you insecure because of what other people told you? Then this is unhealthy because you are conforming to other people’s thoughts of you and not your own. And you should not conform yourself to what other people think you should be.
- Is your insecurity realistic? If you are 25 years old college graduate and you are insecure because you are not a millionaire yet or you are insecure because you are not married. Then that is healthy insecurity because it is not realistic. Most 25-year-olds are not millionaires and most are not married. This type of insecurity you need to address because it is unreasonable. And will have you feeling all depressed for not being something MOST 25-year-olds are not.
With all insecurities, however, they should not only be addressed and worked on in a healthy way. For example, as I said in my video below I gained a lot of weight. I was over 200 pounds when that was normally not my weight. Yes, I was insecure about it and according to the doctor, I was also pre-diabetic. This is reasonable insecurity that caused me to lose weight and change my eating habits.
If you are wondering “why am I insecure” then at the very least start addressing what you feel insecure about. As long as it is in a realistic and healthy way. Insecure about being single, then go on dating apps and start dating. That way, even though you are still single you are taken an active role in changing your situation.
Feeling insecure because you are aimless. Then get tangible goals and work toward them so you won’t be aimless. No, you may not get a perfect life tomorrow but your insecurity will fade if you feel like you are doing something about the things you CAN do something about. And for the things you feel insecure about that you cannot change take a lesson from the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If you know someone who may need to read this post, then go ahead and share it with them.