To listen to the blog post “How To Cope With & Heal From Mommy Issues” over reading it just click the play button below.
Do you suffer from mommy issues? Or maybe you came to this post because you want me to answer those exact questions. If that is the case, then you have come to the right place. In this post we are going to talk about:
- What are mommy issues?
- Mommy Issues Symptoms
- What do mommy issues mean for you?
First, What Are Mommy Issues?
It is not just the idea that you have minor issues with your mother. Because a lot of people have minor issues with their mother. Mommy issues go beyond that.
Mommy issues occur when you have experienced a complicated relationship with your mother that has now given you long-lasting mental, emotional, or psychological effects.
There is no cookie-cutter way to say how you developed mommy issues but normally mommy issues come from toxic moms. Meaning that:
- If your mother emotionally or physically abused you, then you may suffer from mommy issues.
- If you had an emotionally absent mother or a mother who did not show you affection then you may suffer from mommy issues.
- If you had a mother who was overbearing and attempting to assert unreasonable and controlling demands over you, then you may have mommy issues.
You can also check out my video about family dysfunction to find out more about where these issues come from. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
The fact is, is that there are many ways in which you can develop mommy issues. But normally it comes from a strained relationship with your mother. Some people are able to get over mommy issues successfully and some are not. So here are some of the symptoms.
Mommy Issues Symptoms
- You may feel the need to prove or overperform in order to feel worthy of love.
- You may have difficulty trusting others or problems being vulnerable with others. For example, you may feel like “why open up to others when they are just going to leave anyway.”
- You could have abandonment issues (especially if you feel or feared abandonment by your own mothers). For example, you may feel the need to people-please or do everything right so that other people don’t abandon you.
- Relationship problems come in the form of looking for the love that you never had.
- Problems with having healthy romantic or platonic relationships as an adult.
What do mommy issues mean for you as an adult and how to disengage?
I think that we really have to get into the real about dealing with toxic moms. The fact of the matter is that most of you reading this probably has a mom in their life that they still have to deal with, still to this day. The first thing I want you to check out is my video on how to deal with toxic family members.
Secondly, I want you to realize is that as an adult you do not have to deal with a toxic mom and it is okay to draw boundaries. Often times when it comes to people drawing boundaries around our own mom it is hard because low key there is still some fear associated with your mother.
But as an adult, you have to understand that you don’t owe anyone anything. I am not telling you to be mean to your mother or to kick her out of your life. But rather figure out a way to deal with your mother so that she no longer affects you. That could mean:
- Choosing to disengage with your mother when YOU feel uncomfortable or when you notice that her toxic ways are starting to affect you.
- Communicating in a clear way how you want your mother to behave toward you and the moment she behaves in a way that is toxic to your well-being you disengaged.
- Accept that she is who she is and that there is no changing that. Instead of trying to change her, change the way that you engage with her. Also, read my blog post on how to deals with toxic family members.
I know that this can sound like a harsh way to treat your mom but remember to always be respectful to her. BUT also understand that you have a right to not be subjected to her. You can find healthy ways to navigate the relationship with your mother so that she does not continue to affect your adulthood.
What do mommy issues mean for you as an adult and who you surround yourself with?
One of the main effects of mommy issues is that it can make you surround yourself with some pretty jacked-up people. You may have a habit of making friends or even dating those who are just like your mother. Because even though toxic moms exist and we know that they are toxic people still have a way of surrounding themselves with people like their mom because low key this a way to somehow travel back in time to get their mother’s approval.
And here is the cold hard reality of that logic. That you may choose to date people like your mom, then those people are just going to intensify those issues (you can read my blog post here). Therefore, I want you to make a list of the people that you really surround yourself with and the type of men that you date, and ask yourself these questions:
- Does this person have characteristics of my mother?
- If so, what are they? Do they help my life or hurt my life?
When you answer the question of “do they hurt my life” think to yourself:
- How does the person in your life speak to you?
- Are they controlling?
- Do you feel like you have to jump through hoops to earn their love?
This will give you a good indicator if you are just using friends and romantic relationships as a way to traumatize yourself because you have deep-rooted issues with your mother.
Dealing With A Man That Has Mommy Issues
Understand that many of us have mommy issues and that can affect both males and females differently. So if you are a female and you have a habit of dating men with mommy issues then you may want to check out my video on how to spot a man child. These are the men that typically have mommy issues and men that you want to stay away from at all cost.
Last but not least, consider checking out my book for single women. If you have mommy issues and you think that it has made you develop some unhealthy dating patterns then you will want to check out the book. Just click here to buy.