5 Ways To Recognize Frenemies & Toxic Friendships

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What is the frenemies meaning?  Well, in short, frenemies are some of the worst people you can encounter because they smile in your face but then stab you in the back. They are the classic definition of toxic friendships.  In this post I am going to go over:

• Signs of a Frenemy
• What is a frenemy exactly
• How To Deal With A Frenemy
• And How to Tell The Different between a friend or frenemy. 

I know this may seem like overkill when it comes to knowing what exactly a frenemy is. But take it from me first hand. Having them in your life for too long is just setting yourself up for sabotage and failure. And by the time you finish reading this post, you will know exactly why that is.

But before we continue be sure to check out my video on friends so you know the type of friends that you need to have around you and the ones you need to cut off.  Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

1. Frenemies Meaning ~ Why They Are Toxic Friendships

Frenemies are toxic friendships and people who pretend to be your friend, but deep down they are rooting for you to fail.  According to the power of positivity a frenemy is is somebody who pretends to be a friend but is really a rival. Of course, we might not know it since they are friendly and attentive whenever we are around, but underneath it all, they have feelings of resentment, bitterness, and maybe even hatred.

2. The Dangers These Frenemies AKA Toxic Friendships Cause

Madame Noire sums of the dangers of frenemies.  A frenemy receives the privileges and insights of both friends and enemies. You confide in a frenemy the way you do a good friend, and then that frenemy can use the information you give them to act as an enemy.

Frenemies are truly one of the most dangerous types of toxic friendships that you can have. In a perfect world, people who mean you harm would be upfront about it. But, fortunately, for the most part, many selfish, ill-meaning individuals out there aren’t smart enough to conceal their agenda. The frenemy is dangerous because she’s smart and she can misdirect your attention.

3. Frenemies & 4 Signs Of Their Toxic Friendships

One of the more common signs of a frenemy or one of these toxic friendships is giving backhanded compliments. Oh, you know the statements that seem nice on the surface but when you think about it, it was their way of tearing you down on the low. Stuff like saying, Oh you look a little chunky today, but your outfit is cute. Or Are you wearing your hair like that, I wouldn’t but do you?

Phrases like these seem harmless but if you hear them over and over again you will start to question your weight, your hair, and other things about yourself that and these little things that your so-called friend has put in your head can cause you to develop your own insecurities.

Another sign of a frenemy is she makes it her mission to exclude you.  She could be going out, going on vacation with her other friends, or have a really good party and something to go to, and instead of her inviting you she will exclude you, then tell you about it later. In fact, she is likely to tell you about all the fun that she had with her other friends and then give you a list of reasons why she did not invite you or why you would not have fit in well at the event.

She is the opposite of motivating.  I want to actually illustrate this point with a story. When I started my Master’s degree I had a girlfriend that told me that I could not do it being a single mother, she told me I was going to quit before finishing, and how it was going to be hard.

Every time I told her about going to my Master’s program and then after that getting my Ph.D. she would a laugh and me and tell me I could not do it. She would say any and everything in her power to actually make me feel bad about myself.  That is what I mean by being the opposite of motivating.

Talks about you to other people. A frenemy may talk behind your back to other people she may even talk about you in front of your face and then try to mask it as a joke. Either way, a frenemy is always going to have your name in her mouth and what is going to be coming out of her mouth about you is NOT going to be good.

4. Friends Or Frenemies ~ Toxics Friendships or Healthy Ones

Now before you go around calling all your friends a frenemy you need to know the difference between the two.  The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect and your friends make show some signs of a frenemy and they may actually be your friend.

The best way to determine if they are a friend or a frenemy is to look at the above signs and if your so-called friend does most of the above signs on a constant and consistent basis then she is not a friend.  You can have fights and or disagreements with a friend and that does not always make them your frenemy.

You can tell a real friend from a fake one if they really want the best for you, are there when you need them, and when you are around them they make you laugh, feel encouraged, and feel good about yourself over feeling crappy.

5. How To Deal With Frenemies & Toxic Friendships

Dealing with frenemies is really easy. Just cut them out of your life.  You can start by telling them how you feel but be prepared for them not to care and not to want to change. The whole purpose of a frenemy is to hurt you anyway, so do not expect them to change if you tell them that they are hurting you. That was more than likely their goal.

Once I let go of the negative people and people who did not really want me to do good go, guess what? I started to do better. When you have frenemies in your life that are always negative and raining on your parade that is ALWAYS going to keep you down exactly where they want you to be. I want to illustrate my point with the following Bible verse when Jesus tried to hear a girl.

When Jesus came into the ruler’s house and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd wailing, He said to them, Make room, for the girl is not dead, but sleeping. And they ridiculed Him. But when the crowd was put outside, He went in and took her by the hand, and he healed the girl. Matthew 9:23-25

I  love this example because it shows how negative people can prevent you from doing something.  It was not that Jesus could not heal the child, but he sent everyone out because their unbelief and negativity was going to interrupt his process.

That is what having frenemies around will do to you. They will continue to be all up in your world, ruining your process, messing up your life, and thinking that it is funny. Which is why you have to rid yourself of them and NOT feel bad about it.

If you are always around other people whose thoughts, words, and opinions drown out your own; then how can you hear your own voice?

Soon their voice will become your voice and you will start to believe them and what they say you are. Now that you know what a frenemy is do not allow them to come up in your space and speak down to you and cause you to be beneath what you were meant for. You can do something about it and you do not have to sit and be subjected to anyone else’s abuse.

If you know someone who needs help recognizing the signs of a frenemy in her life then be sure to share this post with her.

Also, do you know that I have a book that is specifically for Christian single women (Click here). That covers this topic and SO SO much. Because I know that you will enjoy this book I am going to give you the first chapter FREE. All you have  to do is click here or the link below and the first chapter is YOURS.