To listen to the blog post “Putting Yourself First So Men Won’t Take Advantage” over reading it just click the play button below.
I am going to tell you how to put yourself first in a relationship. And I also want you to understand that putting yourself first in a relationship does not mean that you are a selfish person. You have to put yourself first for your own sanity and for your own good.
Putting Yourself First So Men Won’t Take Advantage ~ Case In Point
I have a female friend, she is in a relationship or perhaps even a situationship with a man. The only thing that he does is ask her to do favors for him and ask her for money.
And surprise surprise she gives it to him. When I asked her why she let him use her, she said because she was afraid she was not going to be his girlfriend anymore and she wanted to be his ride or die. She further asked me. Isn’t relationships about putting the other person before yourself? And that is what I am going to address.
Because to an extent yes, but not when someone is taking so much out of you that you don’t have anything to give to yourself. Which I actually spoke about in my video below on how to date as an ambitious woman which you can watch. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
1. Putting Yourself First ~ There is a time and place
In relationships, it is wonderful to put the other person before yourself but all that should come to an end when they are using you and you are not getting anything out of a relationship. I get we want to do for others, but why does doing for others mean that we can let others take advantage of us? And why are we afraid to lose a relationship or friendship knowing that their behavior toward us is dysfunctional? It is not bad to put yourself first.
I am a Christian and I am saying that. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that thou shalt be someone’s fool and allow them to run all over you and treat you badly and you just have to sit there and be in a relationship with them. There is a time and a place to put someone else first. There is also a time and a place to put yourself first. A perfect example of the proper time and a place to put yourself first is when you are being taken advantage of in a relationship.
2. Putting Yourself First – Don’t Let Your Loneliness Be Your Defeat
When you are in a relationship with a man, you need to remember that YOU matter too. What you want matters and if the other person is not willing to give you that then you can walk away. For some reason, it seems as if we women have forgotten that what we want matters.
When you start putting yourself first you must remember we do not have to stay in abusive relationships, friendships, or continuously be around toxic people so that we do no feel alone. Never let the fact that you do not want to be alone allows you to stay in a relationship that is not mutually beneficial to you, where you are getting used, or where you do not feel fulfilled.
As the old saying goes you can do bad all by yourself. You do not need to be with someone to make you feel bad. It is better to be lonely for a while than it is to be in a dead-end relationship that will not take you anywhere and make you feel bad about yourself anyway.
3. Putting Yourself First ~ Forgive But Still Move On
As a Christian woman, you may want to tell me that you HAVE to not put yourself first. And that it is a sin to be selfish. And to that, I will say this. The Bible does tell us to forgive. But forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. You can forgive from a distance, especially if you are not feeling like you are not getting what you need in a relationship.
Sometimes we just have to say, “I forgive you but you need to go about your business and I will go about mine.” Sometimes you just have to say “I think that it is toxic for me to be around you so therefore I am choosing my own happiness and my own sanity over yours. Understand that I do not hate you, but I cannot be with you.”
Case in Point
I had a second friend where she was dating a man for years and he still did not want to commit to her. He told her openly that he wanted to date other women. He hurt her, but she thought that because she loved him that she had to forgive him. And she thought that she had to give him what he wanted all because of her love for him.
That is the wrong answer. When you start putting yourself first. Sometimes we just have to let go and make what we want a priority. Even if you love that person and even if it hurts. And know that when you put yourself first, even though it hurts now it will help you in the long run.
Letting go of bad relationships will force you to move on, hang out with a new set of people, and just move forward in life. And don’t feel bad about that. I do not care if you love them or care about them, nothing gives them the right to abuse your love. You deserve the same type of love you put out. Also, check out my video on how to forgive but not forget.
4. Putting Yourself First ~ Exact Steps You Can Take
If you are in a toxic relationship and you know that their energy is sucking the life out of you. I can tell you exactly had to cut the umbilical cord from these people.
- Do not answer their phone calls. Block their number if you have to.
- Do not give them money
- Do not allow them to cheat on you. When they do, cut them off. Staying with them tells them that they can cheat on you again and you won’t go anywhere.
- Enjoy your life. Even if you are torn apart by the relationship not working out do not let it disrupt your whole way of being. The best way you can put yourself first is to succeed, do better, be better, and have a better life than you ever would have if you were to stay in that relationship.
Sometimes life is just waiting for you to get out of that bad relationship, friendship, environment, workplace, or living arrangement before your life can move you forward. Life is waiting for you to stop dealing with certain types of people and to stop failing the same test that has been out before your time and time again. It is okay to be put yourself first. Even if it means being by yourself for a while so that you can get your head straight.
It is okay to end a relationship because they are using you or not treating you the way you should be treated.
And only you can determine what “not being treated the way you should look like.” If you want to be selfish in a relationship I give you permission not to feel bad about it. It does not make you a crazy, mean cold, or a heartless person. It means you have figured out that sometimes you and your sanity have to come first.
If you know someone that needs to put themself first then feel free to share this post with them.
Also, do you know that I have a book that is specifically for Christian single women? That covers this topic and SO SO much you can click here to buy. Or because I know that you will enjoy this book I am going to give you the first chapter FREE. All you have to do is click here or the link below and the first chapter is YOURS.