If you want to listen to the blog post “5 Reasons Why Casual Sex Is Bad For You” over reading it then just click the play button below.
Does having sex too soon ruin a relationship? YES, it does and I am going to tell you why. But before we get into that, I know you WANT to believe that having sex too soon does not matter. That it is liberating. That a man will not judge you. That is all a lie. In fact, a study by Live Science shows that delaying sex makes a relationship better.
But that is not the perception, because the world would have us believe that casual hookups are actually good for you when really having sex too soon is bad for you. It is bad for your self-esteem, it is bad for your relationship, it is just a bad look all the way around. I do not care how progressive the world is, having sex too soon and sharing your vagina with everyone is not liberating.
It is not going to make him love you more and it is not going to make him want to be with you. To men, sex is just sex and your vagina comes to a dime a dozen. And I do not care how good you think your vagina is. In the famous words of Steve, Harvey men can have sex with women and not feel any type of way about you and sex can never win over a man.
But so many women make the mistake of having sex too soon, they end up feeling used and abused wondering what in the world happened. Wondering how a man can sleep with them and then treat them so cold or the relationship does not progress in the way that they want it to progress. You have given him your vagina after all. The most sacred part of you and you feel that he should be grateful. Yeah, that is not how that works.
Before dropping your panties to a man think about if he has never said he loved you or expressed any future plans with you aside from you coming back to his house so you can have sex again? If he has done none of these things then you are having sex too soon.
I personally am a huge advocate of even waiting until marriage and even consider becoming celibate because there are so many benefits to is. It allows you to look beyond the physical of having sex to getting to know the actual person. If you are not trying to hear all of this and you want me to tell that it makes no difference if you pass around your vagina like a tray of passed hor oeuvres.
You can exit stage left because you are NOT going to hear that from me. If you want to hear the real deal on how sleeping with a man too soon ruins a relationship, then stick around and I will tell you. You ready. But first, be sure to check out my video on this topic below, and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
#1 Casual Sex ~ Is Against Human Nature
Humans are different from animals because we can mate for life and sex is more than sex because it is a way of making a relationship stronger. But if you are not in a relationship and you are only having sex then casual sex is not going to make your bond stronger.
As a human being your goal should not be to go around participating in casual sex and randomly having sex with a bunch of people and not connecting on a deeper level. This is not what we, as humans were made for.
Understand that as women; scientifically we release hormones after sex that cause us to feel more attached to a person. We were made to fall in love, and not jump from one person to the next with a whole slew of casual hookups. Under this premise, if you have had sex too soon in a relationship then your situation may have gone like this. You had sex, you REALLY like him or feel that you love him.
He ignores you or does not give you the attention that you feel you deserve. You feel heartbroken, and then you try to have sex with him more and more to try to get him to feel how you feel.
But he doesn’t and then you get your feelings hurt. That is because when you had sex with him your mind is all messed up. And that is the basic premise of a soul tie which I have a blog post on click here and you can also watch my video below on soul ties.
You are infatuated with him because that is what your hormones are telling you, you are. And while he has gotten over you because you were just sex, you have attached to him thinking that the “relationship is more than what it is” thus causing you some problems.
#2 Are Using Casual Sex To Get Your Rocks Off And Not To Form An Actual Relationship
“Sex is supposed to be an extension of love or a deeper connection that you have with a person.”
But how can it be an extension of a deeper connection if you do not really know this person and you just jump into bed with them? Yes, casual sex, it’s fun and it feels good. But it will feel a whole lot better if you actually love that person, want to grow with that person, and want a future with that person.
When you have sex too soon you are not allowing yourself to do that. You don’t know this person from a hole in the wall you have shared your body with them and now you wonder why your relationship has gone south. Because you don’t know them.
AND so with casual sex there is no emotional connection. It is literally let’s have sex so that we can both feel good and that it is. It is not let’s have sex because I love you, want to connect with you and deepen our connection. When you are having sex too soon you are doing it out of lust and not actual LOVE.
I actually have another video on, this is more of a Bible meets science and how the aspect of a soul tie or having sex too soon can affect your emotional connection. Watch below.
#3 What if I just want casual sex and don’t care about a relationship?
If that is how you feel then why are you reading this blog post? If you want to just go have casual sex then know that there is a large possibility that this is all you will have with that person. NOTHING MORE. I have heard some women who do not want a relationship they only want casual hookups and they somehow feel as though they are winning in these situations.
They tell me that when they are done they can just send the man about their own way like they are the ones getting the benefit of using him. Umm no he is using you.
He is getting to have sex with you, have his satisfaction, and go home to girlfriend number 1-10 where he does the same thing with him and has the same type of casual hookup with other women. There is nothing special about that.
And a relationship is not going to form from that. You cannot experience the actual love part that goes on in the lovemaking process. I am sure the sex is like a porno.
No connection and just a bunch of pounding and roughness. So if you don’t want a relationship then that is your choice but then I would ask why would just reduce yourself to sex. I am sure you have so much more to offer than that.
#4 Casual Sex ~ Can Keep You From Having a Healthy Relationship
One of my female friends went out with and had casual sex with a man in which the sex was awful. And she tried to talk to him about it and he said that he learned how to have sex from porn and other women never complained. That was because his longest relationship was like 6 months just long enough for the sex to get old.
And because he did not form a real connection he had nothing to keep him with these women once he was over having sex with them. My female friend broke up with him because of his inability to be a boyfriend.
He thought that a relationship meant getting her in the bed, having sex with her and other women and that was it. You see, this is where having sex too soon gets you.
The inability to actually make love to someone. The inability to actually get to know someone. And the inability to actually know and understand that a relationship is beyond just getting someone between your sheets.
I have dated a man that had had so many hookups that when I tried to have a conversation with him and all he wanted to do was talk about sex, text about sex, or want to know when we were going to have sex. And then when I stopped talking to him he wondered what my problems were.
The problem was that you are too busy finding women, sleeping with them, and you think that is enough to sustain a relationship. I have actually counseled people off of the fact that they got married because the sex was good.
And then once the newness of the sex wears off you realize that you do not even know and/or like this person. Sex, can put blinders on your eyes and make you think that because you are having sex with someone that you are getting to know them. That is not the same thing.
That is more so of lust and to show you I am not perfect I actually used to struggle with lust which I have a blog post on (click here) and I spoke about more in detail in my video below.
#5 Having Casual Sex Too Soon here is where it gets you
Women if you want takeaway relationship advice from this, then take away this. Casual hookups are not a relationship. Having sex with a man on the first night is not going to make him want to be with you forever. If you are really wondering if you are having sex too soon, then ask yourself do I plan on marrying this person and does this person plans on marrying you.
If the answer is no then ask yourself why are you willing to commit yourself to share your body with this person but not a wedding ring. I would like to end with some real-life advice from Steve Harvey in an interview done by ABC. Directly from his book, Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady Think Like A Man.
“When I worked at Ford Motor Company, they have a probation period. You have to be on the job 90 days in order for Ford Motor Company to release its benefits package to you.”Why do women, who possess the greatest benefit of them all, why are you passing on your benefits to a guy who has not been on the job for 90 days and has not proven to you that he’s worthy of a benefits package?”
If you know another woman who needs to read this post then feels free to share it with her don’t be selfish.
And I have something for you single women and it is my book specifically for you, that you can click here to get. And if you are unsure, I want to give you the first few chapters for free because that is how sure I am that you are going to love it. Click here to get it.