To listen to the blog post “Boyfriend Vs Husband Privileges ~ Don’t Give The Milk Away For Free” over reading it just click the play button below.
Boyfriend vs husband privileges are not the same. I do not care how long you have been dating, going out, and I do not care if you “see” your boyfriend like your husband. I do not care if you live together, if you have children together, or if you have met his family.
I do not even care about common-law marriage. Unless you have a legally binding document, also knows as a marriage certificate, then you are not married, and therefore, he is not your husband. Until he actually becomes your husband he is a boyfriend. And if the same thing for girlfriends, they are not wives click here to check that out my blog post on that. And last but not least, watch my video below for more on this topic, and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.
What this all comes down to is a simple quote that you have probably heard from your parents or even grandparents. Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free? Meaning why would he marry you if he is getting all the privileges of being a husband when he is not your husband.
And you can pretend that you do not care if you are married all you want to, but with marriage comes actual REAL LIFE and much-needed benefits which I speak about in my blog here. In any case, I am going to list 3 behaviors that women give to their boyfriends that should be husband privileges and give you some pretty legit reasons on why you should stop doing these ASAP. Are you ready, let’s get into it?
1. Boyfriend vs Husband Privileges ~ Husbands get Sex boyfriends shouldn’t
Boyfriend vs husband privileges. I know that this is something that you are not going to hear. But as a person who has had sex and a person who is celibate I actually prefer being celibate. And not because I do not like sex it is just because there are benefits to being celibate which I talk about in my blog here. When I tell people that I am celibate and have been for the past few years they look at my side-eyed thinking that I am absolutely insane. They don’t understand the point. They say, “Why would you not want to have sex?”, “Do you not like sex?”, “Maybe the men you had sex with did not put it on your right.” Those are not the reasons why I chose to stop having sex.
Boyfriend vs husband privileges. When it comes down to it the boyfriends I had sex with I am not married to any of them now so when I think about it what a waste. Giving up your vagina and doing a very intimate act with a man that may not be in your life months or even a year from now. The fact of the matter is that sex clouds your judgment. It makes you believe that a relationship is more than what it is, it makes a woman believe that a man cares for her more than he does, and it can make a woman believe that she is in love when she really isn’t.
Without sex, it forces you to talk and really see the man for what he is and if he would even make a good husband. There is no good sex to hide behind that will cloud your judgment. AND it will reveal a man’s true intentions. If he is just there for the sex and when he finds out you are not having sex with him, he will leave. If he wants to get to know you for you, then he will stay.
Instead of giving your boyfriend sex why not build a connection outside of sex. If you know that you have built a strong connection outside of sex and a man wants to marry you still. That is how you know that it is real. And let’s be real, one of the main reasons why I like being celibate is that there are too many STDs out there that can kill you. Is giving your boyfriend some vagina (him breaking up with you) then giving your next boyfriend vagina and him sleeping with another woman a month before, worth the risk of stirring up all of your bodily fluids and getting a disease?
2. Boyfriend vs Husband Privileges ~ Boyfriends shack up and husband make a Home
I am so against playing house. I used to live with a boyfriend of mine and it was not good. I was the only one on the lease and all the bills were in my name. He had the freedom to walk out whenever he wanted to. And he did. When we broke up he left and that was that. All the bills and the rent fell on me.
With my ex, he still did everything that he wanted to do. He would go out and come in at all times of the night. I would not know where he was or where he was going, and his excuse would be“We are not married, I can do what I want.” And what he was saying was true, because he was not really married to me and therefore had no real obligation to me. And here I was pretending to be a wife to a fictitious marriage just because we lived together. Living with him and playing wife without actually being a wife.
That is because he was just shacking up and he was not really invested in building a home with me. A boyfriend who shares a home with you has one foot in and one foot out. Because he wants to live with you, sleep with you, have you cook and clean for him like a wife but he does not want to fully commit to making a home as a husband would.
At least with a husband (God forbid), you get a divorce you are entitled to the home and mutual assets. If you are sharing a home with a boyfriend that has a nice home, that is HIS home and when he gets ready to break up with and kick you out of it you are not entitled to anything. If you guys want to live together and he wants you to play his wife then he mine as well make you his wife. Also, check out my video below to help you recognize the traits of a good man.
3. Boyfriend vs Husband Privileges ~ Your Money Is Not His Money and Vice Versa
When you get married there is no my money or his money. It really all just blurs together. With a boyfriend not so much. If you do not believe me ask your boyfriend to put you on all his bank accounts, his retirement, 401k, and be the beneficiary on his life insurance. He will probably look at you like you are crazy because you are not his wife and that is EXACTLY my point. Even if you have a generous boyfriend that gives you the money you probably still do not have access to all of the stuff that I have mentioned above.
Not in the same way that a husband and wife would. When you married you should be making financial decisions together. You buy cars together and a house together. This is the trust that comes with being married. But not so much with a boyfriend he is not going to share all of his money with you.
So why do it for him? With a boyfriend, you should not be co-signing for him a car or anything else for that matter. Because if you break up it gives him the right to ruin your credit. He is not your husband. He does not care. You should not be giving him money, paying his bills, or anything like that. He simply has not earned that right as a boyfriend.
Boyfriend vs husband privileges ~ Case in point
I had a friend that was paying for her boyfriend’s mortgage to this huge house. Her philosophy is that she is making an investment in her future house as when she married him she would be moving in it. But in reality, she did not live there, her name was not on anything, and when he left her for another woman she saw that she invested in a mansion she never lived in. And now that he is married to this other woman, that other woman gets the house because she is his wife. My friends get nothing because she mistook her boyfriend for a husband, invested way too much, and ended up looking silly in the end.
I know that what I am saying is not super popular BUT I can promise you that if you over-invest in a boyfriend and treat him like your husband when he does not become your husband you are going to feel bitter and used. And if he is telling you that he wants to become your husband then what is the harm in waiting to give him all of the above benefits when he becomes your husband and not before.
4. Boyfriend vs Husband Privileges Final Thoughts
Once again, why would he buy the cow if he is getting the milk for free? He is not going to want anything to change. You will want to get married and he will say “why and what is the difference in your relationship now?” Exactly. Incentives for him come when he makes to leap to be your husband.
If you know a woman that needs to stop giving a boyfriend husband benefits, then go ahead and share this post with her.
Plus I have something FREE for you. I have a book specifically for single women (click to buy) and I want to give you the FIRST chapter for FREE. Just click here or the picture below to get it.
My husband and I got a lot of flack for not living together before marriage from some people. (a lot were supportive as well though!) The thing is, it made it SOOO special after our wedding to move in together and begin our life as husband and wife. My friends who lived together said nothing felt like it changed after marriage, and I felt sorry for them.
AMEN!!!! I wish more people thought that way!!!!
Kudos to you for living all of this by example! All so true!
I agree! Because for me, while my husband and I were close as boyfriend and girlfriend and we were practically living a married lifestyle, there were some things he had to wait for and it definitely changed after marriage. You need to have that separation somehow so to keep your love life… fascinating… or at least that is what I think 😉
awesome read. My husband and I lived together before marriage, but we moved into a new house after we got married which really helped. It was nice to start a fresh new life.
This is something that would definitely raise some brows but it had to be said. Congratulations on speaking in such a great way a very controversial topic.
This is good. I think it is important to define the two. Another great post, Sophia!
Thanks so much.
I have loved the article. Very very very insightful pointers! There is need to demacate the two phases!
Glad you liked it.
So happy that i can comment on this one.
The article is a good one, but there are some problems here and there:
– What if you meet a man, that after dating for a while, wants to get commited, without marrying? Wants to make sacrifices, invest in you, raise your value as a person, but out of personal objective reasons does not want to marry (you or anyone
else, not you specifically)???
– I do not believe that there are no real men in this world that are willing to commit without marriage. Do you really think that a boy that is not commited, suddendly after marriage will morph into a grown man who is ready to provide and commit?? Sophia, a real high level man will be commited from the start, marrying him will not change anything in regards to material benefits for you. He will failsafe for everything.
Finally!!! Some truth!! I have been looking for something like this and now i know i am not the only one!
Plus, marriage is sacred! A beautiful union between a man and a woman in front of God made with God!
Marriage is something to protect and not something you give away for free!
Love this so much. ” Why would he buy the cow if he gets the milk for free?”
This is such a relief to hear. Thank you for making this post!!!!
And thank you for your comment.
So agree! We give them love and care and as a result they just get spoiled and EXPECT us to be this ‘wifey’ all the time, MEANWHILE won’t do their part like giving a ring and propose.
I would add another point to this article: do not be so committed to him plus do not date for 5 years. It is 2 years and if no ring – next please. These guys like to have their cake and eat it too. And guess what – you are the one who gives away the cake! Read more about the cake thing – click on my name FloridaFlowerGirl. It is hilarious!!! Thank you Sophie!
And thank you for your comment.