To listen to the blog post “7 Ways To Master Practicing Celibacy In A Relationship” over reading it just click the play button below.
Practicing celibacy in a relationship can be hard. We are human beings, we have flesh, and a lot of times our flesh wants to have sex. I get it I have been here (see my story on lust). But I have also bee celibate, for a long time, for years, and I have even been celibate while dating. And even though sex can be an amazing experience, celibacy can be amazing as well. Now before you roll your eyes at me I want you to consider a few things. BUT FIRST. Be sure to check out my video on where I talk about celibacy, and also subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.
- How many men have you dated and had sex with, and you are no longer with them?
- How many men have you had sex with and are married to them?
- How many men have ghosted you after you had sex with them?
- How many men have started treating you badly after you have had sex?
So if this is happening to you, would you not want to be safe than sorry. The benefits of celibacy in a relationship is that you can make sure men are there for the right reasons. Wouldn’t you want to protect yourself from feeling used and abused after someone has had sex with you? And the way to protect yourself against all of that is to be celibate in your relationships and focus on getting to know each other not on the sex. Being celibate is hard but being celibate in a relationship can be even harder.
Which is exactly why I am going to give you 5 ways on how to practice abstinence when you are with someone. And I know you may be attracted to your partner and you feel that you are in committed relationships, but remember all the feelings above. Don’t leave your body and your emotions up to chance. That maybe he will marry you, maybe he will be around this time next year, or maybe he is the one. Know for sure and keep your body to yourself.
When you practice celibacy in a relationship it is really hard for a guy to just be in it for the sex and that is because you are not giving him sex. So that is a sure way for him to really get to know you and fall in love with aside for what you are offering him in the bedroom. So, with that being said. Without further delay. Here Are 7 Tips On How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship. And for an additional tidbit check out my video on how being celibate can heal you.
How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship ~ #1 Don’t put yourself in bad situations.
I tried to be celibate so many times and I failed many many times. The times that I ended up messing up is because I put myself in a situation where I could mess up. For example:
- A Netflix and chill night. In which two are alone.
- Spending the night over each other’s house.
- Laying in the bed together. (a bonus if it is naked)
- Getting drunk around each other that may compromise your decision-making.
- Going over each other’s house late at night so that they are too sleepy to go home and end up spending the night at each others house.
- Walking around in lingerie, at night, in his room, next to his bed. I know it seems like common sense but you never know.
In case you do not see the pattern here, all of the above actions put you in a prime position to slip up, fall, and not maintain your celibacy. You may be thinking that you can maintain your abstinence under these situations, but why even test it? Why even put yourself in compromising positions that will MORE than likely cause you to have sex? Instead choose to be smart about how you put yourself out there and what you do with your significant other while you are in a relationship.
I highly suggest you read this post by Heather Lindsey, where her and her husband did not even kiss until their wedding day and neither of them were virgins. BUT for them they felt kissing would put them in a spot where they may not be able to fight off temptation. I am not saying you have to go that far, but each person knows their limits on what they can and cannot do in a relationship just make sure you don’t pass that limit. I do also understand that you are not a robot and you want to create intimate moments. For that reason you can watch my video on how to show intimacy while practicing celibacy in a relationship.
How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship ~ # 2 No “technically not having sex” moments.
If you want to know how to practice celibacy in a relationship, you have to be intentional about it. So do not lie to yourself saying you can just lay in the bed and cuddle…naked, giving him a lap dance. Do not have heavy make out sessions naked with one another and then have oral sex. Do not get into the shower together butt naked together to mess around and think that just because you did not technically have sex its all good.
The fact of the matter is that once you take yourself there, as far and starting the sexual process, it is very hard to pull away. And if you want to be celibate for spiritual reasons, lets not try to fool God and say to ourselves that because we did not have the LITERAL definition of sex then its okay.
Meanwhile you did everything else under the sun. Like let’s be real. In these situations you are exciting lust and making it more and more likely that you will have sex. And plus, how do you think the man will look at you being technically celibate due to religious reasons but you will pretty much do any other sexual act except for “the act.” It will make you look like your celibacy and your spiritual beliefs about celibacy are a joke.
How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship ~ # 3 Find someone with similar beliefs.
A lot of men will tell you that being celibate in a relationship is impossible. These are the same type of men that will not respect your decision to be celibate and pressure you to have sex. If you are celibate and the man keeps trying to have sex with you or talks dirty to you all the time he is not helping anything, he may wear you down, and really it is downright disrespectful for him to try to coheres you into sex after you already told him you did not want to.
If someone is not supportive of you abstaining from sex then you need to question if it is meant for you to be with that person. Your body is your own, you should not be pressured by anyone to have sex if you don’t want to. It is a lot easier to remain abstinent if you have someone who is willing to do that with you and understands your spiritual reasons for doing it. And don’t think that it is IMPOSSIBLE.
#4 How To Practice Celibacy Case in point: Ciara and Russel Wilson
Who are currently happening married and are both very attractive people. In fact, Russel was the one who decided to take the lead on their celibate journey. Check out the video below and you will see that. So not all men are in relationships with you to get in your pants:
Also, Ciara and Russel Wilson did a q and a on their IG live which I did a reaction video to that you can watch down below.
#5 Practicing Celibacy In A Relationship ~ Devon Franklin and Megan Good.
Who also might I add are two very attractive people and who are also happy married. What they both have in common is that they have the same belief system and they were both on the same page about what they wanted to do and being celibate.
How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship ~ # 6 Pray About It
Do you know what Ciara attributes her ability to not have sex with her now husband Russell to (before marriage that is)? Prayer. Because doing it on your own through your own self control can be very hard. No one said it is going to be easy because deep down we want to have sex. BUT, prayer will keep you strong and God will also remove any temptation that you may be having when you feel you may slip up.
If you read my blog the benefits of being celibate you will see that the whole process is beyond just not having sex. It is about controlling your flesh, your desires, and finding the right person for you without the sex. A lot of the time, sex blinds you from a lot of things. You can lust after someone, think you are in love when really all you like about the person is sex. Remember why you decided to stop having sex and use that reason to stick to it. Ask God to give you the strength. Don’t believe me? Take it from a woman who has both been there and done that. You can watch my video down below to here more about my celibacy journey.
“I really believe that when you focus on a friendship, you have the opportunity to build a strong foundation for a relationship — and once you know you’re really great friends and you’re what we call ‘equally yoked,’ where you share the same values or the same outlook on life, it kind of sets the tone,” she added. “Knowing that you’ll always have the friendship and that you can always go back to it is very important, and very powerful.” Russell Wilson
How To Practice Celibacy in a relationship ~ #7 Look Up Horror Stories and STD’s
Okay so I know the other tips were all positive and what not, so this may sound insane, but it works for me. Whenever I hear about STDs it just makes me even more grateful that I am celibate and it gives me one less thing to worry about. I do not have to worry about an STD because I am not having sex. See how that works?
Because really, the last thing I want to do is get an STD or something I cannot get rid of. So whenever you are tempted look up pictures of STD’s or stories about how people contracted AIDS, and it will be a reminder that your life is not worth playing Russian roulette with. That anything can happen and that anyone that you are with or chose to have sex with can have anything.
When you remember that, it will get rid of your temptations REALLY quick. Watch what I tell you. Those pictures will be a reminder that there are too many diseases going on in this world for you to just give yourself up to someone you are not married to. It will remind you that it is better to be with the person you marry than it is to sleep with someone who may not be around a few months later, and that they may leave you a present in the form of an STD to deal with.
After reading these tips I really hope that they help you. As someone who has lived it all of these tips have helped me. I also know that so many of you women are thinking easier said then done and your concern is that you are afraid the man may go away. And so I will tell you this.
Do you know that every man that I dated that was really interested in me never mind the fact that I was celibate. In fact, they saw it more as a turn on in some weird way. So a man who is really into you and wants to be with you, should respect your decision and is not just going to walk away when you tell them you are celibate. If they do then they are not that interested in the first place and you just save yourself some heartache.
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PLUS I have something free for you. It is the first chapter of my book ” Fix It, Jesus! For Single Women Only. The Straightforward No-Nonsense Guide To Dating, Relationships, and Self Improvement (click here to read more about it).
If you want the first chapter for free just click here or the picture below.
That is dreadful advice. Im married, and went off sex years ago. My partner and I were never really that into each other physically anyway but when I wanted to go celibate it was tough on him. He has gone along with it but I know it isnt easy for him. We HAVE to cuddle and watch movies etc together in order to compensate for the lack of intimacy. We LIVE together…lol
I am sorry that you did not find this advice helpful, but you probably have a a lot of will power which is good. But statistically when you lay in the bed with someone, live with someone, or are alone with someone those types of situations can make it harder to maintain celibacy. But not for all people as you have pointed out.
I completely agree with the laying in bed. Beds are dangerous! It’s like once in bed, plans to remain abstinent “goes out the window”. But I have high standards, so “abstinent” doesn’t mean the same as a “touchdown”. It could be less than….
Thank you for the post.
Glad you enjoyed it.