To listen to the blog post “5 Tips For Living With Celibacy As A Single Mom” over listening to it just click the play button below.
Living with celibacy as a single mom is not as hard as you think. Practicing celibacy is possible and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it because you have a child. I know what you may be thinking, what the men that you are dating may be telling you, it is not like you have never had sex before. You may fear that the men you date may not want to go along with it, think it is weird, or not want to date you. After all, who do you think you are trying to go back to being all holy after having a child? You have a child!
I can tell you first hand as someone who is a single mom and have been single for years, and have been practicing celibacy, that not having sex has never ran away a man, just check out my tinder dating stories if you don’t believe me. I can also tell you that I am so SO much happier now that I am celibate because I do not have to worry about men ghosting me after sex or being with me for the wrong reasons.
I am living with celibacy (see my blog here). So it is doable. I also understand that practicing celibacy as a single mom can be difficult. Trust and believe that I failed many, many times before I actually succeeded. But the peace of mind I actually felt once I actually was able to maintain my celibacy makes me feel 100% times better. Which is what I talked about in my video below, so go ahead and watch it and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel as well, just click here.
But I do not want to pretend that I live in LA LA land about the harsh realities of what you may face as someone who wants to STOP having sex after you have already had sex AND had a child. Unless you were impregnated by the Holy Spirit, your child is a reminder to everyone that you have had sex before. What that means to other people, especially men, is that it is hard to understand why you want to be celibate now, when you have obviously had sex before. Despite this perception that may come from men you can practice celibacy as a single mother if you want to, there are benefits to it (click my blog here) and I am going to give you the important tips on how you can go about it. Are you ready?
But before we get into the post, be sure to watch my video below for more tips and information about celibacy. Also, click here to subscribe to my YouTube Channel.
1. Living With Celibacy & Practicing Celibacy as a Single Mom ~ Its Your Body
If a man is trying to give you a hard time about practicing celibacy as a single mom then you need to say these words to him. “It is my body.” I don’t care if you have a child, three children, or even 10 children. I do not care how many men you have slept with in the past, the moment that YOU decide to become celibate then that is your right. PERIOD and unless a man is your OBGYN you do not have to explain to him the inner workings of your vagina.
Do not feel pressured or obligated to have sex with anyone because you have a kid. If you are dating a man that does not understand this, then you may want to reconsider dating him. Or better yet you can try this little trick. Tell him to go to his bank account clean out all of his money and give it to you. I can almost bet that his reaction is going to be no because the money is not yours, you are not his wife, or he has no obligation to share all his money with you.
My point exactly! Your body is more precious than the money in his bank account and just like he is not willing to empty out his account for you because you are not his wife, then you do not have to have sex with him because he is not your husband. Just like he does not owe you his money and his entire bank account you do not owe him free access to your body. He has not paid the price AKA marriage so therefore you owes HIM NADA.
Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 1 Corinthians 7:1
Unless he is willing to pay the proper price in this case the price is putting a ring on your finger and walking down the aisle with you, then your body does not belong to him and therefore he does not have the right to say what you can and cannot do with it and you do not have to feel guilty (no matter what he says) for not having sex with him. If he wants to have sex with you, then he has the right to make it official by making you his wife. Now the ball is in his court.
2. Living With Celibacy & Practicing Celibacy ~ Watch Your Boundaries
This is a good tip for anyone who wants to not have sex or remain celibate. The reason why I am living with celibacy is because I have good bounderies. I have written about this before in my how to maintain your celibacy while in a relationship blog (click here). Whenever you are not having sex, when you are dating, or even if you are in a serious relationship, do NOT put yourself in situations in which it is more likely you will have sex.
This includes staying over each other’s house, sleeping in the same bed, or even taking a shower together. This may seem like common sense but some people really push the envelope when it comes to NOT maintaining boundaries and trying to be celibate. Having poor boundaries is a quick way that will make you slip up and mess up your celibacy journey.
I know that all of this sounds good in theory but we are all adults here. When I am with someone I want to touch them, kiss them, and it is very easy to want to go “there.” I am not telling you that you cannot touch or kiss your person (not unless that is your thing) but only you can determine what that limit for you is. You know how far you can go before you are unable to STOP yourself and therefore, you have to NOT put yourself in that situation. While still maintaining the aspect of intimacy because you do want to be in a relationship after all.
No man wants to feel like he is dating his sister. I am not saying you cannot hold hands, let’s not go to the extreme on this. But you do have to realize what your bounderies is and also be honest with your partner on this so that he is on the same page. NOT harsh, but give an explanation as to why you are doing what you are doing. You do not have to be like like Oh HECKS no, you needs to pay to play fool and gives me a ring if you wants to see all of this until then you gets no action. That is just being extra.
Practicing celibacy is not a punishment for him but just a way to practice bounderies for you and to protect you from getting hurt. If you need additional advice on how to pratice bounderies when living with celibacy then watch my video down below.
3. Living With Celibacy & Practicing Celibacy ~ Get It Right This Time
As a single mother who currently has had sex before and is practicing celibacy, I can tell you that when I had sex before marriage I NEVER got married to the guy. Perhaps you need to remind yourself of this. That you do not want to have sex because you do not want to be blinded by the sex so much that you overlook the bad qualities of the guy that you are dating. Lust can have your mind all out of whack.
And have you making bad decisions in your relationships because you have given it up to a loser and now the sex is blinding you from realizing he is a loser. Being a single mom is hard and I know for me personally I do not want to take the risk of having another child with a man I am not married to. When you have sex with a man that is no guarantee that a man will stay with you.
The only guarantee is that he makes the commitment to marry you, and even then the marriage can end in a divorce. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things right this time and there is nothing wrong with wanting to make sure that you do not repeat past mistakes of having sex too soon or allowing sex to define how you feel about a man. When you remove sex from the equation you get to see who the man is, any red flags and if he has the potential for marriage. Just because you may have not done that the first time when you had a child does NOT mean that you cannot do it now.
4. Living With Celibacy & Practicing Celibacy ~ Remember, If he is not serious he will bounce
This is also a good rule for any women who are not having sex. But especially for single mothers. I wrote about this in my how to introduce your boyfriend to your child blog (click here to read). The last thing you want is for your door to be a house full of revolving men. When you are serious enough about a man to tell him that you are not going to have sex with him until you are married, that is when you will see what his true intentions are. Yes, he may try to push the boundaries at first to see if you fold. But once he realizes you mean business. He is either going to leave or he is going to keep seeing you.
The ones that keep seeing you, you can feel more confident about your relationship. Because if he stays around, knowing that you are not going to have sex with him until marriage, and still wants to go forward with the relationship; that is a strong indicator he is a keeper. It will also decrease the chance of a man dating you, trying to sleep with you with no intention of marrying you, meeting your kids, and then leaving never to be seen or heard from again.
5. Living With Celibacy & Practicing Celibacy ~ Setting a good example for your kids
Even though I had pre-material sex to get my son, it is my hope that he does not just go around having sex with random girls when he gets older. I am raising him to be the type of man I want to marry (see my blog here) and see from his point of view that we legit talked about this in the video below.
If I had a girl I would feel the need to set a good example times ten. With that being said, children are always looking at you even when you think they are not. They pay attention to when you spend the night at your boyfriend’s house when he spends the night, or if he is sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night after they heard strange noises coming from your bedroom.
In the end, you want to set a good example for your children. So that they can understand that their body is precious and that it should not be shared with everyone. Even if you say it to them, children do not always do what they hear you tell them to do, but they tend to do what they see you doing. If they see you honoring your body in a relationship, then when they grow up it is more likely that they will do the same.
Children do listen to what you SAY but most importantly they see and watch what you do. Maybe they see the men that you may bring in your home, when they spend the night the noises (I know we don’t want to think that) that they may hear, or that they live with you. Think of how you would want your children to give their bodies away, do you want them to have sex before marriage.
I mean as a single mom I did yes and I got my son, but I do not want my son having sex with women before marriage and possibly risking having children outside of marriage. I did but ideally I want him to have a married life and family and that is the example I want to set for him.
Practicing celibacy as a single mother is not hard at all (okay that is not true) it is hard at FIRST but it does get easier once you get used to it. Especially if you know that you are doing it for you, to protect you, and you know that you will have better more meaningful romantic relationships because of it. People may give you crap about it and they may not understand. But who cares what they think (click my blog here). The only person that has to live with the decisions that you make is yourself AND your kids.
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