To listen to the blog post “How To Survive As A Single Mom ~ 7 Ways To Cure Single Mom Depression” over reading it click the play button below.
The struggling single mom is always the stereotype that can lead to single mom depression. That is why I am going to tell you how to survive as a single mom. I am going to give you the single mother’s survival guide that will take you from being a victim to a victor. Even if you are a single mom sitting around in eternal struggle, not knowing how to find a way out of their current situation.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Sophia or Dr. Reed. I am a single mother. I have three degrees and I am not currently suffering in any way, shape, or form. At least not anymore, there was certainly a time where I was struggling and suffering from single mom depression (you can read my full single mother story here. ) And watch the video down below where I go into detail about my single mom depression.
But just to give you a hint of what it consisted of, I had an incarcerated child’s father, lost a job, was broke at one point. BUT yet and still here I stand a fully productive person. I tell you this to let you know, that the Dr. in front of my name is nothing to get fooled by. My life has not been easy and I HAD to learn how to survive as a single mom. And not just barely get by BUT to thrive. Single mom or not that is the life that I felt both my son and I deserved. See my single mom level-up video below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
With all that being said I want to show you single mom support and give you a remedy for your single mom depression. I believe that when people are placed into a sink or swim situation that most people will learn how to swim to stay afloat. This is why I want to teach you how you survive as a single mom so you can learn to swim. Tips that will get you to change your mindset and to get you to learn how to swim as opposed to sitting there, sinking, and waiting for the day that you will drown. Nowhere in the single mom’s handbook does it say that your life has to suck and you have to sit around, being broke, and depressed.
If you think that your life is supposed to be all struggle and hardship then you are living in a poverty mindset (click my blog here to read more). As a Christian, I think we all go through a hard time, I have had my fair share of hard times. But never in a million years do I think that hard times are where I should settle and hard times are where I am supposed to stay forever. Single mother or not.
1. You Will Learn How To Survive as a Single Mom When You Don’t Try To Survive On Someone else
I am here to offer single mom support but I must warn you that now I am going to make a point here for single mothers that some of you are NOT going to like. When I first lost my job, I tried to apply for public assistance in which I was denied. At the time I had a Master’s degree and they were telling me basically I was not doing BAD enough to get help. At the time I thought it was unfair BUT now I am glad that they did not help me. I think in a sense if I leaned too much on someone else it would have allowed me to stay complacent and not seek to better my situation.
I also had the same situation with child support which I did not get. In my blog here I spoke about how NOT getting child support helped me. Don’t get it wrong, I think all single moms should get child support and yes apply for it. But do not depend on it. Because with my son’s father he doesn’t pay it and the most he has ever paid in one month is $65. Can you imagine me being dependant on child support, and him choosing to give or not give me the money based on the mood he is in? That would have put me in a bad position, so it is just best to do for you and NOT depend on anyone else.
As someone who has worked extensively with clients that are on the system, I see that the system is not a system not made to help you but to hurt you. What the welfare system does is it tells you if you are doing SO bad then yes we will help you, but when you do better even if you are not doing well enough to help yourself our assistance stops. And as a result of a lot of single mothers, tend to stay down and continue to accept help from the system because when they start to do well, they lose benefits. And then what?
Some people’s feelings may be hurt by what I am going to say but often times you cannot rely on the system and/or other people to pick you up. In that moment of desperation, I sought to set myself up in a way that I would NEVER have to depend on anyone and I took responsibility for myself and my son. It was there that, I realized that the sky was the limit. Unlike the system that will put you on limits, there are no limits with God. So what I learned is that the first step on how to survive as a single mother is knowing to do all that you can do to survive on your own. Fight a good fight and hustle. Watch my video below to hear some legit things that you can do to hustle and get your money.
Because when you are your own then no one can take it away from you. But if you are relying on someone else, then you are at the mercy of what they will and will not give you. Which can change depending on how they feel.
2. Get Out Of Your Single Mom Depression & Go to school
I started my Master’s degree when my son was one year old. I did get both my master’s and Ph.D. degrees while I was a single mother. I am not telling you, you have to get a degree. But a degree does help to make your life more stable. A degree helps you get a better-paying job, and a degree can make you indispensable at work. You can click here to read my blog on how to go back to school as a single mother.
3. Single Mom Support ~ True story
Way back when, when I was doing community mental health I had a bachelor’s degree and some people had no degree at all. The state came out with new regulations that outlined the qualification that people had to have in order to continue to provide services. A degree was one of those things. And all the people who did not have a degree got fired AND they could not even go to another mental health agency because the new regulation was statewide.
Some of them had been working in the field for 10 years, this was all their work experience and now they had to start over. Do you see what I mean when I say that some type of degree, certification, or some educational document can help you be indispensable in the workplace AND can even help you get a promotion? As a single mother having a steady job can be the key to survival and education can be key to that steady job.
Here is a bit of single mom support that I want to really get in your head. Get an education, start your business, go to community college, get a certification, OR whatever it is that you need to do. Do it. That is the key to having money in your pockets and not being limited to working jobs that don’t pay as well. You do not even need a full degree, sometimes a certification is fine and you can get those in less than a year. AND once you get a certification you can literally you may be two or three times as much money as you were making.
4. How To Survive As a Single Mom Get A Good Job
Many single moms have single mom depression because of their bad or low-paying job. If you do not have a job as a single mother then you can get one. I know personally that finding child care for your child while working can be hard. But sometimes sacrifice is needed. I worked a full-time job and attended graduate school. I keep putting myself as an example because it is possible. And if I did it as a single mom then I believe you can too. The only thing not working, not making any money, and sitting at home with getting you is poverty. I do not care how much child support or alimony you get, do not rely on that forever because that is not consistent income.
5. Let Me Offer Single Mom Support With This True story
I know a woman that was married to a lawyer and she was a stay-at-home mom for their 3-year marriage. And like that he decided to divorce her making her a single mom. She fought and fought for alimony and child support. Her child support payments were not as high as she expected and the determination was not made on alimony right away. She had to move in with her friend and sleep on the couch. Instead of just getting a job and trying to find her own way she kept paying a lawyer and kept fighting for money.
After 2 years had passed and their divorce was final she still was getting $600 in child support a month due to their custody agreement, no alimony had been decided yet, and she was still sleeping on the couch. She kept saying that she was entitled to alimony. And she probably is right. BUT saying it does not make it happen. Her refusing to get a job because of what she felt she is entitled to is not putting money in her pockets.
Her getting a job and making some type of income is doing that. How can you really survive as a single mom if you do not want to work, get a job or KEEP making excuses on why you cannot get a job?
The whole point is to take destiny into your own hands and survive? This is why part of how to survive as a single mom is to get up and get out and get something on your own. If you get child support great, but never should that be your sole income or your way of surviving because that is not promised and is contingent upon your child’s father paying it. Even if you do not know where you start then I encourage you to read my blog here on the ultimate job search, and I know it will help you out tremendously. And not just get you any old job but I teach you how to find a decent paying job. Also, check out my video below that will help you find a great paying job by teaching you how to job search correctly.
6. Single Mom Support To Get Over Your Single Mom Depression ~ Stop Making Excuses
As a single mother and as a mental health professional who worked with single mothers, you would not believe the number of excuses I hear. I cannot do this, I cannot do that, I expect this, I expect that. I am a single mom. I can’t, I won’t, I need, why come, what if. STOP PLAYING and stop with the excuses.
I remember, when my son was born, his father got locked up (where he stayed for the next 7 years), I was a single mom working 12 to 16-hour shifts in a jail. Never once did I make an excuse. I just survived. I had to. Excuses were not going to do anything for me. I did not even have mind space or time to come up with excuses because I was too busy planning my next move on trying to not sink and drown.
In case you are asking yourself what excuses have to do with survival, I will tell you this, when you speak, act, and think against your own self you are literally stunting your own growth and stopping your own process (which you can watch my video down below for more on that). You can read my blog on how negative thinking limits your success.
How on earth can you survive if you are always telling yourself that you are ready to lay down and die? Do not work against your own insecurities and excuses. Instead, speak positively and have a positive mindset. See how many things change for you when you are able to do that. If you have trouble with negative thinking then click here for my Christian Guide full of positive affirmations and Bible verses. And trust me it works. I did this myself right before I transitioned full-time into my business.
7. How To Survive As a Single Mom Be Proactive About your Family Planning
I have come to find that a single mother’s survival is a lot easier when you are not adding more children to the life you already have. I remember, my friend was a single mom and when her child was two she started dating a new man. She got pregnant by him and had another child. Then when he broke up with her, two years past she met someone else and had another child. Then when he left she was left with three children no one really paid child support and here she was struggling to get by wondering what on Earth happened.
This may rub people the wrong way but since we are having a real conversation then I need to be real with my single mothers out there. I am a single mother of one child because one child is all I can reasonably afford. One thing that I will never get is why some single mothers add on to their already hard situation. Therefore as a single mom be more responsible, do not add on to your single mother struggle by adding more kids, more baggage, and more things in your life that will only make your life harder.
If you want more kids I get it. BUT wait and do it only when you are on the top of your mountain and adding more kids will not cause more stress. Or when a man marries you. After I had my son, one of my exes wanted to get back with me AND have another child without the promise of marriage and I was like yeah no thanks. Had I done that and he left, then what? It would be a lot harder to survive as a single mom by me listening to a man, having his children, and him not willing to even commit or marry me. I refuse to make my life harder and I want the same for you.
Be proactive about your own family planning and as a single mom, focus first on getting your life and your situation together first. But while you are on your way to mastering your own life, do not make the decision to make your life hard by getting with men and having their children making you a single mother of multiple children.
If you are one of the single mothers and you feel judged or like I am coming down on you. Do not feel that way. I do not even know you but I want the best for you, I want the best for your children, I want the best for your future husband if you decide to get married. I want you to thrive as a single mom and not just survive, waiting for your children to turn 18 so that you no longer have to provide for them. My version of how to survive as a single mom is for you to take hold of your life and make the best decisions you can make as a single mom for both yourself and your kids. Do not let your story be another single mother who is struggling to survive. Do not be a stereotype.
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Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here. Also, click here or the picture below to Join my email list Sophie-stication Nation and you can get the first chapter for free.