Can a single parent raise a successful child? YES, THEY CAN! Raising a successful child as a single mom is MORE than possible. Do not believe the hype that it is not. For most single moms, they want to know the key to raising a successful child because there is so much information out there telling you how damaged your child is going to be because you are a single mom.
But that is simply not the case, there are healthy, happy, and confident children being raised by single moms every day. Not only am I a single mom raising as successful child BUT I am a product of a single teen mom and I have three degrees and am successful. So YES, it can be done. And I want to tell you the keys to doing that.
For myself, as a single mom raising a son with an absentee father, I know I did not want to believe the stereotype that because my son did not have a man in his life that somehow he is doomed. That is simply not the case. You can watch the video below about my son giving his own answer about being raised by a single mom (and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel here).
Being a single mom can be overwhelming. I also know that if you are a single mom like me, then you want to raise your kid right you want to know the key to raising a happy child. You want them to grow up, be successful, have a great job, have nice things, and white picket fence along with a nice home they own.
What good mother tells themselves that they want their child to grow up and be a failure at life? But yet so many single mothers get into that mindset of mom guilt thinking that because they are a single mother they are at a disadvantage. As I have said before, there are benefits of being a single mom even though it is not ideal we tend to be stronger and more resilient.
So the first key to raising a successful child as a single mom is to shift your mindset about being a single mom and you can’t do it. You can. There are studies that show that single mom raising children do just as well in life as a two-parent household. And I am going to give you some important tips that will help you.
Are you ready? Let’s get into it
#1 Examine Your Environment
I wrote about this is in my how to upgrade your life as a single mom blog which you can click here to read. I am not asking you to move cross country I am just asking you to move to a better neighborhood. And really examine the environment in which you live to see if it is the best for your child.
The fact of the matter is that nicer areas have their privileges. They can have better jobs for you but even more so they tend to have a better educational system, a better environment, and better activities. I know now when my son gets invited to birthday parties since we live in a nicer area he gets invited to nice homes, nice parties, respectful friends, and gets to observe other healthy households.
As someone who has lived in a bad neighborhood and someone who has lived in a nice one I know for me personally I feel more comfortable living in a nice one. The environment is what your child takes in and how they can help learn about the world around them. If your environment is dangerous or distrusting that is what a child can learn.
Case and point.
As a mental health professional, I used to work with at-risk youth. Some of them lived in not such nice areas and because of them many of them were in gangs. One day I showed up to my client’s house (who was a teen) and she had a huge gash on her face from getting into a fight and someone slashing her face with a razor.
And to her, this was no big deal because this was just a day in the life of her neighborhood. And see that is the scary thing. You do not want your child to be exposed to an area in which they have to live in fear or regularly get into fights. Because they are going to think this is normal.
On the other hand, when my son had a parent workday he went with my mother to her high government job in which they hosted activities for the kids. In the DC area, they do something called a slug because of traffic which is where people go to a designated lot to catch a ride with others so they can qualify for the HOV to avoid traffic. My son went with my mother to the slug line and got into a car with a man wearing a three-piece suit and a nice Mercedes car. When my son got out at my mom’s job he said that is what I want when I grow up.
Just the environment in which you expose your kids counts for a lot. What they see and what they think is normal. Getting into fights or having a three-piece suit and driving a nice car. It teaches them what to strive for.
Tips To Moving Into A Nicer area:
I understand that moving into a nice area can be hard for some single moms because of income. So I have some tips for you on how you can do that.
First, I recommend you read this book by Gina Sayles. Do not let the name fool you but read her tips. She was a divorced single mom of a bad relationship and she had to level up her life. She has tips on how she moved into a nicer area even if that meant an apartment, how to find a better job, or whatever the case may be. And she did not have massive income when she did it but she worked up to that.
Because she understood a healthy environment can mean a happier child. Her book is called HOW TO MEET THE RICH for Business, Friendship, or Romance And you can click my affiliate link here to buy. And moving into a nicer area also helped her get a better husband as well. Just a sidebar.
Secondly, you can also check out my other blogs on how to find a better job or how to go back to school as a single mom. Since we know that money plays a large part in affording to live in a nicer area.
And last, you can join my Patreon where I give tips for leveling up your life, starting your own business, finding a better job, making more money, and so much more. Just click here or the picture below.
Raising A Successful Child #2 Find A Good School
Education can go a long way. There are so many people who go to college ill-prepared. This is a fact.
“Many students leave college because they simply aren’t ready to be there. A disturbingly high number isn’t prepared academically. A 2016 report by Education Trust reveals that close to half of U.S. high school graduates complete neither a college- nor a career-ready course of study.
I know what you may be thinking that your child is a child and why should you be thinking about college or why should school matter that much. But think about it, no matter how old your child is they are going to school or will between Monday and Friday that is where they are going to spend most of their time.
A good school prepares children for college, a good school is an environment that they spend most of their time, a good school matters a lot in terms of what they offer in extracurricular activities.
Case in point
When I worked at a Juvenile Correctional Facility a teenage boy who was in high school wrote down something for me to read and I could not read it. That is because he could not spell. He told me he was a sophomore in high school and I found that to be odd as he could not spell basic words and the boy was 17 years old, getting passed along each grade because the school system that he went to did not care enough to figure out what he did or did not know.
Imagine how much his self-esteem was suffering and would suffer in the future by barely knowing how to read and he was nearly an adult. On the flip side, with my son the school he goes to offer piano lessons and when kids are in high school they have guidance counselors that are dedicated to getting children scholarships at top colleges. The teachers and staff are dedicated to creating healthy, happy, children that grow up into successful adults. Like legit that is their mission statement.
When you send your child to school you want to send them to teachers and staff who care about their success as much as you do since realistically speaking that is where they are spending most of their time. Putting them in an environment in which no one cares, does not for their well being and possible future success.
Tips for finding a good school.
First, research the area that you want to move in and look at the ratings for the school system. Is it good, is it bad, and when we talk about putting your child is a great environment overall. Looking at the school system is apart of that.
Second, a charter school. A charter school is like a private school education but it is free. Normally the child does have to test to get in but once they do they have a private school education and you do not have to pay anything.
Third, a private school. Even if you cannot afford it often times many of them have scholarships that they grant out. I personally met a single mom who loved the Christian private school her daughter was going to and it was top tier. She went there for preschool and could not afford the elementary school they gave her daughter a scholarship so she could continue to go. My son’s private school also offers scholarships. So you never know until you try.
#3 Train your Child
Like the Bible verse says
Train your child in the way that they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
We can talk about environmental factors all we want to but the main key to raising a successful child is you as a parent doing it yourself. As a single mom do not be tempted to be too lenient on your child. Do not be tempted to let them be bad and you not say anything about it. Do not allow your child to be disrespectful, talk to you any kind of way, and to talk to other adults any type of way.
Because if they do not know how to act as a child they are NOT just going to grow up one day and become a model citizen. They are more than likely going to become an adult that does not know how to act or treat people. Set boundaries on your kids, teach them how to behave in public, and how to have manners. Teach them to respect people and to respect adults. And when they are bad and out of control, then do not excuse their behavior as being a child. As the adult and as the parent you need to put them in their place.
When you instill these values early on in children then guess what they do not depart from it even when they are adults. Even when they get a boss and are at work. They know how to respect others. Check out my video below about the dangers of toxic parents and how that can discourage your child.
Raising A Successful Child #4 Expand They Vocabulary
Of course, my son is in a place where he wants to use slang, and often times I let him. BUT I also let him know what proper grammar is, how to spell words, and how to expand his vocabulary. Granted I use slang and it is okay for him to use slang BUT it is also important for him to know proper words, how to articulate, and express himself.
Did you know that teachers were showing concern from children because they were using words like “u” in place of “you” in actual school papers because they did not know the difference? And have you ever seen an adult, typing out an entire sentence on social media without actually spelling it correctly?
“What R U doing?”
And them not even know that the sentence that they spelled was wrong or grammatically incorrect. Now imagine a child writing a college essay or school paper like that. Or worse, texting their future boss like that or putting that on their resume. Do you think that they will get the job?
When it comes to raising a successful child you always need to have their success in mind. Because the fact of the matter is, I had my first job at 14 years old during summer. Slang and text did not exist back then but could you imagine me going into an interview speaking like this and NOT getting the job.
It is important to read to your children and when they are old enough have them read. When they use slang, make sure you correct them and let them know that what they are using is slang and not proper English. I use slang and my son does too, as most children and teens do. But it is one thing to use it around your friends and another to write a school paper in all improper English and improper spelling and not knowing what is wrong with it. Also, check out my blog on how to sound smart.
The above picture was taken when my son went fishing for the first time. I actually grew up fishing with my grandfather so when we went back to visit I told my son eventually I am going to take you. Yes, it was hot as heck but it was an experience.
Activities include you doing things with your child and even extracurricular activities to expose them to the world, art, culture, or hobbies. Once again doing this with your child does not have to be expensive. You can go to the local YMCA or even though school and allow them to join activities that are free or low cost. Did you know that students who do extracurricular activities have been shown to keep their grades up and to have better time management skills?
When kids have more to do they have to learn to manage their time well and learn how to get everything done in a timely manner. PLUS depending on what type of activity they choose, may be able to land a scholarship in college. All in which come in handy when raising a successful child. For any child.
Many kids go to college on a sports scholarship, band scholarship, dance scholarship, or even a music scholarship. As a single mom, your money may already be limited so if you can help get your child more involved in activities AND get them a scholarship, then I would say that is a win-win situation.
And also doing things with them to see that there is an entire world out there is better than them thinking life is just limited to their back year. I have taken my son to Mall of American on A budget (click here) or saved up to go to Universal Studios (click here). You can do anything with them as long as you do something. It is all a learning experience for them.
Raising A Successful Child #6 Get Them A Job
I had my first job as apart of a summer hire program when I was 14, then again at 15 and I have held a job every since and now I am in my 30s. When you teach children or teens the value of hard work then that is something they carry with them even into adulthood. So even if it is not a job or they are not old enough, they can have chores around the house.
Case in point:
My mother, my son, and I once went to a dancing event in a nice area in which they had dinner first. I noticed that most of the waitstaff were teens. They all had on white gloves, they were taught to give 5-star service, their clothes were as white and as crips as anything as it was more of a country club feel and they were all teenagers.
What do you think having a job like this taught them? How to value their job? How to work hard? How to take pride in their appearance? How to be polite and how to speak to people? Just a simple teenage job. Stuff like this is important for children to learn because it teaches them to carry it with them into adulthood. And that is the key to having a successful child is to teach them this early on. The more they learn now that is the adult they can turn out to be.
Alright, all the single moms out there are my tips on raising a successful child to be successful as a single mom. More than anything you want to nurture them and support them in their success. Never think that because you are a single mom that you have to stay in poverty (see my blog here) Can a single parent raise a successful CHILD HECK YES! Thinking otherwise is faulty thinking, start instilling the idea of them being successful in their head now. So that way you will have no problems for the future.
If you know a fellow single mom that could use this post then please feel free to share.
Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here. Also click the picture below to Join my email list Sophie-stication Nation and get the first few chapters for free. Just click here.