When you are a single mother a common question that you have is how do I move on from my baby’s father? Since I am a single mother myself that has some crazy dealings with my son’s father (click here to read my single mom story) I know exactly where you are coming from. You may have wanted a normal family.
You may be upset that you have to take on most of the responsibility of raising your child by yourself. You may even be mad that your child’s father cannot put these other chicks aside and pay attention to being a good father. Or you maybe even mad that your child’s father does not understand how awesome you and still does not want to be with you.
There are so many different scenarios that can happen when you are trying to move on from your baby’s father. But I am going to shoot straight with you. If you are looking for someone to feed you a bunch of feel-good medicine and tell you a bunch lies, such as telling you just give it time and he may come back, that is not me.
And I know first hand that going through that merry go round of foolishness and back and forth will only frustrate you in the end. It is better to move on and find a REAL man who wants to be with you and not get stuck on the one that doesn’t.
But before we get into all my tips, you can also check out my YouTube video on this topic that will give you ADDITIONAL tips on how to gt over your baby daddy.
Now if you are ready for some truths from someone who has been where you still maybe let’s get into it.
How do I move on from my Baby’s Father ~ #1 You Need To Check Your Feelings
You can be the master of your own emotions (click here to read my blog on that). I am not telling you to be a robot where you are choosing not to feel anything. But oftentimes when you are trying to move on from your baby’s father you feel TOO much, sometimes driving yourself crazy and making yourself look crazy in the process.
Even if he has moved on with another woman or whatever the case maybe you are not together. Accept it and move on. It is not easy to move on I get that. You will still be upset about it and be jealous but that is why you have to get on your grown woman status and decided NOT to act on any and every emotion you feel.
I spoke about this in how to handle a break up blog which you can click here to read. I know it is not easy to move on, you can be sad, and mourn; but only do that for a limited time. If you choose to get jealous, refuse to allow him to see the child, and do random drive-bys on his house to see if another woman is there; then you are just making the situation worse. For yourself and for your child.
Often times you have to resist the urge to go cray and keep your feelings in check. This will allow you to be level headed AND allow you to really see the situation for what it is.
That he does not want to be with you and there is no reason for you to act like you need to be in a psych ward to get him back. I want to share my single mom level up video with you because truth be told, my life did not get better under I released my son’s father and the drama. Also, you can subscribe to my channel here.
How do I move on from my Baby’s Father ~ #2 Stop having sex
Sex is not going to win him back. I feel it is my obligation to tell you that. So many times the reason why you are not moving on from your baby’s father is that you keep sleeping with him. STOP. When you have sex with someone there are hormones that are released in which you are attaching yourself to that person.
So having sex with your child’s father is actually keeping you from moving on. Not to mention that he is just having his cake and eating it too. He does not want to be with you but when it is convenient for him he wants to sleep you, playhouse, and still go out and do what he wants to do. All the while you are left feeling all used up.
Because after he is done having sex with you, you realized that he has not changed and he is the same man that you do not want to be with or he is the same man who does not want to be with you.
But he just took your cookies in the process making you feel even more worse about yourself. I urge you to check out how to maintain celibacy with being a single mom if you struggle with the idea of not having sex with your ex.
NOW time for a truth moment. I have been celibate for many years because the last time I had sex was with my son’s father and the AFTERMATH was SOOO HORRIBLE that is when I realized I could not do it anymore. I am not going to get into the full story in this post but I have a video on it that you can watch below.
#3 You Need To Set Boundaries
On the note of not having sex you really just need to set clear boundaries to point blank period. You cannot be halfway in and halfway out. You cannot let your child’s father come to spend the night at your house or even still live together. How can you get over someone if they are still all up and in your personal space?
I know that often times we still want to do activities as a family and perhaps that day will come LATER on down the line once you are over him. But if you are not over him, trying to do things as a family is just going to remind you of the family you want and you will try to get him back as opposed to try to get over him.
The fact of the matter is, that he needs to have a relationship with your child and not you. So if that means that you need to keep him from coming over your house or have him pick up the child in a public area then do that. You need to set firm co-parenting boundaries.
That means the conversations should be focused on the child and not focused on your relationship, your possible relationship, and/or why things did not work out. Just focus it on you two being good parents and that is all the conversation you two need to be having.
Also before I continue I want to tell you about my hour-long audio will give you a deep dive on how to get over your child’s father AND level up your own life. Click here to buy it.
How do I move on from my Baby’s Father ~ #4 Start Dating
If you are single there is nothing wrong with going out on a date or two and getting to know other people. When you are trying to get over someone, often time’s women will stop their whole lives and hope that their ex will come back to them.
Wasting their time and their sanity in the process. Dating other men can be a good thing, note I did not say sleeping with other men. The other men you date may treat you better than your ex, they may want to be in a relationship with you more than your ex, and it will also help you get over your ex.
Often time when we are missing an ex, we tend to forget that the relationship was not all peaches and cream anyway. And because you were with your child’s father you may have forgotten what it was actually like to be wanted by someone else or even treated well by someone else. There may be some awesome guy that wants to be exactly the type of man you need.
But you will never find that out unless you are actually putting yourself out there and trying to get to know other people. I want you to check out my blog on where to meet good quality men. Not only should you date other men but date better men so you can be reminded of what you deserve and how you deserve to be treated.
AND this is not to say that I have a video on everything which you may be thinking at this point. But look at Ciara and Rusell Wilson. I mean she was engaged to a man that cheated on her and now she is married to a man that loves her and has a lot of bank.
Money is not everything but it does help. That coupled with the fact that he loves her son from Future like his own and is a better father. All of which would not have been possible if she was too afraid to put herself out there.
#5 Don’t Want Anyone That Does Not Want You
If your baby’s father wanted to be with you then he would, but he doesn’t. So that means that you should not want to be with him either. Never put yourself in a position in which you are an option in his mind. If he does not know where he wants to be then let him go on about his business and you go about yours.
Do not try to get him back, do not make him try to see what a mistake he made, do not call him all hours of the day using your child as an excuse to talk to him. Don’t do any of that.
Because what that says is I am trying to get a man that does not want me. Think enough of yourself to say that if he does not want you then it is his loss. AND IT IS! Don’t just say it. But believe it AND act like it. Really believe in your mind that it is HIS lost not yours.
#6 Do something with yourself
I am a huge advocate that while you are single or even when you go through a break up that you need to do something that makes you happy and that will elevate yourself. That could mean going back to school (Get my blog here for tips), getting a better job (Click my blog here for tips), or to start traveling more.
“The more you are doing you the less you are worried about him.”
And if you really want to be team petty, you want him to think what was I thinking breaking up with her. Do not get me wrong, you work on you for you. But also show him that him breaking up with you was not going to make or break your life.
And now that he is gone out of your life you are doing 10 times better than when he was in it. Find a way to make yourself better and upgrade yourself and your life. If you do not know what I mean check out my two blogs below that will tell you exactly how to do it.
These are all of my how do I move on from my baby’s father tips. And I know what you are thinking that I make it sounds so easy to get over your baby’ father. It is not easy, but it can be done. The tips I am giving you is so that you can make your transition better.
As a person who has lived it, it is NOT beneficial for you to keep going back and forth with your baby’s fathers for months and sometimes years on end. Once I decided to implement these steps, it made getting over him a lot faster and a whole lot easier. And now I am in a MUCH better space.
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Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my No Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here buy. Also click the picture below to Join my email list Sophie-stication Nation if you are not sure about the book and want to get a few chapters free click here or the picture below.