Are you concerned that you may be in a relationship with a man child and you just want to confirm or find out what to do about? Well, you are in luck because I am going to give you the ultimate man child break down. Who are they, what are the signs, where does HE come from, the psychology behind it, and what to do if you are in a relationship with one or are married to one?
Sad to say, that man children are wondering about the earth looking for their next victim to date and to ultimately take advantage of. And the sad thing about man children is that they are none the wiser that this is who why are? They really feel that because they have male body parts that this makes them a man.
But being a real man goes because a man’s biological determination but the man child does not know this which is why it makes it so difficult to be in a relationship with them. They see themselves as a man, you see them as a child, and the moment you try to make them grow up they leave and are on to the next woman. Before we get into the post you can check out my video below for more tips on a man child. Also, click here to subscribe to my channel.
Man Child Definition:
The best man child definition comes from the urban dictionary as described below but I would like to expand on that.
So when we talk about an adult male who still possesses the psychological traits of a child don’t take it so literally. Your man child may not want to play with Legos at the store or throw a temper tantrum when he does not get the latest toy, or maybe he will. Instead, it might show itself differently. A man child lacks the maturity to actually take care of himself, in terms of his life may be a complete and utter disarray, unable to hold a job, or unable to pay his bills, and he feels that it is everyone else’s (especially his girlfriend’s job to take care of him.)
A man child’s mentality does not understand the dynamic of a relationship. He does not understand that in a romantic relationship that he must give, but instead he will take, and take, and take. Just like a real child. When children are born they are selfish, they cry, eat, crap in their diaper and you have to do something about it as a parent. They keep you up at night and they don’t care about many hours of sleep you have had.
It is the same way with a man child, it is all about them, what they want, what they need, and what they want you to do. And the moment you don’t do it they tend to act out which may include cheating, getting mad at you, ignoring you, being petty, or finding another woman (AKA another mommy) to take your place. One that will take care of him and does everything for him and does not require him to do or be anything.
Man Child Signs
Remember when I said above that your man child is not like a child in the sense that when he is in a store he will not throw a temper tantrum when he does not get a toy. With man children, it can be the same way. A man child man will cheat on you (the temper tantrum) when you tell him no or he feels that you have done something wrong. And then he will blame you for the fact that you did not give him what he wanted as for the reason he cheated.
A man child is not the provider, instead, he sees you as the provider. A man child will ask you for money, to buy him a car, to cosign for him a car, to pay his bills, to pay his rent, to come and live with you rent free, or to drive your car and not put gas in it. Anytime you tell your man child no, that is when the temper tantrum comes into play. He may when, get mad when he really has no reason to, and try to make you jealous with other women.
The man child feels it is his right to look, act, and behave like your child and for you to be both his mother and his romantic partner. Because on top of all of the above, the man child wants affection, sex, you to look your best, and if for whatever reason you don’t meet his expectation of both mommy and lover; the man child feels jilted and will leave.
Recognizing a man child before you get into a relationship.
It is important to not get sucked in by the man child. You need to recognize him at the onset. Just like a regular child, a man child does not have the ability to take care of his own needs. When you meet a man child he may be living with his mother, sleeping on a friend’s couch, or he may even be living with another woman. And when he meets you he is very quick to want to move in with you ASAP because of course, he wants to live under the same roof as his mom so that she can take care of him.
He may say that he is in between jobs, say that he does not have any money, and come up with every reason in the world (aside from blaming himself) about the problems in his life. For example. He doesn’t have a job because no one would give him a job. All of his past relationships have failed because of the other person. He is a dead beat dad to his children because of something that his baby’s mother did. The man child is always blaming and never accepting responsibility. It is always what someone else did or what someone else won’t give to them. A huge indicator is if a man child keeps creating children with one or multiple women and is not actively taking care of them. Oh yes, and of course every time each woman gets pregnant it is somehow all their fault, so if he does not want to see, love, or want to take care of the kid it is the mom’s fault. Because it is her fault that she got pregnant anyway.
Another sign of a man child is that it is always time for play. They may party A LOT. And they may be too old to party as much as they do. Every night is a party or about catching women. If you go out on a date with a man child he may want to go 50/50, he wants you to pay for the date and come and pick him up for the date, or he does not want to date at all and just wants to Netflix and chill. Aka have you come over and have sex.
If you notice any of these signs in a man that is trying to approach you then you need run as fast as you can. Do not even continue to engage the man child because before you know it he will have moved into your house and is living off of you. You will work yourself to death while waiting on him hand and foot, and he will feel as is him just being there for you is enough.
Man child syndrome and Man child psychology
I am going to share with you the psychology behind where the man child and where this behavior has comes from. Mostly the main child’s behavior comes from some relationship with his mother. The relationship with his mother could have been.
Meaning that he had a good relationship with his mother but was dependent on his mother. His mother may have not let him grow up, be too overprotective, or not made him responsible for anything. As a result, his mother did any and everything for him and never taught him how to be a man and he thinks it is the world’s job to be his mother and also his girlfriend and/or wife job to be his mother and that is what he expects from you. When you are in a relationship with this type of man his mother may always be in the middle of your relationship telling him how he should handle you and it is often bad advice.
A toxic relationship
If the man child has had a toxic relationship with his mother then he has become a man child for two reasons. The first is because he does not know better and the second is because he is now trying to use the girlfriend and the women in his life to replace the issues that stemmed in childhood. So instead of becoming a real man, he becomes a man child roaming around looking for a woman to replace and be his mother as an adult.
An absentee mother
His mother could have left or even passed away. At which point the man child has not been able to successfully deal with his mother not being there. And like the above scenario because he did not have his mother there, once again he attempts to make his relationship into his mother to make up for the fact that he did not have one when he was younger.
As you can see all of the issues stem from some issue with their mother and what it all comes down to is the man child trying to replace their mother with you AND also have his cake (AKA sex and a romantic relationship with you) on top of you being his mom.
How Is The Man Child In Relationships?
- If you are in a relationship with a man child, expect for him to use your love for him against you. Any time you make the man child mad, he is going to out and do something to intentionally hurt you. That is his way of throwing a temper tantrum.
- Talking to him and having a real conversation is hard. Because like a child in many ways he has not developed rational thought. And any form of rational conversation that includes him having to take personal responsibility it just not going to happen. It always needs to be your fault.
- He expects for your love to be unconditional. A mom’s love is unconditional but love in a relationship is not. But a man child does not understand that. A man child will cheat on you, emotionally abuse you, give you nothing, ignore you, leave you for another woman and then when he comes back he expects you to be waiting for him with open arms, no questions asked.
Case In Point: My Past Relationship
Before I learned better, I used to be in a relationship with man-children. The thing about the man child is that they will trick you to be a ride or die chick. Meaning that whenever they are doing back they expect you to ride with them and pick them up if need be. With my ex, he and I lived together when he lost his job and he crashed his car. I attempted to be a ride or die working 12-16 hour a day at the time while he did not do anything much. While I was gone at work he was out with his friends and playing video games all day. Which I too play video games BUT there is a time to work and a time to play, not just play all day.
When I came back after working all those hours he would expect me to clean the house and wash the dishes and wait on him hand and foot. When HE was the one home all day. He did not work, he did not contribute to the bills, and he did not even have the decency to help around the house. And his response was that I was the woman and this is what I am supposed to do.
I remember we were listening to that old Destiny Child song â€œCater To Youâ€ and he told me that was how I should treat him. Mind you he did not have a job, he did not pay one bill, and all he did was eat up all the food, run up all the water, and run up the air conditioner. He did not clean up after himself and expected me to do everything while he did NOTHING. Even when he borrowed my car he could not even put gas in it! Literally, he was my child. And yet and still he wanted more. It was never enough. SEE SELFISH. In which case he left, and went back to his ex because I did not â€œgiveâ€ to him enough. The above scenario is man child’s classics 101. They take, take, whine, and take some more. Just like the word man child, he is a man in appearance but a child behavior.
What to do if you are in this relationship?
Personally, I recommend you leave. Yes, it really is that simple and it will only help you. I know what may not like my answer because you feel you can change him, support him, and be there for him to make him a better man. Then congrats, because you have, fell into the lie of the ride or die mentality. That you must do for a man, and you must make him into a man. Which is not your place or your job. You cannot make a man be a man. That is the point of being a man he should be able to do that on his own.
Remember that story about my ex, I would like to continue that.
After he left me, he went back to his ex, and which she left as well due to his man child ways. He got with a woman that required nothing from him and nothing from herself. But even though that is what he was before that gets old and tired fast for any woman. Literally, it was the blind leading the blind which turned out to be a good thing. Because she would not take care of him and she adapted the â€œtake care of me mentality he had no choice but to sink or swim. Because at this point you have two people who are looking for the other person to take care of them and so one person was going to have to step up or they both would drown. And he swam, he is still with that woman in a house that he bought and they have a child. I received a call from him not too long ago complaining about his baby mamma that he has to take care of, how he has to work, clean, and do everything, including taking care of the child all on his own. I just sat and listened because that is called Karma. I know the feeling. But my point here is that I did not make him change, his ex-did not make him change, but he made himself change because he had to.
How is The Man Child As A Husband
If you have a man child husband it is not that easy for you to just get up and leave. And since you have married him you do have to go about changing it, but not in the mommy way that you are used to. You are not going to be doing his resume, his college work to help him graduate, you are not going to listen to his excuses, you are not going to be doing any of that. You are going to tell him what you expect and let him rise to the occasion of becoming a man or to complain in the process.
How to implement the strategy.
So now that you are ready to transform your husband from a man child to a man here is what you do.
Tell him to get a job. No, you are not going to help him, no you are not going to fill out the application for him, and no you are not going to do a job search for him. You are not going to remind him of his interview, listen to his complaints about not getting a job, and you are not going to feel bad for him. If you can get a job then why can’t he? Most of us did not have someone hand-holding and doing everything for us. So you are allowed to expect a man to find his own job on his own without the help from you and not feel bad about it.
Stop being his mom. When you go on dates don’t pay for his meal if he does not have any money then pay for your meal and look at him like he is crazy. Stop letting him borrow your car, stop making the payments on his car (unless your name is on it) and if your name is on the car then it’s your car, not his. Take it, sell it, or have him make payments to you. I don’t want to hear â€œhow is he going to get to work. That is not your problem. There is Uber and there are his own two legs. Let him figure it out. I also don’t want to hear we are married and so our money is shared. That would be true if he was bringing in money but since he is, no sharing. All mommy behavior stops now.
When he does get a job he pays for everything. If he cannot afford it then I guess he better figure it out. If you spent all this time providing for your entire lifestyle, then he can take it from here on out. If after telling him what you expect and he does not do it then you have a few options. First, separation. Sometimes you don’t know what you have until it is gone. When your mommy leaves for a while and you are sitting there perhaps that is what he needs to grow up and be a man. Let him know what life is like without you. At this point, he may step up or he may just find another woman. Either way, you will be able to gauge how much value he places on you when you leave.
If you are okay having a man child and it does not bother you that bad then there you go. You can also stay and stop being his mom with hopes that he stops behaving like a child, or you can just leave. It is about what you want to do, what you want to accept, and what type of marriage and relationship you want to have.
The Man Child Is Not Cool in God’s Eyes
Last but not least in case you are sitting here thinking that I am sounding mean, just as I said in the video at the beginning of this post. Man children are not cool in God’s eyes. Here are some Bible verses on what it means to be a man. If God said it then you do not have to feel guilty for not wanting to feed, breastfeed, and raise your man.
- When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 1 Corinthians 13:11
- But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8
- Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13
- Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men. Proverbs 22:29
- If anyone isnâ€™t willing to work, he should not eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10
- â€œTherefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31
Now that you have a good understanding of what a man child is, I hope that none of you are getting trapped into a relationship with one. It may seem like there are a lot of man children out there and legit there are BUT there are also some good ones out there too. Don’t get too discouraged about the man children in the world and feel like you have to settle for anything just so you have a man. Remember as the only saying goes you can do bad all by yourself you do not need a man child to drag you down in the process. I know I have told you everything about a bad man but check out my video below for the traits of the good ones.
If you know someone who needs to read this blog post because they are dealing with a man child then go ahead and share this post with her. AND I have something for you. I have an amazing book for single women that you can click here to buy. If you are not sure yet then click here to get the first chapter for free.