If you are a reader of my blog or even if you are new here then you should know that I am about that level up your life mentality. But I know that for that to happen that you must have self reflection and be able to use it to take action to self improvement. Many of us are walking around with a false sense of self, thinking that nothing is wrong with us when in fact there is. A few years ago I read Played or Be Played (click here to buy) where my perception about my perfect self was shattered.
The book is mostly geared toward relationships and how women behave toward men but I find the advice applicable to who you are as a person as well. And more than anything you attract what you are, you cannot be unequally yoked, you cannot attract the ideal man if you are not the ideal woman, and therefore whatever your reason for wanting to get into your level up life (which I hope it is for yourself) you need to improve on yourself. You can watch the video below to see my level up journey and how I did it as a single mom and click here to subscribe to my YouTube Channel.
With that being said I am going to take you through the entire self reflection and the self improvement process that I went through when I read this book. I am going to tell you how I applied it and exactly how it helped me with my level up life and how it still helps me to this day.
Ask yourself, do you even know what you should be striving for?
Now remember this book was written by a man in the context of a relationship and the self reflection that I am going to ask you to do is NOT just in the context of a relationship and so I am going to stray a lot from what he said only using some points that I feel will actually help you overall.
In the book, he uses the word “game” and I have to define the word because I am going to use it a lot in the blog post so you should know what it means in the context in which he uses it.
The word game, in street terms, simply means intelligence, hustle, and common sense. And having game means being knowledgeable about every endeavor you choose to engage in. If you don’t have game, in every aspect of your life, there will be people who will simply try to get over on you. Again, since we live in a society founded on capitalism, this theory applies to every aspect of your life. For instance, if you are seeking a new job, and the employer sees that you don’t have any game about yourself, he might try to use that to his advantage. And that employer might have you working extra hours without giving you adequate pay.
So you see with good game you have a good level up chance. Good game will get you what you deserve out of life whereas bad game will get you taken advantage of. My definition of game would be a mix of good ole common sense with a mix of actual intellectual knowledge, assertiveness, and the drive and ability to use it to get you exactly where you want to go in life.
The reason why game is so important is because game is what separates an attractive woman from an attractive woman that is getting what she wants out of life and then some. In the book, Played or be Played, the author classifies women in the following categories.
- A-class females (attractive women with game)
- B-class females (attractive women with no game)
- C-class females (mannequins)
- D-class females (unattractive women with game)
- F-class females (unattractive women with no game)
For the record, I feel that every woman is attractive or at least they can be. When the authors says unattractive this is by choice as in they just refuse to take care of themselves. So I do not want you to get concerned about what level you fall in as far as “letter wise” and getting caught up on the unattractive part. Because no one is unattractive and anyone can be attractive, as attractiveness is subjective. Meaning that the most beautiful women in the world can be average or ugly to someone else.
So it’s not about looking a certain way but about looking like the best you, you can look like. You can convince people of how attractive you are based on how you feel about yourself. This is something that I learned from the book as well.
Case in point: Anyone can level up their life and be an A level chick (The Story Of Stacey)
Stacey doesn’t look half as good as the other women in the club. At first glance, you wouldn’t think Stacey was that attractive at all. To be totally honest, Stacey sort of looks like a wet donkey with a weave. But the amazing thing about her is that she has almost every man in that club sweating her, and she’s not dressed hoochie either. So why did Stacey, who is average looking on a good day, have all those men in the club giving her so much attention, while the other, more attractive females were what attracted people to her. Stacey had a very bubbly, fun, and positive attitude whenever she went out, and this attitude compensated for her physical short-comings. Other more attractive females in the club were trying too hard to present themselves in the best light. These women were trying to look sophisticated. These women were trying to appear interesting. These women were trying to act confident. Stacey didn’t try to be anything. She just was. Stacey was confident. Stacey was sophisticated. And Stacey was interesting.
Lesson #1 Be Confident That You Are Enough
I am starting off with this because before you self-reflect you need to know that anyone can level up their life, no matter who you are and what you look like. Get any limitation or stigmas about you not being (fill in the blank) enough and therefore you just have to settle for (fill in the blank).
A positive attitude, confidence, a good personality and being comfortable with who you are (when you are comfortable with who you are will get you far in life). Check out this picture above of me, I looked like a hot mess right? Night and day, the same person but years apart. The physical transformation was just a side of it, but I had to show you an example of why you cannot be limited in your thinking and, you are as attractive as you feel you can be.
Time for Self Reflection on what kind of woman you are.
I have already listed the A-F females above, according to the book. I do not like the idea of really “grading women” but you are grading yourself and you are being honest with yourself and doing so will help you improve. I would like to tell you that looks don’t matter but I think that they do BUT not in the way you think. As a Christian, I always say several times in many blogs that you should take care of your temple. Just like you would not want to sit in an old worn down church with trash everywhere right? Then why keep your body like that. I am not talking about being vain or obsessed with your looks. There is a difference. I am talking about putting your best YOU out into the world.
The A-class female, also known as the top-notch female:
Is the lady that other women aspire to be. They are very attractive women who have a lot of game to back up their looks. They are the most successful of all the classes of women, and this is why they can choose from a better selection of men at their disposal. The most admirable thing about the A-class female is that she could have easily re-lied strictly on her beauty to get whatever she wanted out of life, but she chose to make that extra effort to upgrade her game.
Some of my examples of the A class female would include:
Angela Basset: Basset went on to study at Yale on a scholarship, earning a B.A. in Afro-American Studies and an M.F.A. in drama. While there, she studied under the renowned stage director Lloyd Richards, who cast her in the Broadway productions of two August Wilson plays: Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and Joe Turner’s Come and Gone. (source)
Amal Clooney: A graduate of Oxford University and New York University School of Law, her long and accomplished career in the fields of international law and human rights have won her international acclaim (source).
B-Class Females (attractive women with no game)
The B-class female is an attractive female who relies solely on her looks to get by in life. The B-class female will usually get the basic necessities out of life. She can get guys to buy her food. She can get guys to take her to the mall to get clothes. She can get guys to pay her bills. But the B-class female rarely comes up big time. Many B-class females are attention freaks, and their whole existence revolves around attracting a successful man so that he might “save” her. The B-class female can easily get a man, but she has a hard time keeping a man.
An attractive female who has had the world given to her on a silver platter really has no incentive to acquire any other type of knowledge or higher learning. Sure, she might take a few “decoy classes” in school, to appear that she is trying to get a career crackin’ off. And the B-class female embodies the Cinderella syndrome to the fullest. She might live in humble surroundings (the ’hood), with her “evil stepsisters” (other women in the ’hood who are envious of her looks). She will save just enough money to get a few fly outfits and shoes (glass slippers), she will get made up so she can go to the royal ball (the night-club), and hopefully she will convince “Prince Charming” (a baller) that she really has it goin’ on. B-class females know that their looks are the only thing they have going for them, and because of this they live in a state of insecurity. However, at the same time, they have become comfortable with having everything given to them, and this causes them to have a lazy mentality. It’s hard for a woman to get out of a comfort zone when she is still getting her basic needs (and primal desire for attention) taken care of. But these women know that when those looks go (which they will) it’s all over for them.
Some of my examples of the B class female would include:
And I want to put out a disclaimer in the sense that there is no shade in this whatsoever this is an honest conversation about the types of women in the world and where you want to be. Some women legit aspire to be these types of women and if this is your goal then as I always say DO YOU BOO.
Karrine Steffans AKA Super Head
The famous Video Vixen and author of the following books.
C-Class Females (Mannequins)
The mannequin is the female who has a look that will be enhanced or reduced, based on her persona. A C-class female might look average at first glance, but if she has a sexy attitude or a cool disposition, that could elevate her from being a 5 to an 8. And there are some C-class females who look kind of cute at first glance, but then they open their mouths and start spit-tin’ some ghetto nonsense, and just mess up their whole vibe. So the C-class female’s game has a direct impact on the way people view her beauty. A bad attitude makes a C-class female appear unattractive.
Before I want I get into the examples I want you to remember that this is supposed to be an honest self reflection of who you are and if you are not honest about your self reflection then you cannot be honest about your self improvement and therefore cannot know how to level up your life. A C is average and falling below a C may make you want to get offended BUT ANYONE I feel can go to an A. So do not get offended.
My examples of a C class female.
Me: That is right, I fell into this category.
This is when she was a C and now she is an A, she is one of those women that got better with age and knowing how to embrace her femininity.
The D-class female doesn’t necessarily have to be unattractive, but she is the female who has known from an early age that she is not going to get over in life strictly based on her physical attributes. So she has learned to hone in on another skill or talent. The D-class female usually becomes an overachiever in many of her endeavors. She might become a very gifted student. She might become very gifted in sports. She might become very knowledgeable in the business or political world.
Now, remember this is, this is from the book. I do not agree with the ranking these women so low BUT when I give the examples if you fall into the D class then understand you may just have the most untapped potential of them all. Beauty is subjective and ever-changing and as he said he in the book D class females do NOT have to be unattractive as I do not feel anyone should be called that. But what is within the D class females is something that cannot be replaced.
My Examples of a D Class Woman
Michelle Obama I do not like she is unattractive. But I did read her book (click to buy) and her upbringing and know that she was a gifted child and that is what she relied on and knew what would take her far in life and not her looks. I am not sure that looks were super important to her growing up, but as first lady her sophistication and fashion became an icon, in my opinion, making her the best A-class woman of them all.
Oprah Once again, in my opinion, Oprah is not unattractive but I also know that she struggled with A LOT of self-esteem issues growing up due to the weight and never felt that she would be seen as beautiful. But look at the transformation and even just taking care of her temple, eating better, and having a healthier lifestyle attributed to her becoming an A-class woman.
F-Class Females (unattractive women with no game)
These females are the bottom-feeders of the game. These are women who don’t have the looks to come up, and are too lazy to educate themselves and learn some game. This is why the majority of them live lives of poverty. If you go to any housing project, welfare building, trailer park, or swap meet, the majority of people you will see are unattractive women with no game. There are more F-class females than any other class of females because all you have to do is be nonproductive and blame everyone else for your misfortunes. Because the F-class female has no looks or no skills (by her own choice) to be appreciated for, she becomes desperate for attention, and will do anything for it. This is why you see them with the ghetto hairstyles, long flamboyant fake fingernails, loud hoochie clothes, a dozen tattoos, and huge gaudy jewelry. These women will do anything it takes to bring attention to themselves. If you are in a public place, and you hear a group of people acting loud and obnoxious, most likely it’s a bunch of F-class females. F-class females are usually nonproductive, so they generally have a lot of idle time on their hands. And they utilize this idle time by keeping up a bunch of petty drama.
I know the F class female can be very triggering for people BUT remember this is a change for HONEST self reflection so that you can have self improvement. The F class female has no looks or skills by choice ALL of it is a choice meaning that you can always level up your life if you want to. You can LOOK better and get BETTER skills that will take you our of the F category. You are just hopeless in life.
My examples of F Class female.
I talk about all things leveling up on my Patreon where I talked about these levels on the first episode and what the full leveled up woman is according to my definition. Also on my Patreon for just $5 a month you get access to all past, present, and future content about all things level up. Click here to join or if you are not sure you can click here or the picture below and get the first episode for free.
Lesson #2 Self Reflection to Self Improvement
I know that determining what type of female you were can be the hardest part because so many of us want to be the A class female but the fact of the matter is you may not be. I know I wasn’t but that is okay because I am now and now is all that matters. Wherever you fall you just need to determine what you need to improve on.
- Is it your looks?
You can check out my blogs on the thrift store, for upgrading your fashion on a budget.
And blogs on how to do your own hair and tips for makeup for beginners.
- Is it your weight?
You can check out my blog on how I lost over 60 pounds by clicking here.
- Is it your attitude?
Click here to see my blog on how to sound smart?
- Is it your education or your job?
Click here to read my blog on how to get a better education and how to get a better job?
- Is it because you feel you don’t have access to anything?
Whatever it is, you can improve BUT you need to be honest about how to improve it.
What else is going on with you?
You may be an A chick but even if that is the case, that does not mean that you are perfect and that you can just stop self-reflecting and stop trying to find ways to improve yourself and level up your life. Because there are so many women who think they have it all going on BUT they don’t. And of course for everyone else you need to also reflect on common behaviors from the book “Played or be Played” that us women are so guilty of and need to change. He refers to them as: The attention-seeking behaviors and categorizes them in four different categories:
- The hoochie
- The drama queen
- The hypochondriac
- The professional victim
The hoochie female is desperate for male attention, and she will dress in loud or skimpy clothes to get it. The hoochie will mutilate her body in order to get male attention. She will have breast implants and all sorts of other cosmetic surgeries, tongue rings and nipple piercings and all types of tattoos.
The Drama Queen
The drama queen blows every little issue way out of proportion in order to bring attention to herself. The drama queen lives in her own little self-delusional world where everything is more hectic than it really is. And she feels a great sense of power when she can reel others into her drama-filled world. (This is something I used to suffer from, self-admission all day every day).
The hypochondriac is an attention freak who creates imaginary physical ailments in order to receive attention through sympathy. If you ask a hypochondriac a simple question like “How have you been?” she will start fishing for sympathy by going into a long spiel about how her legs hurt, she’s been having migraines, her back is acting up again, and her hemorrhoids are itching like crazy.
The Professional Victim
The professional victim tries to get attention through sympathy. In the mind of a professional victim, everyone is out to do her wrong. And she refuses to take any responsibility for the choices she makes in life. The professional victim blames everybody else for everything bad in her life. If she becomes a drug user, she will claim it’s because her mother didn’t hug her as a child. If she is an alcoholic, she will say it’s not her fault, because alcoholism runs in her family. If she has a number of children at a young age, she will claim it’s because guys keep getting her pregnant.
Lesson #3 Self Reflection and Self Improvement Moment Do You Have Any Of These Issues
Once again be honest with yourself. Do you notice that you have any of these issues? Have any of your past relationships accused you of having any of these issues? Do any of your friends accuse you of having any of these issues? Many of your friends and even past people you have dated have accused you of being dramatic. You have to be able to listen and reflect on what people are telling you. You can be an A-class female but if you are nasty, always think something is wrong with you, or you are attention-seeking then none of it is going to matter because you have some self-healing you need to do.
I know I keep saying that the truth will set you free and that is because it will. This is not the twelve-step program and you are not going to have to admit your flaws to other people. This is just between you, yourself, and the good Lord. So you have nothing to fear, denial will get you nowhere and truthfulness will get you everywhere.
Lesson #4 Denial Does Not Help You Only Harms You
I was in denial about a lot of things for a long time and because of it I wasted a lot of time. I was in denial about the type of men I dated and kept dating the same kind for years. The emotionally abusive losers that only lead to me having more pain. I was in denial about taking my business seriously, I started blogging in 2012 in an old blog that looked a hot mess and was of poor quality. I wondered why it was not taking off and I was not making any money and that is because I had a bad work ethic and was not putting forth the best quality work nor was I putting my all into it.
When I started gaining weight, I was in denial about that. About how much it was affecting my self-esteem and my health until I could barely walk up a few flights of stairs before almost passing out. I wanted to level up my life but staying in denial got me nowhere. It got me frustrated and it got me more of the same, acceptance and self refection is what lead me on the path to self improvement and that is what led me on the path to leveling up my life.
Assess Your Personality
You may be in a place that you do not know who you are, where to start, what life you want, what career you want, or you may not even be sure, then I HIGHLY recommend taking this free assessment from 16 Personalities. I have written a blog about this when it comes to choosing a career that is compatible with your personality but the assessment talks about everything and not just a career. I tend to be an ENTJ scoring 51% on the E which is extroverted and 49% on the I which is introverted but now I am an INTJ, which I do resonate with more. You may be wondering why I am telling you all of this and that is because I want to give you an example of how to examine both your pros and your cons and use them to level up your life.
The self-assessment is a pretty straight forward thing as far as where you should be going in your life or to at least give you an idea. If you are an A female them you may be settled in your career but for the other ones and you are just lost in the sauce about everything then take the assessment. Just to show you some areas that show up in the strengths and the weaknesses sections of my INTJ personality (this is not even the other sections that provide other information) ALL of it was information on how I needed to change my personality, what I needed to embrace, or just other information I needed to see about myself.
- Arrogant – Architect personalities can carry their confidence too far. They may falsely believe that they’ve fixed all the issues of a matter, then call it a day, rejecting the opposing opinions of those they believe to be intellectually inferior.
- Judgmental – Architects have complete confidence in their thought processes because rational arguments are almost by definition correct – at least in theory.
- Overly Analytical – A repeated theme when discussing the strengths of Architects is their analytical skills. But this strength can fail them when logic isn’t the most important factor.
- Loathe Highly Structured Environments – Architects hate blindly following…anything…without understanding why. They have a greater dislike for authority figures who go around forcing others to obey laws and rules without understanding the purpose of the standards themselves.
You may not want to improve all the things about your personality based on your weaknesses. I do not see all of these weaknesses as weak I like someone them. But work on the ones that hold you back.
- Quick, Imaginative, and Strategic Mind
- High Self-Confidence – Architects trust their rationalism above all else, so when they decide something, they have no reason to doubt their decisions or insights. This creates an honest, direct style of communication that isn’t held back by what others expect of them. When Architects are right, they’re right, and nothing will change that fact.
- Independent and Decisive – This creativity, logic, and confidence form individuals who stand on their own and take responsibility for their actions. Authority figures don’t impress Architects, and no matter how popular something is, if they have a better idea, architects stand against anyone they must to promote their plan. Either an idea is rational, or it’s wrong.
- Hard-Working and Determined
- Open-Minded – Architects are open to new ideas as long as they’re argued well.
- Jacks-of-all-Trades – Because of Architects’ open-mindedness, willpower, independence, confidence, and planning abilities, they are capable of doing anything they set their minds to.
My personality, my strengths, weaknesses and how I do things have helped me when I wanted to level up my life and is still helping me to this day. So if you want to level up your life, if you want to have a full self-reflection, and ultimately self-improve it is best to know as much about yourself as possible using what you can, adjusting what you can, and getting rid of the things about yourself that do not serve you.
Most people do lack self-awareness and most people want to think that they are perfect and that there is nothing about them that needs to be fixed. There is something about any and everyone that needs to be fixed and there is something in your life that is keeping you in a poverty mindset keeping you from living your best life. It is time for you to dig deep and find out what that is. So that you can get rid of it and level up your life, knowing that no matter where you are now, you can get to where you want to go.
If you know someone who needs some self reflection and improvement then go ahead and share this blog with them. Plus, if you join my Patreon you can get the worksheets that comes with this post, click here or the picture below.