To listen to the following blog post “How I Let Go Of My Baby Daddy & It Made My Life So Much Better” over reading it then click the play button below.
If you are a reader of my blog then you know I have had issues with my baby daddy, in fact, A LOT of issues. But I am proud to say that those issues are in the past because I decided to let go a long time ago and I remember that when I did my life became 1000 times better.
You can watch my single mom level up video below to see how I leveled up my life and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
But to give you a little bit of background on my baby daddy and I, is that he was never involved. I spent my pregnancy alone and shortly after my son was born my baby daddy became locked up for 7 years.
And like so many women trying to make their family work, I visited him jail despite our terrible history where he was also seeing other women.
The correctional officers would tell me he had other women who identified themselves as his girlfriend seeing him. And of course, he was never honest about it. But aside from all of that my baby daddy was emotionally abusive (click to read my blog here) and even after he got out of prison to this day he is barely involved.
I say this because often times when I encourage people to just let go of their baby daddy they often ask me if I know how hard it is, if I understand the pain their baby daddy caused, or that I make it sound easy.
I know that it is not easy at the time but once you do it, it will become easier. Because the fact of the matter is that having my baby daddy in my life caused way more pain to both my and my son’s life than letting him go. Which brings me to my first point.
My baby daddy was causing harm to my child
Not physical harm but emotional. I have a video that I did with both my son and I where I talk about how to raise a boy without a father. That you can watch below.
Many people think that you MUST have your baby daddy in your child’s life, or they are going to turn out damaged. That is simply not true. Having a toxic baby daddy in your child’s life will damage them.
My baby daddy would say he was going to see my son for his birthday and then did not come. He would make promises and not come, he would disappear for YEARS. Not days or weeks but YEARS and then pop back up saying he would be different but wasn’t.
Not paying child support which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it made me start my business and make more money on my own (click my blog here). All of this was bad for my son and it came a point where I had to admit that to myself and process it with him.
I think as mothers we want to lie for our baby daddy’s and that will just cause more pain to the child. DO NOT bash your baby daddy of course but telling the truth and having an honest conversation about the TRUTH of the matter will help them get over it.
And once we did that my son became stronger and we became happy with just us and family and good male role models that are there for my son. I think that if we would have stayed in that merry go round of trying to make my baby daddy see my son it would have just caused more harm then good.
I also suggest you watch my video below, in it is a snippet about Trevor Noah which I HIGHLY suggest you read his book which you can click my affiliate link here to buy.
He was brought up by a single mom and more than anything this shows that you are not doomed by being a single mom and raising a child, nor is your child. Look and him he is successful. And a strong mother is what got him there.
A Peace of Mind
When I tell you dealing with my baby daddy caused me so much mental anguish that is an understatement. When I was dealing with him it was always what bad news is it now? What woman is he leaving for now, is he going to show up, is something going to set him off and it is going to be an argument?
Which one of his family members are going to reach out and start talking crazy to me now? Will he lie about not having a job to get out of child support?
Is my child even safe with him or happy being with him? Is he going to try to sue me again (that legit happened) more than once? WHAT NEXT?
Being in that state of mind with someone causes mental terminal all the time. Because it is always something. Until one day I just decided to stop caring, stop thinking about it, and let all that go.
The start of it was when I was at church a few years go and I went up to the alter. I did not tell them why I needed prayer but I just ask them to pray because all of it had me exhausted.
But when they prayed it was like a release. It was like God stepped in and was like YO I GOT YOU. God can be the father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless (click my blog here to read more on that) and once I accepted that it was like a peace that surpasses all understanding as it says in Philippians 4:7.
It did not matter what he was doing, and with who, and it did not matter what he was not doing for us. My mind was just free to focus on what I had to do for my son, and I chose to have peace.
In one of my videos, a teen mom asked me what to do about her baby daddy who was like this. I suggest you watch it because it applies to anyone who is having trouble letting go of their baby daddy.
I got about my purpose.
Imagine that it is just you. You are a one-person income and you want a great life for yourself and your child. No, my baby daddy was not helping me but that was my sink or swim moment (click my blog post here to find out what that means). But in the end, I did not want to have a life that was subpar because I was a single mom.
I did not want to suffer because I was only one income. And since I could not depend on my baby daddy, I had to think about what I could do to get the life I wanted.
And I did. The best thing that came from my baby daddy being the way that he is, was me getting to my full potential. I did not have any choice. It was either suffer, be broke, or it was work hard and prosper.
And so, I got two additional degrees (an MS and Ph.D.), got a better job all while working on my side hustle, and now I am an entrepreneur. Also, check out my blog on how to go back to school as a single mom.
How many of you know that it is a lot easier NOT to fall if you know for a fact that there is no net to catch you when you do. That you will hit the pavement and die if you fall. This is a metaphor. Failing in life was not an option for me. If I did I would fall and hit the pavement with no one to catch me. So I chose not to fall.
I could not depend on child support or on my baby daddy and so I could not fall I had to fly. And so, I did. Even creating a best-selling book for single moms which you can click here to buy OR you can click here and I will give you the first few chapters for free.
All and all my baby daddy got some issues, our situation had some issues, BUT it’s okay. I am okay and the only way that I became okay was to just let go and be free. The last video I want to share with you is how to get over your baby daddy where I talk more so about this and do not forget to subscribe to my channel.
What you should know is that letting go of my baby daddy made me stronger and it made my life better. Holding on is what hindered it. So, if you are in this situation, then I urge you just let go.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So why keep going round and round with your baby daddy causing yourself more pain? Really think about that. If you know someone who needs to read this post, then go ahead and share it with them.