To Listen to the blog post “Why Casual Sex It Bad For You Even Though People Try To Say It Isn’t” over reading it, click the play button below.
Call me crazy but I have the old school thought that we really need to stop this whole casual sex trend. I know that everyone (both men and women) want to talk about casual sex like it is a good thing. Like it is empowering and like it is something that sets us free in some way shape or form.
That is the biggest lie that you can tell yourself. I mean just really, ask yourself. The last time you had casual sex what happened and how did you feel? How did you feel when the man got up right after your casual sex encounter and left?
How did you feel when he did not even spend the night or want to cuddle with you? How did you feel when in the morning the man just got up and left never to be seen or heard from again until the next time, he wanted sex? If, he even contacted you at all.
Does that sound wonderful and fun to you? I think sometimes we can trick ourselves into thinking that casual sex is fulfilling because it satisfies the flesh only (click here to read my blog on works of the flesh).
But what about your emotional needs? What about all the other things that you need aside from sex that helps you feel connected to another human being? Do you not feel casual sex robs you from that?
I want you to watch my video below on what caused me to be celibate (also click here to subscribe to my channel). Because the fact of the matter is that in some capacity I had no issue with having men on rotation to date, to dismiss, and did not feel it was a big deal to NOT be in a relationship and to have casual sex on occasion.
But when I got down to the meat and potatoes of it all I was not happy with these men. It was not some woman’s empowerment moment where casual sex set me free, it was just another way that men were having their cake and eating it too and there is nothing fulfilling about that.
Casual Sex Can Mess with Your Head
In this day and age, so many people want to believe that we can just have a no strings attached sexual encounter and that it does not mean anything. It does. Sex is never just sex you literally are attaching yourself to someone emotionally. Even if you do not want to.
And even though I am a Christian and I believe in soul ties (click here to read my blog on that) the scientific reason is that you do attach yourself to people in a chemical form and doing this over and over can mess you up.
Imagine this, if when we have sex, we are meant to attach to someone chemically on an emotional level and because we engage in casual sex we start to turn that part of ourselves off.
Because we just tell ourselves that it is just sex and we cannot get attached. And so that is exactly what we do. When we do get into a more serious relationship it is going to be very difficult for you to properly attach to someone in an emotional way because you are so used to cutting that part of you off because you have had to do avoid the hurt that casual sex is actually causing you.
That is why we have sex addicts because they value the act of sex over connecting with someone emotionally. That is why you see people have issues committing, they are always cheating when they do get into relationships because they cannot control themselves.
They prefer to have casual sex encounters over an actual connection because it liked they have tricked themselves into thinking that this is what matters more when in fact it is not.
So just know that casually throwing yourself around can mess up your ability to have a meaningful sexual encounter that is more than just about sex when the time comes.
I also suggest you check out my video on why celibacy is not just about not having sex. It talks about some of the mental health aspects that are attached to having casual sex that is not really that good for you.
People say that soul ties are very controversial. Some people believe in them and some people do not. But before we get into all of that I want you to consider the following Bible verse.
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18
As a Christian, we know that when we are saved the Holy Spirit is within us, and therefore when you are just casually having sex with anyone you are inviting them, their issues, and all of their junk into you as well. Tainting the power of the holy spirit. Do not believe the hype of casual sex is nothing because when you think about it, it is a very intimate act.
Someone is literally putting their penis inside of your vagina and you are rubbing your bodies together. I do not mean to be so graphic but I think sometimes we forget how intimate sex actually is in the sense that someone is entering your own body.
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” 1 Corinthians 6:16
Calm down I am not calling you a prostitute, but a prostitute is known to have sex with many people. Therefore, when you have had casual sex with another person who also is having casual sex you are joining your self with them and thus becoming one flesh.
Meaning you can open yourself up to their issues, their codependence, their jealousy, the neediness, or whatever else they have going on within them as well the other issues that they have carried with them from other people.
Think about it, how do you really feel after a casual sex encounter? How do you feel days after? And after you have had casual sex do you ever feel depressed, lonely, like you need to get it again (which is an addiction), or you spend your time chasing it. All of which can stem from a soul tie. Check out my video below for more of an explanation of what a soul tie is.
Casual Sex May Be Trying To Fill A Void
I make no secret in telling people I am celibate which you can click here to read my blog post on that. But one of the main reasons why I decided to come that way is because I realize that in a lot of ways I was attempting to fill a void.
If I was having sex I was feeling happy and fulfilled and when I was not having sex I was thinking about when the next time it would be that I could have sex so once again I can feel happy and fulfilled.
It is not like in those times that I was not having casual sex that I was sitting around all lonely and whatnot. Because most of the time when I was not engaging in casual sex I was sitting around thinking when I could get sex again.
And in that token, it will occupy your mind because low key you are trying to fill a void and you may not even know it or you may not even feel it because you waste your time trying to have casual sex or trying to find casual sex. And therefore you never really allow yourself to figure out why that is.
This is going to sound really odd but I actually want to quote a song lyric from TI from the song back then where it talks about basically him and his friends use to use the mess out of this woman for casual sex and then one day he asked her why she did it and in the song, he said her reply was this:
Then one day I just asked her
“Why you always give it up?
I mean even these hoes get paid
All you do is get laid—this mess don’t add up.”
She said, “Tip, all I wanna do is feel love
Even if I know it ain’t real love
Even if I know a dude only finna hit it
And then never call back, I still give it up
A prime example of what I mean. What she was doing was trying to fill a void. She knew the casual sex was not in love, it was not real, and she was being used but in those moments of casual sex, she felt loved and she had somehow tricked herself into thinking that this was enough.
Subconsciously many women may be trying to do the same thing and not even realize it. Casual sex is easier to give and get as opposed to getting a man to settle down with you or to be in a relationship with you. So, you just settle for casual sex when really you want to fill a void. You can check out my get ready with me video when I talk about my battle with lust below. And do not forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.
Casual Sex and Why You Should Stop
It was not until I decided to cut off casual sex that I realized that I felt better without it because I had to learn how to be alone by myself, how to feel good by myself, and how to feel loved by myself. And not to use casual sex and some façade to masquerade or cover the fact that I was alone or to give me some momentary satisfaction.
Casual sex is one of those things that you do not even realize affects you as much as it does until you stop having it and then you get down to the root cause of why you were doing it in the first place. You will start to understand that you do deserve your own man, that you do deserve your relationship, that you do deserve more than just some casual fling.
That you are selling yourself and your body short. That your body deserves to be honored and whoever gets to see it should be honored to see it. Think of yourself as a jewel. A jewel is only rare if not everyone has access to it. The moment that the jewel is accessible to everyone then it will lose its value.
And that is how you should be with your sex. It is a rare and valuable asset to be inside of your body and should not be experienced so lightly and by everyone. Otherwise, it’s not really that special anymore.
You may fight me on this because you do not want to stop casual sex BUT I do urge you to at least try it. I think you may be surprised on how much MORE empowering it is to NOT have casual sex then it is to have casual sex.
If you know someone that may need to read this post, then go ahead and share it with them. And, for all my single ladies get my book specifically for single women where I talk about this topic and so much more. Just click here to buy or you can click this link and I will give you the first few chapters for free.