To listen to the blog post “How To Spot The Early Signs Of An Abuser” over reading it, just click the play button below:
Let’s talk about how to spot the signs of an abuser. Because despite what you think abusers rarely come across as abusers when you first meet them. But there are always settle clues that they are either a narcissist, abusers, a manipulator, or all of the above.
Check out my video below where I talked about how to spot the signs of an abuser by using FKA Twigs and Shia Labeouf where she spoke about many of the signs that abusers have. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
First, Sign Of An Abuser Love Bombing
I believe that love bombing is one of the most powerful weapons an abuser has. Love bombing can work with anyone but especially women with low self-esteem (which I have a separate blog post on). The way that love bombing works is that they start overloading you with love, compliments, gifts, and telling you how awesome you are. Love bombing creates an environment in which:
- You begin to trust the abuser.
- You begin to believe that the abuser has your best interest at heart.
- This sets the stage for you to think that the abuser is the “best” man you can ever get because he “treats” you so well, thus making it hard for you to leave.
What love bombing does is set the victim up. Because the love-bombing phase can be short, or it can even be hot and cold, or it can come after the abuser has shown his abusive side.
This is all to create a fog to make you think that the relationship is good when the love-bombing phase is never permanent. And once the abuser has your full trust by love-bombing then this can be followed by a phase of tearing you down. Which hits all the harder because it feels like such a difference between the compliments you have been getting before.
Second, Sign Is That Their Hot & Cold
This ties into the love bombing. One of the signs of an abuser is not only that they love bomb but then they remove their love and all the attention that their victim had been getting. At which point you will start to try to jump through hoops to try to impress your abuser.
At which point your efforts will probably be never recognized, which will keep you jumping higher and higher and jumping through more hoops to please your abuser. Thus giving your abuser all the control.
This takes the power out of your hands and the power back into the abuser’s hands where they will literally have you doing any and everything to earn back the attention that they were giving you during the love-bombing phase. Also, check out my video on why you should not prove yourself to a man.
Third, Sign Of An Abuser Breaking Boundaries
In the interview that was done with FKA Twigs about her abuser one of the main things that stood out was how her abuser Shia Labeouf, broke her boundaries and tried to mask it as love. He would literally climb the fence of her gated home to leave flowers and other gifts. Now while many women may think that this is cute.
What an abuser is really showing is that he is willing to go through great lengths to get to you and there is nowhere that you can hide from him because he can jump the fence and crawl past security to get to your home if need be. Yes, he is giving you gifts but the subliminal message of “I can access you anywhere” is really the message that an abuser is sending.
Fourth, Sign Of An Abuser Manipulation
Manipulation is a very big sign when it comes to abusers. The main manipulation tactics that an abuser is going to use is that they are going to use anything, anyone, and every situation to their advantage. And that advantage typically means always manipulating situations in a way that paint themselves out the good guy even when they are not. Also, check out my video on the different types of ways men manipulate women.
Last Sign Of An Abuser Is Gaslighting
Gaslighting is when an abuser minimizes your experience. For example, you may suspect that your man is cheating because some woman keeps calling at 2 am, and then he leaves to go see her. That coupled with the fact that you found used condoms in his trash and a pair of panties that are not yours.
An abuser may gaslight you and tell you that you are insecure or that you worry about other women too much. An abuser may also come up with some really good excuses as to the reason why he is cheating and actually gets you to believe him. Typically this is by making things seem like no big deal and like you are overreacting in situations that actually justify a reaction.
Those were some of the common signs of an abuser that will hopefully help you spot their antics early on. Remember an abuser is typically an expert at keeping you right where they want you. So the earlier that you are able to see who they really are and not get caught up in the fog that they try to keep you in. The more likely it is that will be able to escape the hands of the abuser.
For more advice to single women, don’t forget to buy my book for single women Fix It Jesus For Single Women Only, which you can click here to buy.