To listen to the blog post “Is It Love? Or A Trauma Bond?” over reading it just click the play button below.
Why are so many people mistaking love for a trauma bond? The fact of the matter is, is that many people are a lot unhealthier than we think when it comes to relationships. And that is where the trauma bond comes in. People who mistake abusive behavior for love and even worse some people actually like this trauma bonding because it provides some sources of excitement in their lives.
What Is Trauma Bonding Anyway
Trauma bonding occurs when a couple is bonded by unhealthy relationship patterns. AKA their trauma. Think Bonnie and Clyde. Were literally their bond was over killing and robbing people and they got a high from it. Of course, this is an extreme example but you get the jest.
I know when you read this definition you may be thinking that you are not the type of person to want to bond with someone over some trauma. But I would like to think that it is actually more common than you think. Most people probably don’t know that they are in a trauma bond but they are.
Trauma Bond Case & Point Saweetie and Quavo
Now obviously I do not know these celebrities personally to say 100% that they are in a trauma bond but they still provide a good example from the outside looking it. You can check out my video below on where I talk more about their relationship and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
But in a nutshell, Saweetie was in a relationship with her boyfriend Quavo and he was cheating on her, and for her to forgive his indiscretion he kept throwing really expensive gifts at her. Not to mention their elevator fight is common knowledge in which he pushed her so hard that she ended up on the floor. But yet she stayed. You can watch that video down below.
My point is that this is a trauma bond is:
A relationship bounded by physical harm, cheating, and materialism all cover up the fact that this is probably a really abusive relationship both emotionally and physically that one should not be in. As Saweetie said in a tweet herself.
Trauma Bond Myths Busted
The reason why I brought up this couple is that from the outside everything looks normal. A trauma bond just does not happen to a certain type of person. It does not happen because you are poor, or because you are rich, or because you have low self-esteem. It is rather a mindset and some people really do think that if drama is not involved in their relationship then it is not love. When that is simply not true. But it is quite common for someone to want to get or feel love in any way that they can. Even if it is toxic love and born out of abuse.
How Do You Know If You Are In A Trauma Bond
- Your man is emotionally and/or physically abusive toward you. (Click here to read my blog on emotional abuse).
- Your man is a narcissist (click here for my blog on that). And also check out my video down below.
- Your man intentionally does things to make you jealous just to get a reaction out of you (cheating, flirting with other women to make you jealous, etc.)
- Your man does pick up artist or hot and cold types of behavior. Meaning that they are kind to you one minute only to be mean to you the next. This cycle continues to keep you trapped and confused.
- Your man plays manipulation tactics to keep you trapped and confused, which I have a video on that, which you can watch below.
What To Do About It
If you are in a trauma bond it is best just leave. I know that so many people feel that leaving is impossible but once again that is the lie of the trauma bond. That you cannot leave or that the toxicity that binds you two together means that you should be together. NOT TRUE.
Let me tell you something. A relationship born out of trauma bounding by wounding is not a relationship. It’s simply toxic and you would rather “gauge out your own eye” which basically means hurt yourself by leaving and hurting temporarily than you would stay in a relationship that is not good for you. Check out my video below about more on how to gauge out your own eye.
But please remember relationships are not supposed to hurt, be toxic, and the last thing that should be bonding you two together is pain (no matter if it is physical or emotional). So if you are bonded by a trauma bond it is best to leave, make a plan if you have to, save money, get friends and family to help you. Do not try to sit and make excuses for your trauma bond relationship. Because the fact is that the longer you stay, the worse it can get, the stronger your trauma bond can get, or the harder it can be for you to leave. And that is what you don’t want.
If you know someone who may need to read this post then go ahead and share it with them. Also, check out my book for single women that you can get by clicking here. It will help you learn to have more self-esteem and how to do relationships the right way over the wrong way. Just click here to buy.