To listen to the blog post “What Does Celibacy Mean For Me & Why I Chose It” Over reading it just click the play button below.
A vow of celibacy sounds a little bit dramatic does it? Before I get into why I just want to start out by saying that I am not a virgin. This is obvious since I have a son. BUT I know. There are so many myths behind why someone decides to take a vow of celibacy. That I want to get out of the way as NOT being the reason why I stopped having sex.
What does celibacy mean ~ The Myths?
- You must not enjoy sex.
- You must have not have met a man that knows what he is doing.
- Something must be wrong with you.
- You must not be comfortable with your body or having sex.
For the sake of being transparent, I want to tell you that none of these things are true about me. In fact, before I took a vow of celibacy I was having a very happy and active sex life.
Maybe a little bit too active. BUT in the same token, the need to be celibate had been wearing on me for years and years. I knew that it was something that I wanted to do but it was not something that I felt I could really follow through with because let’s face it.
Most of us want to have sex and we don’t want to stop. Before we get into the rest of the post, check out my video below for why I have been celibate for over 5 years. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
What Does Celibacy Mean For Me ~ Why I Took a Vow of Celibacy?
My vow of celibacy is NOT forever but I have made the decision that before I have sex again I want to wait until marriage. As a Christian I am not perfect nor am I ever going to be. But as I got to know God better, I started to feel convicted about having sex outside of marriage.
I started to feel like either I was a Christian and I was going to start following the word of God. Or I was going to continue to do what I wanted to do and ignore what God was telling me to do. I would love to lie to you and tell you it was an easy decision, but it was far from. Me becoming celibate was years in the making.
What does celibacy mean for me meant that God would convict me, I would restrain from sex and then I would mess up. This process would happen over and over again with men I was in a “relationship” or even just a situationship with. I was committed to them and they were not committed to me.
After each time I had the nerve to pray and ask for forgiveness, hoping that I would not do it again, but knowing that I would. Even though I knew I should stop having sex it was not something that I was willing to do, I just saw no real benefit in it. But I will tell you the actual story that put the nail in the coffin and made my decision to become celibate one of the easiest things that I could do.
What Does Celibacy Mean For Me ~ The Story That Made It Final
When I fully understood the question “what does celibacy mean for me” for me was when I knew enough was enough when I was seeing a man for over a year. Before I go on with this story I want to receive no judgment. I have certainly been boo boo the fool on more than one occasion. And just FULL disclosure this was one of those times where I was BOO BOO the fool. So let me continue.
It was my birthday and I had just finish spending time with some of my friends. This should give you a hint of the status of our so-called relationship it was my birthday and HE was not there. Instead, I was invited to stop by his house at 3 a.m.
This was obviously a booty call if I have ever seen one. But I did not see it that way. So as I came over God told me when I went over there just to be quiet and not tell him that it was my birthday. God told me to wait until he asks you how you are before you tell him. And guess what, he never asked me. The whole conversation was about him.
What he wanted. How he wanted me to massage his back. How he had a hard day at work. He didn’t ask me anything about myself. He never even knew it was my birthday! Talk about an eye-opening moment. I could have been a brick wall he was talking to and he would not even know the difference. He was talking at me and literally the conversation required for me to say nothing.
AND if I did not get that he was a jerk at that specific moment I decided to have sex with him which after as I got comfortable and begin to get ready to go to sleep. He told me to leave his home so that his girlfriend could come over. I was shocked. I had not been “seeing” anyone else, but apparently, he was and had no problem letting me know that I was only there for the physical and nothing more which is why he kicked me out in the wee hours of the morning.
What Does Celibacy Mean For Me ~ Let’s Racap
I went over a man’s house that I had been dating for over a year. On my birthday, he talked about himself, did not even know it was my birthday, and then he kicked me out so that his girlfriend could come over. And I guess a girlfriend he was cheating on because he had just had sex with me. AND he did not bat an eye.
What Does Celibacy Mean For Me ~ Why This Was The Last Straw For Me
After this happened I felt disrespected and really the only person that I could blame was myself. He did not rape me or force himself on me. He was showing me that he was a jerk the ENTIRE time that we were dating. But I fell for the nice body and a cute face and because of it I was putting myself and my body in a position to be used and abused and I was paying the price for it.
He was having multiple vaginas and here I was getting kicked out at like 4:30 am in the morning. That is when I decided to no longer put myself in these types of comprising positions. I also decided that there were too many STD’s out there to continue to sleep with anyone outside of marriage. Condoms do not matter.
Yes, they protect against certain STD’s but not all. You can still get herpes or genital warts. The man I was sleeping with was sleeping with someone else. And that was not real intimacy. Not for me, not for him, and not for her (his girlfriend). We were just switching bodily fluids with one another. And it made me sick because that is NOT what sex is for.
Since I made that decision I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. I learned the reason sex was created is in the context of marriage, to prevent men from using you, and so that you can keep your mind clear of all the crap that men will try to feed you to get in your pants.
When I think of past relationships of people I had sex with I think, what was it all for? I am not with them now. It was about instant gratification or a temporary way to satisfy the flesh. Or thinking I can make a man be with me by having sex or fearing that he would break up with me if I did not have sex with him. Now it does not really matter. No one is worth me getting disrespected over like that again. And I have complete control over that by not allowing men to have free access to my body.
What Does Celibacy Mean For Me ~ In this day and age, sex has become too casual.
Also, it may be worthwhile to watch my video on What Does Celibacy Mean For Me and why becoming celibate is NOT just about not having sex below.
We have lost the meaning that it is supposed to be special. Women and men were not meant for casual hookups (see my blog here). There are hormones that are released during sex which cause us to attached to one another emotionally.
Therefore, if you are having sex with everybody, then it affects your ability to connect in a serious relationship in the long run. This is because you have become so used to having sex and turning off your emotions, you have become immune to a real connection. This is why BOTH men and women can have sex with whoever and walk away like it is no big thing.
BUT it is a big thing or at least it should be. And that is why I chose to take a vow of celibacy because I really wanted to reclaim the intimacy of sex for myself. Having sex outside of marriage was not working for me. But since I chose to be celibate and REALLY commit to it.
So, what does celibacy mean for me? It means that I am a lot happier than I was when I was having sex. I have a bigger peace of mind. I also suggested you read my post on works of the flesh. It will give you a better understanding of what it means to be ruled by the flesh and having sex with multiple men or outside of marriage.
You are allowing your flesh to rule you. If a man really wants you and wants to share your body with you, don’t you think that you deserve a bigger commitment over just being a girlfriend. Your body is one of the most precious things that you have, so why give it so freely to a man that has not paid the price for it.
If you know a fellow single woman that could use this advice then don’t be selfish and feel free to share this post with her.
Also, did you know that I have a book that is specifically for Christian single women? That covers this topic and SO SO much more. You can click here to buy the book or because I know that you will enjoy this book I am going to give you the first chapter FREE. All you have to do is click here or the link below and the first chapter is YOURS.
I’ve been in a relationship for three years with this awesome guy, we were having lots of good sex and then this year I just decided I wanted to wait until we are married. He is having a hard time accepting this and he says he will find a way his own way to deal with it, I am kinda worried he will cheat but he swears he loves me and he will never do that, he actually thought I was looking for a way to get rid of him or I was getting it from elsewhere.
How can I help him deal with this and still keep him sane?
He is just going to have to learn to trust you and that is something that is going to have to be built. If he has insecurities about the issues then that is something that is going on with him and you can’t really change that. Hopefully as your relationship progresses he will just learn to trust you about this. And if your plan is to get married, then just let him know that he can have sex with you once you are married and if he does not want to worry about it then he will just marry you. Problem solved.