To listen to the blog post “How I Became A Successful Single Mother” over reading it just click the play button below.
In this post, I am going to tell you how to be a successful single mother. The reason why I can tell you exactly how to be a successful single mother is that I have done it myself. Now you may be thinking what makes me successful? You can also check out my about me page but just to give you a little snippet I have a Ph.D. degree, I am a nationally certified counselor, and I am a blogger.
But don’t think because I am educated that I did not face my fair share of adverse situations. I have certainly faced my own challenges as a single mom. A lot of them, in fact, You can read my blog about the time I was failing as a parent to hear about the time I lost my job, did not have any food to eat, no money and I was just miserable.
But guess what? I overcame all of that to become the successful single mom that you see here before you. And I want to teach you to do the same thing. You can check out my single mom level-up story below as well and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.
1. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ The Challenges You’ll Have To Overcome
Before I get into how to be a successful single mother I want to tell you some of the challenges that I had as a single mom. I want you to know this so that you can understand that if I can you can. I was not a single mom who had child support, my nearest family member was over 100 miles away, I was the single mom that had to basically figure out everything on my own.
I am a single mother, whose son’s father was locked up for the first 7 years of my son’s life. I was the single mom who lost her job, I was the single mom who at times could not pay her bills, I was the single mom who would just sit around and wonder “why me” and wonder when things would get better. AND what I could do to make them better.
But I have come to learn not to resent these things because it is the adversity that I went through that made me stronger and fighting through the adversity is what made me successful. It quickly learned that
“Where there is a will there is a way and through hard work and determination you can accomplish anything.”
2. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Deciding You Need A Change
At the age of 23, I found myself pregnant. I would like to tell you that I was this perfect Bible-thumping Christian in which I did everything right. But it was the opposite. I considered myself a “Christian” as in I would go to church, but there was a disconnect between me being a Christian and actually applying it to all areas of my life.
I was single, I had a decent job and my life consisted of any 23 years old’s life. I drank, partied, had fun, and lived for myself. By this time I did have an undergraduate degree so I was not completely off base, but to be frank, I was a hot mess.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was not in a serious relationship. I was just having fun like many 23-year-old women do, living, and thinking there are no real consequences to my actions.
When I told my son’s father I was pregnant. My child’s father wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused (click here to read my blog on why). My son’s father then moved out of the apartment to somewhere unknown to me and that was pretty much that. So there was no supportive pregnancy, no one to sign the birth certificate, there was just me.
I was going to be a single mother at 23. I worked 12-16 hours a day at a jail. I did not have a babysitter nor did I know of anyone that would watch my child for that long. I had to be at work at 5:45 a.m. in the morning and normal daycare did not open at that time. There was so much that I needed to figure out. AND it was up to me to figure it out.
From there, I made the decision to file for child support, one that would do me no good. About a week or two later I found out my son’s father had become incarcerated for larceny charges, where he would spend the next 7 plus years. One may think that this would be a wake-up call. BUT nope not for me.
Like many single moms I wanted my family, I wanted to forgive, and so for the next few years, I went back and forth with my son’s father while he was in prison. There were times that attempted to force a relationship in an effort to have a “traditional” family. That was until I found out my son’s father had a girlfriend while he was in prison, one which he was seeing since I was pregnant. Oh yes, and then I found out that he was STILL MARRIED.
I could not be in a love triangle, hexagon, octagon, or any of it anymore. That young 20 something year old realized that I had a child and I had someone to take care of. Because when you have a child, your priority shift to what is important. My son was important and me living my life was important. Also, check out my video on how to move on from your baby’s father if you struggle in this area.
3. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Have A Positive Mindset
The most important step on how to be a successful single mother is that you have to have the right mindset. If you want to be successful then understand you need to change your mindset and remove yourself from the unneeded drama. If you keep telling yourself that you are going through challenges as a single mom and you don’t know how you will get out then that is what you will become.
Instead of resenting the things that I was going through I had to tell myself that there was a reason why my single mom story was this way. And then I had to ask myself what I going to do about it.
I could make the decision to sit and be depressed or make the decision to be a mom. I chose to be a mom. I chose to be happy no matter what. I went to pregnancy classes and all of my appointments alone.
At the time it was awkward watching everyone have someone with them and I was sitting by myself, but I tried to remain happy. I chose to be positive and make plans for the future to have a positive life for me and my son.
4. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Planning For Success
When determining how to be a successful single mother. For each of you, you have to figure out what success looks like for you. Once you get that vision in your head you have to come up with a way to implement the success. For me, I needed to sit and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, figure out how I was going to get there and figure out what was not working in my life. And the things that were not working in my life I had to change.
After I had my son I made it a mission NOT to work at a jail. The hours were so long, the job was mentally taxing, and I needed more flexibility and money. I applied for jobs every day like 20 of them while I was pregnant and even went on interviews while I was pregnant. I was on a mission to not be in the same place I started (also check out my blog on applying for job tips). Two months after my son was born I started a new job in the mental health field.
While I was at that job I saw another woman who was a licensed mental health professional. As I looked at her I thought to myself that this was someone who had job security, this was someone that is not easily expendable on the job, and this is someone who had job options. And I knew that I needed to become a masters-level mental health professional.
Notice how I had a plan of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go every step of the way. In order to become successful, you cannot fly blind and hope for the best. I planned to get a better job that would give me more flexibility as a mom and I was able to do that by being proactive. Not by sitting there and waiting but by getting up and doing.
When I decided to get my master’s degree it could have been problematic. How could I start school with a one-year-old? But where there is a will there is a way. If you want to be successful it may not be easy but if you want it bad enough you will find a way. I found an accredited school online in which I could obtain a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling. Which allowed me to meet the criteria to become a nationally certified counselor.
I had become a member of the Chi Sigma Iota, an international counseling honor society, and a student member of the American Association For Marriage and Family Therapy. Once I finished my master’s I thought why stop there and that is when I got my Ph.D.
4. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Focus On You
When telling you to be a successful single mother there were some roadblocks. I would love to tell you that everyone in my life was supportive of me being a single mother and going to school and wanting a better life for myself. But they were not. Many of my family and friends told me that I was not going to be able to do it.
That I was going to be a bad mother or I was going to quit school. There was a time when I had to work, do an internship, and find someone to watch my child. All of it seemed so impossible and other people told me it would be impossible.
But the key to success is going on your own path and not worrying about what other people have to say about who you are going to be, what you are going to be, and what you cannot do. Do not allow other people to limit your success just because they think you cannot do something like a single mom.
Instead of worrying about what they have to say, shut them up. And the best way that you can shut them up is by proving them wrong. What is meant for you will be for you and it does not matter if other people support you or not. Overcoming adversity is hard enough but there are times where you would have to leave unsupportive people behind and go on your road to success alone. Check out my video below where I talk about what to do when you have to leave people behind.
5. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Keep Grinding
The thing about being learning how to be a successful single mother is that you have to keep going and keep grinding and you never stop. Not until you get the life that you feel you should have. I could have stopped at my Master’s degree but no I decided to get a Ph.D.
I could have been happy with my regular job but no I started to start my own brand. Because the only person who can determine what success is is you. So even if you do not see the type of success that you want this very moment, just keep going, and keep grinding. Maintain a positive attitude and know that if you just keep going you will get there. Hard work will pay off if you keep going, but if you get discouraged by the challenges of being a single mom and quit then you will never reach success.
6. How To Be A Successful Single Mother ~ Final Thoughts
In closing, I want to give you an excerpt from my Single Mom’s devotional (click to buy).
As long as you are living, breathing, and waking up each morning, God is not done with you yet. A problem with most people is that they disqualify themselves when God has already qualified them. God may be tugging on your heart to start a business, move here, or do that; but so many people are afraid to move forward or step out on faith. I am too old, I am too damaged, I don’t know how, I don’t have time, I have been married three times, or I could not possibly do (fill in the blank).
All of these are excuses we tell ourselves as to why we CAN’T. And when you think of one of these excuses, you disqualify yourself, saying that God could not possibly use you, your story is over, and you might as well just sit here and settle into your mediocrity until God calls you home. Stop selling yourself short. God decides when your story is over, not you. And as long as you live to see another day, there is still hope, there is still time to go after the impossible, and there are still dreams to be pursued and relationships to be won.
No matter who you are, what your situation is, or what you have been through, never place limits on God by telling Him that you have reached your maximum potential or you do not think you are good enough to (fill in the blank)
As a single mom do not place limitations on yourself. You can if you believe you can. If you want the first chapter free of my single mom’s devotional then click here or the picture below. Or you can just buy the book by clicking here.
Also if you know a fellow single mom who needs to read this post with them share it with them.