How To Control Anger Outbursts In 6 Actionable Steps

How To Control Anger Outbursts In 6 Actionable Steps

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When you learn how to control anger outbursts then you can master almost anything. Because let’s face it a lot of the trouble we tend to get ourselves in is because we cannot control our mouth.

We cannot control the fact that we went off on this person on social media, or we said something rude to the person that we don’t like. We cannot help that we cursed out this person, called this person a name, said something nasty to our boss, or told this person off.  They had it coming right? WRONG!  I mean they may have had it coming BUT that does not mean that you have to feed into it. This is why it is important to learn how to control anger outbursts.

 It is people’s natural reaction to tell someone off or try to get their point across even it means that your mouth is being reckless. In today’s society, people think that it is a strength to “read people.” Oh and boy did I used to be one of those people. I had a reckless mouth like no other. AND I still can have a reckless mouth. But even though I can does not mean that I should.  

Taming the tongue and knowing how to control anger outbursts is knowing when to speak and learning to speak things of value. When people go off on me I know that in the back of my mind that I can go off on you 10 times worse.  I know that my bark is way bigger than your bark and my bite is way bigger than your bite. 

And no matter how big and bad you think you are, I can tear you down within 5 minutes because that is how ruthless I WAS.  But I am no longer that way because I understand that this is not something to be valued or treasured.  It is a sign that someone lacks the ability to articulate themselves properly and the only thing that you can do is be loud and threaten other people, to try to assert their “strength.”

Knowing that I can go off on you but choosing not to, shows a great amount of self-control and maturity.  And learning how to control anger outbursts has been one of the most valuable skills that I have. With age and maturity, I now understand how to control anger outbursts and choosing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it, or if you say it at all. That is the real strength. It changes how people look at you, how people respect you, and it changes the reputation that you give yourself.

I am not saying that you cannot say things to people and you have to always keep your mouth shut. I am saying that there is a way to do things and sometimes you do all that talking is really not needed or required.  Also, watch my video on how to be on your grown woman status where I talk more about how to control anger outbursts.

1. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ Harness The Power Of Not Responding. 

 I remember when someone was being rude to me and I just made the decision to just shut my mouth and not speak on it. Literally all my friends turned around to me said:

“I cannot believe that you let them talk to you like that, that is not like you, and you should have went off on her!”

But then I realized, what would be the point of that? When I used to clap back to people in public, people use to stare, and a crowd use to gather and guess what the result of that was. Two people arguing in public and embarrassing themselves. And I was one of those two people. 

The first lesson in how to control anger outbursts is to know that when you respond aggressively to people who are aggressive to you, that is not called courage, it is not asserting yourself, it is called immaturity. And that is exactly how you will look when you respond back to someone with yelling and acting all crazy.  If you choose to be silent then there is only one person being loud in public acting a fool and you are not one of them.  

  • Not responding at all works when you do not have anything nice to say and you know that if you do say something it is going to be rude.

  • Not responding works with the person who is on 10 and is just yelling at you. And you know the only way to respond is for you to yell over them. Which only leads to two people yelling at each other and neither one being heard. Leading to a counterproductive encounter. 

  • Not responding works when you just do not know how to articulate yourself in a way that you do not escalate the situation.  

2. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ If You Can’t Say Something Nice Then Don’t Say Anything At All

The second lesson on how to control anger outbursts is to think before you speak. Before you speak learn if your communication is going to help the situation or hurt the situation. Destructive communication is where you escalate an issue and make things worse. Where the person is left feeling disrespected causing them to say things to disrespect you back. Despite common belief, this is not an effective way to communicate.

When you speak the whole point is to be heard.  And when you are being all reckless with your mouth saying any and everything that comes to mind, the other person is not going to hear you.  They are just going to get defensive and give out the same reckless behavior you just gave to them.

How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ How To think before you speak: 

  • Are you saying something to the other person to be hurtful or disrespectful? 

  • Are you going to say something that will get a rise out of the other person? 

  • Are you intentionally trying to say something to piss the other person off? 

  • Is what you are going to say going to make the situation worse? 

Think about these questions before you speak and if the answer is yes to any of these questions then refer back to lesson number one. Choose to not say anything at all. Or choose to communicate differently so that what you are saying is getting your point across in the most effective way possible and not making things worse which is lesson number 3. 

3. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ Assertively Communicate 

Your communication needs to be constructive and assertive over being aggressive.  I have a mouthpiece on me so I get it, you do not just want to sit there and be mute when you have something you want to say. But it is how you say it. 

Constructive communication is no matter how a person responds to you. you are able to respond in a calm and productive way.  Still being able to get your point across without starting an argument. If you are providing feedback to someone you are not saying it to hurt their feelings but you are saying it to make the conversation more productive and to get a solution.

Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognizes our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. (Source).  You can also check out my blog on assertive communication versus aggressive communication for more tips.  And you can watch my video below on how to clap back at someone but still be professional.

4. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ Think before you speak

How to control anger outbursts fourth lesson. Think about what you will say, think about how it will come across, and think about why you are saying it.  Are you saying it to be hurtful? To get smart with someone? Or to show someone how loud you are? Or you going to use some words and/or verbiage that the person may take offensively.  All of these things need to go through your head before you actually start talking.  

For example, there are some women who like to call each other the B-word as a term of endearment. Now, if you are talking to someone and you see they are getting agitated with you and you choose to use the B-word toward them. Even though you did not mean for them to get offended, they may because they may not be used to being called the B-word and in a heated situation they certainly do not want to be called the B-word by you. 

So instead of just saying stuff just to be saying stuff or to hurry up and to get into the conversation, just slow down, and think about what you are going to say and if it is going to be perceived well by the other person. 

5. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ Consider Your Reputation  

When you enter a job, school, a relationship, or anytime you have to communicate with people. You are going to have a disagreement.  Do you really want to be known as the woman yelling all the time for everything little thing?  The woman that people are afraid to say anything to because you are going to try to “prove your point” in the most disrespectful way possible.  Or do you want to be the mature, intellectual woman that no matter what anyone says to you, you are able to respond with grace and poise?

If you have a habit of not knowing how to control your mouth then that is exactly what people will see you as. People won’t respect you, they won’t want to talk to you, they won’t want to give you a promotion, they won’t want to introduce you to people, take you anywhere, and that is because your behavior and your mouth are so unpredictable. They may take you to a nice restaurant and the waiter messes up your order and off on a tangent with your mouth you go. 

This type of behavior can ruin your friendships, relationships if someone wants to date you, or your career potential.  Your reputation will proceed with you and don’t let it be one where you have cannot control your mouth. I have a Ph.D. and I have the ability to articulate myself and get my point across in a productive way, making a situation better not worse. 

  • Can you imagine me having a Ph.D. acting speaking any kind of way to people?
  • Imagine how that would affect my image?
  • Imagine how unsure people would be of my professional abilities if I did not know how to control my mouth?

Think about it like this, when you see people out arguing in person or being rude to people what do you think about them really? You can be honest you probably have some preconceived notions about how they are ratchet, classless, and ghetto, and all these other names that we use to call people when we feel they are acting a certain type of way. Now it does not mean that these people are these names BUT that is what we think about them in your head. 

6. How To Control Anger Outbursts ~ Say Affirmations

Now if you are really just having problems with taming your tongue and none of these things are going to help you then I have an affirmation for you that should help you control your mouth.  Don’t just say it, but believe what you say and allow what you say to transform your behavior.

It says: 

I have the ability to control my mood, to control my anger, and to control my tongue. These are things that come with being an intelligent, GROWN woman.  I control what my mind thinks, what I say, and what I do. 

I  choose to encourage every one and I choose not to be ruled by emotions. I understand that I do not have to say everything I feel.  

When faced with an argument, not only do I know when to walk away. But I also know how to use my words to calm the other person down when they are being reckless. And to NOT use my words to escalate the situation. My ability to control myself is way stronger than their ability to bring me out of my character.  I am in control of my mouth, my outburst, and my anger. 

In closing, you do not need to go off on everyone. You do not need to fight everyone or have arguments with everyone.  This is not a strength.  This is a weakness.  Having control over yourself is a strength.  Taming the tongue is a strength.  Controlling your anger is a strength. No matter what you say your words do have meaning and have the power to speak life or death. So choose to speak life. Consider checking out my Christian Manifestation Guide for more affirmations you can say daily. Just click here to buy.

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Seriously Stop Embarrassing Yourself, Learn To Tame Your Tongue In 6 Easy Steps
Start Learning to tame your tongue, watch yours words, and Control your mouth, mood, and emotions with these truths.


  1. This is so easy to relate to even for those who do not have an aggressive temperament because people think the only way to stand up for yourself or to assert yourself is with crude comments aggression or violence when in reality the easiest and best way to settle a dispute while maintaining your dignity and self respect is by calmly replying to the aggressor.

  2. Agree!!! Love this! Read a book recently by Karen Ehman called Keep It Shut and she covered a variety of topics, all related to our words and how we use them. Thanks!

  3. I have never been one to go off on people even when they annoy me to the point of fighting them, my mother taught me to learn how to hold my tongue long ago though it is a skill I am still honing

  4. I somewhat agree here. I think there is a time, place, and way to do everything. I don’t think always responding with aggression is appropriate, but in the same token I don’t believe you should just let people talk to you any way they want to. While I know you could calmly tell someone to back off, it typically doesn’t have the same effect of more firmly letting them know you mean business.

  5. I agree!! I love this! Two people arguing in public wouldn’t have achieved anything except embarrassment. I see it exactly the same way you do! I hold my tongue a lot and I think people think I’m just soft and can’t speak my mind. I can though, in the right situation and the right time and place.

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