To listen to the blog post “When & How To Give Your Kids The Birds And Bees Talk” over reading it just click the play button below.
Are you wondering when to have the birds and bees talk with your child and how exactly to do it? Well, my advice is that the birds and bees talk should always be sooner rather than later. And I want to encourage you as a parent that it is really not as bad as you think. Even as a Christian I realize it is important to have an open dialogue about sex.
Just because you have the birds and bees talk with your child does not mean that you are just encouraging them to go out there and do it. Avoiding sex talk is NOT the answer even as a Christian. It is just allowing them to stay in ignorance and perhaps be taken advantage of later on by people because they are not really sure what sex is and what is and is not acceptable. Hopefully, the birds and bees talk is the first of many open and honest dialogue that your child will come to you about then they have questions about the world.
I also want you to check out the video that I did with my son where we had the birds and bees talk. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
First, Having The Birds And Bees Talk Does Not Mean You Are Encouraging Sex
As a single mom who has a little boy, I want to be as transparent as possible with my son. Just because I want to explain the birds and the bees that does not mean that I am encouraging him to go out and have sex. It means that I would not want him to walk around at 20 years old thinking that babies are delivered by a stork.
I can recall when I was in elementary, older kids who were 5th graders came along and told me that a condom was a plastic bag. And then gave it to me. I was in awe. I had a condom. I believed that bag was a condom for the longest time. Because no one told me differently. My point is that it is better for your children to find out sex from you, than it is for them to find out sex from someone else. Because his friends may tell them
- You can’t get a girl pregnant if it is your first time and her first time. Which of course is false
- If you pull out you can’t get a girl pregnant. Which is also false.
- You cannot get STD’s from oral sex. Which is once again FALSE.
Having the “sex talk” with your child is knowledge and knowledge is power. Teach your children that there are consequences to having sex such as a pregnancy or an STD. AND as a Christian explaining that this is why God wants them to wait to have sex within the confounds of marriage. So that they are protected from STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Pretending that sex does not exist may encourage your children to make mistakes based on misinformed sex information that was given to them by their friends or the internet.
Second, The Birds And Bees Talk ~ How Early Is Too Early
I decided to start giving my son the sex talk at age 5. Yes at 5. Remember when I mentioned that you do not want to keep your kids in the dark about some sex stuff because that can lead them to be taken advantage of? That includes them being molested.
I am not wishing that on anyone. BUT the fact of the matter is that many children are molested by people that they know and many do not even know that it is wrong because no one told them that their private parts were private.
As a Christian, it is important for us to not be naive. Kids have gotten molested in church, by family members, and even by school workers. Trust that God will protect your children but also remember to keep your children safe by not keeping them in the dark about what is a good touch and bad touch.
Believe it or not, I was not the FIRST one to give my son the molestation talk. It was his doctor. As she examined him, she told my son that she was going to touch his penis. She said the word penis, not pee-pee or wee. And asked him if it was okay. She also explained that it was never okay for anyone else to touch his penis without his permission.
This included adults and family members. And that if someone was to touch his penis he should tell an authority figure right away! After that, she asked my son for permission to touch his body. Even if you do not feel comfortable talking to your kids about sex, ask a doctor, counselor, or therapist to help you.
Third, Having The Birds And Bess Talk – Skip The Soft talk
Children should know the proper name for their genitalia. Using names like Wee wee for penis or cookie for vagina makes their genitals seem more like a toy. And when someone asks to touch their cookie, children think it is okay because it sounds like a sweet snack that they get from their parents after dinner.
Going back to my son in the doctor’s office, he understood and also laughed about it because he is a boy. But after the appointment, in true boy form, he kept making jokes about his penis. But you see, it was not awkward at all. It did not make me feel embarrassed nor did it make him feel embarrassed for him to call his penis by its actual name.
I know that sometimes as Christians we can be really secretive about our bodies. But remember that God created all of us including our private parts. Adam and Eve were running around the garden of Eden naked. It was not until the devil told them that they were naked after eating the forbidden fruit that they became ashamed about being naked (Genesis 3:11). So even when you talk to children about their bodies, let them know that it is NOTHING to be ashamed about, they are apart of God’s creation. All of them. Also, check out my video below for other parenting tips and how to talk to your children.
Fourth, The Birds And Bees Talk Is Always Be Age-Appropriate
I did not expose my son to sex talk all at once. As parents, we know that the birds and the bees talk come more and more as they get more curious with age. After my son was 5 we had the “no one touches your penis talk.” The next sex talk came with my son was 6 years old.
We were watching cheerleaders. Out of nowhere, my son told me his penis was standing up and asked me what was wrong with it. Remember back at the doctor’s appointment when he learned about his penis. He never forgot and since he felt comfortable talking to me then about it, he still felt open enough to talk about it now.
As a Christian, I really want to explain something to parents. The fact that my son’s penis was getting an erection was a normal biological response to what he was watching. If this happens to your child please do not make them feel ashamed about it or if they have done something wrong just because their body decided to have a natural response to the opposite sex. You can also teach them that just because your body responds to certain stimuli does not mean they need to act on it.
Even in this instance I only explained what was relevant at the moment. Which was his body’s natural response to something. I did not yell at him, make him feel uncomfortable, try to throw holy water on him, call him the devil, or accuse him of wanting to have sex too soon. I just explained that as a male these things sometimes happen. And as he gets older I will explain more sex-related questions he has as long as they are befitting of his age.
Fifth, The Birds And Bees Talk ~ If You Make It Weird It Will Be Weird
An actual story. When my son was a few years old he came into my room and ask me.
Mommy when I get married, what will my wife do with my penis; “will she play with it?”
My response was. “Something like that.”
And then here comes the question that most parents dread
“Mommy, what is sex?”
I had to think about my response and put it in a way that he would understand that would not horrify him.
“It is when a man rubs his penis on a woman’s vagina
My son’s reaction was priceless. His eyes got big and he said
“I did not know that!”
And once again as a Christian I reiterated that having sex within marriage is okay it is not okay for him to just have sex with anyone. Because there are STDs and other unwanted consequences that can happen by just sharing your body with anyone. I explained to my son that is not what God intended.
My point is that it is good to be open and honest with your children and back up your Christian principles with what you are saying. Not in a ” God will smite thee” if you have sex type of way but in a way that they understand and one that will encourage them to want to follow God’s way of doing things when it comes to sex.
And remember educating them about sex and STDs will teach them that sex is a huge responsibility and can have untended consequences such as AIDS or even a baby that you cannot take care of. Expressing to your children the unintended consequences of sex is much more of a preventative measure than telling them not to do it, without talking to them about it, and then hoping for the best. Kids are only going to get embarrassed by the sex talk if you get embarrassed by the sex talk. And talking about sex is not a sin. It is only weird if you are a parent makes it weird.
If you know a fellow parent who needs tips on giving their child the bird and bees talk then share this post with them.
Did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? Yes, I gave my son the sex talk as a single mom. I know the ends and out of being a Christian single mom which is why I have a book specifically for Christian single mom. To know more about my No-Nonsense Single Mom’s Devotional then click here. BUT I want to offer you the first chapter for free. Just click here or below to get it.