To listen to the blog post “What Women Need To Learn From The Woman At The Well?” over reading it, just click the play button below.
In this post, I am going to talk to you about the lessons learned from the woman at the well also known as the Samaritan woman. The biggest lesson that we can learn from the woman at the well is that she is the woman of today. She made some of the same mistakes as some of the women do today, especially as it pertains to men.
I would love to sit here and tell you that all women at that time were virgins when they married and they all lived happily ever after. But this was not the case as can be seen with the Samaritan women. There are so many women of the Bible that have their own none cookie-cutter stories and once they found God, things turned around. (See my blog on Ruth, See my Blog on Esther, see my Blog on successful women of the Bible). As the case with the woman at the well.
1. Lessons learned from the woman at the well ~ Who Is The Samaritan Woman Anyway?
If you are not familiar with her I would like you to read John 4:1-42.
I am not going to go over verse by verse here, but I will take some main points and point out what we can all learn from the Samaritan woman.
Let start from John 4:9. This was just after Jesus came sat next to the woman at the well, and asked her to get him something to drink.
“The Samaritan woman said to him, ‘You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?’” John 4:9
Right from the beginning, we can see that this Samaritan woman was not seen as someone worthy of communicating with a Jew. She is set apart, and not in a good way. In fact, even though it is probably hot outside, she herself cannot even believe that someone is asking her to get them a drink.
Now here comes the kicker. Pay attention.
“He (meaning Jesus) told her, ‘Go, call your husband and come back.’ ‘I have no husband,’ she replied. Jesus said to her, ‘You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.’” John 4:16-18
Whoa, wait hold on let’s repeat that. Here we have a Samaritan woman at the well by herself. She was more than likely by herself because other women did not want to be around her. This woman has had FIVE husbands!
AND the man she was living with now she was not married to. Imagine what people must have been saying about her! Imagine what other women would say about someone who has had five husbands now.
- What was she looking for?
- Why would she put herself through the pain of that many marriages all for them not to work out?
- AND why would she be with yet another man that she is not married to
Either she is needy, had low self-esteem, looking for love in all the wrong places, or a combination of all three. I also talk about the woman at the well in my video are you putting men before God which you can watch down below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
2. The Woman At The Well Was Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
The first lesson that we can take from the woman at the well is that she was looking for love in all the wrong places. She has had all these husbands and was now living with another man. The fact of the matter is that most people do not get married and divorce 5 different times.
So something must have gone wrong in her relationships to the point that she could not stay married to any of the men that she was once married to. I think she was looking for love in all the wrong places. Looking for men to complete her and to be married to thinking that somehow this was going to solve all her problems.
And when these marriages did not solve all of her problems she would get a divorce or they would divorce her and then she would start again. Looking for a new man, a new husband, and none of it working out. Probably because the men that she was involved with were all wrong with her. And because she did not recognize that she just kept getting into the same type of relationships over and over to the point that now she is just settling for being a live-in girlfriend for a man that was not even trying to marry her.
3. The Woman At The Well Was Trying To Fill A Void
How many women go from man to man to man to man trying to fill a void that they just can’t put their finger on? And since they cannot put their finger on it they go about creating chaos and dysfunction in their lives by getting into toxic relationships. When the relationship does not work they move on to someone else, chasing after that feeling of love. They never really find love, because the type of love that they are seeking cannot come from a man or being in a relationship.
With the Samaritan women, she was making the mistake that so many women make. And that is she was looking for someone to love her without realizing that she needed to love herself first. That love comes from within. And that she was also going to feel that void and try to fill it with men because she did not have a love for herself.
4. The Woman At The Well Learned God Fills The Void
For the following point, I am going to take an excerpt from my book specifically for single women which you can read about and buy here.
I am convinced that the longing most people feel for wanting to be complete is actually a longing for God (Psalm 63:1). But instead of single women realizing this longing for God, they want to use an actual man to fill that void. The Samaritan woman was looking for someone to complete her because she felt incomplete and she thought that jumping from man to man would do it for her. It started with her being married and now she just settled for shacking up. After all, whoever she was with was a man and a man was better than nothing? Right? WRONG! You have not been listening. Let’s take the next verse. If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?” John 4:10-11 (NIV) The poor woman was probably taking Jesus literally at this point. He, however, was not talking about regular water. Jesus was comparing the well water to everything that the woman had been thirsting for in life. Jesus was telling her that He is the water that she has been looking for, He is the One that can complete her, and she did not need to go from man to man trying to look for something that cannot be found in man. In case all of this is going over your head, there is a point here I promise. You need to be complete on your own. You do not need for any MAN or PERSON to be that one for you. As long as you have God, then you have all that you need. I am not telling you to be single forever. But understand that relationships should add to who you are and what you already have and NOT be the sole source for your happiness.
My overall point is this, do not be the Samaritan woman. Do not spend your whole life jumping from man to man trying to feel and be love but failing at it miserably because true love comes from within and true loves come from God. As a woman myself, there are so many ways that the Samaritan woman had that I can relate to and I am sure that many women can relate to. But unless you want to end up like her with 5 husbands and living with a man who does not want to marry you; you need to wake up, get some self-esteem and get some self-regulation. In case you are unsure about what self-regulation even is, I am going to once again take an excerpt from my single woman’s book.
As a mental health person, I may have used a word you are not familiar with so let me define self-regulation. In short, self-regulation means that YOU and only YOU have the ability to control yourself, your behavior, and your actions without the influence of other people. Depending on someone else to complete you is the opposite of having good self-regulation. Remember how I said that no one is perfect but that you want to rely on an imperfect person to complete you? I do believe that our hearts are yearning for a sense of completion, but I do not believe that it can come from a man because people are imperfect. But guess what? God isn’t. You need to be complete on your own. You do not need for any MAN or PERSON to be that one for you. As long as you have God, then you have all that you need. I am not telling you to be single forever. But understand that relationships should add to who you are and what you already have and NOT be the sole source for your happiness. So, remember what you need. Something we call self-regulation. You need to practice being happy on your own, completing yourself on your own, and not allowing your happiness to be dictated by who is or is not in your life.
With that being said these are the top 3 lessons that you can take from the woman at the well. You don’t need a man, you need Jesus. It is not to say that you don’t want a man but you should not NEED a man. Desperation will lead you to be desperate relationships. Be complete on your own, be happy on your own, asking Jesus to guide your way.
If you know someone who may be like the Samaritan Woman then share this post with her.