4 Incredible Lessons The Woman At The Well Can Teach All Single Women

To listen to the blog post “What Women Need To Learn From The Woman At The Well?” over reading it, just click the play button below. 

In this post, I am going to talk to you about the lessons learned from the woman at the well also known as the Samaritan woman. The biggest lesson that we can learn from the woman at the well is that she is the woman of today. She made some of the same mistakes as some of the women do today, especially as it pertains to men.

I would love to sit here and tell you that all women at that time were virgins when they married and they all lived happily ever after. But this was not the case as can be seen with the Samaritan women. There are so many women of the Bible that have their own none cookie-cutter stories and once they found God, things turned around. (See my blog on Ruth, See my Blog on Esther, see my Blog on successful women of the Bible). As the case with the woman at the well.

1. Lessons learned from the woman at the well ~ Who Is The Samaritan Woman Anyway?

If you are not familiar with her I would like you to read John 4:1-42.

I am not going to go over verse by verse here, but I will take some main points and point out what we can all learn from the Samaritan woman.

Let start from John 4:9. This was just after Jesus came sat next to the woman at the well, and asked her to get him something to drink.

 “The Samaritan woman said to him, ‘You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?’” John 4:9

Right from the beginning, we can see that this Samaritan woman was not seen as someone worthy of communicating with a Jew.  She is set apart, and not in a good way. In fact, even though it is probably hot outside, she herself cannot even believe that someone is asking her to get them a drink.

Now here comes the kicker. Pay attention.

 “He (meaning Jesus) told her, ‘Go, call your husband and come back.’ ‘I have no husband,’ she replied. Jesus said to her, ‘You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.’” John 4:16-18

Whoa, wait hold on let’s repeat that. Here we have a Samaritan woman at the well by herself.  She was more than likely by herself because other women did not want to be around her. This woman has had FIVE husbands!

AND the man she was living with now she was not married to.  Imagine what people must have been saying about her!  Imagine what other women would say about someone who has had five husbands now.

  • What was she looking for?
  • Why would she put herself through the pain of that many marriages all for them not to work out?
  • AND why would she be with yet another man that she is not married to

Either she is needy, had low self-esteem, looking for love in all the wrong places, or a combination of all three.  I also talk about the woman at the well in my video are you putting men before God which you can watch down below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

2. The Woman At The Well Was Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

The first lesson that we can take from the woman at the well is that she was looking for love in all the wrong places. She has had all these husbands and was now living with another man. The fact of the matter is that most people do not get married and divorce 5 different times.

So something must have gone wrong in her relationships to the point that she could not stay married to any of the men that she was once married to. I think she was looking for love in all the wrong places.  Looking for men to complete her and to be married to thinking that somehow this was going to solve all her problems.

And when these marriages did not solve all of her problems she would get a divorce or they would divorce her and then she would start again.  Looking for a new man, a new husband, and none of it working out. Probably because the men that she was involved with were all wrong with her. And because she did not recognize that she just kept getting into the same type of relationships over and over to the point that now she is just settling for being a live-in girlfriend for a man that was not even trying to marry her.

3. The Woman At The Well Was Trying To Fill A Void

How many women go from man to man to man to man trying to fill a void that they just can’t put their finger on?  And since they cannot put their finger on it they go about creating chaos and dysfunction in their lives by getting into toxic relationships.  When the relationship does not work they move on to someone else, chasing after that feeling of love.  They never really find love, because the type of love that they are seeking cannot come from a man or being in a relationship.

With the Samaritan women, she was making the mistake that so many women make. And that is she was looking for someone to love her without realizing that she needed to love herself first. That love comes from within. And that she was also going to feel that void and try to fill it with men because she did not have a love for herself.

4. The Woman At The Well Learned God Fills The Void

For the following point, I am going to take an excerpt from my book specifically for single women which you can read about and buy here. 

I am convinced that the longing most people feel for wanting to be complete is actually a longing for God (Psalm 63:1). But instead of single women realizing this longing for God, they want to use an actual man to fill that void.   

The Samaritan woman was looking for someone to complete her because she felt incomplete and she thought that jumping from man to man would do it for her. It started with her being married and now she just settled for shacking up.  After all, whoever she was with was a man and a man was better than nothing? Right? WRONG! You have not been listening. Let’s take the next verse. 

If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?” John 4:10-11 (NIV) 

The poor woman was probably taking Jesus literally at this point. He, however, was not talking about regular water.  Jesus was comparing the well water to everything that the woman had been thirsting for in life. Jesus was telling her that He is the water that she has been looking for, He is the One that can complete her, and she did not need to go from man to man trying to look for something that cannot be found in man. 

In case all of this is going over your head, there is a point here I promise. You need to be complete on your own. You do not need for any MAN or PERSON to be that one for you. As long as you have God, then you have all that you need.  I am not telling you to be single forever.  But understand that relationships should add to who you are and what you already have and NOT be the sole source for your happiness.

My overall point is this, do not be the Samaritan woman. Do not spend your whole life jumping from man to man trying to feel and be love but failing at it miserably because true love comes from within and true loves come from God.  As a woman myself, there are so many ways that the Samaritan woman had that I can relate to and I am sure that many women can relate to. But unless you want to end up like her with 5 husbands and living with a man who does not want to marry you; you need to wake up, get some self-esteem and get some self-regulation.  In case you are unsure about what self-regulation even is, I am going to once again take an excerpt from my single woman’s book. 

As a mental health person, I may have used a word you are not familiar with so let me define self-regulation. In short, self-regulation means that YOU and only YOU have the ability to control yourself, your behavior, and your actions without the influence of other people. Depending on someone else to complete you is the opposite of having good self-regulation.

Remember how I said that no one is perfect but that you want to rely on an imperfect person to complete you? I do believe that our hearts are yearning for a sense of completion, but I do not believe that it can come from a man because people are imperfect. But guess what? God isn’t. You need to be complete on your own. You do not need for any MAN or PERSON to be that one for you. As long as you have God, then you have all that you need. I am not telling you to be single forever. But understand that relationships should add to who you are and what you already have and NOT be the sole source for your happiness. So, remember what you need. Something we call self-regulation. You need to practice being happy on your own, completing yourself on your own, and not allowing your happiness to be dictated by who is or is not in your life.

With that being said these are the top 3 lessons that you can take from the woman at the well. You don’t need a man, you need Jesus. It is not to say that you don’t want a man but you should not NEED a man. Desperation will lead you to be desperate relationships. Be complete on your own, be happy on your own, asking Jesus to guide your way.

If you know someone who may be like the Samaritan Woman then share this post with her.

Also, I have something for FREE For you. I want to give you the first chapter of my book for single women FOR FREE. Just click here or click the picture below. Or just by the book by clicking here.

Christian single women


  1. What a declaration and gift to be redeemed by Jesus. Great point as well on how this verse is very applicable to women today.

  2. Thankyou for reminding me of Gods simple truths . I have been struggling and getting depressed with not finding a husband at 52
    I do feel unloved and incomplete. I have a male freind that I met but
    I do not feel it’s a relationship and I am too fearful to let go
    But it’s causing stress and confusion.

    • I do not ever think that someone should feel unloved because that starts from within and God loves you. I would really work on that first and I think that you will notice that the relationship you attract will get better trust.

    • Finding joy in the fact the same way u met him I’d the same way u will meet another. You are trying to still fill that void of loneliness. Let go n let God

  3. Don’t forget the prostitute in the bible (I forgot the verse sorry) who became a follower of Jesus after helping two men escape and then got married afterward.

  4. I have been invited to be the guest speaker for an AGLOW meeting in September. The LORD put on my heart to speak on the Samaritan woman.
    I have been doing research on the John Chapter 4 Scripture.
    It is refreshing to read your article and your perception of the Scripture because by far, most of the articles I’m finding have been written by men.
    I will be using your article as a reference, during my presentation.

    Thank you,again.
    Alexa L. Cummings

  5. when two people take the covenant of marriage it’s to death do you part unless adultery/fornication/death(freedom to remarry) does God give permission for divorce anything else is mans way of doing things or they are guilty of adultery/fornication God never agreed to divorce it was Moses,because the hardness of men heart.Just like sin He hate divorces.The devil comes to steal,kill and destroy ,Jesus is the way the truth and life

  6. Really understanding the Samaritan woman

    Many of us are familiar with the story of Jesus meeting the woman from Samaria at Jacob’s well. Some may have heard the woman’s presence at the well in the middle of the day indicated she was an outcast or a prostitute, and Jesus’s mention of the woman’s past husbands and lack of a present husband has been employed to support the notion that the woman was immoral. However, on closer inspection, this woman seems to have been misrepresented.

    We don’t really know why the woman visits the well at the time she does but the fact she has had five husbands says less about her and more about her circumstances. A woman in this context was unable to initiate a divorce, so her multiple husbands may have been a result of their death or departures and, while she is living with a man who is not her husband, this was not uncommon for an unmarried woman; unmarried women often lived with a male, possibly a relative, whose responsibility it was to take care of them. With this in mind, Jesus’s revelation of the details of the woman’s life can now be seen with compassion and understanding rather than judgement. Christ’s sympathy for the woman is an example of ‘kindness that leads us to repentance’ (Romans 2:4) and hugely impacted the woman’s community, who successfully urged Christ to remain with them for two days.

  7. A common view of the woman at the well is that she was sinfully jumping from husband to husband. But what if her situation wasnt a result of her sin? Perhaps she was barren so her husbands divorced her. Or perhaps some of her husbands died. Now she is older, maybe barren, maybe undesirable or unwanted. In a society where a powerless woman needs a husband for safety and survival, she would need a man to provide for her. She is an outcast, collecting water in the heat of the day. Scripture doesn’t clarify if her sad situation is a result of her sexual sin or of other circumstances beyond her control. Regardless, Jesus brings her good news and she spreads that news to her whole village. In tradition she is honored as an evangelist bringing many to believe in Christ.

    • Right, women didn’t have the freedom to divorce their husbands. But husbands just threw out wives for any reason. If enough men threw you out, and if you couldn’t work or support yourself… if you were hungry enough, would you sin?

  8. Jesus is the only way to find and capture true happiness, and total fulfillment. This tells me, that in all areas of ones life. That He is all you need. For Him to be centered in your life. Everything else will fall into place. Only His will be done. He was capable when He was here on earth. And if you believe and trust Him in a real relationship today. He will infact show you things you never imagined, or thought could happen. Please, take time to call on Him, and ask Him to show you. Ask Him into your heart. He is faithful in all He says He will do. He’s waiting to show you what true, real love is. He’s waiting for you my friend.

  9. I never considered the depths of the Samaritan womans’ situation as many have expressed here. I do see it now, however, the inspired word of God is also far reaching. The woman also reveals something more about herself; she is an Isrealite. When we continue to read the passage we see the woman says” our father Jacob digged this well”. I point this out because many of you are correct in that we need the one you call Jesus in the center of our lives first, I would just stress that you call him by his NAME. He says I come in the name of my Father. His name is a Hebrew name as is his Father’s name. Do just a little research and find them both.
    I come in peace.

  10. I can identify with this myself. I have been invited to do a women’s conference and oh course I am referring to the Woman at the well. Funny it was preached to me at my ordination. I found it to be such a refreshing word for women because many of us can see ourselves her. My self suffered alot of abuse n heart ache at a young age and continued to search for love. Even knowing Jesus I never felt like He was enough because I never knew how to properly love myself or except the love of Christ in my heart. I live Him but didn’t He really love me with all the terrible things I have done and what He allowed to happen to me as a child? So women who have been raped abused etc sometimes find it hard to believe that they can be loved or even find it hard to love themselves. So this is an perfect example of Jesus love for us. This woman was already made an spectacul of because of what she had done. But they failed to realize that’s what she did that’s not who she was. She was a woman that God ordained to be at the right place at the right time to get fulfilled with God’s grace n mercy from His son our Lord n Savior Jesus. I myself tried to search n look for love through men for financial needs n physical needs. Never was I aware it’s was all spiritual needs that needed to be met. So thank you for shining some light on somethings through my journey with God I found to be true. I am grateful that now I’m on a path of healing n able to share my story with others thru Jesus Christ words to help heal other women. I too am writing a book of strength n power in Jesus. So God bless you Woman of God. I truly enjoyed this read and it helped me to shine an even brighter light to the women in my life as I preach n teach the infallible Word from the Lord. God bless you Queen

  11. In biblical times women were not allowed to ask for a divorce. They were also married off at very young ages. It is possible the Samaritan woman had several husbands that died or divorced her because she could not have children. The Samaritans had mixed both Jewish and pagean teachings so other woman may have been afraid to associate with her due to there superstitions. She knows the scriptures as the story says she talks of a coming Messiah. She seems on the verge of fivingnup on being loved and cared for so she is living with a man not her husband. She is thirsty for love and acceptance and Jesus offers her that at the well. Unlike the adulterous woman Jesus does not tell the Samaritan woman go and sin no more. Rather this woman tells everyone in town about Jesus and they listen something I don’t believe they would have done if she had been a loose woman. Sometimes there is nothing a person does to deserve their circumstances but Jesus comes along and fills that void that need in all of us if we let Him.

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