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Leaving bad relationships can be hard but they can also prove essential. Instead of getting into a failed relationship after a failed relationship, going around the same mountain, and making the same mistakes how about you learn from your bad relationships. A failed relationship that has ended does not seem so bad when you have actually learned something from it.
This is why in this post I am going to give you 5 lessons learned from leaving bad relationships. If you have had failed relationships then know that you did not suffer in vain and that all your relationships were for a reason, even if it did not work out. Also, check out my video below to see more lessons that I learned from failed relationships, and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
Whenever something crazy happens to me in life or even in relationships I always try to find the silver lining. Leaving a bad relationship can not seem like such a waste of time if you can find a silver lining.
- Sometimes there were red flags that were missed.
- Sometimes I should not have even given the man the time of day.
- Sometimes it was something that I was doing.
And just learning these lessons keeps me from getting into the same type of bad situation again. Which is a good thing, that is what I like to call growth. Therefore it is best to learn from each relationship as opposed to jumping into a new relationship making the same mistakes over and over again and then wondering why your relationships keep going down the same path of failure and disappointment. It doesn’t have to be that way. And so, here are:
1. Learning Bad Relationships Earn How To Date Better
With every date that I have been on good or bad, I have taken something from it. And I can honestly say that I prefer good dates. An example of a good date would be a man bringing me flowers, taking me to a restaurant that I enjoy, good conversation, and paying for the date.
A bad date consists of men who have just tried to get me drunk and to a hotel to soak in their hot tub. Legit this is a true story. Another true story was that one guy I was dating kept forgetting his wallet leaving me to pay for the expensive bill.
Leaving bad relationships can freak some women out. I think sometimes as women we just accept anything on a date because at least a man is taking us on a date. And we feed into the mentality that if we asked for a man to buy flowers, pay for our meal, or even open our door that these beliefs are outdated. Everyone can have their own opinion about dating but I would much rather adapt the old school dating strategies than the new school one.
With all of my failed dates, I have learned that I must rather go for the men who really want to date me and that place high expectations on themselves. I have learned through a few Netflix and Chill dates that this is very lazy and I have learned that I much rather have a good date than just any old date. What I can say about my failed dating experience was that I would have rather stayed home than suffer through another bad date.
After leaving a bad relationship I always try to do better. Most importantly I learned how to weed men out as early as the first date, because who has time to waste right? That way I waste less time on people who are not a good fit by spotting them early on. Which I also talk about in my video below.
2. Leaving Bad Relationships Not Everything That Glitters Is Gold
When leaving a bad relationship you learn that all that glitters is not gold. I can recall going out on a date with a fellow Ph.D. student. He had a good job, two houses, and a nice car; AND he was a total jerk. I literally felt like I was being molested on the date. But a mistake that women make is because a man looks good on paper is that he must somehow be the man for you. This is NOT true. On this date, this guy kept bragging about what he had but the date was a hot mess. Remember the guy who tried to get me drunk and into a hot tub in a hotel room.
Yep, that was this guy. Through this epic fail, I learned that I must not be blinded by education, money, or material things. These things do not make a relationship, the people make the relationship. And if a man is willing to disrespect you and feels that because he has money, cars, and houses that this gives him the right to treat you like a sex slave then dump him. What I learned from this failed relationship is not everything that glitters is gold,
“Just because a man appears to be a good man on paper does not mean that they are a good man in real life let alone a good man for you. “
I also have a video on, the type of men who look good on paper but are probably not a good man for you.
3. After Leaving Bad Relationships Learn To Be pickier.
After leaving bad relationships I always become pickier. There was a time that I use to date anybody that would ask me out on a date. It did not matter if they were a loser, had no job, no car, no money, or that I was not attracted to them. I would just go out on a date to say that I was going somewhere. The result of that was me wasting a whole lot of time with people who were not worth my time. Now instead of going out on dates with everyone, I go out with people that I am really interested in.
I have also learned to do the weeding out in the beginning. Instead of just agreeing to go out with someone and then finding out that they are a drug dealer or have 12 kids after date number 4; I really try to get to know them through talking on the phone before agreeing to a date. Going back to lesson #1, I would much rather have a good date than a whole bunch of bad ones.
4. When Leaving Bad Relationships Learn To Be Happy Alone
After leaving a bad relationship do not be in a rush to get into another one. One of the best lessons I have learned from leaving bad relationships is how to be alone in a healthy way. As you can see from the above tips what I learned from all of my failed relationships is that I actually started to have higher standards for myself.
The downside to that is that there are fewer relationships and fewer going out on dates with higher standards. I used to be a serial dater. Dating many men at once. I would have multiple dates set up in one day if need be. The reason for all of this was because I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to be alone with my own thoughts because doing so would actually make me reflect on what I was doing in life.
And as a result, I would put myself through a string of bad dates, being involved with a string of bad men sometimes for years at a time. What I learned was that being alone is one of the healthiest things you can do (Check out my blog). But at the time I did not see it like that. Instead, I would just fill my time up with a bunch of useless men and bad relationships to the point that it just drove me crazy. So I learned to value my time, who I spent my time with, and a side effect of that was that I learned to be alone. AND I learn to like being alone. AND I learned that I am really good company.
5. When Leaving Bad Relationships You Can Learn More About Yourself
After leaving a bad relationship I always learned something more about myself. That is called self-reflection. It is hard to think about these things if there is always some man around you getting in your ear. It can be hard to think for yourself if a man is always feeding you thoughts and telling you that to think what to think about yourself. When you always have someone around it is hard to learn who you are.
Have you ever seen a woman that changes the way she is for a man? If her man does not eat meat then she does not eat meat. If her man was Jewish, then she converted to Jewish. If her man thought there were aliens flying around in the sky, then she started to believe in the paranormal and began seeing aliens in the sky.
“When it comes to failed relationships oftentimes women SEE that the relationship is failing and instead of letting go we bend ourselves and become the person that we feel a man wants in an effort to keep him..”
When really he is no prize and does not need to be kept anyway. Before we know it, we have transformed ourselves into someone else just to please a man instead of just letting go. There comes a time in relationships that you have to stop depending on other people for your identity and start depending on yourself. I remember I had a past boyfriend who had a serious porn addiction. I will be honest and at first, I tried to get into this whole porn thing with him and tried to cater to his needs when it came to watching porn.
But literally, one day when he came over he did not even say hello, all he did was walk right over to the computer, started watching porn, and asked me to sit down with him to watch as well. That is when I had to put my foot down and tell him that I do not want to sit and watch porn all day. I had to open my eyes and realize that you cannot conform to what a man wants you to do or be.
I feel that every past failed relationship that we have prepares us for our ultimate relationship. In each failed relationship we need to take away something and find a way to improve ourselves. There have been times I have ruined a pretty good relationship because of my own securities and I had to learn how to do things differently and there were times where the man was horrible and I still had to do some self-reflection and figure out why I kept going for these type of men. For every past relationship that you have been in, I want you to think about what you learned and think about if these issues are still holding you back.
If you know someone who has had a string of bad relationships then share this post with them, it may encourage them to find their own silver lining.
And last but not least, I have a book for all of you single women which you can read about here. BUT most importantly I want to give you the first chapter for free. I want to put your failed relationships to an end and give you some encouragement. All you have to do is click here or the picture below and you will get sent the first chapter of my book FOR FREE.