To listen to the blog post “4 Pieces Of Advice For Single Moms Raising A Son Alone” over reading it then click the play button below.
If you are a single mom raising a son I want to say welcome, join the club because I am in it too. And since I know what is like being a single mom trying to raise a man I also know some of the feelings that are associated with them. And I know that so many of you can get worried about raising a son, how to raise him into a man or IF you CAN raise a man. There is so much criticism about if single moms are equipped to raise a son on their own.
Forget the fact that many of the fathers can’t or won’t raise their son, most of the criticism falls on single mothers and feel that they would not be able to turn a boy into a man because they are not men themselves. As a single mom of a boy I COMPLETELY disagree. Yes you are a woman and yes you are raising a man AND yes you are not a man. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t raise a man.
As a single mom raising a son it all boils down to this one thing, raise your son into the type of man you want to marry. That’s it. I mean you may not know what it is like to be a man, but surely you know what type of man you want to marry and this is your chance to give the world the awesome man that you feel it is missing. You can also see my son answer this question for himself in the video below. Which talks about my experiance as a single mom raising a son. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
1. When Raising a Son As A Single Mom Rememer Some Men Can’t Raise Men
I think a major myth is that a single mom cannot raise a man because they are not men. But some men can’t even raise men because they are not men either. My son’s father is not in my son’s life (Click here to read my story). Not going to bash him but the fact of the matter is that he has had multiple run-ins with the law and spent many many many years in prison. And I refuse to believe that just because he is a man and I am a woman that this is the sole reason that makes him more equipped to raise a son.
When all the critiques told me I could not raise a man because I am not a man, my question to them would be: How can my son’s father teach my son how to be a man when he is still trying to teach himself? Just because a man has a penis between his legs does not make him qualified to be a good father.
This is not to throw shade, but some single moms have children with uninvolved fathers, fathers who are abusers, fathers who have drug problems, or just fathers that are not good examples and that does not make them any more qualified then you just because they are men. In fact, the issues that you have had with your son’s father can make you even MORE qualified because you can teach your son exactly how NOT to be.
2. Raising A Son As A Single Mom ~ You’re A Woman But…
Yes, we know we are women. Perhaps we cannot teach our sons how to pee standing up or know how their hormones work. Perhaps we don’t know ALL that there is to know about a man, but we are women who know how we wanted to be treated by a man you know what you want your ideal man to looks like AND that counts for a whole lot. So what your biological functions don’t work as a man?
And there are going to be times that you as a woman may not be able to relate to how your son is even feeling. But what you do bring to the table is something amazing. You know exactly the type of man that you want your son to be and how you want him to treat women and that is something that only a woman’s perspective can bring.
3. Raising a Son As A Single Mom ~ Case in point My Son
When my grandmother was in town she began to make her bed and my son came right up and began to help her. No one asked he just did it. My grandmother was actually pretty shocked at how helpful and domesticated my son was. Because these are things that as a mother that I have paid attention to and have taught my son.
As a single mom, I regularly have my son do stuff around the house and help me out. And so my son has learned to be more considerate and helpful when he sees chores that need to be done. Because as a mother I was tired of seeing the narrative that doing things in the home was a “woman’s job.” I also wanted a man that was not afraid to do more household duties and now I have taught my son. And know this is a trait that will stick with him.
The Bible teaches us
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Which I talk about in my video down below. Which is actually an excerpt from my single moms book Fix It Jesus For Single Moms Only which you can click here to buy.
4. As A Single Mom Raising A Son ~ Raise Him To Be The Man You Would Want To Marry
As a single mom raising a son remember this one thing. This is going to sound crazy but I often tell myself that when my son is old enough to get married that I want his future wife to come up to me and thank me personally for raising a son that she is proud to call her husband. In my dating life I have had some bad men, some epic fails, and even some sons raised by single mothers.
I remember thinking that if only these mothers would have stopped babying their sons or blaming their shortcomings or inadequacies on them not having a father AND just raised them to be a good man that any woman would be lucky to have we would have a lot less deadbeat men out here doing people wrong. As a woman who has personally dated men from single mothers, there were times when I wondered how did they become such bad men.
Their excuse was always the same “I did not have a father.” Well, that is no excuse to me. Because they had a mother, and out of respect for the woman who did raise them, I would think that they would go above and beyond to treat a woman right. Not repeat the same mistakes as their absent father.
As a single mom of a son and a single mom raising a son, I know that I will do anything to make sure that my son turns out to be the type of man that a woman only dreams about. I refuse to allow my son to use the excuse that he did not have a father as a reason to grow up to be a no-good man that sits around sit around and treat women like crap or ghost on his children.
The fact that he does not have a live-in father and is raised by a single mother is no excuse for him to be a sup par man. So I say to you and ask all the mother’s out there, to start raising a son to be the type of man you would want to marry. My son is polite, my son tries to give me back massages, my son opens my car door, my son listens to me when I speak, my son knows that it is not okay to ever hit or put his hands on a woman even if she hits him first, and my son wants to help out with the housework.
God gave me an opportunity to raise a son, and He also gave me the opportunity to raise him into a man that any woman would be proud to marry and I intend to take that responsibility very seriously. Being a single mom is hard but take your obligation as a mom and turn it into a blessing. Don’t focus on the fact that you are a single mom and allow that to make you fall short. And therefore, that is my advice to you as a single mom raising a son.
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