To listen to the blog post: “I Want To Get Married So Bad!” 4 Signs That You’re Idolizing Marriage” over reading it just click the play button below.
I want to get married is all I hear but so many women need to stop idolizing marriage because the fact of the matter is that marriage won’t solve your problems. In case you are not even sure if you are idolizing marriage then I want to run down some of these signs for you.
If you meet all or most of these signs then you probably idolize marriage. And don’t worry I was one of you, that was until I learned what I am about to tell you. Don’t forget to check out my video below on how I stopped being desperate while single and click here to subscribe to my channel.
1. I Want To Get Married ~ Know The Signs That You Shouldn’t
- How many times have you imagined that when you get married it would be the perfection that you have always longed for? All the depression and sadness that you felt as a single person will magically disappear, and you will be made whole again once you and your betrothed walked down the aisle.
- How many times have you looked at your life and thought that if you were to just get married then all of the problems will disappear?
- How many times have you been out on a few dates with a guy and all you do is imagine what your wedding is going to look like, what your kids are going to look like, and if you have found your new husband? Forget the fact that you barely know him and he barely knows you?
- How many times a week do you go to every possible single’s event, every bar, and your every waking moment of life revolves around meeting a man and finding a husband?
- How many times do you date a man that you know for a fact is WRONG for you but you overlook all the wrong characteristics of a man because you just want to be married?
If this is you I want to spring some reality on you in regards to marriage. That way you can get to understand exactly what marriage is and what it is not. That you should learn to have a realistic viewpoint of marriage and to stop idolizing marriage because it is not the end all be all to your life.
2. I Want To Get Married Then Fix Your Baggage
Through my years and through my experiences, I have learned a valuable lesson. And that is no one is perfect no matter how much of a perfect person they appear to be. The man you want to marry has baggage and you have baggage. You could look at your life and think that all of your problems and your issues are going to go away when you get married but that is simply not the truth.
I want to get married ~ Case in Point
I would love to sit here and tell you that I would make the perfect wife to someone one day, but the fact of the matter is that I won’t because I am not perfect. I have some issues. I have trust issues, I have a problem depending on others, I can be a bit unorganized, I want my own space sometimes without anyone in it, and I am used to making a decision on my own and being the head of my own household. (Click here to see my blog on my relationship demons).
What is my point
“In each relationship, there are two people and each person brings a unique set of baggage.”
I want to get married but I have way too much emotional baggage. The reason why I bring this up is that I am talking about something call self-awareness. Self-awareness is knowing yourself, knowing your imperfections, and knowing that you are not perfect. Self-awareness means that you know that no one is perfect and that each person is going to bring baggage into the marriage.
Self-awareness means knowing that it is going to take BOTH of you working hard when you get married to create trust and alleviate yourself of this baggage and that just because you are married it does not mean that every issue that you have goes away. People who idolize marriage do not have self-awareness.
They think that the imperfections or limitations that they or the other person has will just go away once they walk down the aisle. A person who does NOT idolize marriage knows that there is work to be done on herself before she gets married and works that will be required to stay married.
Before you say to yourself “I want to get married” remember this. Whenever you meet someone you feel you want to spend your life with you have to remember that they are not perfect, you have to ask yourself is their imperfection something that you are going to be willing to work with?
We must understand that we come with baggage and they come with baggage, and walking down an aisle is not going to change that. Never blind yourself to someone’s imperfections and never think that once you get married to a person that they will be changed and all their issues will disappear.
We have to hold the mentality the other person comes “as is” and if we are willing to be with them, then we must accept them as is. Meaning that is why it is important to really see someone for who they are when you are dating them, and not hold the idea that they will change once you get married or that you will change once you get married. Get yourself right now marriage does not fix anyone.
3. I Want To Get Married But ~ Idolizing Marriage Will Lead You To Infatuation
You can also check out my video on infatuation but, idolizing and infatuation go hand and hand. In both cases, one is so in love with the idea of something that they do not see the situation or even the person for who they really are. Instead of seeing the flaw of a person they just see them as perfect and overlook red flags.
When you want to get married so bad it can lead you to think that you are in love with someone that you do not need to be with. So many people get loved confused with infatuation or lust;(see my blog here for more on that topic).
People fall into infatuation with a crazy man that is no good for them, but because he wants to put a ring on it they overlook the fact that this man is a loser, has no job, is mean, is a cheater, and it will not make a good husband.
Having too much infatuation will allow you to overlook the bad aspects about someone and only focus on the good. Or worse, see the good in someone where there is no good. Meaning that you will end up getting married to someone and your marriage will be a living nightmare because you never saw the person for who they are. You only see what you wanted to see.
What’s my point
Is that you need to stop iodizing marriage so that you can go into each relationship or dating experience with a clear head. Once you have a clear head you will be able to see if that man will be a good fit and potential partner for you or not. Meeting a man with your eyes wide shut will have you planning a wedding and overlooking the fact that the guy has some major problems because your main goal is getting married and your main goal is not finding a good man for marriage.
4. I Want To Get Married BUT Marriage Won’t Solve All Your Problems
I know you might be saying to yourself “I want to get married.” I am not sure of the exact reason why you are idolizing marriage but for many women, it looks a lot like this. It could be because you need more money, you need someone to help with the household, you need more time to do this, you need a man around to do that, you need someone around to make you laugh, feel less lonely, or feel less depressed. Either way, marriage is not going to be all of that for you. I want to take an excerpt from my book For Single Women Only (click here to find out more about it)
How many times have you said as a single woman that you just wanted your life to be complete, you want your family to be complete, or you just want someone to complete you? This is the biggest lie that of love the world has sold us. You should not rely on anyone to be the other half of you. You should be complete on your own. If you are a single woman sitting here, waiting for someone to come, rescue you, and attach himself to the other half of your body so that he can “complete” you, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You are putting too much weight on the other person if you want him to complete you. That is too much of a responsibility for one person. And the same can go if another person is asking you to complete him. Do you really want the sole responsibility of making someone else whole? If that is the case, then you are being co-dependent. And that is not healthy. You would literally have to pour into that person day in and day out and the moment that you do not have anything else to give or you need some time for yourself, then everything is going to hit the fan because he NEEDS you and you NEED him and no one has any sort of self-regulation.
You can click here to buy the book or you can also click here or the picture below to get the first chapter of my Single Woman’s Guide for free.
What’s My Point
Getting married is not going to fix you nor is it going to solve all your problems. More than likely it is just going to intensify the problems and issues that you already have. So if you have this idea in your head that the marriage is going to complete you and be the end all and be all to your happiness think again. Your spouse will not just be there to sit around be your entertainment and make you happy whenever you are feeling sad. They have needs too and marriage takes the work of both people to make a marriage right.
I hope that these reasons gave you a good understanding of why you need to stop idolizing marriage. Having an idol of anything other than God is works of the flesh. It is okay to want to get married but have a realistic expectation of marriage and not some made-up fantasy that you have in your head that is not even real.
If you know someone who is idolizing marriage then go ahead and share this post with her.
Great post very insightful
I really like how self reflective you are in your writing,