To listen to the blog post “3 Real Ways To Deal With An Unplanned Pregnancy” over reading it just click the play button below.
Are you wondering what to do about an unplanned pregnancy then you have come to the right place. First off I want to tell you that I was where you once were. I was facing an unplanned pregnancy and I did not know what to do or how to feel. I was 23 years old and I was no where near ready to be someone’s mother. Which is why I want to talk to each and everyone of you to give you a different perspective from those you are used to hearing that may not know what you are feeling.
I want to give you a real perspective of someone who actually face an unplanned pregnancy, was not with her child’s father, did not get any child support, did not have immediate family living next to me, and also I did not go into a life of poverty, struggling, and growing to hate my child. And it did not stop me from living my dreams or even going back to school. In fact it pushed me toward it. My son is literally my heart walking around in the world and I am indeed someone’s mother.
BUT before you click off thinking that I am going to go on some crazy rant about God knows what I still want you to know that everything you are feeling I felt so I am not going to just sit here and tell you something crazy because I am pro-life. It was not like I just became pregnant and had all this money and faith that everything was going to work out and after I had my son everything was lollipops and gum drops. You can read my single mom story here, there was struggle and at times things were hard. Which I also have a video on down below. And don’ forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.
Nothing was or is perfect. But here I am today, Dr. Reed. Yes you did read right, DR! I got two additional degrees after I had my son (A MS and a PhD). So life of being a young single mom, going through an unplanned pregnancy, and being happy is possible. Your life is not over. Never underestimate your strength combined with the love and what you can do or are willing to do to provide for your child if raising your child is what you choose to do. I am going to get into how to help you decide on what to do or if you are deciding should I keep my baby or not.
But I really did want to give you a back story to let you know I was not some crazy pro-life person that was going to tell you, you were going to go to hell for getting pregnant. I always promised myself that if I could I would speak to women, who found themselves in an situation like mine.
It can be heard to find other people to relate to and will give you good advice especially if you are deciding if you want to keep an unplanned pregnancy. Despite the fear you may have, getting pregnant is not the end of the world. I do not care if it is just you; and the child’s father told you that he will never speak to you again if you don’t get an abortion. Never let someone talk you into doing something you don’t want to do or are not comfortable doing. Once again I had the SAME conversation with my son’s father.
And for a long time he didn’t talk to me BUT his threats did not kill me. When it comes to deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy I will talk about most of your options from keeping the baby to giving the child up. The only option I won’t talk about is having an abortion because as I said, its not my thing. But there are plenty of resources out there aside from my blog that will give you information about that. Now I think I have went on for long enough. Also check out m video down below for more tips on what to do about an unplanned pregnancy.
First, When Faced With An Unplanned Pregnancy You Have To Start To Think About What Your Life Will Look Like If You Keep Your Child
Babies are cute and babies are fun, but if you think that your child is going to be born to entertain you then you are going to get your feelings hurt. The first night when I brought my son home he cried every two or LESS hours. I thought to myself, “OMG, I do not know if I can do this.” Even though it was HORROR the first few days. I did do it. But even after those first few days I had to return to work and life was not easy.
The fact of the matter was that my nearest family member was two hours away and I had to be at work at 5:45 am. A time in which most day cares were NOT open. I tell you this so that you know it can be hard BUT that it can also be done. If you want to do it.
- If you want to raise the child yourself, you may want to consider a few things.
- Do you have a place to live, do you have a support system?
- Do you have a job?
- Are you taking care of yourself?
Even if you do not have it all figured out now, you have time to figure it out but figure it out sooner rather than later. You should form a plan as soon as possible on:
- How this will work.
- How you will provide for your child.
- Who will watch your child.
Before my son was born I had seen so many baby sitters. I had a babysitter lined up to watch him and when I worked on the weekends I had already planned for my mother to drive down and watch my son. The more you plan on how you will do things the more comfortable you will feel on what your post baby life would look like. Maybe you may have to move back in with your parents until you save some money or they can help you with child care when you go to work.
- Do you plan of getting child support?
- If so, how much?
- Will you go back to school or get a second job?
- If so who will watch your child?
- How much will you save? And so on and so forth.
True story for me I went on several interviews while I was pregnant AND I started a new job when my son was about 3 months (a month after returning from maternity) because I knew I could not stay at the 12 to 16 hours a day job. I never went into my situation blind. Being a single mom can be hard but it works better if you plan as soon as possible and as much as possible.
You cannot plan for everything but you should at least try to. Have a clear day to day REALISTIC vision of what your life as a mom would look like. Do not just sit, be depressed, and be pregnant. Then when you have your child, you’re crying because you don’t know what to do. Be proactive and not reactive.
Being a single mom is joyful, but your child is not going to be there to entertain you. Being a mother means that nothing is about you, it is all about the child. Understand that becoming a mother is a selfless act. It is going to require you to be a grown up, to work hard, and to get up earlier. It is going to require you to put your big girl panties on and be a woman and be responsible.
If you really feel that you can do that then yes, I do feel that you have what it needs to keep your child. Because I feel you can get through anything but what really determines that is your drive to WANT to be a mom. If you really have the want I think you may surprise yourself of what you can do when it comes down to it.
Second, When Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy What If It Is A Teenage Pregnancy
I wanted to create a section for pregnant teenagers. Being a pregnant teen does not mean your life is over. You may be a teen reading this or you may be a teen parent reading this. If you are a teen parent then I urge you to not just force your child to get an abortion. And I know what you may be saying “Oh but it will all fall on me, my child does not have a job, and I do not want to raise a child.”
I get it, more than what you may think. Let me tell you a story. I know someone that got pregnant at 18, had their daughter at 19, and then she realized she had to do something with her life and joined the military where she stayed for 20 years. She now has two bachelors degrees and a master’s degree. Not only does she have a retirement check from the military but she also has a high paying federal job. And that person was my mother. I am a product of a teenage pregnancy and I think my life was better than most people’s.
I traveled, I lived overseas,I got a car when I was in high school, I had a normal teenage upbringing and never wanted for anything. A teenage pregnancy does not mean your life is automatically going to suck. And yes it may require that you as a parent may have to help our your child just as my grandmother helped out my mother. But I am a prime example that teen pregnancy is not the end all be all.
The mother would have to have some level of maturity and a support system but if that is something that everyone is willing to do then you can have a good outcome.
As a young mother, you have to determine if you have a support system, is someone willing to help you, are you mature enough to be a mom as a teen, you have to sacrifice a lot so be aware of that. When you have a baby you accept that you have to give up the partying, clubbing, and going out with your friends. That is what moms do. You have to get a job, possibly take night classes to get a high school degree or GED, or like my mother the military is always a good option.
But you have to be mature enough to make those decisions and you have to realize that your child must come first and not what you want. You have to understand that even if your parents help you, your child is not your parents’ child it is your child and you still have to do and take full responsibility. If you are not able to do that then you may want to consider other options. Such as adoption.
Third, If You Are Deciding To Keep An Unplanned Pregnancy Consider Adoption
Just because you have made the decision to keep an unplanned pregnancy does not mean that you have to raise the child yourself. Check out my other blog on unplanned pregnancy where I give examples of famous people who were from an unplanned pregnancy and then given up for adoption. Deciding to keep an unplanned pregnancy means you are choosing to give your child life. Even if it means that life is not with you.
There are so many people who want to be parents and cannot have children that would love your child and could give them a good life. So why not consider that? I know for some of you, you may feel like you don’t just want to hand your child over never to be seen or heard from again. But in this day and age there are so many options for adoptions.
Such as open where you can still see the child very often and the child will probably even know their are adopted. A semi-open adoption where you may get pictures of the child but not be able to have contact or visits with the child. This would literally just be to heal your curiosity about your child’s living situation.
And of course a closed adoption, if you just want the child to go about their life you never hear from them and they never hear from you. If you choose adoption, choose early. That way you can make an informed decision about where you want your child to go and who you want them to be placed with. You can interview the parents and that way when you actually give your child up you are really be comfortable that you made the best decision instead of just having your child and then having to call the local foster care system, and hand your child off to them right them and there.
At least have a role in making sure they are going to a good home. I think it is the most selfless act as a mother to say “I can’t take care of you, I may not even want you, but I want to make the best decision for you, and so I am choosing to give you a life.”
Last, Just Remember To Make A Decision That You Are Comfortable With
No matter what I say, your child’s father says, your family says, your friends say, or even even your parents say. YOU AND YOU alone have to be happy with the decision that you are making and you have to live with it. There is no sense is trying to raise a child on your own, knowing that you don’t want to or are not mature enough just because other people say you should. If you have an unplanned pregnancy and you were abandoned by your child’s father then I recommend you watch my video below.
What I am trying to say that the decision is yours. Don’t take it lightly and never make a rush decision because you may make a decision that you regret. While you are pregnant, get medical care, read books, and choose to be happy during your pregnancy. Educate yourself, find out your options, talk to family counselors, a therapist, an adoption counselor or anyone that can help you figure out what you want to do. Provided they are an actually smart or qualified person that can give you sound advice.
Don’t just ask someone that is a junkie on the street or your irresponsible friend that doesn’t know how to manage her own life to help you out. Tell your parents or family about your pregnancy and no matter what their reaction is, you still have to live with your decision. My mom hated that I was pregnant but that was short lived and now her and her my son have the best of relationships. When I told my grandmother I was pregnant she gave me SO MUCH encouragement and what I thought was a life or death situation really was not that bad because I had people to support me.
- Plan what you want to do early.
- Plan what you want to do ahead.
- Get professional help if you want to, and make sure that you make the decision when you are not overly emotional and you have your head on straight.
- Think about what you want to do, what your life will be like, what your child’s life will be like AND if you can live with the decision you make.
If you know someone who wants to read this post then share it with them. Plus, did you know that I have a book specifically for single moms? To know more about my book for Single Moms. Fix It Jesus, For Single Moms Only The No Nonsense Guide To Passion Purpose and Prayer. Where I encourage all single moms to just reach for the stars.