If you want to listen to the blog post “How To Come Up With Deal Breakers For Relationships & Cut Men Off” over reading it just click the play button below.
Let’s talk about deal breakers for a relationships, what they are, and why they are so incredibly important for you to use them. I want to start with the following scenario:
You are dating a man for a couple of months and couple of months after that you get into a relationship with him, and then two years after that you are ready to settle down and get married all to find out that he does not believe in marriage. From here you have a choice to make. Continue to be in a relationship with him knowing that he will never marry you. OR breakup with him and start the dating process all over again so you can find someone who does want to marry you.
Now see if you had used deal breakers when dating then you would have never faced this situation. You would have found out early on that he did not want to get married, prevented yourself from attaching yourself to him and wasting two years of your life all to find that a man cannot give you what you want. Which is a exactly what deal breakers are supposed to protect against.
1. Deal Breakers For Relationships Meaning
A big frustration for women in relationships is when they spend too much time on a man all to realize that he is not the man for them. Deal breakers for relationships is used during the dating process to determine if you want to even get into a relationship with this person.
They are issues that present themselves in a relationship that automatically means that you will end a relationship. For example, if you know that you cannot date someone with no job, you begin to date someone, and you find out that they do not have a job, then you should end the relationship immediately since that is one of your deal breakers and so why invest in someone that does not have what you want. With that being said relationship deal breakers vary from person to person.
What may bother you in a relationship may not bother the next person. So only you can determine what your relationship deal breakers are. Also, check out my video on how to weed men out on the first date for more ways on how to use deal breakers for relationships.
2. How To Come Up With Deal Breakers For Relationships
An important aspect of deal breakers for relationships is that you must know yourself and what you want out of a relationship. When you make your list of deal breakers then they must be things that you know for a fact you cannot compromise on. These are things that you know that you know that you must have in a relationship.
On the opposite end of the spectrum some people’s relationships deal breakers can be a little bit ridiculous. If your relationship deal breaker is that you will never date someone that is under 6 foot 5. Then that is silly. That is superficial and it is not something that you NEED but rather a preference. If someone is 6 foot flat are you really going to turn them down if they have every other thing that you want in a relationship? If so, that is called unrealistic expectations and you could be turning down a lot of good man for something that really is not that serious.
Having a height preference for someone is just that, a preference. Just like wanting someone with one blue eye and one brown eye. Those are characteristics that really make no real difference on the quality of your relationship, how they treat you, and how your lives will look if you two choose to start a life together. These are the important things that matter in a relationship and these are what should count when coming up with deal breakers.
- Remember: Deal breakers for relationships must be meaningful and something you cannot do without in a relationship.
Below is an example of some of my deal breakers based on who I am as a person, my belief system, the things that I value in my life, as well as to compliment the things that I already have in my life such as my son since I am a single mom. Ideally, I try to bring forth these deal breakers when dating. The earlier the better. I would hate to get serious with someone only to introduce them to my son and find out that they don’t like kids. Check out some of my own personal deal breakers below. Which I also pray for in my prayer for a future husband which you can watch in the video down below.
- They must be Christian and have a relationship with God.
- Must be stable- Since I am 30 plus and have a child, the men I go with need to have career stability and financial stability.
- Must love children. I am a single mom of course.
- Must be motivated. I cannot stand men who are not motivated to get anything out of life. I am not this way and I do not want a man this way.
- I must be attracted to him. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to your partner. But just do not get too carried away with saying that have to look a certain way or else. That is just crazy.
- Must be able to hold an intellectual and stimulating conversation. This is what turns me on in a man. Not dirty sex talk but actual conversation that shows a man has depth. I could not imagine talking to someone who did not know how to carry one on.
- Treats both me and my son with respect and honor. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and never again.
In short, your relationship deal breakers must be realistic and appropriate for the age of man that you are looking for. None of the above deal breakers is shallow, but rather they match with the life that I have now and the life I want in the future when I get married.
Please notice that most of the deal breakers that I am asking I have. If you come up with a list of deal breakers and you are NONE of them, then you have no right to ask for them them. You cannot ask for your future partner to be the sun moon and the stars and have everything while you are a speck of lint and have nothing. To some degree you have to be what you ask for in a partner and be equally yoked with him.
If you do not know where to start then check out my video below to see what traits you should be looking for in a good man. And don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.
3. Deal Breakers For Relationships ~ When Someone Violates Your Deal Breakers
When you have come up with your deal breakers for relationships and a man does not pass the test here is what you need to do. This one is a hard one for women, because many woman operate on the what if mentality (click here to read about the what if girl). That means that they have their deal breakers, they meet a man and they clearly see that this man has her deal breakers but she hangs on to him because “What if” he changes.
He may not want children now and you want children but “what if” I can change his mind. The what if mentality makes women hang on to men they know are not right for them in effort to try to change them until they are right for them. When you implement your deal breakers you are using them for the here and the now. If a man does break your deal breakers at the time of dating him then that is it.
If a man you are dating is broke, has no job, and has no money and the fact that he MUST be employed is one of your must haves. Do not trust that he says he believes he will have a job in the next 3 months. Because he is not psychic, and three months may turn into six months, six months in a year.
All the while you are being strung along, giving him money in the process, and he is no better than what when you met him. Time wasted. When you should have just left the man alone or tell him to give you a call when his situation gets better because he has more important things to worry about AKA getting a job over dating a woman.
4. Deal Breakers For Relationships ~ What To Do
- Leave him alone. If you feel there is potential there, give him your number, be Facebook friends, stay in touch from time to time but do not be committed to him. Let him figure out whatever he needs to figure out on his own and when or IF he does maybe you will be there maybe not. But do not be in a committed relationship off of something that may happen with him in the future.
- Never think you can change a man’s mind. If he does not want kids and you do, if he does not ever want to get married and you do, if he does not believe in monogamy and you do then do not try to change their mind. Accept it for what it is and go back to the above tip, leave him alone.
- Never operate on the what if mentality. He is who is he at the time that you are meeting him. Do not operate off what if this or that changes about him then it would be different. But it is not different now. Once again you can stay in touch as a friend to see if it changes but don’t stop your life.
If you want a Christian and he says he does not believe in God but went to church one time, do not think you can change him because he said he went to church one time in his life and so it may be a glimmer of hope and so you try to force him to church with you to make him a believer. He is an atheist now and there is no guarantee anything is going to change that so don’t waste your time trying to change it either. He is not it, move on.
The general rule for deal breakers for relationships are if a man has one of your deal breakers, you must cut it off immediately. I do not care how fine they are how much you think they can change. Cut them off. I know it sounds brutal but trust me, it is better to cut it off and move on to men who do have what you want then sit around with men who don’t.
It protects you from being in a relationship with someone who can never meet your needs or what you are looking for. It will only lead to frustration on your part, resentment for them not being what you want, and disappointment because he is not what you want and you will always feel like he is letting you down.
Deal breakers for relationships keeps you level headed and keeps you from wasting your time. It is to help you determine if the person you are considering will make a good fit for the future. That is why it is so important to come up with a good list of relationship deals breakers and find out about the person that you are dating as early as possible (Click here to see questions you should be asking on the first date). There is no reason why you should be dating someone for a year or even longer and do not know if they meet the criteria or not.
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