To listen to the blog post “Courting Vs Dating ~ 5 Sure Ways To Tell Which Is Right For You” over reading it just click the play button below.
Among the Christian single community, the question is always courting vs. dating. Which one is right? Which one is which? And which one should you be doing? Am I going to go to hell if I pick the wrong one?
I mean some of you may think I am being extreme, but I have seen some VERY extreme reactions from Christian women not knowing the difference between courting and dating and not knowing which one is right for them. BUT you are in luck, I am going to help you out. Because I know for a fact that each woman wants something different and really there is no right or wrong answer. That right, it is really just up to do you.
Courting Vs Dating ~ Case in point.
I remember when I was counseling a young Christian woman in her early twenties her parents wanted her to court while she just wanted to date. And she really did not know which one to do or which one is right. She did not just want to court and jump into a marriage, she just did not feel she was in a place in her life to do that. And guess what? As her Christian counselor, I allowed her to be okay with that. It is her life, no one should force you into a courting situation if you do not want to be. And if you choose to date then that is 100% in your right and it does not make you any less Christian.
1. Courting Vs Dating~ What is courting?
The main aspect of courting is that you are getting involved with someone for the SOLE purpose of getting married. You are getting to know each other to see if the person would make a good potential spouse. And most of the time when people are courting they tend to get married at the end of the courting phase. During courting, they are only focused on one another and not other people.
The best way that I can explain courting is from 19 kids and counting since all of their married children courted. I will give a fair warning that for you, your courting experience may not be the same for everyone. Like the man may not need to go to your father or you may choose to kiss during your courting phase while someone else chooses not to.
It really is up to you how you do it BUT it is expected that one follows Christian principles during the courtship phase. Such as no sex before marriage, being committed to one another, being committed to God during the process, and having the intent to get married. These things are so important.
2. Courting Vs Dating ~ What is Dating
With dating, you are just going out with one another. With dating, there is a large possibility that the person you are dating is dating someone else. Dating does not equal a monogamous relationship unless it is implied by both parties. And as a Christian, I personally think that women can and sometimes should date (NOT HAVE SEX WITH) more than one man. See my blog here. Unlike courting, dating is not just a Christian principle. Many women date more than one man, have sex with more than one man, and dating is not exclusively Christian. But as a Christian woman if you choose to date then you should still maintain your Christian values.
3. Courting Vs Dating ~ Why Choose Dating
Remember that young woman I told you about at the beginning of the post? She came from a very religious family with about 3 sisters who were all older than her and married by the age of 25. All of her sisters courted and had children. This is what was expected of her BUT she did not know if she wanted that. She had never had a boyfriend, she did not know what she liked or who she liked, and the thought of getting into a courtship to get married at the age of 21 scared her.
AND through the process of counseling, I let her know that this was OKAY. There is nothing that says that a young woman has to rush and get married because she is a Christian. There is nothing that says that she cannot get to know men, talk to men, and find out what she likes during the dating process.
When you go on dates with men, you are really starting to get to know what you like in a man and what you prefer out of a man. If you start courting too soon, then you may just start courting the first man you see, find out he is not what you like, and then regret it because you never got a chance to really experience male companionship (not sex) and find out what you like in a partner.
Which is one of the benefits of dating. And I do not think that God is going to send you to hell just because you choose to date over courting because the fact of the matter is that there are many women who need to use dating as part of their self-discovery process.
It is your romantic life, and the last thing you want to do is to be pressured into a courtship situation if that is not what you really want or are ready for. And the only person that can determine that is you. I also suggest you watch my video on why you should date outside the box for more reasons why dating is a good thing. And don’t forget to click here to subscribe to my channel.
4. Courting Vs Dating ~ Why Choose Courting
- Courting can come after a woman has dated and now she feels that she is prepared to enter into a courting situation for a marriage.
- Courting can come from a woman that is prepared to get married even if she has not dated before.
- Courting should always happen when one is ready to get married. One should not get into a courting situation and expect to be courting for the next 5 years. That signifies one is not ready to get married and that is not what courting is about.
- Courting is about putting God into the center of your relationship, seeking God and asking for His direction while you are courting.
5. Courting Vs Dating ~ Real Life Courting Stories
Courting Vs Dating Case in Point #1 Heather and Cornelius Lindsey.
You may know Heather has a famous Christian blogger and pastor. Check out some of the points as a part of her and her husband’s courting story.
According to Heather, Courtship:
- Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage.
- Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.
- Courting couples state upfront that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
- Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. (source)
According to Heather: “My now husband and I didn’t hang out LATE at each other’s house! There was NONE of that. We were never at each other’s home late at night PERIOD. Of COURSE, you want to lay up, kiss, cuddle and do all of those things but at SOME point, you just have to tell your emotions to calm DOWN. When you finally take a stand & obey GOD in your relationship– the flesh won’t have a foothold in your heart– THEN you’ll be able to pass some tests.
WHEN you honor God– he will OVERWHELM you with honor. I’m watching the Lord do that in our life. It was HARD not to kiss as we grew in love with each other but we developed emotionally & I’m seeing the fruit as a wife. SO, take ya tail home at night. Tell each other NO. LOVE God more than you love each other. (source). ” You can also check out some of Heather’s books in regards to relationships as well.
Courting Vs Dating Case in Point # 2 Meagan Good and Devon Franklin
You can check out this video of them, they always had a book called the Wait (that I did a review on you can click the link to read) or click here to buy the actual book, and you can also get the Wait Devotional by clicking here where they talk about their own personal journey. In the video, they state that they dating, but really they were courting. They were together for the sole purpose of seeing if they can get married AND they were honoring God through the process. Which are classic signs of courting.
Courting Vs Dating Case in Point #3 Ashley Empowers
She and her husband like to call their situation dating with a purpose. Meaning that you are dating with the intent to get married. You can watch her video below as she talks about her getting married in one year. Notice that her relationship shows all the classic ideas of courting. Being with one another with the intent to get married and honoring God with the process.
To books from Ashley that can help you in your dating vs. courting journey that you may consider getting is.
When you are considering courting vs dating; you have to do what is fitting for you and your personality. I do not feel just because you are a Christian single woman that you have to court because there really are some benefits to dating. Even if you notice all of the above couples dated other people before they got into their courting situation.
As I said before dating can be a great way to figure yourself out and what you want. And for some people, like the Duggers they may not see any reason to date at all only court. But let yourself be that determining factor; not your parents, not your church, not an elder, not your pastor; but YOU. You are going to be the one stuck in a marriage so let the way you chose your future husband to be your decision and most of all you have to choose something that you are 100% comfortable in doing.
If you know someone that does not know if they should date or if they should court then feel free to share this information with them.
Also, did you know that I have a book that is specific for Christian single women that I know for a fact that you are going to want to read? I am so sure that you are going to love this book that I want to give you the first chapter FOR FREE. All you have to do is click here or the picture below and it is yours.